FicWad

He looked at me like he was waiting for me to finish my sentence but I had nothing else to say… I just wanted him… I couldn’t explain it, I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking but that’s probably cause I wasn’t thinking… I was just feeling. And I was feeling him…

“Mmm Bobby.” I said his name and it seemed to bounce off my lips and float into the air as I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He was so much taller then me. And when I pulled myself up against him my breasts pressed against his chest and I felt the words escape from my lips once more. “I want you.” I whispered the words like a sin.

I pulled his lips down to mine before he could object and for a spilt second he didn’t kiss me back. He just let me rest my lips against his and then in an instant it all changed. I could feel his desire as his mouth melted into mine. I felt his tongue run along my lip and I willingly opened my mouth for him as the desire consumed me. I leant my head back from him and he ran his kiss down my jaw and along my neck and I felt my heart skip a beat. I could feel his breath on my neck, but that was all I felt. He had his hands on my waist, but he was barely touching me. It was like he was afraid if he grabbed me that I would disappear into the air, like I wasn’t real…

I found myself moaning as I pulled his hands tighter to me. In fact I slid them up higher on me so his thumbs were right under my breasts actually. He ran his hands along them and as he grazed over my nipples I gasped and he took the opportunity to ravage my open mouth once more. His kiss was deep and it was filling me with this sensation I hadn’t felt in a long time... I felt alive in his arms. I felt safe and loved and I don't know... It was strange how his kisses were filling my soul with pieces I didn’t even know I was missing…

His kisses were so soft and the taste was oh so addicting. I found myself pulling him down the hall towards the bedroom and he put up little resistance… I climbed up on the bed and continued to kiss him. I was more even with him now that he was standing at the foot of the bed and I was kneeling on it. His hands found their way back up under my shirt as he sucked on my neck and I grabbed the back of his shirt and lifted it up over his head for him. I ran my hands along his bare chest. His skin was so warm and I could feel the muscles in his shoulders as I ran my hands along them.

He dropped his hands down my waist and cupped my ass as I pushed myself against him. I was sucking on his neck now and I pulled back for a breath. It made my body almost ache to pull back from his. I had this longing desire consuming me and it was for him… I needed him… I was sure of it…I grabbed the bottom of my tank top and lifted it up over my head. And I watched his eyes as they ran down my bare chest. They had a flicker in them…something I’d never seen before. He was pleased… I was pleasing him. I was giving him something and I was making him happy… I wasn’t just fucking shit up like I always do.

I pulled him down on the bed on top of me and he immediately latched his mouth on to my nipple. I cried out in pleasure at the sensation. My whole body felt like it was on fire and I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled his hips to mine. He had his jeans on still and I had on my shorts but I could feel him. I reached my hand down and squeezed him on top of his jeans and now he was the one vocalizing his pleasure.

I tugged at his belt buckle but I couldn’t get it undone with him on top of me like that so I pushed him back slightly off of me. I was still on the bed and he was leaning over me now. I sat up a little and reached for his buckle and he sorta stopped me. He grabbed my hand off of him and he was looking deep into my eyes… He didn’t have to say it but I knew what he was doing… He was giving me a chance to stop. To see that this is what I wanted…

“Off…take them off.” I heard my voice say and just like that it was decided… The point of no return and I crossed it without a second thought… His eyes flickered once again as he sort of leant back down on top of me. He was trying to unbuckle his pants with one hand now since his other hand was kinda holding himself up so he wouldn’t crush me. I reached my hand down to help him and all of a sudden he froze. Every muscle in his body tensed up at the same time and a soft oh fuck fell his lips as a shadow from the doorway fell across the bed…

Isnt it funny how sometimes time seems to just tick by and you never notice the seconds as they pass, and then other times each second seems to be a lifetime in itself... Looking over and seeing Gerard in the doorway was like waking from a dream into a nightmare.

I didn’t even make an attempt to cover myself or to push Bob off of me. And why would I have? My self-respect was lost somewhere on the trip from the kitchen to the bed. To our bed… Holy shit, I was in our bed with Bobby. Less then two hours before our wedding and I'm in bed with Bobby… And if I was truly as stupid as everyone’s made me out to be over the years I might’ve tried to deny it. But I didn’t… I mean what could I say? Its not what it looks like? Cause it was, it was exactly what it looked liked…

I just looked over at him in the doorway with my mouth slightly open but yet no words seem to come. I blinked twice. I mean that’s how slow time was moving that I was actually able to count the number of times I blinked as Gerard's eyes locked on mine. I could see the hurt in them. It seemed to swirl around in the hazel… And then I found my voice.

“Gerard,” was all I could manage to say. And the pain in his eyes seemed to disappear for a second. It wasn’t gone, it was more like it was absorbed into him. I could faintly see it. Almost liked it was permanently etched on his soul and I could catch a reflection of it in his eyes. His eyes that were now glazed in anger…

“Don't.” He says holding his hand up to me. “Not a word Elle…” And my heart seemed to just crumble inside my chest at his words. I could feel it disinagrating away leaving this big empty hole where his love once was… and he was right…

He was right that I had no right to speak. I had somehow managed to cross from being unworthy into being a total disgrace… And without another word passing between us he turned and walked out…

“Elle, I'm so sorry.” I hear Bob say and I looked up at him in horror. He was still kinda leaning over me. He was touching me… I mean his skin was on mine and it made me cringe. I could feel the cool metal off his buckle rub against my thigh as he shifted off of me. It was a stark comparison to moments before. This wave of nausea rose up in my throat as he reached for me and I pulled back from him in disgust. I grabbed the sheet and cover myself from him as I shrunk back on the bed.

“Oh god.” I found myself trembling as the realization of what just happened settle in. “How could this be happening? What the hell did I just do?” I whispered more to myself then to him. Bob lowered his eyes down from me.

“I was supposed to call him.” He sorta mumbled to himself. “Tell him you were alright!” He said a little louder like he was scolding himself. I just looked at him with this pained expression on my face. His words didn’t surprise me at all. Of course Gerard would want to make sure I was okay. He was worried for me… He loved me and I… I… I couldn’t do this…

“Get out!” I cried out my voice shaking. Fuck my whole body was shaking. I curled my knees up against my chest and hugged them against me.

“Elle.” Bob says reaching for me once more and I flinched in horror. I couldn’t believe he was reaching for me again. Didn’t he see what just happened?

“Don't touch me!” I screeched at him. I was so angry and it wasn’t his fault. I knew that deep down inside. But I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was mad at him for doing this to me. “I mean it get out! Get the fuck out of here Bob!” I screamed as I turned from him, throwing my face down into the pillow. It was Gerard's pillow too. His scent on it just sent me into deeper hysterics. But Bob knew better then to try to push me.

“Fine.” He says and I could tell by his tone that he didn’t want to leave me but too much had happened. He needed to go. Shit needed to settle down. Someone had burst the bubble of my life and now it was time to see where the pieces fell… The worst part was that someone was me…

I could faintly hear Bob dressing over my sobs. I don't know if he was deliberately moving slow cause he thought I would change my mind and ask him to stay, or maybe he just wanted to make sure Gerard was really gone before he stepped outside… I don't know.

He reluctantly left and when I was sure he was gone I made my way back through the now empty house. It was my greatest fear and I had unintentionally brought it to life. I was alone… Bob was gone, I forced him out…And my sweet Gerard… He was gone too, but when he walked out and he slammed the door behind him. The wedding was off that much was obvious. I had no idea where he would’ve went either. I guess into his own little corner to think and I couldn’t blame him… I should've been thinking too but instead I was drinking…I was trying to numb myself from the pain but it wasn’t working…

We were three people connected in a way we shouldn’t have been... And even now that we were all apart, each alone in our little corners, suffering silently and alone –we were still connected…And that’s when I realized why it was called a ‘triangle’…