FicWad

“What the hell are you talking about?” Lia says a little confused. It was at that point I realized how little Lia actually knew… I mean I use to tell her everything, but lately I haven’t… Lately I've been confiding in Bob.

As Ray reviewed the facts supporting his ‘theory’, in chronological order of course, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed in guilt every time Lia looked over at me. It was like I could hear her saying ‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this Elle?’ in her mind. And with each glance she shot me the voice in my head grew louder and louder… And truth be told. I didn’t know the answer.

I guess if she actually asked me out loud I would’ve said I didn’t want to burden her since she had so many things going on in her own life, but that wouldn’t have been completely true… Honestly I was still a little hurt that Lia kept me in dark for so long. I mean not once did she ever mention or give me any kinda indication that she thought she might like girls… And I would tell her everything. Well almost everything. Everything that mattered…

“-So you see.” Ray says finishing up his ‘closing arguments’ as he paced the living room floor. “Bow-Bow the bear is the key.” He says holding his hands up slightly to emphasize his point.

“He's not a KEY! He's just a bear.” I say as they all turned their attention back on to me. “And you're not cutting him open.” I say determinedly and it’s at that point that I realize bow-bow is no longer in my arms.

A wave of fear passes across me as I realized what's had happened… When I collapsed on the couch I kinda dropped him on to the floor… On the floor right besides where Gerard was kneeling. He looked over at bear in the same instant that I did and he reached over and snatched him off the floor in seconds.

“Gerard.” I cry out panic stricken as I watch him lift the bear off the floor. He stood up quickly and took a step back from me. I was still on the couch. I was gonna jump up and grab bow-bow out of his hand but I couldn’t… I shifted a little forward and felt this wave of nausea pass over me. The room suddenly got cloudy… and dark. Kinda like it does before I pass out.

“Elle take it easy.” He says pushing me back down against the couch with one hand. He had bow-bow in his other hand pulled behind his back slightly. I was too weak to try to fight with him. “Didn’t you eat anything today?” He asks me and I shrug.

“We got bagels.” I say shutting my eyes a little and trying to steady myself in my head. “But I dropped mine on the floor.” I say opening my eyes back up to Gerard's frowning face. “Mindy ate it.” I tell him.

“Mindy?” Ray asks.

“Pauls dog.” I explain and Ray shrugs like he didn’t care. “Why did you ask if you didn’t care?” I say a little annoyed with him. I mean what the fuck? Is this how Ray collects his knowledge? Asking pointless questions and storing up the information for later use?

“I don’t know.” He shrugged again and I raised my eyebrows up a little at him. “Bob didn’t you use to date a chick named Mindy?” He says looking over at Bob.

“Oh yeah, she was pretty hot.” Bob chuckles a little thinking back… What a fucking slut he is I swear! Mindy… I'm sorry that name just screams skank. What the hell is wrong with my Bobby? I guess I was staring over a little disappointed at him cause he turns to me and goes. “What?” all innocent like and shit. I just rolled my eyes and didn’t answer him.

“Well then go ahead Gerard, pull out your knife and let's gut him open.” Lia says nodding eagerly and I freak out.

“What?” I cry out outraged from the couch as Gerard stood up again. “No Gerard! Don’t!” I beg him.

“Elle. Didn’t you hear what I said?” Ray sighs a little. “Do I have to go over this again?” He says and I shrug. He can fucking go over it a million times and I'm still not gonna agree… “The fact that Chris Hunters sister sent you the bear makes it even more important.” He says and I shake my head no. “I'm willing to bet anything that’s he's the key.” He says and I laugh.

“How bout your ‘fro Ray?” I say and his face drops a little. “You willing to bet that precious hair of yours that there's something inside him, cause I gotta tell you I've been squeezing him pretty damn hard and nothing.” I say and Ray looked at me a little curiously, then he turned to Gerard who was now kinda squeezing bow-bow slightly.

“Dude I don’t know…” Gerard shakes his head a little unsurely. Ray made a face.

“So you willing to put your ‘hair’ where your mouth is Mr. Know it all?” I tease him.

“Do it Ray.” Lia nudges him. “You’d look cute bald.” She teases him.

“BALD?” He cries out shaking his head no. “I’ll give you one, maybe two locks.” He says and I laugh.

“So you're saying you're not sure.” I tell him and he shrugs.

“Elle the only way we’re gonna know for sure is to check.” Ray says and I shake my head no.

“Then we’ll never know.” I reply.

“Speak for yourself. I'm cutting him open.” Gerard tells me and my face drops.

“Like hell you are.” I say loudly and Gerard's eyes locked on mine.

“Elle I have to.” He says like he's got no choice.

“I swear to God Gerard, you cut my bear open I’ll never forgive you for it.” I say looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t even look at him I was so mad.

“You're serious?” He says and I nod. “Elle look at me.” He says raising his voice a little and I turn my eyes back on to him. “You're serious?” He repeats and I nod again. He just stood there a few feet in front of me. His eyes locked on mine. Holding bow-bow in his one hand… It was a stand off. One I didn’t intend to lose.

“Elle don’t be so dramatic.” Lia says and I answer her with out taking my eyes from Gerard's.

“I'm not.” I tell her. “You cut my bear open Gerard and we’re finished.” I say and he licks his bottom lip a little like he was thinking about it. “I'm serious Gerard, you can take your ring back and get the fuck out.” I say biting my lip a little to stop it from shaking.

“You mean that?” Gerard says and I nod. “You’ll give me my ring back over this?” He says lifting bow-bow up slightly.

“Its not about the bear.” I say and he looks at me like what the hell. “Its about the fact that I can’t trust you.” I tell him. Lia looked over like she wanted to say something but she didn’t… Ray kinda shifted nervously… Bob was looking down at the floor. Like he knew it was a personal conversation between me and Gerard and he knew they should all excuse themselves and leave the room and give us some privacy... but they didn’t… I guess they all wanted to see how it was gonna end.

“Elle baby-“ He says taking a deep breath but I don’t let him speak.

“No…I'm trusting you- with my feelings, with my heart, with my everything.” I say getting a little emotional. “And if I cant trust you- If I… “ I pause and sniffle a little…“If you cut my fucking bear open Gerard- knowing how much it means to me. Knowing that I stand before you asking you not to…I…” I sigh a little. “I can’t be with you anymore Gerard.” I tell him and he just stared at me. Didn’t frown. Didn’t give me any indication of what was in his mind…

We stood there in silence for what seemed like forever. Just staring at each other. Gerard's eyes were so… so blank. I mean I had no idea what he was thinking. What he was going to do. No one dared to speak to ask him…Bob coughed and broke the tension in the room a little.

It was then I realized I was holding my breath. I exhaled softly. “please Gerard don’t…” I said begging him with my eyes…

The next sound I heard was the tearing sound of my precious bow-bow being torn apart…

“I'm sorry Elle it’s for you own good.” Gerard says and in one swift motion he grabbed bow-bow’s darling little polk-a-dotted tie and tore it viciously off him.

“No” I cry out jumping off the couch. Dizzy as fuck but I didn’t care. I reached out my hand to stop him but it was too late. He had already spilt him right down the stomach. I looked over in horror as his stuffing started spilling out. “Oh God!” I gasped and covered my mouth in shock as he continued to tear apart my precious bear. The only thing I had left from my childhood and he was destroying it…

“I'm doing this for you Elle.” Gerard says with confidence and I could feel my heart tightening up in pain in my chest. This was not happening... This could not be happening…I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw and I didn’t give a fuck what he had to say about it. I needed a moment.

“Well?” I hear Rays voice say anxiously. I still had my eyes shut but I relaxed my muscles slightly waiting for Gerard's response… When he didn’t answer I knew.

“There was nothing in there right?” I said keeping my eyes shut tightly…

“Oh Elle.” I hear Lia say softly and I could tell by her tone that I was right. He ripped apart my bear for nothing. He ripped apart my heart for nothing…there was still no reply from Gerard though.

“Right Gerard?” I say opening my eyes and looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t even look at him. I could feel myself on the verge of tears. I knew all it would take was one look at him for them to come spilling out…

“Elle.” He sighs a little in apology and I could see him out of the corner of my eye reaching for me.

“Don’t…” I say taking a step back from him. I took a deep breath and felt my heart clenching up in pain again as I pulled his ring off my finger and tossed it at him. “Just get the fuck out.” I say still unable to look at him. And before he could answer, before he could protest, I turned abruptly and walked out of the room…