FicWad

I woke up sitting in the back of a police car. Well I was kinda laying back. They had the door open and my feet kinda hung out over the side, but it was still very uncomfortable... Gerard was kinda standing by the open door. He was giving a statement to some guy with a notepad...

Fuck. I hate notepads... I swear if I never see another notepad again I'd be okay... And it even looked like the same one that other cop had that time... I wonder if he bought it at the same store? I wonder if there's like some special store where cops shop... you know that sell special notebooks and shit just for cops... I should ask Pete's dad...

Pete's dad? Oh fuck... Pete! What time is it? I sit up and look over at the clock on the dashboard. Fuck it was almost noon. I sighed a little. At least I still had time... I told Pete I'd meet him at six...

Gerard saw I was up. He looked relieved...So did the cop with the notepad... After fucking twenty minutes of answering the same questions over and over again he said we were free to go, since we were refusing medical treatment... I felt bad lying to the cops. I mean we couldn’t exactly tell them the truth and nothing but the truth. I did slip illegal drugs into his water. And I know desperate times calls for desperate measures but I couldn’t see it going over well…

Gerard basically told them Will was trying to rob the place. I just agreed with whatever he said. So did Brian. The tourist couple didn’t speak English so they didn’t know what the hell had happened just that theres a reason why Jersey isn’t a popular vacation destination…

I was a bit worried about the cashier but Gerard said not to worry about it as he started my truck up. I looked him over slowly. His knuckles were bruised. Badly. His forearms were kinda cut up too. His lip looked like it was bleeding a little but had stopped. He really didn't look that bad. But that was probably because he was wearing black jeans and some black band t-shirt. If you looked really hard you could see that he was covered in blood.... Will's blood... fuck..

I heard them talking faintly before I woke up... Will ended up with six cracked ribs, four broken fingers and a busted nose... But at least Gerard didn't kill him...

I sighed a little and looked down at my dress. It was ruined. Blood splattered and dirty...and I had no underwear on... Fuck. I can't go see my mom like this.

Gerard was pulling out on to the highway. We were maybe 20 minutes from the cemetery. "Gerard I need to change out of these clothes." I say looking out the window...Something was wrong. It looked like we were going the wrong way.

"I know baby, as soon as we get home, we'll get you washed up." He says and I frown. "And then I'm gonna hold you in my arms all night." He says reaching over and taking my hand in his.

"No Gerard we have to go to the cemetery." I say getting a little worked up.

"Elle." He says softly.

"NO turn around. I have to go-fuck!" I say yelling a little anxiously. My eyes started filling with tears.

"Okay." He says softly and he pulls off to make a turn at the next light.

"Pull in up there." I say pointing at a shopping center. He doesn't say anything he just pulls in. "Park over by Macys" I tell him so he does. He pulls into a spot and shuts the engine. I grab my purse and pull out my bankcard and hand it to him.

"You gotta go in and get me a new dress or something to wear Gerard." I say and he raises his eyebrows a little.

"Me?" He says in disbelief.

"Yeah you.." I say a little frustrated. I mean who else? He just looked at me blankly. "Come on Gerard I can't go in there like this." I say and he looks down at my dress and frowns a little. "Please." I whine a little. "I have to go see my mom and I can't fucking go like this." I say trying not to cry... All my emotions were swelling up inside me, swirling about in my head. I could barely hold myself together... I needed a fix, bad...

"Elle we can go home and change and come back." He tells me, and suddenly all my sadness is replaced... with...with anger.

"No!" I yell at him. "I have to see my mom today!" I yell at him and he sighs a little. "I'm not driving all the way back up here. Now please just go in and get me a dress and some underwear." I say forcing the card into his hand.

"Underwear?" he says shaking his head no. "Elle really babe- you should just go yourself." He tries to tell me.

"Look at me Gerard.- I cant fucking go in there like this all bloody and shit." I snap at him.

"Elle I'm bloody too." He says shrugging a little.

"Yeah but you cant see it on the black." I say a little frustrated.

"I'll give you my coat." He suggests.

"All right fuck, I'm just gonna lay it all out for you here." I say turning and facing him. I reach over and take my keys out of the ignition. "Either you go in and buy me a new white dress and some panties, or you give me your clothes and I'll go in." I say and he shrugs like that wouldn't be so bad. "You wanna trade clothes?" I ask and he looks at me like he's gonna say yeah. "Cause I'm warning ya." I say and he hesitates. "We trade clothes, you're putting this dress on." I say and he smiles a little. "No I mean it Gerard. You will  put this dress on." I repeat. "and remember- it's a long walk home." I say and he chuckles a little.

"Elle." He says leaning over and kissing my cheek. "You know I love you babe but you're one crazy chick." He say and I smile as he goes to get out.

"And get yourself something too." I say and he shakes his head a little. "Naw I'll just wait till I get home." He says and I freak out a little.

"No you can't go like that." I say fretfully. "You can't go see my mom like that." I repeat a little louder. "Please Gerard this is important to me." I say sniffling a little. He pulled his door back shut and leant towards me. I was crying now.

"All right...shhh." He says comforting me a little. He pulled me close and held me..."If its that important to you then I will." He says and I nod.

"It's just..." I sniffle a little and wipe the tears in my eyes on the back of my hand.

"It's just what?" He encourages me taking my hand in his and brining it up to his mouth and kissing the back of it, where I wiped my tears... He was kissing the tears off my hand...I sighed a little.

"It's just I never brought anyone there before." I say and he looked at me unbelievingly. "Not with me, not like this." I say and he frowns a little.

"Paul never went with you?" He asks softly. I shake my head no. "motherfucker." He mumbles.

"It wasn't like that." I sigh. "I mean he would've come if I asked...I just" I pause and Gerard just looked at me softly. "I just didn't want him there... I didn't want anybody there but now-" I say and I look up at him. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew what I was trying to say. "I just wanted this to be perfect." I say and he kisses my forehead.

"Life's not perfect Elle." He says and I pout. "I'm sorry baby but its not." He smiles and runs his finger along my lip, looking at me fondly.

He gives me a quick kiss and then hops out. I lean my seat back all the way and locked the doors and shut my eyes and waited for him to come back. I must've fallen asleep cause all of a sudden I heard a knocking on the window and I opened my eyes. It was Gerard. I had locked the doors and I had the keys...

I unlock the door and he gets in and hands me a bag. I look over at him. He had changed his clothes. He was still wearing black jeans, but they were new and clean so... He also managed to find a solid black tshirt. I smiled at him. I was half expecting him to come out dressed like a prep. I mean that's what they sell at Macys but somehow he looked normal.

"What?" He says and I shrug.

"Nothing." I say opening the bag and looking in. I couldn't believe what I saw. "Fuck Gerard what did you do?" I say and he just looked at me blankly. "What the hell is this?" I say pulling them out and holding them up.

"Uhh underwear?" He says unconfidently.

"Are you kidding me?" I say laughing a little. They looked like something my grandmother would wear. Well what I imagine she would wear if she was alive... They were huge.. Beige... with a fucking two-inch elastic waistband...

"Gerard have you ever seen me in something like this?" I laugh in disbelief.

"Elle give me a fucking break okay." He says shaking his head. "You should've seen the look the fucking saleslady was giving me. I just grabbed the first pair I saw." He says blushing a little.

"Gerard I can't wear this." I say and he smiles and snatches the keys from me. "Look Elle I'm gonna lay it all out for you." He says mimicking me. "You fucking make me go in and buy them now you're gonna fucking wear 'em."  He says and I laugh. "Remember-it's a long walk home and it's uh awfully windy out baby." He says smiling a little as I slip the new dress on over my head.

"Mmm Gerard that sounds like a dare.." I say and his face drops a little. I smile.

"Elle don't you even-" He says and I laugh as I slide the underwear on. He smiled a little at me.

"So what else did you get?" I ask and he doesn't say anything. "Gerard?" I insist.

"Mmm nothing." He says pulling out a cigarette. I think he was lying.. He looked kinda nervous as he lit it. "Here." He says handing it to me.

"Well you were in there a long time." I say glancing over at the clock. He shrugged a little. Whatever... I opened my window and smoked my cigarette slowly. He didn't say anything else the rest of the way there...

We got to the cemetery and I realized I didn't have any flowers and started to get upset but Gerard told me to calm down... That they're not that important...that what's important is that I'm here.

"And that you're here with me too." I say and he smiles a little and grips my hand tightly in his as we walk through the graveyard...

I laid out my blanket on top of my moms' grave like I do every year and sat down in front of her gravestone and just stared at it. Gerard kinda stood nervously to the side.

"Could I have a minute." I say softly and he nods and grabs his sketchbook from the bag and sticks it under his arm.

"I'll just go sit over there." He says pointing to a large oak tree across the way. I nod as he starts to walk away.

"Gerard." I call out. And he looks back at me. "Mmm please don't draw me." I say my eyes watering up a little and he cocks his head to the side a little confused. "Please don't draw me like this...I...I don't want my grief captured on paper." I say and he nods and looks down and walks away.

I hope he doesn't take that the wrong way...Its just his pictures are so good... when I looked through his book, all those sketches of me at different times...they just brought back so many memories. I could look at them and remember everything I was feeling in that moment...that's how good they were... I just didn't want to be reminded of this.. I don't want to see a picture of my face right now...not ever...

I was sitting on my knees in front of my moms' grave all alone now...I ran my fingers along her name carved in the stone...

"Oh mom." I sighed as her name became blurrier and blurrier as tears filled my eyes...Soon I couldn't even make it out anymore..."I brought someone with me mom." I say wiping my eyes a little. "But I guess you know that." I laugh a little. "I uh... hope you approve." I say and I smile imagining my mom's response...Of course she would approve of Gerard... How could she not he was perfect... Fuck. I can't believe I almost lost him...again...

I started to cry... I cried for my mom, for my papa. For Gerard... For how close I came to losing him... I don't know how long I sat there crying for... I felt a hand on my back... I look up. It was Gerard.

"Can I sit?" he asks softly and I nod.

He sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leant my head against him. It was silent for a while.

"You think my moms disappointed in me?" I ask and he pulls back a little.

"Why would you think that Elle?" he says sounding a little shocked.

"Cause I always seem to fuck things up." I say and he smiles a little.

"You do not." He replies pushing the hair from my face.

"No I do." I say and I sniffle a little and lay down on the blanket looking up at the sky. Gerard sighs a little and then lays down next to the left of me. He takes my hand in his and pulls it to his mouth and kisses it.

"Elle I don't think you give yourself enough credit." He says examining my hand a little. He was running his finger up and down my palm... right along my scar, the stitches had completely dissolved just like the doctor said, but I still had a scar. I instinctively tried to shut my hand but he held it open and kissed it.

"Hey let me see what you drew." I say sitting up reaching for his sketchbook. He reached like he was gonna stop me. I gave him a hard look. "You didn't draw me did you?" I said lifting his book up off the floor.

"No." he says lowering his voice a little. He diverted his eyes from mine... He knew I was gonna look and there was no point arguing about it. But he seemed nervous for me to see...

"Then what did you draw?" I ask afraid to open the book.

"Your mom." He says and he looks back up at me. I make a face.

"My mom!' I laugh a little and open his book and flip through it. "Gerard you don't even know what my mom looked like-" I say flipping to the page he was working on. I stop mid-sentence..."Oh my god." I gasp looking down at it...

It was beautiful... It was me.. Well it wasn't me... but it was... off to the bottom corner was a gravestone with a figure hunched over kneeling infront of it... Just like I was moments ago... And in the center of the page there was light streaming down from the sky and in the light you could see a figure... it looked like an angel.. a lady.. she was faceless but she had her arms outstretched like she was comforting the girl from above...

I just stared at it dumbstruck...

"You don't like it." He says softly taking the book back from me.

"No Gerard its... " I sigh a little. "I think sometimes you don't give yourself enough credit." I say and he smiles. He was still lying down. I sat back up on my knees and looked down at him brushing the hair from his forehead. "I love it." I tell him. "I love you." I say leaning over and kissing him softly.

"I love you too Elle." He says looking up affectionately. I sigh. "What's the matter babe?" He says I shrug.

"Do you ever regret being with me?" I say and he makes a face like I'm crazy.

"What?" He scoffs a little.

"Being with me." I repeat. "Gerard honestly I've done nothing but bring you trouble." I say biting my lip a little. "Look what happened today Gerard, you could've been killed and it would've been cause of me." I say and he rolls over onto his stomach and props his head up on his elbows.

"Elle." He says like I'm nuts.

"No seriously I mean do you regret the day you laid eyes on me?" I say and he laughs.

"Elle that was one of the best days of my life." He says and I roll my eyes a little. "When you walked in to Mr. Tamuras science class in 7th grade...and I saw you...I'm telling you baby." He says and I smile at him. He was teasing me. I could tell... "That was the best day of my life" he continues "until the day you said you'd be my girl " He adds and I smile.

"So that was the best day of your life?" I tease him.

"Use to be." He says and I frown. What the hell does that mean? "But now it's the day I ask you to marry me and you say yes." He says softly.

"Well what day is that?" I ask a little confused. That never happened...

"Well hopefully today." He says pulling a plain gold ring from his pocket and holding it up. I was shocked. I just stared at it. At him... "Marry me Elle, tell me you'll be my wife." He says with such a look of love in his eyes it made my heart tremble...

He was waiting for an answer... I looked at the ring. I looked at his eyes; they were filled with such passion, such love, such tenderness...

How am I going to tell him -my answer is no?