FicWad

“I didn’t fucking touch her Way!” Brian tells him tossing his hands up the air as he stepped back slightly.

“Gerard please! He's telling the truth.” I tell him tugging his arm once more and he sorta relaxed a little. Lia just giggled to herself again. She was obviously pleased with the drama she was causing.

“Yeah, he is telling the truth Gee, It wasn’t Brian’s bed I found her in!” Lia says looking over at Crystal.

“Lia stop!” Crystal yelled out scolding her. “No one fucked anyone last night okay?” Crystal tells Gerard as she looked over at Lia with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

“No Gerard did.” I said snidely as I stepped back from him a little further.

“Elle, that’s not true.” He kinda sighed but I ignored him and kept talking…

“He fucked me. Fucked me over big time.” I tell them and Brian must’ve taken that as he cue to leave cause he disappeared from the doorway. “You lied to me Gerard. I hadn’t even forgiven you for the first lie and you lied to me again.” I tell him and he looked down at the floor a little shamed.

“You said you were okay with that shit.” He says softly and I frowned.

“Well then I must’ve been lying too cause I'm not… not really.” I tell him honestly. “I guess you're rubbing off on me huh?” I tell him and he started to smile but quickly stopped himself.

“Lying about what?” Lia interrupts us and I glanced over at her. She didn’t know what we were talking about. I mean I hadn’t talked to Lia in a while…

“Mr. fucking big over here decided to start running shit with Teddy” I cried out and Lia gasped a little. I mean she literally covered her mouth and made that gasping sound. Crystal lowered her eyes down and pretended to look away.

“Elle!” Gerard hissed at me like what the hell was I saying that shit in front of Crystal for…

“No, Gerard - Crystal knows, Brian too!” I tell him and he widened his eyes at me. “I told them both last night Gerard and you know what Brian told me?” I tell him and he sorta looked at me funny. I mean I know he wasn’t happy I ‘outed’ him to Brian, but whatever… “He told me that Jay’s been running shit with teddy too.” I tell him and he looked at me a little confused “In fact Teddy just went on a run for him to Florida” I added and Gerard arched his eyebrows up at me.

“What?” He says and I nodded.

“Mm hmm see!” I tell him grabbing Will’s duffel bag off the floor and unzippering it slightly. I wasn’t gonna dump it all out on the bed again. It was just enough so he could see in. Lia peeked in too.

“Oooh” She sorta cooed at it.

“Lia stop!” I swatted at her hand as she tried to reach in. “This is Wills’ bag. Will is Teddy.” I announced and Lia sorta made a face. “I mean he's pretending to be Teddy, with Jay at least.” I shrugged.

“I'm gonna kill him.” Gerard mumbles and I frowned.

“No you know what?” I say to him. “You are not gonna do anything - cause we are so over.” I tell him tossing my hand up in the air and he just looked at me pathetically.

“Elle, can we talk please?” He says brushing the hair from my face and I shivered under his touch.

“Talk.” I tell him and he looked over at Lia and frowned.

“Alone?” He says and now I frowned. “Please baby?” He added and I glanced over at Lia who was ignoring us now, I mean she was shuffling through Wills duffel bag, like a kid who found Santa’s toy sack on Christmas Eve…

“Fine.” I tell him reluctantly as he pulled me back out in to the hallway. “Make sure Lia doesn’t take anything from there Crystal!” I yelled out as Gerard forced me in the bathroom.

Shit, we were in the bathroom! I hate bathrooms! Why does everything important in my life seem to happen in a fucking bathroom!? I reached over and turned the water on to splash some water on my face and I had this sudden déjà vu moment… I remembered how I use to run the water in my bathroom sink for hours at night. I would go in there and cry for my mom whenever they brought her into the hospital. I thought running the water would mask the sound of my tears, to spare my papa any more heartache… How stupid I was to think that…

I stared down at the water flowing in to the drain sadly. Shit… what was I doing? This isn’t even my bathroom… No, My bathroom was where I hid after my moms’ funeral… My bathroom is where I spent the night after my papa died, sniffing cocaine off the floor…My bathroom is where I showed Gerard my bruises… where I cut my wrist, where he promised to love me if I let him… It seemed almost fitting that the bathroom was going to be where it all ended…

And I know when I die…its gonna be in a bathroom…I don't know that he knew what I was thinking. I mean there was no way that he could. But I couldn’t hide the pain on my face. The emotions from the memories in my head were too strong to ignore.

“Elle look at me.” Gerard says softly as he reached over and shut the water off. I hesitantly lifted my eyes to his in the mirror…”I'm sorry Elle.” He says leaning his body up against mine from behind. I just stared at his reflection in the mirror…”I'm sorry Elle, and I know there’s nothing more that I can say except that I love you, it makes me do stupid things…” He says his voice trailing off softly as he leant forward and kissed my shoulder.

“Gerard don't.” I sighed painfully as I spun around towards him.

“I'm just a fool baby please, I'm sorry.” He says and I lowered my eyes back down. His words were touching me so deeply and he knew it... ”I know you love me Elle.” He says and I sniffled back my tears. I did love him… more then anything…

“You know I do, but I can’t.” I sighed as I tried to pull back from him. It was just too hard. He hurt me so bad. Was it worth it? Was the love worth the hurt?

“You can.” He says encouragingly. “You can do anything Elle, I believe in you.” He says and I tried not to smile. “Remember?” He says lifting my hand up to his mouth and kissing the top of it lightly.

“That was when I had you.” I whispered at him and he smiled faintly as he kissed my hand again.

“You still have me…” He replied. “If you want me that is…” He says his voice softening even more now. It was practically a whisper. ”One more time Michelle hmm?” He says as he dropped down on to his knee in front of me. “Let’s leave it all behind.” He says pulling my ring from his pocket and my eyes lit up at the sight of it…my ring!… he still had my ring... “Say you’ll be my wife, say you’ll marry me… again…”

He was holding out my ring… I mean my ring. I know he said it wasn’t real, and it wasn’t expensive and it wasn’t a precious family heirloom but none of that mattered to me… I mean it was mine…I just stared down at it in his hand… Could it really be this easy? I mean to take it from him and seemingly rewind time back to when things were less complicated…

Okay maybe things were never less complicated, but he loved me and I loved him. That was something that had remained consistent. If anything it had grown. I mean I loved him more then ever. I reached over and took the ring from him and I sorta held it out in front of me…

“No more lies?” I say to him and he stood up and looked right in to my eyes.

“I can’t promise you that I'm never gonna lie to you again.” He says and I felt my eyes instantly well up with tears at his words. “I'm gonna make you cry sometimes Elle.” He says lowering his voice down slightly as he stroked my cheek… “And I'm gonna make you wanna kill me some nights.” He added and I spun the ring slowly between my thumb and index finger as he spoke. “That’s just how it is baby.” He adds and I sighed a little. Fuck… I mean that was Gerard… he was brutally realistic…almost to a fault sometimes.

“I know.” I tell him but he just went on.

“I'm gonna try my damnedest to make you happy Elle, but you got stop with the overreacting.” He says and I shrieked a little.

“I do not overreact!” I cried out and he arched his eyebrows up at me challengingly. “I'm just mmm, very emotional…occasionally.” I offered and he smiled.

“Elle I don't tell you shit sometimes cause I don't like to see you all upset.” He says and I lowered my eyes down guiltily, I mean he was right. I do kinda bring these things on myself sometimes…

“You're right – I suck.” I tell him sniffling back my tears and he looked at me with that apathetic look of his.

“Elle.” He says sighing my name out. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He says and I sniffled once more.

“I know, I'm just overreacting -again!” I cried out anxiously tossing my hands in the air in defeat. “Fuck! Are you sure you wanna be with me Gerard?” I asked him and he smiled.

“Yeah I do Elle.” He says taking the ring from me and holding it up at my eye level. “So?” He says waving it slightly like he was taunting me with it…

“Oh Gerard you suck at these proposal things.” I tell him and he grinned back at me.

“What?” He says like I was teasing him but I wasn’t… not really…

“I mean first in a graveyard and now you're telling me I suck – in a bathroom no less!” I laughed a little and his grin turned into a smile. “Shit Bobby’s gonna have a field day with this one!” I tell him and his smile sorta faded for a second.

“Bob.” He said under his breath like he still had some kinda issue with him.

“Yeah, what's up with Bob?” I asked and he shook his head a little.

“Nothing.” He says but he knew that wasn’t gonna satisfy me…

“You called him no?” I asked and he nodded but didn’t say anything else. “And? You talk to him?” I pressed him to answer me.

“For like five seconds.” He says and I clenched my teeth a little. “He had some chick over, I dunno, he couldn’t talk, I told him you were okay and shit and he said he’d talk to me later.” He tells me and I frowned.

“What chick?” I asked him and he shrugged.

“I don't know, Leigh, Lisa, something like that.” He said like he didn’t care, but I sure as hell did.

“She sounds like a bitch.” I tell him and he smiled.

“Oh yeah?” He says like it amused him.

“Yup.” I replied and he reached over and in one swift motion lifted my hand up and slid the ring down onto my finger.

“Stay out of it.” He says referring to Bob and his new playmate and I was gonna say something back but he threw me all off. I mean he fucking put the ring on my finger!! It was on my finger now!

“Wait I didn’t say yes yet!” I tell him and he laughed as he squeezed my hand lightly.

“I got tired of waiting.” He teased me and I tried not to smile back at him.

“Oh yeah?” I tell him using the same tone he just used on me before.

“Yeah, from now on I'm just gonna take what's mine.” He says grabbing me forcefully. He caught me totally off guard too. He lifted me up into his arms swiftly pressing his lips to mine and I just melted… I couldn’t resist him. The feel of his lips to mine… I was helpless against him…The next thing I know we were on the floor, well I was on the floor and he was on top of me, sliding his hands up my shirt and his kisses down my neck. I felt his hand run along the waistband of my panties and he chuckled lightly as he did it.

“Oh so that’s them?” He says referring to my not so missing any more underwear.

“Stop!.” I scolded him. I mean I felt like such a fool, all the trouble I caused. I didn’t like him teasing me about it either, but he seemed to be enjoying it cause he wouldn’t stop.

“They're nice.” He says and he sorta shifted back from me so I stood up off the floor. “Take em off.” He says cheekily and I laughed. He still kinda had his hand on my thighs and I shifted and he grabbed and I almost fell over. I mean he was still on the floor - right under my feet no less. I didn’t wanna step on him. I ended up falling forward and catching myself against the towel bar.

“Stop!” I yelled steadying myself a little. “I'm not gonna fuck you on the bathroom floor!” I tell him and his eyes sorta lit up as he jumped up off the floor.

“You're right, the counter will be better.” He says and before I could argue back he had lifted me up on to it and resumed his loving assault on my neck.

“Gerard.” I protested weakly. At least I think I did. I mean my blood was pumping so hard now, I couldn’t think of anything but him.

I heard him undoing his pants and I shut my eyes as I nuzzled my face into his neck. He smelt so good. He felt so good. The next thing I knew he was sliding my panties to the side a little. I mean I would’ve taken them off but it was too late now. He pressed up into me and I gasped into his neck.

It was a precarious positron we were in. I mean I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled myself against him and he was leaning towards me attempting to steady himself against the counter. I guess the height was off or something cause he couldn’t really take his hands from my waist with out us tipping over.

It was weird too cause I could feel him but not feel him... I mean he had his shirt on and his pants too and so did I. Well not my pants, just a shirt but I was so use to feeling his skin touching mine all the time. The only thing I could feel was the heat from between my legs and his lips on mine as he began thrusting into me.

I felt this desperation consume me as he did it too. It was like my shirt was choking me. The feel of it on my skin like that. I just had to get it off me so I could breathe. I leant back from him and tore it off, lifting it up over my head. I wasn’t wearing anything now but my purple lace panties and him, He sorta smiled at me as he looked at my bare chest. He couldn’t really touch me though but I didn’t care. I pressed my body back up against his and ran my hands along his shoulder and down his arms. I might’ve tugged on his t-shirt a little as I did it cause he paused a moment.

“Take it off?” He says looking down at his own shirt. I mean I could’ve easily lifted it up off of him but instead I shook my head no. I had pulled back from him slightly and my nipples were rubbing up against the plastic-y logo kinda thing on his shirt. It was some band name I didn’t recognize but I knew Id never forget it.

“No. I like it.” I sorta gasped at him as I arched my back again, increasing the friction. It was strange feeling him like that. My body against his clothes. It was strange but I liked it. He must’ve liked it to cause he leant forward and bit down on my shoulder and I cried out in pleasure. He seemed to like that too cause he did it again but this time he kinda looped his hand on the back of the waistband of my panties and pulled my hips tighter to him. It kinda made them cut into my thigh a little.

“Take ‘em off?” I asked him lifting my face from his neck and he paused for a second.

“No I like it.” He says tossing my words back at me and I smiled as I reached up and cupped the side of his face in my hand. I ran my thumb along his lip and he kissed it but he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking past me…

I glanced over my shoulder and realized he was looking at our reflection in the mirror. But my turning my head like that exposed my neck and the top of breasts, it was an angle he didn’t have access to before. Suddenly there was bite and a moan and I arched my back just in time for his final thrust and I don't know…

It was over so quick and he pulled back from me and it just hit me. I mean we just had sex in Crystals bathroom… unprotected sex no less…shit…I guess he could see something was wrong by the expression on my face. I mean I think the last thing a guy wants to see is a look of horror on their girls face after they have sex…

“You all right?” He says zipping up his pants and I sorta slid down off the countertop so I was leaning against it now and I didn’t answer him. I know he got off, but I didn’t. And I know that he knew that I didn’t, and that he knew that I knew that he knew that I didn’t… but that’s not what it was about…“Shit, did I hurt you?” He says lifting my chin up and looking at my face concernedly.

“No… I uh..” I looked in his eyes not sure what to say, I mean I knew what I wanted to say, I just didn’t know how to say it…”You umm, ugh.” I said and I reached down and touched the sticky goo that was now running down my leg.

“Oh.” He says like he understood but I don't think he did cause he reached over and grabbed some tissues from the tissue box and held it out for me.

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant.” I tell him and he sorta looked at me funny, like if I didn’t want the tissue. “No, I mean yeah.” I tell him shaking my head as I took them from him. “I mean like you know I'm not on the pill or anything.” I tell him and he didn’t even blink.

“Yeah so.” He replied and now I was making a face at him… I can’t believe he just said that!

“Gerard!” I cried out in disbelief and he sorta frowned at me.

“Are you saying you don't want to have my baby anymore Elle?” He asks me and I felt the room spin on me.

“Oh my god! Are you saying that’s what this was!” I cried out a little hysterically. “Are you trying to get me pregnant Gerard?” I asked him and he licked his lips a little as he looked at me. “Gerard!” I cried out when he didn’t answer me right away.

“No Elle!. I'm not- what the fuck!” He says like I had lost my mind.

“Good cause I can’t, I wont!” I tell him tossing my hands in the air and he looked at me like that sorta hurt him but I didn’t mean it. “I mean, you know I want to, but like years from now.” I try to back track a little. “-there’s just too much shit going on right now- and I want it to be perfect… I want to be married.” I tell him and he chuckled.

“Ah but you are.” He teased me but I wasn’t in the mood. I don't know if he thought his joke was gonna relax me but it just reminded me of what a mess my life was.

“No Gerard, I mean that’s another thing I haven’t fixed yet! Shit!… I keep fucking shit up! I just keeping making more and more of a mess of things and the last thing I need right now is a baby! How the fuck am I gonna take care of a baby if I can’t even take care of myself” I started to babble hysterically. I was freaking out and I didn’t know why. I guess it was just the thought of the future like that… I was scared.

“Michelle stop.” He says with that even toned voice of his… the one he would use when I would freak out. I don’t know why it would make me pause but it did… every single time he would use it on me it would work…

“Ugh, I'm overreacting again, I know… I'm sorry.” I tell him some what apologetically as I rubbed my eyes. I tried to take a deep breath but it didn’t seem to help any… “I don't even know why I'm freaking out!” I tell him and he didn’t say anything back which only fueled my anxieties more….

I mean usually he’d say something like oh its okay, or it’ll be all right baby, but he said nothing… Maybe he was just trying to give me space to settle it on my own, I don't know… But whatever he was doing, or not doing was just making it worse…

“I don't know why I'm even worried about it.” I tell him, but it wasn’t really at him. I was more thinking to myself out loud now. “I mean its not like I can even get pregnant.” I said and he reached over and grabbed me forcefully. He even shook me a little.

“Stop.” He hissed at me. He was mad…And it seemed to be at me! “Didn’t you hear me say that I didn't want to hear you say shit like that ever again.” He tells me and I just looked at him wide-eyed. “Don't you ever fucking listen.” He says to me and I just stood there. I mean I was still a little shell shocked by his anger. I didn’t want to upset him so I nodded in agreement. I think he could tell too cause he sighed softly as he looked at me. His face softened up and he stroked his thumb along my cheek before leaning forward and kissing my forehead. I think he sighed my name too but I can’t be sure.

“Hmm?” I asked him and he leant forward and stared into my eyes as he wiped the tears from under them.

“Whatever will be, will be okay.” He says and the words sorta stuck in my head a second. He was saying something else about not worrying but I wasn’t listening.

“That’s a song isn’t it?” I tell him and he sorta made a face like he didn’t know what I was talking about. “It goes something like la la la whatever will be will be.” I tell him and he shrugged. “Ah I'm gonna ask my Bobby, he knows a lot about songs and shit.” I nodded and Gerard kinda grinned.

“You do that baby.” He says obviously patronizing me but whatever. “You get dressed and we’ll get the hell out of here.” He says and I nodded as I reached for the door. “Wait Elle, there’s one other thing I need to talk to you about first…”