FicWad

Besides saving him of course. That was the most important thing. I just wish this ripple had dropped me closer to that day, a week before or a day before, hell even an hour before! Not four years though.

I abandoned my salad and just started scribbling, page after page. Random details, dates, memories. Drawing lines to connect certain events. Trying to establish some sort of chronological order. I was no where near complete when the bell rang. Lunch was over but I didn’t care. I would’ve sat there all afternoon scribbling if Steve didn’t nudge me to get up. I reluctantly did and found myself wandering down the hall-my mind racing.

I still wasn’t sure if this was a dream. And then it hit me. I think I read it somewhere, but you cant see the sky in your dreams. I mean you can see it, but it wont look right. Something about depth perception, or the colors being off.

I found myself darting to the end of the hallway and through the doors. Desperately scanning the sky. It was full of gray clouds. A tiny bit of sun peeking through as it started to rain. I spun around from horizon to horizon as the tiny droplets fell from the sky.

This was definitely real. I could feel my psyche cracking. This is real, so what was before? Was it all a dream? A premonition? Or did I finally snap. Pop one too many pills and get lost in my delusions.

I took cover from the rain in the doorway but made no motion to go back inside. I was so sure the door was locked I didn’t even check. Instead I fumbled in my purse and pulled out a cigarette. Slowly letting the smoke fill my lungs I challenged myself to my concepts of reality. I Continued to scribble in my notebook, and even after 40 minutes, when the bell rang and someone opened the door -I found myself walking back into the school no clearer then I was before I went outside.

I made my way to the art classroom, my heart aching as I sat. Gerard wasn’t here and I ached for him to be. Even though I knew there was nothing between us in this world, just to be close to him was enough. It was hard to explain… It was torturous to be near him and not with him, but it was less tortuous then it was to be apart from him. I just loved him that much. And it was then that I realized why Bobby hung around Jersey all those years. I felt myself starting to shake at the memories but quickly pulled myself together when Ms Lee handed out the assignment.

Draw an alien from another planet. I picked up the silver pencil and just started sketching. It was crap. I couldn’t draw for shit. A crooked eye in the middle of the page. More cross-eyed then creepy. Swirls of cosmos surrounding it… I absentmindedly picked up the marker and labeled it across the top.

‘The outer limits by Gerard Way’

It wasn’t until I finished the y in his name did I realize what I did. Holy shit I cant turn this in. I wrote his fucking name across the top. I crumbled it up quickly and shoved it in my bag.

There was only a few minutes left in class now. I found myself quickly scribbling out a half moon and a mouse in a helmet hanging from it. I didn’t have time to color it so I turned it in as it was. Told Ms Lee it was black and white for ‘effect’. She seemed to buy it so I don’t know.

I headed towards the gym doing my best to avoid running into Bobby which was stupid cause we were in the same freaking class. I guess I was just trying to delay it. I hadn’t really decided what I was going to do about him. Steves words about not changing anything echoed in my head.

I found myself spacing out as they went over the rules and regulations, then everyone started getting up. We were supposed to pair off and play volleyball. Two against two. I glanced over at Bobby. I wanted to jump into his arms. Have him stroke my hair and tell me everything was going to be okay but I didn’t. I wavered a bit and then just decided fuck it. Ive been going with the flow all day. Until I get some kind of sign, that’s what Im gonna keep doing. I really need to put my notes together and formulate some sort of plan before I do anything anyway.

"Hey Bob" I call over to him and he looked at me first like if I was talking to him and then like how do you know my name. “Youre new right?” I tried to cover it up and he somewhat nodded.

"Ok Bob, we're gonna be partners" I said and he cocked his head to side and smiled. He smiled that damn smile at me and my heart seemed to skip a beat. A wave of panic passed over me at the sensation of it. “But don’t you go falling in love with me!” I cried out waving my hand at him and he smiled wider now which just got me more flustered. “Im serious.” I insisted.

“Um okay Ill try my best.” He laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “But youre kinda cute when you smile.” He started to flirt with me and I found myself smacking his arm.

“No damn it Bobby.” I warned him which just seemed to make him laugh more. I probably shouldn’t have done swatted at him like that. But it was just too easy with Bobby. I was always so comfortable with him. Maybe that was the problem. I was too comfortable.

“Bobby?” He mimicked me back and I realized what I said.

“Oh Im sorry Bob.” I corrected myself and he shrugged like he didn’t care.

“Naw you can call me Bobby, but I’m just wondering what I should call you?” He was smiling flirtatiously once again and I shifted my eyes from him now. I almost blurted out honey but caught myself

“Um … Elle." I said as I grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the net.

“L? Like the letter." he said smiling as I handed him the ball.

“No like the cookie.” I snapped at him. Gerard had taught me that one years ago. It didn’t even make any sense but he said that was the point. To say something that would make the other person just shut the fuck up as they try to figure it out. “Now play.” I nudged him.

Just as I remembered he was pretty good at it. I tried to keep our conversation to a minimum, which was easy to do during a volley ball game. When the bell rang I didn’t even give him a goodbye, just darted into the locker room to change. So when I came out and he was sorta hanging in the hall I was genuinely shocked. I wanted to run back in but Lisa was behind me, sorta pushing me forward towards him unintentionally. I found myself smiling and he smiled back.

Crap.