FicWad

Bob was serious -dead serious. And I’d be lying if I said his words didn’t affect me… But I was just so tired of doubting Gerard. It seemed like that was all I was ever doing, and he would just prove me wrong time and time again… No there was no way he would get out of the car and confront him. Not after he fucking promised like that…

So that was it. I decided that he wouldn’t lie to me like that. Especially not after everything that had happened…He just wouldn’t… I knew he wouldn’t…and starting right now, I was gonna stop doubting him so much too.

“No Bob, he said it and I believe him.” I tell him firmly and he tried not to smirk at me. “But wait, what do you mean all the ‘lies’ he’s told?” I asked a little urgently. I mean he said ‘lies’… with an ‘s’ on the end. And that sorta implies that there was more shit I didn’t know... “Are you saying that he's been lying about something else besides the drugs?” I asked Bob keeping my eyes locked firmly on his. I mean if he looked away or refused to answer me then I’d know he was lying. That something was up… But he didn’t. He just looked right at me as he spoke. He was even a little outraged with me…

“What? Isn’t that enough!?” He tells me and I exhaled a sigh of relief. Ah thank goodness there was nothing else… but fuck -so much for my not doubting Gerard anymore… I shook my head a little as I looked up at Bob. He was waiting for me to say something but I didn’t know what.

“Bobby, I don't really know what to tell you okay?” I say to him and he frowned.

“You're not upset Elle?” He asks me and I shrugged.

“I mean I am, but I understand, and you should understand too.” I tell him and he scoffed at me.

“That’s crap Elle.” He muttered at me so I tried to explain it to him the best I could.

“Look you haven’t seen my finances Bob, my papers and shit.” I tell him and he raised his eyebrows up at me.

“You in some kinda trouble?” He asked and I shook my head no quickly. “You're not making ends meet?” He says like he was partially concerned and partially pissed that he didn’t know anything about it… Like if I was having money troubles then I should've went to him…Like what the hell he was gonna do! He was no better off financially then Gerard was…

“No, it’s the opposite.” I tell him and he looked at me a little confused. “I have too much Bob and I guess for some reason he thought like that he had to match it or something… I don't know.” I sighed a little as Bob continued to frown. I mean what the fuck. I would’ve thought if anybody would understand foolish male pride it would be Bob.

“That’s a fucking crap reason Elle.” He mutters at me once more and I shrugged.

“Well, whatever.” I replied. “I'm just saying I understand and it’s not his fault.” I added weakly.

“Holy shit Elle, if you say its your fault I'm gonna knock you on your ass.” Bob tells me waving his finger at me and I frowned. I mean I was totally gonna say that –cause first of all it was true! It was my fault, but more importantly I think Bob just threatened me!

“Wait did you just say your gonna hit me?” I say to him a little confused as I stepped back from him and he sorta smiled a little.

“Naw Elle, I said I’d knock you down.” He corrects me. And I guess he was kidding but I didn’t get it at first. I think he knew this too cause he sorta chuckled a little as I looked at him in shock taking another step back from him. “Ah come on honey. I’d never knock you down, not like Gee did.” He says and I sighed a little exasperatedly. Holy shit, he was never gonna let that go!

“Gerard did not knock me down!” I tell him for like the millionth time. “I tripped on the step Bob.” I added and he shrugged like he didn’t want to hear it. He had made up his mind about what had happened that day, or what he thought had happened that day and he wasn’t gonna change his mind about it… not ever. And the weird part about it was that he still seemed to be pissed about it too.

“I just don't get how you can be so forgiving Elle.” He says to me like I was disappointing him and I took a deep breath as I looked up at him.

“Why do we have to talk about this now hmm?” I asked him and he smirked. “Like right now Bobby? I thought you said later!” I cried out and he just looked down at me. I mean he did say later. “And ‘later’ means ‘never’” I tell him and he laughed… at least later means never when Gerard says it…

“Well see cause I told you this morning that we would talk ‘later’ and now it’s ‘later’.” He says and I frowned… “And unlike him-“ He scoffed obviously referring to my Gerard. “Unlike him, I always keep my promises to you honey.” He added and I lowered my eyes down from him.

“Just stop Bobby.” I tell him softly but he wouldn’t. I hated to hear him talk about Gerard like that.

“He fucking lied to you.” He cried out loudly and I nodded. And it was true. He did… No matter what his reasons were, he did lie to me and I couldn’t deny it.

“Yeah and you know what -I could say the same thing about you Bob.” I tell him lifting my eyes back up to him roughly.

“What?” He sorta gasped.

“You lied to me too.” I pointed out and he frowned. “I mean you knew what he was doing! Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him and he licked his lips a little as he looked at me.

“Wasn’t my place.” He says and I rolled my eyes at him.

“That’s bullshit Bobby, you're my friend!” I tell him and I could feel myself getting slightly upset with him. “You're my fucking husband.” I tell him as I poked him in the chest. I was getting so angry with him all of a sudden. “Doesn’t that fucking mean anything to you?” I say and he grabbed my hand in his.

“Means more then you know Elle.” He says and I narrowed my eyes at him. He seemed sincere but I don't know… I mean that’s what was throwing me off. How could he care but yet not care…

“Then I don't understand.” I tell him weakly and he looked at me like he wanted to say something but he wouldn’t.

“I promised I wouldn’t come between you two.” He says and he shifted his eyes from me. And I could tell he wasn’t telling me everything…

“To who?” I cried out. “You keep saying that! Who did you say that to –certainly not me.” I tell him and he shrugged. “You told that to Gerard?” I asked him and he nodded weakly. I just looked at him as I tried to sort the thoughts in my head. “I don’t understand why the fuck you would tell Gerard that.” I tell him and he just looked at me.

“You really don't know.” He says as he scuffed his boot along the pavement… I lowered my eyes down too as I watched him…I mean I sorta did know. I know Gerard was pissed about how Lia was interfering between us, so maybe this was kinda the same?

“This is cause of Lia?” I say and he looked at me like what the hell I was talking about. “Cause of how she would interfere, you said you wouldn’t.” I tell him and he didn’t answer me. “But you did – so what does that make your word?” I tell him and I guess it came off like me sounding unappreciative but I wasn’t… I was just trying to make a point… He and Gerard were more similar then he was admitting.

“My word?” He said loudly, tensing up suddenly.

“You know what I'm saying Bob.” I try to smooth it over a little.

“No Elle, you wanna know what I said.” He tells me and I just silently looked at him. I did! I did wanna know what he said… “I said that I would stay out of it.” He says wagging his finger at me once more. The ‘it’ being me and Gerard. “But that if he fucking hurt you I’d hurt him back.” He says and I sorta smiled. “He knocked you down – I knocked him down.” He says and I rolled my eyes at him. “He makes you cry Elle. I promise you I will make him cry too.” He says and I had had enough.

“Okay Bobby please.” I tell him and he sorta smiled at my smile. And I was trying not to smile, I mean I didn’t want him to think that I was condoning this. It was just his logic was so damn amusing to me…

“I mean it Elle.” He says reaching over and tapping the tip of my nose lightly as he made his point and I laughed.

“Ah Bobby, I bet if I had an older brother he’d be just like you.” I tell him and he looked a little thrown off.

“You think I'm like your brother?” He says and I giggled.

“Well I guess, I don't really know.” I tell him and he sorta smiled too but it wasn’t his usual smile. I mean it wasn’t the one he always gives me…

“Wow.” He sorta mumbled to himself and I got the feeling like I had hurt him some how.

“I didn’t mean it like badly Bob.” I tell him and he swallowed a little but didn’t say anything. “I mean you’re like my brother, and my father, and my husband, and my friend.” I tell him and he sorta nodded. “I mean you're like everything to me.” I tell him and he smiled at me once more, but this time it was his normal smile. “You have no idea how much your opinion means to me.” I tell him and he nodded. “So if you think that I'm making a mistake with Gerard Bobby.” I added anxiously and he took a breath before answering me.

“I never said that Elle.” He tells me and I bit my lip a little as I looked at him.

“Yeah but if you think I'm wrong for forgiving him.” I say and he leant his head forward and scratched at the back of his neck so he wouldn’t have to look at me. “If you think I'm wrong and you think I should break up with him, then tell me and I will.” I say and he looked at me like he didn’t really believe me… “No I mean it Bob, that’s how much your opinion means to me.” I tell him and he sorta shifted his eyes around like he was considering what to say…

“You mean that?” He says and I nodded.

“Yeah Bobby, you tell me to and I will.” I say to him and he licked his lips a little as he looked me over.

“Okay honey, you want the truth here’s what I think you should do…”

Bob was halfway through his sentence when he paused.

“What? You think what?” I said eagerly and he didn’t say anything at first. Just looked me over a little, sorta like he did to Sinatra, like he was sizing me up. I guess trying to see if I was sincere.

“You’d really leave him?” He says lowering his voice a little as he leaned towards me and I widened my eyes at him in disbelief.

“That’s what you were gonna say?” I asked softly, swallowing my tears back the best I could.

“No I didn’t say that.” He corrects me and I exhaled a little relived.

“So you don't think that?” I try to reason and he shook his head no.

“I didn’t say that either.” He says and my mood shifted once more. I mean what the fuck?!

“So what the hell are you saying Bob?!” I cried out as I tossed my hands up in the air in frustration and he looked at me like he didn’t know why I was getting so worked up.

“Honey.” He says in what I assume was some kinda effort on his part to soothe me but it only pissed me off more.

“No Bob… fucking tell me.” I demand and he smiled at me a little amused.

“Bossy now aren’t we?” He teases me but I wasn’t in the mood for his shit and I guess he could tell cause I kinda glared at him a little and he stopped smiling “Does it matter what I think?” He says and I nodded.

“Of course it matters to me what you think!” I tell him insistently.

“Yeah but you’d really do what I say?” He asks me and I found myself looking at the floor suddenly. “You’d leave him if I said?” He says and I tried to innocently look back up at him.

“No.” I said weakly and he smiled.

“Well why’d you say it?” He says grinning a little at me. It was like he knew I didn’t mean it and he knew why I said it too, he just wanted me to say it.

“Cause.” I tell him as I lowered my eyes back down to the pavement. I felt like a little kid getting scolded for stealing a cookie from the cookie jar or some shit…

“Elle.” He says sternly like I had to answer him…or else.

“I just wanted to know what you thought okay?” I tell him lifting my eyes back up to him. “I lied. Okay. I'm sorry.” I say trying not to get hysterical but it wasn’t working so well.

“Honey don't get all bent out of shape.” He says and I sniffled back my tears.

“No, I lied.” I tell him and he sorta smiled. “And this isn’t the first time.” I tell him and he raised his eyebrow up at me. “I lied twice yesterday and this makes it like THREE times.” I tell him and he laughed. “Its not funny Bobby. I'm horrible. You must hate me.” I tell him and he wrapped his arm around me.

“Naw honey. I could never hate you.” He says squeezing me against him and I just looked up at him a little pathetically.

“I still felt like shit Bobby.” I tell him. “I mean I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me lately, lying like that.” I tell him and he smiled a little. “What’s next hmm? stealing? cheating?” I ask him and he dropped his arm from me.

“Stop over thinking shit Elle.” He tells me and I rolled my eyes a little. Usually people tell me the opposite – that I need to think more, not less… “I told you its alright.” He says and my eyes lit up a little.

“Cause you forgive me right?” I say and he got this look on his face like oh shit… “Cause you love me right?” I taunt him. “That’s what you do when you love someone – you forgive them.” I tell him proudly and he chuckled at me.

“You set me up?” He says and I looked at him a little surprised. I mean I wasn’t, I didn’t! I just saw an opportunity and took it. But I was sorta pleased with the fact that Bob thought I was capable of doing such a thing… I was just so use to people treating me like I was some dumb blonde all the time when my hair is obviously brown…

“So you're not gonna tell me what you think?” I asked him changing the subject back and he just smiled and didn’t say anything as he reached over and fussed with the button on my coat like Gerard usually does.

“Come on lets go in.” He says and I shook my head no.

“No Gerard should be back any second. I wanna wait here.” I tell him and he made a face as he glanced over at the road… The cops were long gone now. We could’ve stood there all day and not have been bothered any but I knew what Bob was getting at. I mean if Gerard wasn’t back by now that meant he did catch up to the guy and fuck knows where he was ‘following’ him to… Probably the city and that was like two hours away from here…. Shit, he wasn’t gonna be back for a long time. There was no way I was gonna be able to stand out in the cold that whole time.

“You look cold honey.” He says and I shrugged. I was cold… Ever since he’d dropped his arm from me I felt myself getting colder and colder by the second.

“I'm really not.” I tell him lying through my now chattering teeth. He wanted to go in but I didnt. “I just wanna know what you think. Please, that’s all just tell me and we can go in.” I tell him once more and he sorta sighed a little.

“It wont make a difference Elle.” He says and I knew he was right but I still wanted to know.

“You know, I’d die with out him.” I declared and Bob smiled like I was talking shit. “No I'm serious I can’t live without being near him.” I tell him insistently and he made a face as he reached over and lifted my arm up slightly. He pulled my sleeve up and pressed his fingers against my wrist. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked him a little confused.

“I'm checking to see if you have a pulse.” He says and I scrunched my face at him. “He's not here right now- so you should be dead.” He teased me and I tried not to smile as I went to pull my wrist back from him but he wouldn’t let it go. I mean he had grabbed my left hand and he was sort of looking over the stitches, well it was really just a scar now. I usually wouldn’t let anybody see my hand like that since I was still real protective over it, almost defensive to a point. But I didn’t mind Bob looking at it…

“You're mocking me Bob and I'm being serious I need him.” I tell him as he examined my wrist…I guess he was evaluating how well it healed or something. I don't know… I really wasn’t sure what he was thinking…

He kinda muttered something like ‘you have me.’ Or ‘you’ll always have me’. I wasn’t really sure. I was spacing out myself a little now as I looked at my scar. He sorta ran his finger down it, like Gerard sometimes does. And on impulse I just spoke with out thinking, blurting out a thought that just popped into my head…

“You know I don't think I've slept alone since-“ I say nodding towards my wrist and he sorta frowned as he looked at me. “I don't know if I even can.” I added and Bob’s expression suddenly changed.

“Elle is that why you stay with him? Cause you think you need him?” He says and I swallowed back my tears.

“No I know I need him Bob, but that’s not the only-“ I try to say but he wouldn’t let me talk.

“Elle you shouldn’t stay with him cause you're scared.” He says and I shook my head in disagreement.

“That’s not what I meant.” I tell him. “And I'm not scared.” I added but I know he knew I was lying. “Look I know I depend on him a lot Bob, but I really do love him. Nothing else could make me happy like that.” I tell him and he rolled his eyes at me.

“Elle come on that’s bullshit.” He says and I frowned a little.

“So you're saying you think I should break up with him?” I asked suddenly feeling very panic stricken…

“No I didn’t say that.” Bob says sidestepping my question once more. “I'm saying that its ridiculous to say that he's the only thing that can make you happy.” He says and I shook my head in disagreement.

“No its true Bob.” I insisted and he nodded towards the aquariums doors.

“Come with me honey and I can show you a good time.” He says to me and I looked at him a bit confused… What the hell was he talking about? show me a good time? I mean the only time I've heard anyone say that was usually like those creepy old guys on the boardwalk, that would grab their crotch and leer at you as you went by. oh come here honey I’ll show you a good time…

“What the hell Bob?” I sort of gasped at him.

“In the aquarium.” He says nodding to it once more and I shook my head no… I mean what the fuck was wrong with him. I sorta stepped back from him slightly.

“uhhh.” I stammered at him and I guess he could tell by my expression what I thought he meant cause he sorta chuckled at me.

“I didn’t mean it like that honey.” He says and I bit my lip a little in embarrassment. Of course Bob didn’t mean it like that. What the hell is wrong with me sometimes…

“Well still, I think we should wait out here.” I tell him and he shook his head no in disagreement.

“Naw its too fucking cold out, and Gerard's obviously not coming right back.” He says and I frowned… Once more he made it like Gerard was up to something… “Come on lemme show you you can have a good time with out him.” He says as he started dragging me towards the doors.

“I never said I ‘couldn’t’ cause I know I can, it just wont be as good with out him.” I tried to explain to him but he just ignored me… I mean he made up his mind and that was that. Fuck, he was just as stubborn as Gerard was sometimes, I swear…

“Elle you spend the day with me, you, and Bernie and then you tell me it wasn’t as good.” He says and I make a face at him as we go inside.

“Who the hell is Bernie?” I asked and he shrugged at me.

“The penguin -no?” He says and I giggled.

“Aw no my penguins name is Burt.” I tell him and he smiled.

“Oh Burt… and Burt’s ‘your penguin’.” He teased me but I looked back at him very seriously, I wasn’t kidding around, he was mine…

“Um yeah I adopted him years ago.” I tell him and he sorta looked at me like I was full of it. “I did! They have this thing where you can send so much money in every month to like help take care of him.” I sorta explained to him and he smiled at me as he paid for our admission to get in… “What? You’ve never heard of it? Its like being a sponsor.” I tell him and he shrugged a little amused…

“I know what you mean.” He tells me but he was still kinda smiling at something, so I looked at him to go on... “Its just that people usually ‘sponsor’ a kid in some third world country Elle, not a fucking penguin in the aquarium.” He says as we started down the hallway.

“Oh I do that to.” I tell him and he looked at me a little surprised.

“You do?” He says and I nodded.

“Um yeah his names Pedro.” I tell him proudly and he smiled.

“I didn’t know that either.” He says and I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to yet again put in a good word for Gerard….

“Well yeah, I mean I told you that you don't really know what my finances look like.” I begin to tell him and he smirked at me.

“Ah I knew you were gonna throw that in.” He said and I smiled back at him…

“Well, that’s cause you know me too well.” I teased him, nudging his arm lightly.

“Well you must not know me well enough honey.” He says nudging me back as we walked towards the penguins display. “Fuck, if you think that I’m gonna believe that Gerard's been selling that shit just so he can send the money to some third world orphan Elle...” He tells me and I tried not to smile but it was kinda funny…

“I'm just saying like that he-“ I try to say and Bob hold his hand up for me to stop talking so I do.

“You know what, lets just not talk about him anymore today.” He says and I sorta made a face at him.

“What?” I laughed but he was serious.

”No I'm serious Elle, Today will just be about me and you.” He says as he took my hand in his and I laughed once more. “What? Is it wrong for me to want to spend a day with my beautiful wife and not talk about her boyfriend?” He says as we approached the large glass window that over looked the penguins’ mini-world.

“Ah you're such a sweet talker Bob, no wonder why you get all the girls.” I teased him back and he sorta smiled as he looked over through the window…

There must’ve been like 20 penguins in there… All just going about their business, not a care in the world either… I mean some were swimming and others were just standing around a rock sorta chilling… It was cause they were safe behind the glass, and I think they knew it too. I mean they didn’t have to worry about a bear coming and eating them, or whatever kinda animal it is that eats penguins. Fuck, I should ask the zookeeper person that while we’re here…But whatever. They were safe and they were protected and they were loved immensely and I was so freaking jealous of them…

“Fuck being a hippo, I wanna be a penguin.” I tell Bob and he laughed. “Ooh look there’s Burt!” I tell him pointing over at him and Bob was sorta looking at the tank like he couldn’t pick him out.

“Which one is Burt?” He says and I tried to point him out once more…

“Fuck he's right there Bob, don't you see him? He’s the black and white one…” I tell him and he laughed.

“Shit Elle they're all black and white.” He replied and I frowned.

“He's standing up.” I tell him and he rolled his eyes a little. I mean they were all standing. “mmm.” I scrunched my face a little as I stared at Burt. I was trying to find some kinda distinguishing feature on him…”He's got-“ I go to say and Bob laughed.

“Wings?” He offered and I nodded and smiled back at him.

“So you see him?” I asked eagerly and Bob laughed.

“Uh no…” He tells me and as he said it Burt leapt into the water and I squealed in delight.

“Look he's in the water!” I cried out and I pointed at him as he swam to the other side.

“Ohhh.” Bob sorta shrugged as we watched him get out… Well I was watching him, but Bob seemed to be watching me watching him…

“You're missing it.” I tell him nudging him to look back at the window, which he did. “Shit, I could sit here all day.” I tell him as I leant against him and he wrapped his arm around me tightly.

“Yeah me too honey.” He says and I looked at him a little surprised. I mean who knew he would’ve liked the penguins that much. “So that’s all they have here?” He says and I was thrown off once again… I guess he didn’t like the penguins as much as I thought…

“Oh uh no, they have seals, and fish and some sharks. I tell him but I sorta whispered the shark part at him…

“sharks?” He whispered back and I nodded. “mmm why are we whispering Elle?” He says softly and I glanced around a little. “You scared of the sharks? That they're gonna bite ya?” He tells me and as he says it he reached over and tapped the tip of my nose again.

“Ah!” I cried out swatting his hand away. “No they're in tanks Bob, how could they bite you like that?” I tell him like he was being stupid and he smiled.

“Then what?” He says and I swallowed a little nervously.

“Its just… “ I stammered a little and he nodded for me to go on. “Its just the shark hallway is REAL dark.” I tell him and he smiled.

“Well then you’ll just have to stay REAL close to me.” He declared and he wrapped his arms around me from behind and started pushing me in the direction of the sharks…

I almost told him no… I mean I never go down the shark hall. It wasn’t really pitch black, but it was dark…. I had asked one time too, like why it was so dark and they gave me some bullshit excuse about it being better for the fish but I don't know…

The whole time I kept myself as close to Bob as humanly possible. I felt bad too you know, I hated being so needy like that. But I think he liked the sharks more then the penguins cause we spent a lot more time in there looking at them then we did in front of the penguin tank…

There was only one more section left, the one with like the regular fish and shit, we kinda went through it quickly and ended up back in front of the penguins once more…

“Maybe we should get something for lunch?” Bob suggested and I nodded but before I could answer him back I spotted Gerard by the doorway.

“Gerard!” I sorta gasped and Bob looked over his shoulder at him. He mumbled something like already, or I don't know cause once I saw him I went running towards him and I couldn’t hear him so well anymore.

“Hey baby.” Gerard said as I leapt into his arms. I was so relieved to see him. And he was all in one piece no less!

“Mmm.” I mumbled into his mouth as I kissed him.

“So what happened?” I hear Bob say from behind me. “You lost him or what?” He says and Gerard shook his head no.

“No you wont believe where he went…”