FicWad

“It’s a box.” I say cautiously and he nods. I just sat there frozen for a second.

“Well yes, its for you...” He says to me and I shifted in my chair a little unsteadily.

“That would make it ‘my box’.” I tell him. And it was funny cause I could hear myself saying the words but not believing them…

“Uh yes it would.” He says pushing the box across the desk closer to me as he stood to take off his suit jacket. He looked a little confused. I looked a little terrified.

“Where did it come from?” I ask him almost afraid to touch it… The whole thing made no sense! Mr. Samuel had my box How? Why?

“Elle is there something wrong?” He asks and I shook my head no as I reached for it…Curiosity getting the best of me...

“Mm what's in it?” I asked I opened it up.

“Its what you asked me about.” He says as I leant forward looking in.

“Oh my God!” I gasped. It was full of photographs of him and my mom and there were some letters that I knew were hers cause I recognized the writing immediately. And there was other stuff but I couldn’t say what it was cause I couldn’t see anymore. My eyes had welled up with tears at this point. “Where did you get this?” I managed to ask him as I pulled the box off the desk and into my arms protectively. I still couldnt believe it... It was like a dream come true. So many memories were in that box. And I know they werent mine. I mean these were things from my moms past. My moms past with Mr. Samuel. But I still felt like they would bring me closer to her. And I needed that so badly...

“I told you I was going to do some digging.” Mr. S says shrugging a little as he leant back in his chair looking up at the ceiling a little. I reached in the box and pulled one of the photos out and ran my fingertips over the image as he spoke. “I was going to uh..give them to you the other night…” He says and I blink the tears in my eyes away slightly and look over at him…He was pushing his sleeves up a little as he looked past me, lost in his own memories I suppose…

He meant that night of the dance…When he said he wanted me to come with him. That was why... He wasnt trying to kidnap me from Bob! He just wanted to give me this…privately.

“Oh Mr. S, I umm.” I stammered a little not sure of what to say. He kinda sighed a little and turned his eyes back on to me and I could see it… the hurt in his eyes. He really did love my mother. I just knew it. This was hurting him as much as it was hurting me. I wasnt quite sure of what to say anymore...

He slid his chair forward a little, propping his arms up on the desk slightly and I pulled the box against me tighter instinctively, I don’t know why though. It wasn’t like he was reaching for it or anything. I was just being possessive. I mean it was the only thing I had left of my mother… fuck. At this point it was the only thing I had left period!

“I was hoping maybe you had some things of hers as well to share with me.” He cleared his throat and I shook my head no. “Anything at all really, a memento, a photo, a stuffed animal. I think it would be healthy to um-” He paused a moment like he was at a loss for words. “To um, help you. We could really paint a picture of her life together.” He gestured with his arms. “But you need to bring in something as well ok?” He instructs me but I wasn’t really listening anymore.

Something had caught my eye. It was a tattoo on his forearm. Looked like and anchor with some writing under it… I had never seen it before. I guess cause he never rolled up his sleeves before. I squinted trying to make out the words and I guess he noticed.

“Semper Paratus.” He says and I make a face. “Always ready.” He adds and I still look at him blankly. What the fuck was he talking about. “It’s the coast guards motto.” He says lifting his arm slightly and I nod in understanding. He meant his tattoo…”I uh got a few back then.” He says and he turns his arm showing me another one that looked like a weird stamp shaped thing and another that looked like a panther or something higher up on his arm.

“You were in the coast guard.” I say and I guess it sounded like a question to him even though I didn’t mean it that way.

“Uh yeah I signed up right after high school. He tells me and I try not to roll my eyes. Truth be told I could care less about Mr. Samuel and his ‘coast guard career’…He gave me what I wanted. This box. These pictures… Now that I had them I had no need to talk to him ever again. I could go down and ask for a new consular. And I should… Except…

I don’t know…

As Mr. Samuel babbled on about the coast guard and all this nonsense I kinda felt like I would be betraying him… I mean I told him I’d let him ‘help’ me if he told me stuff about my mom and now he kept his end of the bargain and I'm gonna what… break mine? …fuck.

“So then after that I was stationed back in Long Island-“ I hear Mr. S say and I tried to tune back into the conversation.

“Oh.” I reply nodding like I was listening. He looked like he was about to say something else but I cut him off. “Can I keep this box?” I blurt out and he shifted in his chair slightly. “I mean you said it was mine right.” I say hugging it close to me and he smiled.

“Um yeah.” He shrugs. “I figured you could bring it home and look through it.” He says and my face dropped.

“Home.” I say softly and he frowned realizing what he had just said… I didn’t have a home anymore to bring it too…

“Elle you why dont you leave it here until-“ He tries to say and I shake my head no insistently.

“No I'm taking it with me.” I say determined not to let it go. I mean it was like I felt like if I let it go I would never get it back…

“Its not going to fit in your locker.” He says and I shrug.

“I’ll put it in my truck.” I say and he frowns.

“You're truck is here?” He asks confusion evident in his voice and I wince a little.

“Fuck its not! I got a flat at the diner.” I blurt out and he frowns at my language...”Sorry.” I tell him and he stands up and holds out his hands for me to give him the box back. I just sat there clutching it and not moving.

“Elle you can pick it up after school, after you get your truck.” He says and I reluctantly hand him the box back. “I’ll see you after school dear.” He says and I shrug as the bell rings… Study hall was over. I had successfully avoided Gerard… for now…

“Hey, can I get a late pass for math class.” I ask Mr. Samuel and he smiles.

“The bell just rung.” He says and I nod like I know. “Your math class isn’t going to start for a few minutes.” He tells me and I just continued to hold out my hand waiting for him to give me a late pass. “Your class is just down the hall, you have plenty of time!” He exclaims.

“And I'm telling you I'm going to be late.” I tell him very seriously and he laughs a little as he scribbled something on a piece of paper.

“I trust I will be seeing you later Elle.” He says smiling as he held it out to me.

“You can count on it Mr. S.” I smiled back… And as I took it, I couldn’t help but notice how very blue his eyes were…
“Mr. Samuel were you-“ I was about to ask him he was at the diner but I didn’t get a chance. The phone on his desk rang sharply and he reached over and picked it up without hesitation.

“This is Mr. Samuel.” He says into it and I frowned and folded my arms across my chest. “Ah yes go ahead.” He says into the phone picking up his pen off the desk and scribbling something down fiercely as I just stood there, watching him. I mean I was gonna wait for him to hang up. I wanted to know if he was the blue-eyed guy at the diner or not. He looked up and saw me still standing there and kinda made a face at me as he pulled the phone from his ear slightly.

“Elle don’t be late for class.” He tells me and I hold up his late pass.

“I have a pass.” I tell him and he smiles and waves his hand at me shooing me out the door. Whatever. I’ll just ask him later…

But something still didn’t feel right… I mean if it was Mr. S at the diner he would’ve said something to me. He would’ve come over and said something. I mean I was sitting with Frankie for crying out loud! Maybe if I was with Gerard he wouldn’t have… No, that’s not true. He had no problem coming up to me and Gerard that day in Dunkin Donuts… ‘oh Gerard’ I sighed to myself as I walked slowly down the hall. The bell had already rung and the hallway was pretty empty by now… I wonder if Gerard's even looking for me. I mean I'm trying to avoid him. He knows my schedule. He knows where I am. Or at least where I'm suppose to be, but what if he's not even looking…

I can feel myself getting upset at the thought…Fuck. ‘Hold it together Elle. Just ask Mikey…I mean you sit next to him in math class right?…right… So ask him… And stop talking to yourself!…fuck…’

I found myself suddenly walking quicker down the empty hall. I was suddenly determined to get to class, even if it only was to pry information from Mikey…

Sadly, when I walked in Mikey was not in his seat… He wasn’t over sharpening his pencil either, nor was he at the chalkboard…He was just nowhere. Fuck!

“Hey Laura where’s Mikey?” I ask her and she laughs.

“He's right behind you Elle.” She says and I look over my shoulder at Mikey coming into the room.

“You're late.” I tell him and he gives me the evilest look I've ever seen.

“Don’t even Elle, this is all your fault.” He says and I frown.

“How is it my fault you’re late to class.” I say trying not to laugh and he shakes his head a little as he collapses into his seat. He looked like hell…really he did.

“Gerard was up fucking half the night.” He says and I just looked at him. Was that good or was that bad? “He was pacing Elle.” Mikey says and I'm still not sure what that means for me…

“And that affected you how?” I say and he looks at me like I had got to be kidding. I shrugged a little and he made a face again.

“By the time he went to sleep it was time to get up!” He tells me and Laura. Laura nodded like she understood so I did too… “And then to wake him was like trying to wake the dead.” Mikey says a little exasperatedly and Laura giggled. He shot her a nasty look and she covered her mouth slightly.

“Aw Mikey. You should've just thrown some cold water on him.” Laura says and Mikey shook his head no.

“No Laura, I'm sorry but I kinda like having all my teeth in my head.” He tells her.

“Why,you’d make a good pumpkin.” I tell him and he wrinkles his face a little at me as I smiled.

“What?” He says and I repeat it.

“A pumpkin.” I tell him and he frowns. “You know those big orange things.” I say motioning in the air the approximate size of a pumpkin…

“Elle, I know what a pumpkin is! What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Mikey says and I shrug.

“Cause you know. I was just imaging you missing some teeth. You’d look like a jack-o-lantern.” I tell him and he rolls his eyes at me. “That’s what you do with pumpkins right?” I ask and Laura nods. “Oh and you can also make PIE!” I cry out and Laura laughs.

“Yeah you’d make a cute wittle pumpkin pie Mikey.” Laura teases him and I laugh.

“I'm glad you're in a good mood Elle!” Mikey tells me as he huffily pulled out his math notebook. “I had to listen to Gerard bitch the whole way here.” He says and I'm suddenly lost in the conversation again.

“About what?” I ask pulling out my own notebook now.

“About me not being able to wake him up!” Mikey whispers harshly at me as the teacher started the lesson.

“what?” I whisper back. I mean that hardly seemed fair. According to what Mikey just said. He did try to wake him up.

“Cause you know how he ditched out on you in study.” Mikey whispers back and I make a face.

“He ditched me in study?” I ask and Mikey looked at me funny. “I wasn’t in study.” I tell him. “I just got here too.” I say and Mikey looked like he was gonna ask me why but the teachers voice interrupted us.

“And you're going to be leaving Elle, if you don’t quiet down…Both of you.” She says and Mikey gives me a look like thanks a lot for getting me in trouble Elle. I just shrugged it off and tried to focus on the lesson but it was hard…

My mind kept wandering back to Gerard…He wasn’t avoiding me…He was actually looking for me… and that terrified me. What if I screw this up? …he's the last thing I have left in my life…I cant screw it up. I’d have nothing left…

I anxiously watched the clock ticking down…

I can’t do this…

I just can’t…

I just know he's gonna show up here after class! And what am I gonna say? Probably something stupid and end up pissing him off more… No. I need time. I need time to think…Think of what I'm gonna say. Think of what I'm gonna do…

There was only a few minutes left… Everyone started packing up their shit and I looked nervously at the door. It was like Mikey knew what I was thinking too…

“Elle you gotta talk to him.” He says and I frown.

“Says who?” I reply and he kinda smiled.

“You can’t avoid him.” He tells me and I look over and Laura nods in agreement.

“Oh yeah.” I reply raising my hand up and waving it slightly. “Just you watch it’s easy…”