Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Beginning Is Never The End
Will Cutter.
Will Cutter was standing on my doorstep.
“Sorry did I scare you?” He asks as I tried to regain my composure.
“Um yeah…” I shifted once more behind the door. Yeah you scared me -and not just tonight I added silently to myself.
“Can I come in?” He motioned forward and I pressed the door even more closed now in response.
“What?” I stalled a little. Running my eyes over him a few times. I didn’t see any weapons but that didn’t mean he didn’t have any.
“Inside.” He kinda chuckled and I felt my body de-tensing. I suppose it was the way he said it, or maybe the look in his eye when he chuckled. But it was Will. The boy I once knew. I could feel it deep inside. I started to open the door and heard Gerard warning me deep in my mind. Don’t be stupid Elle…
“Um let me see your belt.” I nodded towards his waist and he chuckled once more.
“my belt?” He somewhat mumbled looking down at his waist. His hand reached for the buckle as he said it. “You want to see my belt?’ He repeated a little louder in amusement as he lifted his shirt slightly showing me the buckle now. But I wasn’t looking at the buckle. I was looking to see if he had a gun tucked into his waist band, which he didn’t…
“Yeah spin around.” I encouraged him, which he did with the same amount of amusement.
“You high Elle?” He spun back facing me and I smiled as I shrugged. I was but so what. He was clean.
“Come on in Will.” I opened the door for him and took his jacket once he was inside. “Go sit on the couch, Ill hang this up.” I told him reassuringly, and once he was gone I rummaged in his pockets quickly before hanging it on the hook. No gun in his pocket either. He did had a pack of gum, twenty seven cents and a bottle of pills though. It had his name on it, but it was nearly empty…
I went and joined him in the living room. He of course asked me about my ankle. I told him how I fell, how my papa died. He said he knew, which gave me pause, imagining he was already stalking me, that was until he explained he saw his obituary, hence his late night visit.
He then said he was surprised I was here though, it being Halloween and all. He assumed Id be out with Paul somewhere, or at least Paul would be here with me. I quickly told him that Paul and I broke up and instantly regretted it. I then stammered a bit. Attempting to backtrack Told him maybe we were getting back together, but then once more had second thoughts. Even if I did somehow convince him that Paul and I were together the truth would come out eventually. All I was doing was delaying the inevitable…
“I mean I don’t know.” I stammered on. “I don’t know whats going to happen with me and Paul, we’ve been together a while -and it wasn’t always good so it may be over. But that’s not-” I began to say and Will cut me off.
“I know how long you’ve been with Paul.” He cleared his throat a little. The mood in the room was changing slightly now. “I know how he treated you.”
“yeah I know and it wasn’t your fault.” I told him softly taking his hand in mine.
“Elle I shouldn’t have-” He begins to protest and I hushed him.
“Lets not talk about that ok?” I tell him not expecting an answer. “How are you doing Will? Are you okay? You seem…” I searched my head for an appropriate word.
“Im alright.” He shrugged but he clearly wasn’t.
“Are you taking any kind of meds Will?” I asked him and he looked at me like how would I know that. “I can kinda see it in your eyes.” I lie to him and he shrugged.
“Ive just been having a hard time with things lately.” He tells me and I nodded. This was good. Really really good. I could help Will.
I would help Will.
Even after everything that happened. I would help him. This was my chance, to fix at least one wrong. And who knows. A lot of the stress I put Gerard through was because of Will. Maybe we did have a shot at a life together. If I could remove this one huge stressor from our life, maybe he wouldn’t die so quickly on me…
“Tell me.” I squeezed Wills hand tightly.
“Well, see-” He was just about to tell me when a knocking at the door cut him short.
“What the fuck!” I cried out in frustration tossing my hands up in the air as I tried to get myself up off the couch. “Cant I get a fucking break here” I grumbled towards the ceiling.
“Here let me.” Will tells me, standing himself now. I don’t know if he meant let me get the door, or let me help you up, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want him to.
“No, you just stay right here.” I waved my finger at him, directing him to remain on the couch. We were gonna talk, I was gonna fix this tonight.
I grabbed my one crutch and wobbled down the hall glancing at the clock. It was fucking 11:30 at night. Who the hell is still out trick or treating at this hour? They deserve a can of creamed corn I decided to myself picking it up out of the basket before opening the door.
I was going to just chuck it outside at them and slam the door, but good thing I didn’t…
“Gerard.” I gasped at the sight of him. His eyes were pretty bloodshot and he was a little disheveled. He had that whole, I just rolled out of bed don’t I look so damn sexy look to him. The one that made me weak in the knees. “What are you doing here?” I asked a little confused. He wasn’t suppose to be here, but then again neither was I. “Wheres your car?” I asked stepping out on to the porch now to peek to the driveway. I didn’t see it anywhere.
“I walked.” He replies and I scrunched my face a little. It was a far walk from his house. “I was at Lias.” He clarifies.
“Shes having a party.” I remind myself out loud and he nodded.
“Yeah I know youre probably not in the mood for a party after everything.” He scuffed his boot against the step as he spoke. “But, um if you wanted to, I could bring you.” He suggests softly to me and I didn’t say anything. Just reached behind me and shut the door all the way. Gerard was looking down now and not at me. He was watching his boot scuff the step once more as he spoke. “or if you wanted to stay here…” His voice trailed off and then he looked up at me.
I shook my head no. I had to. I couldn’t go.
“I don’t know that its good that you’re all alone right now Elle.” His eyes locked on mine.. He came here cause he loves me. Cause he cares about me. He wanted to be here for me and God help me, I wanted nothing more then to jump into his arms. But I swallowed the ache down, like the jagged little pill it was.
“Im not all alone.” I tell him and he sorta smiled.
“yeah I know, Ted is here.” He teased me and now I was smiling back at him. All of a sudden the door opened behind me and Gerards smile was gone as Will stepped into the doorway.
“You okay out here Elle?” He says and I nodded. “Ah.” He says glancing over at Gerard. “I thought maybe someone was giving you a hard time about your ‘candy’.” He teased me and I gave him a weak smile. Gerard however wasn’t quite as amused.
“Um Gerard you know Will right?” I motioned towards him. “Will Cutter. I use to date him before Paul.” I added trying to fill the silence. Gerard was just looking at him.
“Uh yeah.” He finally says and it was silent once more. A weird awkward stress filled the night air.
“Will…um can you go wait inside” I said softly turning towards him. “Ill be right in. I promise. We‘ll pick right back up where we left off okay?” I tell him and he nodded. Gave Gerard a quick see you later man and went back in the house.
I turned my attention back to Gerard once the door was shut. He was staring off into the darkness now. His face turned to the side. Perhaps if I had seen it, I would’ve chosen my words more carefully.
“Thank you for checking on me.” I tell him and he snickered. Turning his eyes back to me roughly. They were filled with almost disgust. He had only looked at me one time before like that. For a split second when he caught me with Bob…
“Stop with the ‘thank yous’ it doesn’t really suit you.” He tells me snidely and I looked at him in disbelief for a second before a wave of anger rose up inside me.
“What?” I demanded from him and he snickered once more as he stepped back from the porch.
“You want to hook up with your old boyfriends.-go ahead.” He sorta waved his hand in the air in disgust and I frowned. That’s not what I was doing. How dare he say such a thing! I was doing this for us.
“Gerard.” I shook my head in frustration.
“This is what you’ve been hiding from Lia.” He accuses me.
“No!” I cried out and he clearly didn’t believe me.
“Whatever just.” He took yet another step back. “You do what you want Elle.” He said my name like it was a curse.
“You don’t know what I want.” I exclaimed and he laughed sharply.
“No you don’t know what you want.” He snapped back. This was spinning quickly into the wrong direction…
“I mean like, you don’t know why I do what I do.” I tried to regain some sort of control but it was useless.
“Oh no.” He chuckled. “I know exactly why you do what you do Elle..” He tells me and with those words my eyes just welled up with tears. He made it sound like I was some kind of slut. A drugged out whore bouncing from one bed to the next. That I just couldn’t help myself.
“Fuck you.” I cursed at him through my tears.
“Not tonight you got a full house already.” He glared past me. Looking at the house behind me. I wanted to grab him and just shake some sense into him.
I guess we were getting loud or maybe Will was just tired of waiting but once more the door opened behind me. Will appeared in the doorway once more this time looking a little concerned. I wanted to tell him to go back in. I wasn’t done with Gerard yet, but apparently he was done with me.
“You two have a nice night.” He spat at me and with that he was gone…
Will Cutter was standing on my doorstep.
“Sorry did I scare you?” He asks as I tried to regain my composure.
“Um yeah…” I shifted once more behind the door. Yeah you scared me -and not just tonight I added silently to myself.
“Can I come in?” He motioned forward and I pressed the door even more closed now in response.
“What?” I stalled a little. Running my eyes over him a few times. I didn’t see any weapons but that didn’t mean he didn’t have any.
“Inside.” He kinda chuckled and I felt my body de-tensing. I suppose it was the way he said it, or maybe the look in his eye when he chuckled. But it was Will. The boy I once knew. I could feel it deep inside. I started to open the door and heard Gerard warning me deep in my mind. Don’t be stupid Elle…
“Um let me see your belt.” I nodded towards his waist and he chuckled once more.
“my belt?” He somewhat mumbled looking down at his waist. His hand reached for the buckle as he said it. “You want to see my belt?’ He repeated a little louder in amusement as he lifted his shirt slightly showing me the buckle now. But I wasn’t looking at the buckle. I was looking to see if he had a gun tucked into his waist band, which he didn’t…
“Yeah spin around.” I encouraged him, which he did with the same amount of amusement.
“You high Elle?” He spun back facing me and I smiled as I shrugged. I was but so what. He was clean.
“Come on in Will.” I opened the door for him and took his jacket once he was inside. “Go sit on the couch, Ill hang this up.” I told him reassuringly, and once he was gone I rummaged in his pockets quickly before hanging it on the hook. No gun in his pocket either. He did had a pack of gum, twenty seven cents and a bottle of pills though. It had his name on it, but it was nearly empty…
I went and joined him in the living room. He of course asked me about my ankle. I told him how I fell, how my papa died. He said he knew, which gave me pause, imagining he was already stalking me, that was until he explained he saw his obituary, hence his late night visit.
He then said he was surprised I was here though, it being Halloween and all. He assumed Id be out with Paul somewhere, or at least Paul would be here with me. I quickly told him that Paul and I broke up and instantly regretted it. I then stammered a bit. Attempting to backtrack Told him maybe we were getting back together, but then once more had second thoughts. Even if I did somehow convince him that Paul and I were together the truth would come out eventually. All I was doing was delaying the inevitable…
“I mean I don’t know.” I stammered on. “I don’t know whats going to happen with me and Paul, we’ve been together a while -and it wasn’t always good so it may be over. But that’s not-” I began to say and Will cut me off.
“I know how long you’ve been with Paul.” He cleared his throat a little. The mood in the room was changing slightly now. “I know how he treated you.”
“yeah I know and it wasn’t your fault.” I told him softly taking his hand in mine.
“Elle I shouldn’t have-” He begins to protest and I hushed him.
“Lets not talk about that ok?” I tell him not expecting an answer. “How are you doing Will? Are you okay? You seem…” I searched my head for an appropriate word.
“Im alright.” He shrugged but he clearly wasn’t.
“Are you taking any kind of meds Will?” I asked him and he looked at me like how would I know that. “I can kinda see it in your eyes.” I lie to him and he shrugged.
“Ive just been having a hard time with things lately.” He tells me and I nodded. This was good. Really really good. I could help Will.
I would help Will.
Even after everything that happened. I would help him. This was my chance, to fix at least one wrong. And who knows. A lot of the stress I put Gerard through was because of Will. Maybe we did have a shot at a life together. If I could remove this one huge stressor from our life, maybe he wouldn’t die so quickly on me…
“Tell me.” I squeezed Wills hand tightly.
“Well, see-” He was just about to tell me when a knocking at the door cut him short.
“What the fuck!” I cried out in frustration tossing my hands up in the air as I tried to get myself up off the couch. “Cant I get a fucking break here” I grumbled towards the ceiling.
“Here let me.” Will tells me, standing himself now. I don’t know if he meant let me get the door, or let me help you up, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want him to.
“No, you just stay right here.” I waved my finger at him, directing him to remain on the couch. We were gonna talk, I was gonna fix this tonight.
I grabbed my one crutch and wobbled down the hall glancing at the clock. It was fucking 11:30 at night. Who the hell is still out trick or treating at this hour? They deserve a can of creamed corn I decided to myself picking it up out of the basket before opening the door.
I was going to just chuck it outside at them and slam the door, but good thing I didn’t…
“Gerard.” I gasped at the sight of him. His eyes were pretty bloodshot and he was a little disheveled. He had that whole, I just rolled out of bed don’t I look so damn sexy look to him. The one that made me weak in the knees. “What are you doing here?” I asked a little confused. He wasn’t suppose to be here, but then again neither was I. “Wheres your car?” I asked stepping out on to the porch now to peek to the driveway. I didn’t see it anywhere.
“I walked.” He replies and I scrunched my face a little. It was a far walk from his house. “I was at Lias.” He clarifies.
“Shes having a party.” I remind myself out loud and he nodded.
“Yeah I know youre probably not in the mood for a party after everything.” He scuffed his boot against the step as he spoke. “But, um if you wanted to, I could bring you.” He suggests softly to me and I didn’t say anything. Just reached behind me and shut the door all the way. Gerard was looking down now and not at me. He was watching his boot scuff the step once more as he spoke. “or if you wanted to stay here…” His voice trailed off and then he looked up at me.
I shook my head no. I had to. I couldn’t go.
“I don’t know that its good that you’re all alone right now Elle.” His eyes locked on mine.. He came here cause he loves me. Cause he cares about me. He wanted to be here for me and God help me, I wanted nothing more then to jump into his arms. But I swallowed the ache down, like the jagged little pill it was.
“Im not all alone.” I tell him and he sorta smiled.
“yeah I know, Ted is here.” He teased me and now I was smiling back at him. All of a sudden the door opened behind me and Gerards smile was gone as Will stepped into the doorway.
“You okay out here Elle?” He says and I nodded. “Ah.” He says glancing over at Gerard. “I thought maybe someone was giving you a hard time about your ‘candy’.” He teased me and I gave him a weak smile. Gerard however wasn’t quite as amused.
“Um Gerard you know Will right?” I motioned towards him. “Will Cutter. I use to date him before Paul.” I added trying to fill the silence. Gerard was just looking at him.
“Uh yeah.” He finally says and it was silent once more. A weird awkward stress filled the night air.
“Will…um can you go wait inside” I said softly turning towards him. “Ill be right in. I promise. We‘ll pick right back up where we left off okay?” I tell him and he nodded. Gave Gerard a quick see you later man and went back in the house.
I turned my attention back to Gerard once the door was shut. He was staring off into the darkness now. His face turned to the side. Perhaps if I had seen it, I would’ve chosen my words more carefully.
“Thank you for checking on me.” I tell him and he snickered. Turning his eyes back to me roughly. They were filled with almost disgust. He had only looked at me one time before like that. For a split second when he caught me with Bob…
“Stop with the ‘thank yous’ it doesn’t really suit you.” He tells me snidely and I looked at him in disbelief for a second before a wave of anger rose up inside me.
“What?” I demanded from him and he snickered once more as he stepped back from the porch.
“You want to hook up with your old boyfriends.-go ahead.” He sorta waved his hand in the air in disgust and I frowned. That’s not what I was doing. How dare he say such a thing! I was doing this for us.
“Gerard.” I shook my head in frustration.
“This is what you’ve been hiding from Lia.” He accuses me.
“No!” I cried out and he clearly didn’t believe me.
“Whatever just.” He took yet another step back. “You do what you want Elle.” He said my name like it was a curse.
“You don’t know what I want.” I exclaimed and he laughed sharply.
“No you don’t know what you want.” He snapped back. This was spinning quickly into the wrong direction…
“I mean like, you don’t know why I do what I do.” I tried to regain some sort of control but it was useless.
“Oh no.” He chuckled. “I know exactly why you do what you do Elle..” He tells me and with those words my eyes just welled up with tears. He made it sound like I was some kind of slut. A drugged out whore bouncing from one bed to the next. That I just couldn’t help myself.
“Fuck you.” I cursed at him through my tears.
“Not tonight you got a full house already.” He glared past me. Looking at the house behind me. I wanted to grab him and just shake some sense into him.
I guess we were getting loud or maybe Will was just tired of waiting but once more the door opened behind me. Will appeared in the doorway once more this time looking a little concerned. I wanted to tell him to go back in. I wasn’t done with Gerard yet, but apparently he was done with me.
“You two have a nice night.” He spat at me and with that he was gone…
Sign up to rate and review this story