FicWad

“You should've known better then be driving like that.” He snapped back at me and I frowned. “Didn’t I fucking tell you I’d come get you Elle.” Bob says and I shrugged weakly as I pushed past him into the kitchen.

“Yeah.” I sorta sighed in annoyance as I opened the fridge up. “You want a drink?” I asked him and he sorta scoffed.

“No Elle.” He says so I shut the fridge door and just looked at him pathetically. He was pissed. I mean he was right, I was wrong, what the fuck did he want from me? I said I was sorry… didn’t I? Oh wait, I didn’t.

“Oh uh, sorry Bobby.” I tell him and he sorta shook his head at me, I don't know if he knew what I was apologizing for though… “What are you doing here anyway?” I asked him and he kinda twisted his wrist a little and I caught a glimpse of what was in his hand. It was my ring! He kinda held it up and like a moth to flame I went rushing over to him. “My ring!” I gasped and I reached my hand up to snatch it from him but he lifted it up out of my reach.

“Easy.” He kinda scolded me and I deserved it. I mean overly stressed or not, there was no excuse for bad manners.

“Sorry Bobby.” I said sounding a little too contrite but whatever. Actually it might have been the fact that I hung head forward and sorta twisted my heels out as I looked up at him batting my eyelashes slightly that made him sorta smile.

“Hand.” He orders me and eagerly extended my hand out to him. He quite ceremoniously slid the ring down on my finger and I just stared at it for a moment. Ah my ring! My precious, precious, ring! “Better?” I hear him say and I looked up and smiled at him.

“Gerard sent you over?” I asked him as I admired it. I couldn’t help it, it just fit so perfectly around my finger.

“Yeah.” He kinda sighed and when I looked back up at him he was looking at me. But not like at my face. He was looking at my body. At my clothes… Fuck. I was still wet from the shower and my tank top was stuck to me, the shorts too… He saw me looking at him and he knew I saw him looking but he kinda tried to pretend he wasn’t…”So uh…” He stammers and I stepped back from him.

“Look I'm fine!” I sorta yelled as I spun around in front of him. “No cuts, no bruises, I'm fine. You can tell Gerard you checked me over good.” I teased him and he sorta laughed.

“Yeah I bet that’s what he wants.” He sorta laughed so I did too and then suddenly a thought hit me.

“Hey um when were you gonna tell me about Danni moving in?” I nudged him and he sorta made a face like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

“What?” He says like he didn’t hear me.

“You heard me.” I folded my arms across my chest and gave him a hard stare and he chuckled at me. Like my taking a stand was amusing and not the least bit intimidating...

“What's there to tell?” He tossed his hands in the air and I frowned.

“Well how bout the fact that she's moving in?” I said sarcastically and he just shrugged. “I mean are you okay with this Bobby?” I lowered my voice a little and he sighed. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about, but I did. I didn’t understand why it was okay for him to worry about me, but then when I show any kinda concern for him he gets uncomfortable. Tells me not to worry about him… But I couldn’t help it…

“Yeah Danni's cool.” He shrugged like he could care less. “She’s a bit crazy but Toro seems to like her.” He reasons and I rolled my eyes at him. He was avoiding my question… Why do men have such a hard time expressing their feelings?

“Toro seems to like her?” I repeated back snidely. “Yeah I noticed.” I tell him and he nodded like the conversation was over, but it wasn’t… It was far from over. “But I mean are you okay with it?” I insisted and he sighed a little as he looked at me.

“Yeah, its not like I'm gonna be there.” He says and as soon as he said it he looked like he wished he didn’t.

“What?” I gasped at him and I could see him shifting his eyes like he was trying to think of a way to cover up what he just said. “Where will you be?” I demanded and he didn’t answer me. “Ray asked you to move out so Danni could move in!” I cried out in outrage.

“No Elle.” He shook his head and I scrunched my face at him distrustingly.

“But you are moving out?” I asked and he sorta looked down at the floor as he answered me.

“Well yeah.” He said softly and I frowned.

“Where?” I asked and he shrugged as he looked back up.

“Dunno.” He tells me and I made a face at him. “It all happened kinda fast.” He added and I nodded.

“That’s okay.” I tell him reassuringly. “You can stay here as long as you like.” I reached over and rubbed his arm and he sorta smiled.

“Elle.” He said but I wouldn’t let him talk. My mind was racing now.

“Oh my gosh! It’ll be so fun!” I cried out in excitement. “Oh this is gonna be great Bobby! You can have the room down the hall and we can stay up late and watch movies and on Sundays Gerard makes pancakes!” I tell him and he shook his head a little. “They're usually like chocolate chip but if you want I bet he can make you some blueberry.” I started to babble and Bob shushed me.

“No Elle.” He says and I just stared at him.

“No blueberry?” I said biting my lip a little. I knew what he was saying. I just didn’t want to admit it…

“No.” He says lowering his voice down. “No blueberry, No pancakes. No Bobby down the hall.” He tells me and I felt my eyes tear up.

“You don't wanna stay here?” I asked sadly and he sighed as he looked at me.

“I can’t,” was all he said and I didn’t understand why he would say that.

“Sure you can.” I nudged him.

“No I can’t.” He says with this real serious tone to his voice that made me uneasy.

“Then where are you gonna go!” I sorta yelled at him. “Certainly not with Frankie!” I kinda laughed and he shook his head a little.

“No I was thinking my cousin.” He sorta mumbled and I frowned.

“Your cousin?” I said a little confused. “You mean the one in Chicago?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Uh yeah.” He replied and I widened my eyes at him.

“Uh –no.” I scoffed at him.

“Elle.” He says like it was already decided.

“No!” I shrieked at him. “There’s no fucking way that’s gonna happen.” I tell him and he shifted his eyes from me. “Why would you wanna leave like that?” I cried out in outrage and he licked his lips a little before answering me.

“There’s nothing left for me here in Jersey anymore.” He says and I scoffed at him.

“How could you say that? I'm here.” I pointed out and he nodded like that was his point.

“Yeah, you and Gee are gonna get married and-“ He kinda shrugged.

“And what?” I insisted.

“And I gotta move on.” He tells me and I just looked at him. He wasn’t making any sense. Unless I fucking hit my head harder then I thought against the steering wheel before…

“Bobby I don't understand.” I tell him truthfully.

“Come on honey, you didn’t think that things were gonna be this way forever.” He says and I felt like the room was spinning on me.

“What way?” I demanded. “Fuck Bobby, you're my friend. You don't wanna be my friend anymore?” I started to cry and he rubbed at the back of his neck in frustration.

“Naw honey, I will always be your friend, you know that.” He tells me reaching forward now and wiping the tears in my eyes away. “I just can’t stay.” He adds and I just lost it… I started crying and shaking and he pulled me against him. “Elle please don't do this.” He sorta whispered as he hugged me. “Shit, I didn’t want to do this today.” He kinda mumbled and it hit me… Danni said she was moving in this weekend! He was just gonna fucking move out and not say anything… Let me go off on my honeymoon with Gerard and not say anything? Just be gone when I come back?

“Bobby please, tell me you're gonna stay. That’ll you’ll be here when I get back.” I begged him and he just squeezed me tighter against him and didn’t say anything... “You can’t leave me like this.” I said pulling back from him and he just looked at me like it hurt him to see me so upset like this but he wouldn’t stop it… All he had to do was say he was gonna stay and he wouldn’t… “So this is it?” I say feeling this rush of anger all of a sudden.

“What?” He says a little confused.

“This is it!” I declared. “I mean obviously I mean nothing to you!” I started to yell at him and that seemed to hurt him and I was glad… he was hurting me by leaving.

“You know that’s not true.” He waved his finger at me and I crossed my arms on my chest and frowned at him.

“No it is - cause how else could you say you're my friend and then just walk out on me.” I tell him bitterly.

“I'm not walking out on you Elle!” He says throwing his hands up in the air. “Shit, you're the only reason I've stuck around this hell hole of a state for all these years.” He kinda laughed in frustration.

“I need you Bobby.” I blurted out and he rubbed at the back of his neck again.

“You have Gerard now.” He sighed and I lowered my eyes down. “Elle don't make this hard. I have to move forward.” He says and I bit my lip a little at his words. “Fuck, I don't wanna look back and regret-” He starts to say and I cut him off.

“Me.” I offered and he frowned but it was suddenly so very clear to me… “You regret me Bobby, its okay.” I tell him shaking my head slightly. “I was nothing but a curse to you.” I tell him. I mean I knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it... “I brought you nothing but trouble and heartache since the day we met and now that we’re divorced-” I shrugged. “I mean you're a free man now Bob. And I don't blame you for making a run for it… “ I sniffled back my tears… “Not with what a mess I am” I added and he pulled me back towards him…

“No Elle, that’s not what this is about.” He says but I turned my face from him. He was lying… trying to make me feel better but…“You're not a mess Elle.” He raised his voice slightly at me. He was getting upset now…

“I am Bob!” I argued back at him. “I mean just look at me!” I tell him and he shrugged like he didn’t see it.

“Elle, you know what I see when I look at you?” He says and I wiped away the tears that were forming in my eyes now. “I see someone who doesn’t know how special she is…” He says brushing the hair from my face and I just looked at him as he ran his hand down my cheek. “I see someone who’s suffered more then she should've, who deserves to be happy.” He says cupping my face in his hands now. “And yeah you may be insanely jealous, and uncontrollably emotional, and you overreact to the simplest things.” He sorta laughed and I pouted at him. “And you pout way to fucking much.” He says running his thumb along my lip and I felt this rush of heat run down body as he did it. … “But I love you regardless of all that.” He says and I found myself swallowing this lump in my throat that seemed to come out of nowhere…

“You love me?” I whispered at him.

“Yeah I do.” He sorta sighed looking over my face. “I don't regret being married to you, I wouldn’t change it for the world honey.” He says lowering his voice down. “But what I do regret is not ever knowing you like a husband should.”

“You're saying you love me?” I whispered once more at him and he nodded. “Since when?” I found myself asking.

“Since always.” He replied like I should've known.

“You never said.” My voice was trembling as I spoke. I mean Bob loved me? Even with all my flaws, and my obvious shortcomings, and my crazy mannerisms, he saying he loved me? Regardless of all this?

“I did tell you.” He says and I thought back a little but came up blank… He never told me... “Fuck knows how many times I told you.” He says and I frowned a little. “You just never heard it and…and that’s my fault. I should've made you understand Elle.” He sighed and my head was spinning at his words. “I should've made you see and I'm sorry I didn’t.” He tells me stepping back from me now. “But that’s why I have to go.” He shook his head a little and I felt my heart breaking inside my chest now.

“You can’t go. I need you.” I whispered desperately at him.

“You have him.” The words flowed from his mouth and seemed to float right over my head… And then words from my mouth that I never expected to say…

“But I want you…”