FicWad

When I got home I found Paul waiting for me on my front steps with a sour look on his face.

“Where have you been?” He seemed annoyed which was funny cause I was too.

“What are you doing here?” was my response and he sighed a little in annoyance.

“I paged you Elle.” He frowned and I couldn’t help but smile as I handed him the wet and broken pager.

“Yeah its broken.” I shrugged but he wasn’t amused.

“Were you at Lias?” He demanded and I just tried to push around him to go inside but he wouldn’t let me.

“Aw fuck really Paul?” I whined and he just stood there. “Look I don’t want to do this anymore okay?” I told him and he shifted slightly but didn’t say anything. We just stood there for a few seconds like that. He wasn’t leaving.

“Let me come in.” He nodded towards the door and I shook my head no. “I want to talk Elle.” He insisted but I refused.

Just then Bobbi-Jo opened the door. She was coming out with my papa. She said they were going to the doctors and I don’t know who was more shocked by what I said next- her or Paul.

I wanted to go.

I was going to go. I needed to talk my papas doctor. Maybe there was something that I don’t know… that they could do for him. I know he was old and no one lives forever but I was desperate. It was the beginning of September. If I did nothing my papa would be dead by Thanksgiving and I wasn’t ready for that.

Paul was pissed but he couldn’t really yell at me about it in front of my papa and Bobbi-Jo so he mumbled something about us talking later and he left.

The doctors office was, well it was a doctors office. I hated it. All those needles and machines and crap. They always freaked me out. But I was here for my papa so I sucked it up.

I must’ve asked the doctor a million questions. Made him review my grandpas medication thirty times. Going over the dosage and the schedules. Asking him if there was anything better he could be taking.

He didn’t seem to understand why though. He said my papa was in excellent condition all things in consideration. And then he paused slightly at something on the chart. He said he could increase one of the many prescriptions. Not by much, but just slightly. That it might give him a bit more energy and I was ecstatic.

Maybe that one little correction was all he needed. Maybe it would give me a few more weeks with my papa, maybe even a few more months!

We went home and my papa went to bed. Bobbi-Jo did too. I stayed up a few hours working on my notes until my eyes felt like they were going to bleed. I was so tired and my bed looked oh so inviting. I found myself settling into it and then a horrible thought crept up on me.

What if I went to sleep and woke up somewhere else? Back in 2001. Or worse! I started to panic. What if this was it? My one and only chance in the time ripple to fix the past and I freaking wasted it. Spent the whole day doing bullshit instead of being with Gerard…

I was starting to shake. I didn’t like it. I didn’t know how to stop it. And then I saw the altoids tin sitting on the floor. I had pulled it out my purse when I took my notebook out.
I opened it up and examined the contents. All the pills were so strange looking. Nothing I recognized.

"Now which one of you will can help me?" I asked out loud. I picked out a clear capsule filled with blue and white dots. Hmmm, you'll do I thought as I swallowed it....

I laid back down and closed my eyes. It didn't seem to be working...Then I heard a loud noise. I jumped out of bed startled… My head was throbbing. What the fuck? I scanned around the room quickly. Bobbi-Jo was standing in the doorway.

“Oh thank god Im still here!” I cried out and she laughed lightly.

"Yeah you are and you shouldn’t be, You’re gonna be late for school child..." She scolded me as I got out of bed.

“ok ok” I mumbled. I was so fucking tired still. I don’t know what time I went to bed but it was definitely late. I absentmindedly opened the tin once more, I don’t know why.I just needed something to get me going. I found one that looked like speed... I swallowed it with out a second thought before throwing on some jeans and a dark gray shirt. I bolted up the block and managed to walk in to the photography lab right as the bell rang.

Gerard was already there. He had his head down drawing in his notebook. He didn't even look up as I sat down. My heart was pounding way to fast. I don’t know if it was from the pill I just popped or from being so close to him. He still wasn’t looking up though. I looked around the room and didn’t see Frankie anywhere. He might be absent today, but I don’t know.

Mr. Edwards babbled on about something or other and then stood up and announced we were going into the dark room to finish the lesson. I just sat there while everyone got up and followed him in. There was a weird door to get in the darkroom. Kind of like a revolving door but it was all black. You would go in and push it around till you were on the other side. I hated it because for a few seconds you were pushing in total darkness. There was some soft red lights in the darkroom, but the door itself was total darkness.

“You coming?” Gerard finally spoke to me and I hesitantly got up and walked to the door of darkness. He kinda motioned for me to go in first. I guess it was just him being polite because he wasn’t going to be able to see my ass in the dark like that- letting me go first.

“Um.” I sighed and I didn't move.

He nudged me.

I still didn't move. Made no motion what so ever to go through the door.

“Come on.” He nudged me once more and I felt myself panic.

“Wait. Fuck.” I clenched my hands into fists from the anxiety of it all. “You know Im afraid of the dark.” I remind him but judging by the look on his face, I guess I wasn’t really reminding him cause he didn’t know.

“Um no I didn’t know.” He quickly wiped the smile from his face and replaced it with a serious one. “Come on" he said wrapping my arm in his as he pulled me into the dark doorway with him. I pressed myself up against him as he spun the door around. Suddenly I could see Mr. Edwards shadow faintly in the back of the room. He was demonstrating something but I didn’t even bother to look over to see what it was because Gerard was still holding my arm. I found myself moving closer and closer to him.

I think maybe he thought I was trying to get a better view of whatever Mr Edwards was doing cause he took a small step to the right, so I did too. Suddenly Mr. Edwards flicked on the overhead lights. Gerard dropped my arm instantly and took a much larger step to the side and away from me. I felt my heart sink as we went back into the classroom.

“Gerard!” I heard myself cry out for him as he picked his bag up. I don’t know why I called his name. He just looked at me as I searched my brain for something to say. Something to tell him. “Um thank you.” I whispered and he nodded. Once more thank you had escaped my lips instead of I love you.