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Someone was lying on my bed...

It was... Gerard...

Gerard was fucking lying on my bed. Sleeping...well he was sleeping until I screamed. I was so startled. I didn't expect to find him there... I screamed so loud I startled him too. He jumped up a little.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I yelled out jumping on top of him on the bed. I pushed him down and didn't even let him answer me, I just started kissing him.

Bob came running in. "Ah what the hell!" He yells. He sighed a little when he saw it was only Gerard.

"How did you get in here?" I ask him sitting up a little. I was still on top of him in my bed. Bob was kinda slowly backing up to the door.

"Mmm, with my key." He teases me.

"I mean your car's not out front." I say brushing the hair from his face and smiling at him. Damn he was beautiful.

"Oh uh Ray dropped me off." He said yawning a little. I glance over at the clock. Fuck. School had ended like 2 hours ago. I didn't think it took us that long at the supermarket but it obviously did...

"Hey, didn't I tell you-you're suppose to be in bed. You're sick." I say punching his stomach a little as I got up off of him.

"I am in bed." He laughs. "I'm just in your bed." He says pulling me back down next to him. He pressed his face into my neck and took a deep breath of my hair. "mmm I missed you." He sighs a little.

"Hey, stay away from me- you're still sick." I say wiggling away from him.

"Naw I feel a lot better baby." He says still sounding a little hoarse.

"You still sound sick Gerard." I pout a little. "You should've stayed home and had your Grandma fix you up instead of coming here." I scold him.

"Elle my grandma's not there." He says and he yawns a little. "She's uh didn't come today." He says and I frown a little. I wanted to talk to her...How could she not be there?

"Why isn't she there? I thought you said she always comes on Thursdays." I ask.

"Yeah but she had some shit to do. I don't know." He yawns again. "My mom took her somewhere." He adds.

"So you've been there all alone?" I say a little concerned. "Who's been taking care of you?" I ask and he laughs again.

"I can take care of myself." He tells me.

"Well what are you going to have for dinner then?" I ask and he doesn't answer, he just sniffles a little. "Mmm never mind." I tell him. "I'll make you some soup." I say walking towards the door.

"YOU'RE gonna make soup?" He says raising his voice slightly..

"Yeah I can cook." I say and he smiles fakely at me. "Its not that hard Gerard." I tell him and I can see him trying not to laugh. "Bob and I just came back from the store. I'll make some for you." I say he sighs. "You too Bob." I say looking over at him. He was standing in the doorway. Watching me and Gerard this whole time and not saying anything...

"Uh you know what Elle...I'm actually just gonna go home." Bob says and I frown.

"Why?" I ask.

"I got some things to do too." He says and Gerard nods a little and goes to get up.

"You stay right there in that bed Mister." I yell at him pushing him back down on to my bed. He laughed a little and tried to pull me on top of him.

"I'll uh see you guys later." Bob calls out and he starts to walk down the hall.

"Wait." I call out jumping off Gerard and following him to the front door. "Why are you going?" I ask and he just looked at me. "I was gonna make some soup...stay, you can help me." I tell him and he shakes his head a little.

"Naw really Elle. Gerard's here... You don't need me." He says and I reach over and grab his arm.
"That's not true Bob. I do need you." I say gripping his arm a little tightly. "I mean that." I say looking up at him and his eyes lock with mine. He reaches over and pushes the hair from my face a little... Fuck. I hate when people do that... I smile a little and shake my head so the hair falls back into my face. He chuckled and reached up again... his hand brushing along my cheek lightly as he pushed the hair from my face yet again, but his hand lingered on my cheek a little longer this time. I looked up into his eyes. He had a strange look in them.

"You need me?" He repeats back to me lowering his voice a little.

"Well yeah!" I smile. "Maybe you haven't heard but um, I'm not exactly the worlds greatest cook. I could use all the help I can get." I say and he smiles a little and shakes his head.

"You're something else Elle." He says and he leans over and kisses the top of my head. "I'll see you in school tomorrow honey." He says and he walks out. Leaving me alone and totally confused in the hall. Fuck Bobs been acting moody lately... Maybe it has something to do with this Julia chick he's taking to the dance tomorrow... I think I'm gonna have to have a little chat with this Julia- just to make sure she's not screwing around with my husband, messing with his head or something... Bob deserves better than that...fuck...

My mind was wandering. I was searching through the cabinets. I know I bought some cans of soup. I mean I'm pretty sure I bought some cans of soup... I didn't even hear Gerard come in. I was reaching up into the cupboard and I feel a hand on my waist suddenly. I gasped a little and he pulled me back against him and reached his other hand around and covered my mouth.

"Shhhh." Gerard whispered in my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck. It was making my heart race for him. He ran his lips along my neck and I shuddered. He knew exactly how to get me going...He ran his lips down my neck kissing me softly and then he sharply bit down on the base of my neck. I would've screamed out but he had his hand covering my mouth. I reach up and pull his hand from my mouth kissing his fingers softly.

"Mmm , no Gerard you're sick." I moan a little as he slides his hand up my shirt.

"Tell me to stop. And I will." He says into my ear. I froze. That was what he said to me before, tell me to go and I will.

He used the same tone as he did that day. It caught me off guard. He knew it too. He knew I needed him. He knew I wanted him. He knew he had me in the palm of his hand. "Tell me Elle." He whispers in my ear.

"Fuck you Gerard." I say a little annoyed tensing up slightly. I was Paul's plaything for too long. I will never be that for anyone, not ever again... Not even Gerard.

"Mmm tell me to fuck you and I will." He laughs a little. I pull back from him.

"Oh stop it." I say looking back at him and I cant help but smile. "You're bad." I say as I spot the soup. It was right in front of me the whole time. I step away from him and reach over and grab the can from the shelf.

"Only cause you make me." He says and he reaches for me again. I step back further and hold my hand up.

"First you eat your soup." I say and he makes a face at it.

"What is that?" He says looking at the can.

"Its soup." I say and he raises his eyebrows a little .

"Soup in a can?" He shrieks a little.

"Uh yeah." I say and he grins a little. "Hasn't your mom ever cooked you Campbell's soup?" I ask him a little shocked.

"Elle my mom doesn't cook soup from cans!" He laughs a little and I frown. "She cooks it from..." He paused a minute.

"Mm water and shit." He says and I roll my eyes. "Well chicken or noodles or whatever the fucks in it." He grumbles.

"Well I'm sorry Gerard but I don't know how to do that." I say sarcastically. "And your mom's not home and your grandma's not home so if you want soup its gonna have to be the canned variety." I say and he smiles.

"Aah, but I don't want soup." He says taking the can from me and tossing it back into the food closet.

"That's too bad Gerard." I say and I force him to sit at the table while I heated up the canned soup. I made sure he ate every last drop of it too. I mean I ate a bowl of it too. It was really good soup... all though he wasn't going to admit it...After we ate he was helping me put away the rest of the groceries and he saw the letter on the table.

"What the hell is this?" He asked looking it over. "Tomorrow night?

"I don't know Gerard." I said turning my back to him and running the sink water. I didn't want him to see my eyes tearing up.

"Well where the hell did it come from?" He kind of yells.

"It was mixed in with the mail." I try to explain. I told him how Bob and I found it in the mail before. He was a little pissed that I didn't say anything sooner. I told him I forgot. And that was the truth I did...

"Please stop yelling at me." I say wiping the tears in my eyes.

"I'm not yelling at you." He yells as we stood arguing by the sink.

"Yes you are." I say softly. Well it wasn't really softly. But compared to him it was.

"I'm not yelling 'at' you baby." He says lowering his voice back down into a normal range. "I'm just 'yelling'...I'm frustrated." He sighs a little and crumbles up the letter and tosses it towards the trash.

I go over and wrap my arms around his waist. "I know Gerard." I say hugging him a little. "But nothings gonna happen." I say trying to reassure him like he always does for me. He laughed a little realizing the irony in what was happening. "Mmm well at least not until tomorrow night." I add and he shakes his head a little.

"Elle that's not funny." He says smiling a little.

"Sure it is." I say jumping up and kissing him. He smiled again and then became real serious.

"Elle you do know what tomorrow is, don't you?" He says lowering his voice a little.

"The fifteenth." I say plainly. "It's the night my mom died...um six years ago." I say my voice shaking a little. Gerard
reached his hand up and stroked my cheek a little and I shut my eyes and a tear rolled down my cheek. He wiped it away and pulled my head close to his chest.

"I know baby." He comforted me for a moment. "Its also the dance..." He says and I tense up a little... I forgot about that... it is isn't it? .... "Mmm maybe we shouldn't go-" He starts to say and I freak out.

"No I have to go." I say pulling back from him.

"Elle." He says weakly.

"No!" I kinda yell at him. "I have to go. I already told Pete I would, and I have to find out what he was able to dig up for me." I say and Gerard frowns.

"I'd just feel better if we stayed home." Gerard says lowering his voice and I shook my head no insistently.

"No Gerard I will not." I say defiantly. "I will not be scared into staying home." I say and he sighs a little but doesn't say anything..."Here see if you can fix Gus's wheel or I'm gonna be sleeping on the couch again." I say handing him the can of oil Bob and I bought before.

He took it from me and we headed down the hall to my room. Gus-Gus was on his wheel. You could hear it squeaking half way down the hall... That's how fucking loud it was.

"You see." I say and he laughs. "Fucking kept me up half the night." I complain.

"Elle you could've just taken the wheel out of the tank." Gerard says as he reaches in and removes it. I just looked at him... Fuck. I never even thought of that. He smiled a little and then started fussing with the screw that hold its while it spins...

"Mmm hello there gussy." I say and I go to reach in and he opens his mouth real wide and his teeth stick up out of his mouth... They were huge! No wonder why my finger hurts so much. I pull my hand back quickly.

"What?" Gerard laughs a little.

"He tried to bite me again." I say frowning a little.

"What?" He says incredulously looking in at Gus-Gus. "He's just yawning Elle." He says and I frown. "And what do you mean again?" He asks and I hold my bandaged finger up. He frowned at it.

"He bit me this morning." I tell him what happened. He said it was just an accident. I looked at Gus-Gus in the tank. Accident my ass!  I swear the little motherfucker smirked at me... He sooo does not like me... Gerard continued to fix the wheel... I started pacing...

I was seriously stressed out. I needed something...something to help me sleep. Even if he fixes Gus's wheel there's no way I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight.

I go over and start shuffling through my shoeboxes lined up on the wall... 'I know there in here somewhere.' I kinda mumble to myself digging through them.

"What are you looking for" Gerard asks as he spins the wheel a little. It faintly squeaks and he frowns at it.

"Something to help me sleep." I say plainly.

"Like shoes?" He laughs as I spot what I'm looking for.

"No silly." I tell him and I pull out the strip of ruffies Paul gave me. "These." I say and I hold them up.

"What the hell is that?" He asks as I pop one out of the foil strip and put it in my mouth. He frowned a little.

"It's a ruffie, here you want one?" I say holding it out for him.

"A date rape drug?" He scoffs a little. "I ain't taking that... and you shouldn't have either." He says a little louder.

"Where the fuck you get that from anyway?" He says and I shrug.

"Paul." I tell him and he shakes his head a little.

"Figures." He mumbles.

"And I don't know what you have against it...Its really not that bad." I say tossing the strip back into the shoebox and shutting the lid.

"Not that bad?" He laughs a little sarcastically as I put the shoebox back into the  pile.

"No its not." I tell him. "Its not a bad drug, its just got a ...bad reputation." I say and he frowns.

"Mmm you think?" He says. Fuck again with the sarcasm?

"You should try it Gerard." I say and he frowns. He shakes his head no and glances at the clock on the wall.

"So how long before you pass out unconscious?" He says a little annoyed. I don't know if he was annoyed that I took it or annoyed that it came from Paul...or maybe both...

"I'm not gonna pass out." I say laughing a little.

"Well that's what it does doesn't it?" He says spinning Gus's wheel again. It squeaked louder this time. He was getting a little aggravated...

"No!" I argue and he just looked at me. "Well I mean it could." I say and he turns his attention back to the wheel. "But  its kinda like when your halfway asleep... that's what it feels like... like you're not quite sure you're awake." I say and he looks up at me..."Ah but don't worry Gerard, I'm not gonna pass out...I only took one." I say and he smirks a little.

"No seriously Gerard. I kinda built up a tolerance for them, I use to take them all the time, one'll just make me drowsy." I say and he frowns.

"With Paul?" He says and I look at him a little confused. "You'd take them with Paul?" He asked and I nod a little.

He was getting worked up, I guess cause he couldn't fix the wheel... Gus-Gus was pacing a little anxiously waiting for him to put it back to.

"Well yeah with Paul." I say plainly, "I mean who else did you think?" I say and he frowns. "You sure you don't wanna try one?" I offer again. He seems stressed too. He shakes his head no.

"Its not that bad!" I insist and he looks up at me but doesn't say anything so I keep talking. "Yeah if you never took it before, one'll knock you on your ass, but it just kinda makes me drowsy." I say yawning a little. He still doesn't say anything. "It helps me sleep... you know I can lay down and shut my eyes and just be totally relaxed, I could get up if I wanted" I say yawning again as he turned back to the wheel. "Two will make me a little out of it but still awake, but three...three will knock me on my ass." I say opening my drawer and pulling out my robe. I started to undress and he turned a little to watch me. "Mmm although I haven't taken it in a long time, one may kinda knock me out a little more than I remember." I say taking my clothes off slowly. I could kinda feel it kicking in... Things started seeming like they were slowing down... My movements... time seemed to be slowing down...."Aah you just might be able to have your way with me tonight." I tease him as I wrap the robe around my naked body.

"Uh I kinda prefer my girls to be conscious." He scoffs a little.

"Naw see that's the beauty in it, you are conscious... You can remember everything. It's kinda like a dream though. You just can't stop it as it's happening... Your body is fully awake and responsive but your mind is kinda not in control." I say stretching out on my bed and he frowns as he puts Gus's wheel back in the tank.

"Elle that's just not right." He says and I shrug and fluff my pillow a little.

"What is?" I ask shutting my eyes. I don't hear any squeaking... I think maybe he fixed it...

"That he'd want to be with you like that." He says and I can feel him on the bed next to me. It was silent for a while.

Well that's what it seemed like to me... "When I'm with you baby I wanna know that you feel me." He says as he undoes my robe a little.

"I can feel you." I sigh a little. I had my eyes shut. I could feel the cool air hitting my skin as he pulled the robe open more. I felt his hand run along my body, sending shivers up my spine. He leant over and kissed my neck. "mmm I just can't stop you." I exhale a little as I feel his hand run up between my legs.

"See that's not right." I hear his voice say kinda close to my ear. His lifted his hand up off me.

"Mmm Gerard please don't stop." I say as I feel him moving back from me. It was silent for a moment and then he climbed back on top of me and started kissing my neck. He was slowly moving down my neck to my breasts and I think I kinda spaced out cause suddenly all I felt was his hand on my thighs, spreading them open again and he was calling my name.

"Elle?" He says exhaling a little. I didn't answer. I couldn't... It was like I was so tired I couldn't move. He called my name again and I moaned a little.

"mmm." I mumble. I can feel him getting off me again. "Noooo" I whine.

"I'm just gonna go take a cold shower and lay on the couch Elle." I hear his voice say and I can feel him getting up out of the bed..

"Why?" I moan and I can feel him covering me with a blanket.

I feel his breath in my ear, seemingly coming out of nowhere. ...I was so out of it... "Cause I cant lay here next you like that and not touch you." His voice was practically a whisper.

"So touch me." I manage to whisper back as he tucks the blanket around me. I wanted to snuggle up in it but I couldnt move... I was just so far gone...

"Not like that." I hear his voice... a little louder this time. "When I'm with you Elle, I want you... all of you." He says.

"You have all of me." I mumble.

"No... no I don't." He says a lowering his voice. And then I feel his lips brush against mine and then he was gone...
My mind was fluttering. I wasn't sure if I was asleep or awake... Images kept running through my mind. But they were all mixed up. I saw my mom. I mean I could hear her voice... I could smell her perfume... It felt so real but I knew it wasnt...

Her laugh echoed through my mind... - I saw her and ...my grandpa. But it was before his stroke. When he use to sit me on his lap and read me stories. He leant over and kissed my cheek and suddenly it was Paul. Holing my arms above my head slightly, telling me to relax and let the drug kick in as he had his way with me.

I felt like I was tossing and turning but I know I wasn't moving. It was all in my mind... I could feel him touching me... I fluttered my eyes open and I could swear I saw a figure in my room...mmm Gerard...suddenly my mind was flooded with images of him...I could see his face so clearly. I could fee his hands on my skin... It was so real.

He was touching my cheek...brushing the hair from my face. I wasn't sure if I was awake... I felt his lips against mine, but something was wrong... the taste... it was strange...it was like my mind was playing tricks on me...He bit down on my lip a little and my mind was swirling...

I felt his kiss move down my neck and it was like I swept away in my memories in my head. He sucked on my neck a little and then he was gone. My body ached for him. It was like I was a prisoner in my mind... I wasn't sure how much of this I was dreaming and how much was real...

I felt a blanket being laid back over me and I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't... I was just too tired...my mind tossed and turned all night all though my body laid still...

I eventually dozed off completely...

In the morning I awoke and I slowly opened my eyes. There was light streaming in from the window. Gerard was coming in the doorway, making a lot of noise too.

"Mm you're up." He says leaning over and kissing my forehead. I stretched a little and looked down. My robe was kinda open. He leant down a little and gave me a quick peck on my lips and I smiled... He looked down and saw my breast sticking out of my robe a little and leant down more and gave me a peck there too. I laughed a little and pushed him away and closed my robe back up.

"Aw come on baby...you know you cant resist me" He says climbing up on to the bed,...I laughed a little.

"So I guess your cold shower didn't work so well." I tease him. He laughed.

"Naw it was all right." He says smiling a little. "But I thought that uh maybe, if I woke you up early enough we could umm 'play' a little before school." He says trying to open my robe up with one hand, in his other hand he was holding a....a carrot?

"Umm okay... but what the hell is that for?" I say looking at it nervously.

He grinned a little. "Its for Gus-Gus Elle." He says and I toss my hands in the air a little like if you say so... "Aw youre fucking sick." He smiles a little

"Uh Im not the one bringing a carrot to bed." I laugh.

"I told you it was for Gus!" He laughs. "Now get your mind out of the gutter you naughty girl!" He scolds me a little as he gets up off the bed.

I sit up and pull the blankets a little around me... Fuck. My papa's blanket was on the bed... He must've covered me with it last night. "Aw Gerard, I wish you would stop using this blanket." I say shaking my head a little. I stood up and started folding it up.

"What?" He says sounding a little confused.

"It was my papas." I say a little annoyed. "Its all I have left of his..." I say and he makes a face.

"I didn't pull that out." He says reaching in to Gus's tank and shaking the little hamster tunnel thing to try to get him to come out.

"Gerard you covered me with this last night." I tell him a little frustrated.

"No I didn't Elle, where the hell is Gus-Gus?" He says frowning a little.

"He's not in there?" I ask walking over and looking in the tank too. Fuck. He wasn't. "Oh don't tell me he got out!" I exclaim.

Gerard frowns a little and my eyes well up with tears. "Aw baby don't worry he'll show up." He says reaching for me. I take the carrot from his hand and I toss it into the tank. "Naw leave it out, maybe he'll come out to eat it."  He says reaching in and pulling the carrot back out. He lays it on the dresser next to the tank.

"Gerard I don't even think he likes carrots." I say and he laughs. "To tell the truth I don't even think he likes me." I say sniffling a little.

"Aw come on of course he does." He laughs a little wiping my eyes. "He'll show up baby okay?" He says and I nod a little. Gerard reaches over and takes my papas blanket from under my arm. "And I didn't take this down last night." He says as he goes to put it back in the closet.

"No you did. I felt you cover me with it." I say and he shakes his head a little.

"Elle you were so fucked up last night, you didn't know what the hell was going on." He says biting his lip a little as he sat on the bed.

"Then how did it get on the bed?" I ask a little annoyed. I cant believe he's gonna give me shit for taking something to help me sleep... does he not know how seriously stressed I am... how hard today is going to be for me...

"I don't know, maybe you got cold and got up and got it yourself." He says and I shake my head no a little. "Elle you were seriously fucked up. I'm telling you." He insists... "And I hate to see you like that you know." He says lowering his voice a little. I look down a little shamed. I disappointed him... I didn't want to disappoint him... I just could deal... I wasn't strong enough... I took a deep breath and looked back up at him.

"I'm sorry." I said weakly. "I just needed to sleep. Can't you understand that?" I ask him and he nods. "But I know what I felt Gerard, you came in and you covered me and you kissed me." I say stepping towards him as he sat on my bed. My chest was the same level as his face. He pulled me up on to his lap and I wrapped my legs around him. He buried his face into my neck.

"Well you must've been dreaming baby." He mumbles as he kissed my neck. He still didn’t believe me, but I knew I didn’t imagine it. I arched my back a little as his hands started pulling the robe down off my shoulders. 

I pressed my body against his. He lifted me off of him and laid me down on the bed like I was last night and opened up my robe slowly exposing my body.

"Can you feel me?" He whispers to me as he slid his hand up the side of my body exactly like he did last night.

"mm-hmm" I say shutting my eyes a little and taking a deep breath. He was sending shivers up my spine.

"Look at me Elle." I hear his voice say and I open my eyes. "That's the difference Elle." He says sliding his hand up my thigh slowly. "I want to see you." He whispers as he pressed his fingers up inside me. I gasped a little and he faintly smiled at my reaction. "I want to see you feeling me, I want to know that you want me as much as I want you." He says as I tremble under his touch.

"I do." I moan a little reaching up trying to pull him down top of me. He reaches over and grabs my arms and stretches them over my head a little and starts kissing my neck. He was teasing me... running his kisses down my body. Squeezing me in his hands... rubbing himself against me...

Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore and he was about to press himself in to me, there was a knock on the front door.

"What the hell?" He grumbles and I look over at the clock... It wasn't even 7 yet...

"Just ignore it." I say trying to pull him down into me.

"Elle." He argues.

"No Gerard please." I beg him. "Its probably a wrong number." I say desperately kissing his neck.

"Its not the phone Elle, it's the door." He laughs a little. Oh fuck this. I push him off me a little and flip him over so I'm on top.

"Just ignore it." I say and he let out a soft gasp as I forced him up into me. I slowly started rocking my hips on top of him. "Mmm unless you want me to stop and you can go get it." I tease him and he smiles.

"Uh no." He says shutting his eyes and moaning a little.

"Hey look at me." I say leaning forward bringing my face to his. "I want to see you seeing me." I say and he opens them and smiles. I looked deep into them... I had never felt so complete...so loved...so wanted...as I did in that moment...He was it for me...

After what seemed like an eternity of ecstasy but was probably only a few minutes we got up out of bed... I put my robe back on and tied it around me and was heading towards the bedroom door.

"Where you going Elle?" He asks me. He was starting to get dressed.

"I'm gonna go check who was at the door." I say slipping on a pair of sneakers I had left by the doorway.

"I'm sure they're gone by now Elle." He laughs a little. I shrug and walk down the hall.

"Well maybe they left something." I say and he's right behind me all of a sudden.

"Like what?" He laughs as I open the door.

"Like a box." I exclaim looking down at it...there was a small box on my doorstep. It had my name and address on  the top of it. There was an envelope stuck on the side. I reached to go pick it up and Gerard grabbed my arm.

"Elle -wait." He says roughly pulling me inside the house. He steps out and looks around the porch a little before picking it up. He brings it back inside and shakes it a little. It made a hollow thumping sound as he shook it.
"mmm what's in it?" I ask and he just looked at me.

"How the hell do I know?" he says and I frown.

"Well open it." I say and he hesitated for a moment. "Come Gerard." I say a little impatiently. He didn't move. "Aw fuck it.- I'll do it."  I say trying to take the box from him.

"No I got it." He says and he holds the box up a little high so I couldn't see and takes the lid off. His face dropped.

"What is it?" I say standing up on my tiptoes and pulling his arm down a little.

"NO!" He yells as he tries to close it..."Don't look" He says but it was too late.

I saw...

Inside the box  was Gus-Gus.

And he was dead...