Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Beginning Is Never The End
“Wait no.” I called out and Im not sure if I was directing towards Gerard or towards Slim who was now exiting the front door of the funeral parlor. But it didn’t really matter because they were both ignoring me. Gerard continued to tug me and I freaked. “STOP.” I yanked my arm back from and he froze.
Slim did too at the door now and I swallowed nervously. The last thing I needed was for Slim to think Gerard was harassing me. God knows what would happen if he did…
“Gerard please just give me a second please.” My voice was shaky and he just wavered looking at me.
“Elle.” He sighed as I reached up and wiped the blood from my nose. It wasn’t that bad. It had already stopped already.
“Im fine see.” I tell him. “I just need a minute please.” I repeated stepping back from him. Slim was gone from the doorway now. “But um thank you.” I added and Gerard bit down on his lip as not to smile at my words.
I darted out the door as quickly as I could on one foot and caught Slim halfway down the steps. “Wait!” I called out after him and he stopped and just looked at me. I had his attention but now what? I wasn’t even sure why I wanted it. “Um I know who you are.” I arched my eyebrows up as I looked at him and he faintly smiled at me.
“I know who you are.” He repeated back but he wasn’t mimicking me, at least I don’t think he was…
“You know my dad.” I fidgeted with my fingers. I was so nervous. I wanted to shift but I only had one foot to stand on.
“I came for your grandfather.” He replied pulling his cigar out. He lit it up and it was silent for a moment.
“I wanted to-” I started to ask him and he shook his head no. “You don’t even know what Im going to say!” I protested and he chuckled.
“Don’t matter.” He continued to puff.
“But-” I started to whine as a car pulled up. He glanced at it, then at me. It was his ride.
“You take care now sweetheart.” He called out to me as he took a step towards it.
“Nooo wait.” I desperately tried to make my way down the steps. I didn’t have my crutches. Slim paused for a second. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a small card. He held it up in the air as he spoke.
“Anything you need okay.” He said more as a statement then a question cause as soon as he handed it to me. He was gone. Hopped in the car and it took off. I stared down at it. It was a business card. On the back there was a phone number scribbled but no name. I flipped it over and Nortons bar 34th and Belmont was printed on the front. I started to get sick at the memory.
“Elle how did you get down the steps?” I hear Lia laugh, snapping me back into reality.
“I want to go home.” I began to cry and she just came over and hugged me.
“Its not over yet.” She tells me which just made me cry harder. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t go through this all over again…I cried to her for a few moments and then managed to pull myself together.
“Please just drive me home okay.” I asked her and she said ok and that shed be right back which she was. She told me she had called Ray. That she didn’t drive here, he dropped her off, but she had called him and asked him to pick us up and he was on his way.
“Im gonna stay with you tonight.” She tells me as we stood there waiting for him and I shook my head no.
“I want to be alone.” I stared out into the dark sky and wouldn’t look at her.
“I know you. You don’t do alone.” I hear her say and I sorta smiled as I turned to look over at her. “Look heres Ray come on.” She nudged me and we went and got into his car.
Ray of course gave me the standard Im so sorry, how are you doing greeting you would expect and I just shrugged him off. After fussing with the radio Lia turned her attention back to me.
“So who is he Elle?” She asked and for a second I assumed she meant Slim. That maybe she saw me talking to him.
“Who?” I asked and she snickered a little.
“Who ever it is youre fucking now.” She says and Ray kinda gave her a look. I just rolled my eyes.
“Lia.” I groaned but she wouldn’t give up.
“No I know you. You’ve been hooking up with someone, I don’t know why you wont tell me who either.” She insisted and I just shook my head at her and stared out the window. I wasn’t going to have this argument with her now. There was nobody. There never will be either. I wont kill anyone else…
“Lia let it go.” Ray tried to discourage her but she just kept carrying on.
Finally we pulled up in front of my house. I went to get out and Lia stopped me. “Wait Ellie.” She was turning around in the front seat to look at me now. “Ray give her a condom.” She tells him and I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Ray was just making a face at her. “Im serious Ray hand it over.” She held out her hand insistently towards him and he grumbled a little as he shifted in his seat, reaching in his pockets
“Lia I don’t want it.” I tried to protest but she was ignoring me. “No really you guys use it.” I try to tell her but she laughed sharply. She wasn’t going to fuck Ray. At least not tonight anyway.
“Sorry Ray.” I gave him a soft apology as I got out. I definitely ruined his night. What the hell is wrong with me. How could I be so fucked up that I ruin everything I touch…
I went inside and curled up in my papas chair, snuggling under his blanket for a while but I was soon restless. I went back to my room and pulled out my notes. I started to scribble furiously but then paused. I was alone but I was scared. I couldn’t risk Lia coming in and seeing them. She was notorious for just barging in with out knocking. So I gathered them all up and moved them into Bobbi-Jos old room. Bringing a bag of coke with me as well.
I don’t know how long I was in there for. Till all the coke was gone that was for sure. I found myself just staring down at them. They were a mess. I was a mess. It was no wonder things were so out of control. I had so many things crossed out. Some things were things that had just recently happened. Others were the way I remembered them happening. Some things were so far off in the future. I had on one page a list of people in my math class and underneath it some scribbles about the time Gerard and I took a mini vacation and ended up Amish County.
I needed to get some kind of order back in my life. I went to the kitchen and dug through the drawer for a pair of scissors. I wasn’t going to rewrite all this crap. I would just cut and paste. But I had no paste. I found some rubber bands so I slipped them on my arm and kept digging. I found some paper clips and then some thumb tacks, so it was just going to have to make due.
I was two steps out of the kitchen when the phone rang. I wasn’t going to answer it. It was late and I was busy. But then I saw the caller ID said Lias number and I knew if I didn’t answer she was going to come over…
“What do you want?” I answered it and it wasn’t Lia… It was Gerard.
"Elle you okay there?" He says and my heart fluttered.
"Oh um hi Gerard." I said softly as I glanced around the room. My eyes resting on a dish on the counter covered in tinfoil. I didn’t see it before and I didn’t know what it was…”Im fine. Well not fine but you know” I said a little absentmindedly.
"Yeah I do” He kinda mumbled as I moved closer to the strange dish. I don’t know why but I was suddenly scared. I wasn’t even really listening cause it sounded like he said he wanted to talk to Ted
“Wait, just hold on.” I tell him lowering the phone down from my ear and peeking under the tinfoil.
“oh god bobbi.” I sighed. It was a piece of birthday cake. She made me a cake…
“Elle?” I hear Gerard say and I pulled the phone back to my ear.
“Im here whats the matter?” I sighed a little.
“Put Ted on the phone.” He says firmly and I smiled.
"What?" I kinda laughed but he was serious.
“Im serious. Lia said hes there with you, now put him on the phone.” He was getting flustered and I found myself smiling even wider now. I could see him in my mind. He does love me.
“Well tell me why and I will.” I lied to him. I just wanted to hear him say he loved me.
“Just do it.” He insisted but I refused.
“No you tell me first.” I was just as stubborn back.
“Ok fine cause youre fucked up.” He says and I frowned. However true those words were, they weren’t the ones I was expecting to hear. He then mumbled something about Ted taking advantage of me but I could hardly hear him… Someone was talking in the background. "Shut the fuck up" he yelled and then I heard Lia yelling over him.
“Just leave her alone.” She was laughing that crackly evil laugh she gets when shes high and is fucking with someone. “Im sure shes gonna have a good time with Teddy tonight. Ray gave her a condom.” I heard her say and then there was a commotion. Sounded like he dropped the phone or she snatched it from him. I don’t know. I was going to just hang up but then Lias voice filled the line. “Hey Ellie.” She sighed.
“Lia what the fuck are you doing over there.” I tell her and she sorta laughed. They were having some kind of party that’s for sure.
“Nothing just go to bed, kiss Teddy for me too ok?” She laughed and I frowned.
“Lia please stop fucking with Gerard.” I begged her but she just laughed once more.
“Night Elle.” She says and with that she hung up. I went back to Bobbi-Jos room and began cutting shit out. Pinning it to the wall but my mind kept running back to the chocolate cake in the kitchen. I was suddenly starving.
I went back to the kitchen and pulled a spoon out of the drawer scooping the chocolate frosting off. It was to die for. But as soon as the thought crossed my mind I felt suddenly sick again. My grandpa did die for it. I felt like the room was spinning. I was on my way back to the bathroom to throw up, still with the spoon in my mouth when a knock on the door stopped me.
I opened it slightly and peeked my head out. It was Gerard. "Can I come in?" he asked and I just stared at him. I didn’t know what to say. He reached over and pulled the spoon from my mouth and looked at it curiously. “what are you doing?” He asked a little amused and I shrugged.
I wasn’t doing anything really. Just taping crazy shit to the walls, sniffing coke off my compact and I was about to go throw up some birthday cake. But I couldn’t really tell him that…
“Nothing but thank you.” Was my response instead. I tried to close the door but he reached his hand out and stopped it from closing. He was looking at me intently. He scanned my face and then ran his eyes down my body, pausing at my arm.
“Is that a fucking rubber band on your arm?” He widened his eyes at it and before I could even stop him he had pushed the door open forcing his way inside. "What the fuck are you doing Elle?" He yelled at me.
"Nothing!" I exclaimed suddenly realizing why he was so upset. The spoon, the rubber band…
“Where is he?” He growled at me. Reminded me of my Bobby. That day he caught me shooting up.. Oh god… I felt myself going faint and Gerard kind of caught me. I couldn’t do this anymore.
“Gerard I have to tell you something please.” I began to whimper but he was still so focused on Teddy.
“Where is Teddy.” He repeated and I tried to focus myself back into reality. I didn’t want to pass out but I was so close to it.
“on my bed.” I mumbled and Gerard looked down the hallway. He didn’t know which one was my room. “First door on the right.” I added and I followed him down the hallway. He was much faster then I was, not just cause of my ankle, he was all kinds of wound up. When I got to the door way he was giving me a pissed off look.
“Hes not here.” He tells me and I rolled my eyes a little.
“Hes on the bed.” I pointed over to it. And he was. Right next to my pillow. “You see him. Okay. Good. Now can we talk.” I sighed a little. Gerard looked at the bed then at me then at the bed.
He stepped in front of me and tilted my face up to him. “Look at me.” he instructs me and I did. He wasn’t looking in my eyes, he was looking at them.
“Gerard stop.” I tried to swat him away. “Im not tripping.” I laughed unintentionally. “That’s teddy okay?” I pointed to the bed and he just kept frowning. “Seriously.” I hobbled over and climbed up on the bed. “This is teddy, say hello.” I teased him holding the bear up.
“Elle.” He sighed a little. He wasn’t getting it. “That’s a stuffed animal.” he says and I rolled my eyes once more.
“How could you not get this?” I asked him and he reached to take teddy from me.
But the stitches in his neck were still lose from before when I took that bag of coke out, I never tightened them. “Wait don’t pull.” I cried out but it was too late. I was gripping teddys legs and Gerard grabbed his head, I guess to take it from me and he just ripped apart. Tiny bags of drugs spilling all over the bed and on to the floor.
“Oh my god you just killed Teddy!” I shrieked in horror.
“What the fuck this is stuffed with crap Elle.” Gerard just started yelling at me. He was waving Teddy’s head around in the air wildly gesturing at the mess. And then it was like all of a sudden he got it. That teddy was a bear.
“Lias gonna kill you.” I tell him and he sorta smirked.
“Lias a fucking bitch.” He waved his finger at me. “oh Elle will be fine, shes got Ted to snuggle with tonight.” He mimicked her voice and I tried not to laugh.
“Gerard please don’t tell anyone about this.” I asked him softly and he just looked down at me still sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Come on, take my hand" he said reaching for me so I did. He pulled me upright into his arms. He ran his hand down my cheek and along my shirt collar and down my arm, sliding the rubber bands off as he did it. He held them up and I tried to take them from him but he wouldn’t let me.
“I was working on a project.” I say stupidly. I couldn’t lie. Not so close to him.
“A project?” He repeats back and I nodded. “What kind?’ He asks and I blurt out another stupid answer.
“Just you know, sorting and stuff.” I mumbled and I guess he might’ve thought like sorting my papas stuff. My eyes began to well up with tears. I wanted so badly to tell him but I couldn’t. Here I was back in the moment that started it all and I couldn’t even begin to tell him what I was feeling…
“Its gonna be okay.” he said softly and he leant forward again almost like he was going to kiss me. I was going to let him. I can fight fate. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and he pulled back.
"Oh shit I left Mikey in the car." He says and he looked at me and then towards the window.
"Just go, I'll be ok." I told him. He didn't move. I pushed him towards the door. Fate must really enjoy fucking with me I suppose. I don’t really know anymore…
“I don’t want to leave you.” He tells me and my heart clenched up in pain at the words. I swallowed back my tears choking on the next few words.
“But you will.”
And with that he was gone…
Slim did too at the door now and I swallowed nervously. The last thing I needed was for Slim to think Gerard was harassing me. God knows what would happen if he did…
“Gerard please just give me a second please.” My voice was shaky and he just wavered looking at me.
“Elle.” He sighed as I reached up and wiped the blood from my nose. It wasn’t that bad. It had already stopped already.
“Im fine see.” I tell him. “I just need a minute please.” I repeated stepping back from him. Slim was gone from the doorway now. “But um thank you.” I added and Gerard bit down on his lip as not to smile at my words.
I darted out the door as quickly as I could on one foot and caught Slim halfway down the steps. “Wait!” I called out after him and he stopped and just looked at me. I had his attention but now what? I wasn’t even sure why I wanted it. “Um I know who you are.” I arched my eyebrows up as I looked at him and he faintly smiled at me.
“I know who you are.” He repeated back but he wasn’t mimicking me, at least I don’t think he was…
“You know my dad.” I fidgeted with my fingers. I was so nervous. I wanted to shift but I only had one foot to stand on.
“I came for your grandfather.” He replied pulling his cigar out. He lit it up and it was silent for a moment.
“I wanted to-” I started to ask him and he shook his head no. “You don’t even know what Im going to say!” I protested and he chuckled.
“Don’t matter.” He continued to puff.
“But-” I started to whine as a car pulled up. He glanced at it, then at me. It was his ride.
“You take care now sweetheart.” He called out to me as he took a step towards it.
“Nooo wait.” I desperately tried to make my way down the steps. I didn’t have my crutches. Slim paused for a second. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a small card. He held it up in the air as he spoke.
“Anything you need okay.” He said more as a statement then a question cause as soon as he handed it to me. He was gone. Hopped in the car and it took off. I stared down at it. It was a business card. On the back there was a phone number scribbled but no name. I flipped it over and Nortons bar 34th and Belmont was printed on the front. I started to get sick at the memory.
“Elle how did you get down the steps?” I hear Lia laugh, snapping me back into reality.
“I want to go home.” I began to cry and she just came over and hugged me.
“Its not over yet.” She tells me which just made me cry harder. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t go through this all over again…I cried to her for a few moments and then managed to pull myself together.
“Please just drive me home okay.” I asked her and she said ok and that shed be right back which she was. She told me she had called Ray. That she didn’t drive here, he dropped her off, but she had called him and asked him to pick us up and he was on his way.
“Im gonna stay with you tonight.” She tells me as we stood there waiting for him and I shook my head no.
“I want to be alone.” I stared out into the dark sky and wouldn’t look at her.
“I know you. You don’t do alone.” I hear her say and I sorta smiled as I turned to look over at her. “Look heres Ray come on.” She nudged me and we went and got into his car.
Ray of course gave me the standard Im so sorry, how are you doing greeting you would expect and I just shrugged him off. After fussing with the radio Lia turned her attention back to me.
“So who is he Elle?” She asked and for a second I assumed she meant Slim. That maybe she saw me talking to him.
“Who?” I asked and she snickered a little.
“Who ever it is youre fucking now.” She says and Ray kinda gave her a look. I just rolled my eyes.
“Lia.” I groaned but she wouldn’t give up.
“No I know you. You’ve been hooking up with someone, I don’t know why you wont tell me who either.” She insisted and I just shook my head at her and stared out the window. I wasn’t going to have this argument with her now. There was nobody. There never will be either. I wont kill anyone else…
“Lia let it go.” Ray tried to discourage her but she just kept carrying on.
Finally we pulled up in front of my house. I went to get out and Lia stopped me. “Wait Ellie.” She was turning around in the front seat to look at me now. “Ray give her a condom.” She tells him and I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Ray was just making a face at her. “Im serious Ray hand it over.” She held out her hand insistently towards him and he grumbled a little as he shifted in his seat, reaching in his pockets
“Lia I don’t want it.” I tried to protest but she was ignoring me. “No really you guys use it.” I try to tell her but she laughed sharply. She wasn’t going to fuck Ray. At least not tonight anyway.
“Sorry Ray.” I gave him a soft apology as I got out. I definitely ruined his night. What the hell is wrong with me. How could I be so fucked up that I ruin everything I touch…
I went inside and curled up in my papas chair, snuggling under his blanket for a while but I was soon restless. I went back to my room and pulled out my notes. I started to scribble furiously but then paused. I was alone but I was scared. I couldn’t risk Lia coming in and seeing them. She was notorious for just barging in with out knocking. So I gathered them all up and moved them into Bobbi-Jos old room. Bringing a bag of coke with me as well.
I don’t know how long I was in there for. Till all the coke was gone that was for sure. I found myself just staring down at them. They were a mess. I was a mess. It was no wonder things were so out of control. I had so many things crossed out. Some things were things that had just recently happened. Others were the way I remembered them happening. Some things were so far off in the future. I had on one page a list of people in my math class and underneath it some scribbles about the time Gerard and I took a mini vacation and ended up Amish County.
I needed to get some kind of order back in my life. I went to the kitchen and dug through the drawer for a pair of scissors. I wasn’t going to rewrite all this crap. I would just cut and paste. But I had no paste. I found some rubber bands so I slipped them on my arm and kept digging. I found some paper clips and then some thumb tacks, so it was just going to have to make due.
I was two steps out of the kitchen when the phone rang. I wasn’t going to answer it. It was late and I was busy. But then I saw the caller ID said Lias number and I knew if I didn’t answer she was going to come over…
“What do you want?” I answered it and it wasn’t Lia… It was Gerard.
"Elle you okay there?" He says and my heart fluttered.
"Oh um hi Gerard." I said softly as I glanced around the room. My eyes resting on a dish on the counter covered in tinfoil. I didn’t see it before and I didn’t know what it was…”Im fine. Well not fine but you know” I said a little absentmindedly.
"Yeah I do” He kinda mumbled as I moved closer to the strange dish. I don’t know why but I was suddenly scared. I wasn’t even really listening cause it sounded like he said he wanted to talk to Ted
“Wait, just hold on.” I tell him lowering the phone down from my ear and peeking under the tinfoil.
“oh god bobbi.” I sighed. It was a piece of birthday cake. She made me a cake…
“Elle?” I hear Gerard say and I pulled the phone back to my ear.
“Im here whats the matter?” I sighed a little.
“Put Ted on the phone.” He says firmly and I smiled.
"What?" I kinda laughed but he was serious.
“Im serious. Lia said hes there with you, now put him on the phone.” He was getting flustered and I found myself smiling even wider now. I could see him in my mind. He does love me.
“Well tell me why and I will.” I lied to him. I just wanted to hear him say he loved me.
“Just do it.” He insisted but I refused.
“No you tell me first.” I was just as stubborn back.
“Ok fine cause youre fucked up.” He says and I frowned. However true those words were, they weren’t the ones I was expecting to hear. He then mumbled something about Ted taking advantage of me but I could hardly hear him… Someone was talking in the background. "Shut the fuck up" he yelled and then I heard Lia yelling over him.
“Just leave her alone.” She was laughing that crackly evil laugh she gets when shes high and is fucking with someone. “Im sure shes gonna have a good time with Teddy tonight. Ray gave her a condom.” I heard her say and then there was a commotion. Sounded like he dropped the phone or she snatched it from him. I don’t know. I was going to just hang up but then Lias voice filled the line. “Hey Ellie.” She sighed.
“Lia what the fuck are you doing over there.” I tell her and she sorta laughed. They were having some kind of party that’s for sure.
“Nothing just go to bed, kiss Teddy for me too ok?” She laughed and I frowned.
“Lia please stop fucking with Gerard.” I begged her but she just laughed once more.
“Night Elle.” She says and with that she hung up. I went back to Bobbi-Jos room and began cutting shit out. Pinning it to the wall but my mind kept running back to the chocolate cake in the kitchen. I was suddenly starving.
I went back to the kitchen and pulled a spoon out of the drawer scooping the chocolate frosting off. It was to die for. But as soon as the thought crossed my mind I felt suddenly sick again. My grandpa did die for it. I felt like the room was spinning. I was on my way back to the bathroom to throw up, still with the spoon in my mouth when a knock on the door stopped me.
I opened it slightly and peeked my head out. It was Gerard. "Can I come in?" he asked and I just stared at him. I didn’t know what to say. He reached over and pulled the spoon from my mouth and looked at it curiously. “what are you doing?” He asked a little amused and I shrugged.
I wasn’t doing anything really. Just taping crazy shit to the walls, sniffing coke off my compact and I was about to go throw up some birthday cake. But I couldn’t really tell him that…
“Nothing but thank you.” Was my response instead. I tried to close the door but he reached his hand out and stopped it from closing. He was looking at me intently. He scanned my face and then ran his eyes down my body, pausing at my arm.
“Is that a fucking rubber band on your arm?” He widened his eyes at it and before I could even stop him he had pushed the door open forcing his way inside. "What the fuck are you doing Elle?" He yelled at me.
"Nothing!" I exclaimed suddenly realizing why he was so upset. The spoon, the rubber band…
“Where is he?” He growled at me. Reminded me of my Bobby. That day he caught me shooting up.. Oh god… I felt myself going faint and Gerard kind of caught me. I couldn’t do this anymore.
“Gerard I have to tell you something please.” I began to whimper but he was still so focused on Teddy.
“Where is Teddy.” He repeated and I tried to focus myself back into reality. I didn’t want to pass out but I was so close to it.
“on my bed.” I mumbled and Gerard looked down the hallway. He didn’t know which one was my room. “First door on the right.” I added and I followed him down the hallway. He was much faster then I was, not just cause of my ankle, he was all kinds of wound up. When I got to the door way he was giving me a pissed off look.
“Hes not here.” He tells me and I rolled my eyes a little.
“Hes on the bed.” I pointed over to it. And he was. Right next to my pillow. “You see him. Okay. Good. Now can we talk.” I sighed a little. Gerard looked at the bed then at me then at the bed.
He stepped in front of me and tilted my face up to him. “Look at me.” he instructs me and I did. He wasn’t looking in my eyes, he was looking at them.
“Gerard stop.” I tried to swat him away. “Im not tripping.” I laughed unintentionally. “That’s teddy okay?” I pointed to the bed and he just kept frowning. “Seriously.” I hobbled over and climbed up on the bed. “This is teddy, say hello.” I teased him holding the bear up.
“Elle.” He sighed a little. He wasn’t getting it. “That’s a stuffed animal.” he says and I rolled my eyes once more.
“How could you not get this?” I asked him and he reached to take teddy from me.
But the stitches in his neck were still lose from before when I took that bag of coke out, I never tightened them. “Wait don’t pull.” I cried out but it was too late. I was gripping teddys legs and Gerard grabbed his head, I guess to take it from me and he just ripped apart. Tiny bags of drugs spilling all over the bed and on to the floor.
“Oh my god you just killed Teddy!” I shrieked in horror.
“What the fuck this is stuffed with crap Elle.” Gerard just started yelling at me. He was waving Teddy’s head around in the air wildly gesturing at the mess. And then it was like all of a sudden he got it. That teddy was a bear.
“Lias gonna kill you.” I tell him and he sorta smirked.
“Lias a fucking bitch.” He waved his finger at me. “oh Elle will be fine, shes got Ted to snuggle with tonight.” He mimicked her voice and I tried not to laugh.
“Gerard please don’t tell anyone about this.” I asked him softly and he just looked down at me still sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Come on, take my hand" he said reaching for me so I did. He pulled me upright into his arms. He ran his hand down my cheek and along my shirt collar and down my arm, sliding the rubber bands off as he did it. He held them up and I tried to take them from him but he wouldn’t let me.
“I was working on a project.” I say stupidly. I couldn’t lie. Not so close to him.
“A project?” He repeats back and I nodded. “What kind?’ He asks and I blurt out another stupid answer.
“Just you know, sorting and stuff.” I mumbled and I guess he might’ve thought like sorting my papas stuff. My eyes began to well up with tears. I wanted so badly to tell him but I couldn’t. Here I was back in the moment that started it all and I couldn’t even begin to tell him what I was feeling…
“Its gonna be okay.” he said softly and he leant forward again almost like he was going to kiss me. I was going to let him. I can fight fate. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and he pulled back.
"Oh shit I left Mikey in the car." He says and he looked at me and then towards the window.
"Just go, I'll be ok." I told him. He didn't move. I pushed him towards the door. Fate must really enjoy fucking with me I suppose. I don’t really know anymore…
“I don’t want to leave you.” He tells me and my heart clenched up in pain at the words. I swallowed back my tears choking on the next few words.
“But you will.”
And with that he was gone…
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