FicWad

"FIRE!" I cried out looking over at my lamp... It was on fire! More specifically the shirt Frankie had tossed over it was on fire! I sat there frozen for a second mesmerized by the flames... They were so... so beautiful...so pure... so unafraid...

They were everything I wished I could be... I absentmindedly reached my hand out to touch it. I just wanted to feel what it would feel like to be 'fire'. No sooner than my hand touched the flame I pulled it back yelping in pain.

"Fuck!" I cry out startled... The pain had snapped me back in to reality. And then I panicked. I mean my room was fucking on fire!... Okay okay... it wasn't my whole room but the shirt had pretty much burned away to nothing at this point since I was just staring at it for god knows how long watching it burn, and now the lampshade was engulfed in flames too...

"What do I do? What do I do?" I panicked, talking out loud to myself as I paced the floor a little looking at it... Suddenly the words popped into my head... Stop. Drop. and Roll...

"YES!" I cry out clenching my hands into fist from all the stress... I mean that's what they tell you to do when you're on fire right? So wouldn't the same work for the lamp?

"Okay... uhhh STOP!" I yell at the burning lamp and nothing... I mean it wouldn't stop... Just kept burning... and the flames were growing brighter now...

Fuck! That didn't work "Okay okay don't panic!" I tell myself... Uh what comes next... drop? okay drop...

I reach over and grab my pillow and use it to knock the lamp off the table and onto the floor... It landed in a pile of clothes, which immediately caught fire as well... "Oh fuck!" I cry out. That didn't work either!

Well all that was left was 'Roll'... I mean maybe it wont work unless you do all three steps? I wasn't sure... I reached over and kicked the lamp causing to 'roll' a little across the room... This just spread the fire more... Mostly cause the lamp ended up coming to a rest in a pile of papers I had scattered on the floor...

Fuck! That was my social studies report too! All of a sudden the smoke became too much for me... I started coughing... badly... Damn!

"What do I do now?" I cry out looking up at the ceiling for some help... Stop-drop-and roll didn't work... The only other thing running through my mind was that damn bear 'Only you can prevent forest fires- ho ho ho...'

But this wasn't a forest fire! This was my room god damn it!! I paced the floor a little panicking as the flames grew and the smoke filled the air...

All of a sudden I remembered Frankie! He was in the shower! The wet shower filled with WATER! Fuck!

I went running down the hall and burst into the bathroom. He was already out of the shower. His hair was still wet but had his jeans on and he looked like he was about to put his shirt on.

"Frankie!" I cry out and he rolls his eyes a little at me.

"Fuck Elle!" He says roughly as he grabbed the towel off the door and covered my chest with it... I had no shirt on still...fuck I had forget about that.

"No I need." I try to say and he shushed me...

"I know what you’re going to say." He says and I just stared at him confusedly. He knew I was gonna ask him for some water since my room is on fire? How the fuck could he know that. I was going to ask him how he could’ve possibly known that but he held his finger up for to me be quiet so I did… I wrapped the towel around me as he continued to talk… “You and Gerard are gonna work things out.” He says and I frown.

“Frankie no.” I try to argue and he shushes me again.

“Just listen Elle okay?” He says and I shrug. “I KNOW I'm gonna kick myself tomorrow for this but uh..” He laughs a little. “But we can’t…it’s not right.” He says and I make a face not sure of what he's talking about.

“I don’t understand.” I tell him and he smiles.

“You will in the morning Elle.” He says patting me on the head lightly.

“In the morning they’ll be nothing left.” I say thinking out loud.

“Just let it die down Elle okay.” He smiles at me again and I wrinkle my eyebrows at him in confusion.

“Let the fire die down?” I ask him and he nods.

“Mmm-hmm.” He nods again. I bit my lip a little looking at him… Something just didn’t seem right about his ‘advice’…I mean let the fire die down? Was he serious?

“Okay Frankie.” I say hesitantly… I mean I was too fucked up to think straight… If he says let it die down then I guess that’s what we’ll do… I hopped up and sat on the counter while Frankie finished getting dressed. He didn’t ask me to leave and I didn’t want to be alone. He laced up his boots slowly in silence. Even dried his hair while I just sat there watching. Finally he reaches over and opens the bathroom door and sniffs a little in the air.

“Elle are you burning something?” He asks frowning at me.

“No that’s the fire.” I tell him and he widens his eyes a little at me.

“Fire?” He repeats back a little loudly.

“Yeah you said to let it just die down…” I call out after him as he runs down the hall to my room. He opens the door and it’s almost all completely in flames.

“Oh fuck we got to get out of here!” He says grabbing my arm roughly. Honestly I didn’t know why he was so surprised… I mean he said he knew. He said ‘let it die down’. What the fuck!

“Frankie!” I argue pulling from him.

“Elle I'm serious.” He says a grabbing my arm back a little harder this time.

“No.” I tell him coughing slightly from the smoke as I pulled back once again from him. “My stuffs in there.” I tell him and he shakes his head no.

“You’ll get new stuff.” He yells at me and I lose it… Tears just poured from my eyes…

“My papas blankets in there.” I say and he took a deep breath and looked at me. “And his cane.” I said trying to push past him into my burning room.

“No Elle!” He says stopping me.

“Please!” I cry out desperately. “Its all I have left of him! Don’t do this to me again!” I cry out my voice shaking, as I pounded on his chest.

“Okay okay.” He says lifting my hands off him. “I’ll go.” He says holding his hand up motioning for me to stay back. And as he disappeared in to the fiery room…I couldn’t help but feeling that death was near…





As I stood in the hall waiting for Frankie to come back I had this sudden flash back. It was all so clear in my head too… It was of the fire all those years ago. I remembered my mom grabbing me and pulling me out in all the smoke… I remembered being wrapped up a blanket and sitting and crying as she held me… But that was so long ago… And now… Now I'm all alone and it never hurt so bad…. Suddenly Frankie emerged from the smoke filled room a few seconds coughing non-stop until we made it outside…

He had grabbed my papas’ blanket and his cane from my closet. I grabbed my purse and my coat from the front hall as we dashed out the front door and it wasn’t until we were outside and the cold night air filled my lungs did I realize how stupid I was…

I mean asking Frankie to go back in? For a blanket? I mean he could’ve been killed or hurt! Damn… I really am selfish!

“Frankie I'm so sorry!” I started to cry as I pulled the coat on.

“Its not your fault Elle.” He said but I was too hysterical to reply…

Just then Mr. Portman appeared in his doorway and called us over…The fire was so big now, I guess he could see it from across the street… Frankie helped me over to their house and I just collapsed into poor Mrs. Portmans arms. I felt bad too… I mean I hadn’t spoken to her in so long. Truth be told I was kinda avoiding her. I don’t know why either. I mean she was a nice lady. I always imagined if I had had grandmother she’d be just like her…

But I didn’t… I didn’t have a grandmother. And I didn’t have a grandfather. I didn’t have anyone… Not even Gerard anymore…I just sobbed and sobbed until my body gave out on me I suppose cause I faintly remember hearing sirens as Mrs. Portman comforted me…


The fire trucks came… and the police cars… It was just like I remembered it… Except this time I was alone… I mean Frankie was there and Mr. and Mrs. Portman and I knew they all cared for me but it just wasn’t the same…

I just sat there numb, watching them put the fire out and when it was all gone… When they finished and I looked up at my ‘home’… I can’t describe what I felt… I mean it was burnt pretty badly…Some of the windows were smashed out and the whole side of the house was all black and ashy looking and it just looked so…so..hollow…

It was weird cause it looked like exactly how I felt inside at that moment…hollow…

Then the fire guy came over to play twenty questions I guess, but he seemed to be frustrated with my answers for some reason… Maybe cause I was still so fucked up and couldn’t think straight. Finally Frankie came over and suggested that I go back to the Portman’s house across the street… He said he’d handle the fire guy and the cop guy who was also waiting and that he’d be over in a minute…

I should’ve told him no… I mean it was my house. My responsibility… I can’t keep hiding from things… But I was so fucked up still that I didn’t argue… I just followed Mrs. P back home…

I sat down on the Portmans couch and shut my eyes trying to steady the thoughts in my head… I just needed a minute to compose myself…But I guess I fell asleep cause the next thing I know I'm waking up, which kinda freaked me out cause I didn’t remember falling asleep… But I was laying on the Portmans couch, covered with my papas throw blanket and I could hear voices in the kitchen.

“Mr.P-you rock!” I hear Frankie say loudly and Mrs. Portman chuckles.

“Oh really now.” She says in that soft sweet grandmotherly voice of hers.

“Can I have some more…please.” Frankie’s voice fills the air again and I can almost imagine the pathetic look he must be giving her cause she chuckles again…

“Why of course.” She says and I roll my eyes a little as I get up off the couch glancing at the clock… It was almost 5 am! What the hell was he doing?!

“Frankie!” I gasp a little as I go into the kitchen… Mr. Portman was sitting at one end of the table reading a newspaper. Frankie was sitting opposite of him holding a fork up in anticipation as Mrs. Portman scooped out a large bit of peach cobbler onto his dish… Fuck. The tray was practically empty.

“Elle!” Frankie says a little surprised to see me.

“Did you eat all of that?!” I say in shock and he looks down a little guiltily.

“He's a growing boy.” Mrs. Portman laughs as she puts the dish down in front of him.

“Its realllly good Elle.” Frankie says grinning and Mrs. P smiles proudly.

“I am so sorry.” I tell her and I glance over at Mr. P.

“Its quite all right dear.” He says and he nods for me to sit.

“Oh no I couldn’t I just… I'm so sorry.” I repeat rubbing my eyes in despair.

“Elle please.” Mr. P nods to the chair and I hesitantly sit in it… I mean I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be rude either. I mean they were being so nice helping me like this and all. “Take off your coat and stay a while.” He says, teasing me slightly and Frankie widens his eyes at me. Probably cause I had nothing on under my coat.

“Oh uh no I'm okay.” I say gripping the coat to me tightly… I mean it was buttoned up but you can never be to sure… “I just don’t know how this could’ve happened again…” I mumbled to myself as I leant my head forward on the table.

“At least no one was hurt.” Mrs. Portman says coming over and rubbing my back as I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. “That’s all that matters- everything else can be replaced.” She tells me and I look up.

“It’s bad right?” I say and Frankie looks down at his dish. Mr. Portman stood up and folded the newspaper in half and didn’t say anything either… “Oh god…” I sigh… their silence told me all I needed to know… I sniffled a little and Mrs. P sighed.

“Now Fred…” She scolds her husband.

“Its really not that bad Elle.” He says and I look at him untrustingly. “I mean its not as bad as that last fire you all had over there.” He says and I bite my lip again looking at him.

“You remember that?” I ask him and he gives me a look like of course he would remember. “I mean that was electrical too right?” I say and he gives me a curious look.

“Too?” He says and my face drops.

“Yeah my mom said that that was an electrical fire.” I say and he looked over at his wife. “Is was wasn’t it?” I say a little loudly… I couldn’t help it. I was starting to panic… I mean could Ray be right?

“Uh yeah it was.” He says continuing to give me a funny look. “There was some faulty wiring in the garage I believe.” He says and I sigh a little in relief… Ray was wrong… For once in his life Ray was wrong!… I didn’t have time to sit and revel in it though… Mr. P was still talking…”But I don’t know why you seem to think this was an electrical fire dear.” He says looking over at Frankie… Frankie stopped shoving his face full of cobbler for a second and looked up.

“It was an accident.” He says and I nod.

“But electrical.” I add and Mr. P frowns. “You know my lamp… it’s electrical…” I tell them. “You cause of how you plug it in.” I add when I notice they were all looking at me kinda funny…

“No Elle, that’s not considered electrical.” Frankie says and I make a face at him.

“Its not?” I ask cautiously.

“No, from what the fire dude said I’d say they’re gonna declare this an accident.” Frankie says and I wrinkle my face a little. This was just too much for me… I mean that last fire nearly destroyed everything… I had no idea what I was suppose to do now… I guess Mr. P could tell cause he reached over and squeezed my hand a little.

“Its gonna be all right Elle.” He tells me. “You just call up your insurance company and they’ll take care of it for you.” He says and I frown. “I mean you might not be able to go in for a few days but uhh” He says and I guess a look of fear passed across my face cause he quickly adds. “You're more then welcome to stay here with us you know.” He tells me and I shake my head no as I stood.

“No I'm sorry that we’ve bothered you so much all ready.” I said giving Frankie a look like lets go… He frowned at me but scooped the rest of his cobbler up into his mouth quickly.

“That’s nonsense Elle.” Mrs. P says reaching for Frankie’s dish. “Would you like some more?” She asks him and his eyes light up like he did but I guess he saw the nasty look I was giving him cause he shook his head no.

“No thank you Mrs. P.” He tells her reluctantly.

“Elle you do have somewhere to stay don’t you?” Mr. P says to me and I nod.

“Oh yeah I do, don’t worry.” I say lying through my teeth. He nodded like he believed me… Actually I think he did believe me…“We’re just gonna get going now.” I say apologizing to them once again as we walked out.

We crossed the street back to my house I immediately headed towards my front door and Frankie tried to stop me.

“Elle I don’t think we should go in there.” He says and I make a face at him as I opened the front door… It was unlocked.

“Why not?” I ask and he frowns. “Did they say not to?” I ask and he shrugged. “I just wanna look.” I say as he followed me in.

I stood in the center of my room for a few minutes… Well what use to be my room… There wasn’t much left to it… I could tell you this as bad as it looked from the outside the inside was ten times worse…

Frankie kinda stood in the doorway watching me but not saying anything. I mean there was nothing to say… I poked around here and there and tried to gather up some stuff…but there wasn’t much that was left…

“I think I got umm… some clothes in the washer.” I tell Frankie trying not to cry and he nods and follows me back through the kitchen to the laundry room.

There wasn’t much in the dryer. Mostly towels and sheets and crap… I did find that short black dress with the red belt though… I had hung it up to dry and forgot about it… I had to put it on. I mean I had nothing else really. The jeans I was wearing stunk from the smoke and my sweat and what not…I mean slept in them last night and now again on the Portmans couch. And I didn’t have a shirt on…just a coat…

“Fuck Frankie why did you let me fall asleep?” I complain to him as I push him out of the laundry room so I could get changed.

“What!” He protests.

“You heard me!” I yell back as I threw the dress on.

”Elle if you weren’t so fucked up you could’ve put the fire out sooner.” He says and I frown as I open back up the door.

“I meant on the Portmans couch.” I say and his face dropped a little.

“Oh.” He says and I frown as I push past him a little pissed off… I don’t know why I was mad at him. It wasn’t his fault… He was right… It was my fault… Just some more proof that I'm a fuck up for all the world to see…

“Come on lets get out of here.” I say shaking my head a little as I walked towards the front door… I just had to leave… I couldn’t be there another second… Everything I looked at was just a constant reminder of how screwed up my life had become…

“Elle where are we going?” Frankie asks me as I unlock my truck in the driveway.

“I don’t know.” I sigh a little as I put the key into the ignition… I just sat there for a few seconds… Not starting it. Just thinking…

“Well where do you want to go?” He says and I laughed a little.

“I wanna go home and crawl into bed, under my blanket, and just die.” I tell him and we both look up at the house. “But uh that’s not gonna happen.” I say and he smiles weakly at me.

“Elle its gonna be okay.” He says and I shake my head no and begin to cry again… I didn’t want to … I just couldn’t help myself… Everyone that I ever had was gone…and now everything… And I couldn’t even crawl into bed and hide from it…

“It’s karma Frankie.” I tell him as I wipe my eyes and start the truck up.

“What?” He says pulling his cigarettes from his pocket.

“Gerard tried to warn me not to hide from things.” I sniffle as I back the truck out roughly. Frankie just kinda looked at me unsteadily out of the corner of his eye… He wasn’t quite sure what I was talking about but I guess he figured it best not to ask cause we drove in silence for a while…

After circling the highway a few times quite pointlessly too Frankie suggested we go into a diner and get some coffee and breakfast. But I was so distracted that I missed the turn off. So we ended up in the next lot.

“You seriously are not gonna eat again!” I say as we got out of my truck and started cross the lot towards the diner’s door.

“Well sure I am didn’t you hear Mrs. P, I'm a growing boy.” He laughs as we go inside…

We sat at a booth kinda in the back. I ordered coffee. Frankie ordered coffee and some kinda super deluxe breakfast special…

“You really should get something to eat.” He tells me and I shake my head no. “No I'm serious Elle.” He tells me and I shrug as the waitress comes back to fill our cups. “What was the last thing you ate?” He asks me and I think back a little.

“Uh those bagels with Bob yesterday.” I tell him… Fuck that seemed like so long ago… I felt my eyes watering up again…

“Please don’t cry again Elle.” Frankie says and I fakely smile.

“I'm not.” I say and he bites his lip a little.

“I really wish you would eat.” He says and I sigh.

“I’ll just pick off your dish, you ordered plenty.” I tell him and he frowns. “Aw come on you cant eat all that crap.” I laugh.

"Yeah well if Gerard was here he'd make you eat." He says and I shrug. “Um I’ll be right back Ellie.” He says as he starts to get up.

“Where are you going?” I ask and he just looked at me like he wasn’t sure what to say…

“Bathroom?” He suggests.

“Frankie do not go call Gerard.” I say and he frowns.

“Elle.” He protests.

“No! Do not call him!” I say grabbing his arm and forcing him back down.

“Why not?!” Frankie cries out kinda loudly.

“Shhh!” I hiss at him. “First cause its fucking way to early and second cause… cause I can’t deal with it right now.” I say and Frankie makes a face.

“Elle.” He says like it’s the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.

“What if he tells me too bad?” I say and Frankie looks at me like I'm nuts. “No I'm serious Frankie what if he tells me too bad its over!” I say leaning my face forward into my hands.

“Come on!” He laughs.

“No I just… please. I’ll talk to him later.” I sigh and Frankie frowns and goes to get up again. "Frankie I swear to God don’t you go calling him -or else!" I threaten him.

"Or else what?" He smiles at me.

"I'll tell Chrissy what happened before." I say and Frankie laughed.

"Nothing happened Elle!" He says grinning at me.

"Mmm not the way I'm gonna tell it." I say and his face drops.

"Elle." He gasps.

"I’m not kidding Frankie!" I tell him waving my hand at him a little. "I can't deal with anything else right now." I sigh a little as I down the rest of the coffee in my cup.

"You'd lie to Chrissy!" He laughs.

"Uh fuck yeah!" I say and he laughs again.

"So do it." He shrugs getting up again. "She wont care." He says and I know he was lying...

"Well she might not, but Gerard sure will." I say and Frankie freezes.

"You wouldn't!" He gasps.

"Wouldn't I?" I reply and he sits back down like he was thinking about it. "He'll kick your ass Frankie." I say and Frankie smiles.

"Yours too." He says and I smile back.

"Yeah but he'd get over it when he finds out its not true." I shrug.

"Wait would you say I was good?" Frankie says arching his eyebrow up... Like that was the deciding factor... "I mean would you say I was better then him?" He grins at me.

"Ha!" I laugh sharply as the waitress comes back and fills out cups once again.

“You're food will be out shortly sweety.” She says to Frankie and he nods. “and uh this is for you.” She says putting a piece of cheesecake down in front of me.

“Cheesecake?” I say looking up at her totally confused.

“Mmm-hmm.” She says and I frown.

“I didn’t order cheesecake.” I tell her.

“I know.” She says smiling at me. “Its from that gentleman.” She tells me and now Frankie frowns too…

“What gentleman?” I ask her.

“That one over there.” She says pointing over at…