FicWad

His voice was suddenly serious again and I felt my heart flutter in anticipation. It was gonna be about Jade… I just knew it. He was gonna fess up to fucking her or something and my world was just gonna come crashing down and I didn’t want to hear it. I mean things were just starting to turn right again for me… for us…

“No, don't.” I tell him pulling the door open swiftly. “I don't want to know.” I tell him and he made a face as he reached around me and pushed it shut.

“You what?” He says like he didn’t know you could do that… Like if you say you don't wanna talk the other person has to respect it.

“I don't want to know.” I tell him slowly and he sorta smiled like my words amused him. “Seriously, if it’s about Jade - then I don't wanna know.” I added and he arched his eyebrows up at me.

“Jade?” He says like he's never heard of the skank. “Who’s talking about Jade?” He says raising his voice to match his eyebrows so I raised mine too to match.

“I am.” I declared and he frowned.

“Why.” He cried out but it wasn’t really a question… more like an accusation.

“Gerard… just…” I sighed as I lowered my eyes down from him. “Promise me nothing happened.” I say weakly and he reached over and lifted my chin back up.

“Elle.” He says like he was taking pity on me.

“Just tell me again, tell me I'm crazy, tell me nothing happened! Fucking tell me I'm the only one for you.” I say to him and he reached down and lifted my hand up to my face.

“I thought I just did.” He tells me nodding to the ring on my finger and I just stared at it sadly for a second… “Fuck, you’re never gonna let this go are you?” He says and I pouted a little looking back up at him. “No, I know you Elle.” He says shaking his head at me. “Is this gonna be something that six months from now I'm gonna find you crying in the corner about?” He asks me and I swallowed a little uneasily.

“No…” I tell him weakly but I don't know that he believed me… “But I don't wanna find out six months from now that something did happen and you just didn’t wanna tell me.” I tell him flipping it back around on him and he sighed a little “Promise me I wont Gerard, promise me it’s never gonna happen! That in six months I won’t be crying about this.” I tell him and he didn’t answer me… not a fucking word. Just gave me that blank stare of his… “But no…you wont do that will you? Cause you don't make promises like that!” I tell him bitterly. I wanted him to reassure me and he wouldn’t… Instead he just grabbed my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

“I love you Elle, isn’t that enough for you?” He says softly and I just stared into his eyes. He did love me… I was sure of it…Shit… why do I always have to fucking doubt him! I had to let this go… I couldn’t hold it over his head forever… I decided then and there that I was never gonna bring the name ‘Jade’ up ever again. If he said nothing happened - then it didn’t. I will trust him and I will trust my love for him and his for me until someone shows me proof otherwise. I mean I committed myself to him when I took his ring and that was that…

“Yeah Gerard…” I tell him looking deep into his eyes. “It’s more then enough for me.” I added and he smiled slightly before lightly kissing my lips.

“Good.” He replied and I smiled at him.

“Okay then let’s go.” I tell him reaching for the door but he stopped me once more.

“Wait I wanted to ask you, did you talk to Lia at all?” He says and I scrunched my face slightly.

“Lia?” I said caught totally off guard. He wanted to fucking talk about Lia?

“Yeah you know Lia.” He says teasingly. “Psycho bitch, about this tall.” He tells me holding his hand up at about her height and I smacked it down lightly.

“Gerard stop!” I scolded him and he laughed. “I'm serious, don't go calling her names, its not nice.” I tell him and he stopped laughing for a second and looked at me like I was being way too serious.

“Elle.” He says and I folded my arms across my chest and looked at him challengingly. “Did you talk to her?” He says shifting back to serious mode himself now.

“Umm no… not really.” I tell him and he sorta arched his eyebrows up like he didn’t believe me. “I mean I did, but not like anything big.” I try to clarify. “She came over real early to like get her shit to bring to Mr S’s or some thing I don't know.” I tell him and he pressed his lips together like he was thinking about something.

“Did she apologize to you?” He asks me and I made a face in response.

“Why would she?” I replied and he widened his eyes at me.

“You're kidding.” He says and I looked at him blankly… I mean I don't think I was kidding…why would he think I was kidding. “Fuck you didn’t apologize to her did you!” He says and I shook my head no, remembering how he yelled at me not to…

“No, I didn’t, I swear.” I tell him. “And I'm not going to.” I added and he nodded approvingly. “But you know she's not going to either.” I tell him, and I know he didn’t wanna hear it but I had to tell him anyway... “I mean that’s the way it is with us, she's like my fucking sister you know? We talk and we bitch and we fight and then…” I say my voice trailing off.

“Then what?” He asks and I shrugged.

“Then nothing… I mean we don't talk for a while and then when we do we both just sorta ignore it.” I tell him and he scoffed at me. “I'm sorry Gerard, but that’s the way it is with her.” I tried to explain.

“You know what? Just get dressed so we can get the fuck out of here.” He tells me a little annoyed. I mean I know he doesn’t approve of my relationship with Lia… He doesn’t understand it -he doesn’t even want to try to understand it! And I know it frustrates him, but as much as I didn’t want to upset him… I still wanted to talk to Lia…

“Gerard, I really wanna talk to her.” I tell him and I could see him tense up a little.… “About Sinatra!” I added quickly. “I mean she's gotta know who he is! If he went to their house and all.” I pointed out and he sighed a little. I mean I know he knew I was right, he just didn’t want to admit it, that like we needed Lia’s help…”Come on baby, just a few minutes hmm?’ I say sweetly and he rolled his eyes a little.

“Okay fine, just talk and dress okay?” He says and I nodded as he opened back up the bathroom door. Brian was kinda standing there to waiting. I think he wanted to talk to Gerard.

“You guys okay?” He says shifting his eyes between us.

“Umm yeah.” I replied uneasily. I mean I wasn’t sure what was up with his concern, if he was just being polite or if he really cared…

“You got a hold of Jay yet?” Gerard says to him and Brian shook his head a little.

“Naw man, the phone’s not working.” Brian replied and I looked down at the floor guiltily.

“Mmm yeah, that’s my fault sorry…” I tell him stepping around Gerard to go into Crystal’s room. Crystal wasn’t there anymore, I think she left for school or something, but Lia was still there, she looked almost done packing too… Fuck. How long was Gerard and I in the bathroom for? I reached in the drawer and took the phone out and handed it over to Brian. “Sorry.” I sorta mumbled as he frowned at it. I think the battery was dead… or near dead. Brian took the phone and disappeared down the hall with it. Gerard just stood in the doorway…

“So what were you fucking him in the bathroom?” Lia says to me and I made a face at her.

“What?” I gasped.

“The noise.” She says glancing over at Gerard. “I told Brian you were either fucking him or he was beating the shit out you.” She says laughing a little and I rolled my eyes at her. “Or maybe it was a little of both, I know you're into that kinky shit.” She teased me and I swatted at her as she laughed.

“Cut it out Li.” I tell her and she shrugged. I mean I knew what she was doing. Her teasing me like that was her way of saying she was sorry, that she still loved me and shit… And my letting her do it, was my way of saying were okay again…


“Whatever.” She says glancing around the room at all the stuff she had piled up.

“You bringing this to Mr-” I started to say and then back tracked a little. I was going to say Mr Samuel, but it was unlikely Lia called him that like I did… “To um Johns?” I stammered and Gerard coughed loudly.

But it wasn’t really a cough. It was some kinda obscenity about John Samuel he was trying to cover up.

“You may wanna keep your comments to yourself over there Gerard.” Lia tells him trying to keep her bitchiness in check but doing a poor job of it…

“Whatever.” Gerard replied biting his tongue and I just felt so proud of him all of a sudden! I mean I know it took a lot of will power on his part to not reply back nastily to her. He was using his self-control, something he wasn’t doing often lately and I was proud of him…

“And no Elle. Im not.” Lia shifted a little as she spoke. “We um broke up.” She shrugged like she could care less but I knew her. Lia didn’t ‘break up’ with people. If she ended it with him shed be sitting here carrying on about what an ass he is, smirking about it actually. And she wasn’t. Which only meant one thing.

“Oh god Li, he dumped you?” I found myself asking gently. Gerard was more abrasive in his response however.

“What hes moving on to middle school girls now, found someone more underdeveloped then you?” He smirked and my jaw dropped open a little. So much for his self-control… I didn’t even get a chance to scold him cause Lia answered right back with out missing a beat.

“This is your fault!” She yelled accusingly towards him. “This is cause of you and her and that night.” She started carrying on. Apparently Lia did leave the club that night with John. But they didn’t go back to his house. They got a room in Atlantic city and the next morning John told her he was going for some smokes and never came back. Just ditched her in Atlantic city. Lia wasn’t very clear on how she made it a hundred miles back with no money but shes a resourceful girl. Like a cat she always lands on her feet. And like a cat shes not afraid to use her claws. As she carried on with her story it was clear she was looking to dig those claws deep into John Samuel now.

But she couldn’t find him. She went to his house and it was empty. Not empty empty but empty. Sort of like how Gerard explained when he went looking for Brutus. Stuff missing like someone left in a hurry.

It didn’t make any sense to me. I mean Mr S quit voluntarily. He wasn’t fired. He wasn’t arrested. What would freak him out and make him take off like that? Lia didn’t have a clue either. She did say he talked to a few guys in Atlantic city when they got there, but she didn’t quite hear what they were saying and it was definitely no one she recognized.

I did my best to try to describe Slim and the blue eyed dude to her. I don’t know if I was hoping she would identify them or not but it didn’t matter because our conversation was just going in circles.

I asked her what the guys nose looked like and she responded like a regular nose. Regular ears, regular hair, regular height, just regular everything.

“I wish there was some way for you too see what I see in my head Lia.” I found myself sighing. “You know so you could tell me if it’s the same guy or not.”

“Like a picture?” She smiled and I did too. And just like that the idea hit me. I could draw a picture and show her! But wait, I was a crappy artist. It was like Gerard could read my mind cause as soon as I turned to him he shook his head no.

“Im not drawing a picture.” He barely looked up at me. He was just about finished packing up all the drugs and money back into the duffel bag. Lia had dumped it all out while we were in the bathroom.

“Gerard.” I pouted and he sorta rolled his eyes a little before giving me the response I already expected.

“Well talk about it later.” He says zippering the bag up as Brian came back into the room now.

“Ok fine.” I tell him rather calmly and he looked at me curiously. I guess that wasn’t the response he was expecting. “I mean we’ll have plenty of time to talk about it since Lias coming with us.” I announced and simultaneously they both shook their heads no.

“I found a place to go Elle.” Lia tells me and I just stared at her like I didn’t believe her. “Im serious I met this guy on the way home and…” Her voice trailed off and I frowned.

“See.” Gerard tried not to smile. He didn’t want Lia coming with us. But I did. She was my friend. I was always going to be there if she needed me. Bad blood between us or not. In my heart she was still my blood.

“I just came to get my stuff.” Lia sighed and reached for the duffel bag on the bed casually and Brian snickered. Lia was gonna take it. She knew I didn’t fucking want it and could care less what happened to it. Hell, if I had to take it I would but I would bury it in the yard. Or maybe throw it into the Hudson.

“Whoa.” Brian sorta stopped her and it took me a second to realize why. I told him last night he could have it. “Elle.” He says and I shifted my eyes to Gerard for some sorta help.

“I guess we’ll divide it up.” He shrugged like it was a fair compromise.

“I don’t want it!” I cried out fiercely. “Im serious I don’t need any more bad karma.-fucking dirty money” I threw my hands up the air and they all sorta smiled at me. Like I was being silly. Like my destiny was already carved in stone somewhere so it didn’t matter but I refused to believe that was true..

Gerard looked like he was going to say something but didn’t get the chance. There was a pounding on the front door suddenly. Not like a knock knock whos there. But like a you got two seconds to open the door pounding.

Brian made a face and went to go answer it. Gerard followed him so I followed Gerard. Lia stayed in the bedroom. Probably to start sorting her share of the drugs out.

I couldn’t see who was at the door, but I could hear them as they said-

“Were looking for Elle Waller…”