Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I Find It Hard To Stay
Pen refused to say another word to Mikey, except to tell him that she wanted to talk to Gerard. After fighting for a few minutes, Mikey sighed and stood up, hopefully to go get Gerard, Pen thought.
A few minutes later, Gerard entered her hospital room, a cigarette butt held loosely between his middle and forefinger. His head was down, and he shuffled with a guilty pace. Pen wondered what he could possibly feel guilty for; she was the one who had made a stupid mistake.
“Gerard!” Pen wasn’t thinking about mistakes, she was just thinking about how good it felt to see her friend again, especially after the ordeal she’d been through the night before.
“Hey, Pen,” he lifted his head and offered a weak smile, trying to sound happy. Pen wasn’t fooled.
“What’s wrong?”
“Pen,” he said, getting closer and sitting next to her on the bed. “I’m so sorry. I should have taken the pills with me, burned them, thrown them in a lake, something. It’s my fault that--” he trailed off.
“Gerard, no!” Pen yelled, sitting up and scooting away so she could look him in the eye. “This is completely all my fault. I should have listened to you. I’m so sorry I put you all through this, it was selfish of me.”
Gerard hugged her to him. “It’s fine.” he cooed. “We’re both to blame. It’s alright now, and that’s all that matters. But Pen,” he pulled away and looked at her. “The vision of you laying lifeless in a lake of blood, with huge cuts all over you body is something I will never be able to forget. So I--that’s why…I--” he was unable to finish the sentence, not knowing quite how he was going to word this.
“Just tell me, Gerard,” Pen steeled herself for the worst. He was going to tell her to leave. They’d drive her as far as the next town, and then she’d be high and dry. Out on her own. Pen teared up just thinking about having to live her life knowing that she had lost herself the best friends she’d ever had, and that she’d deserved it.
“I’m going to stop drinking and doing drugs, and I want you to as well.”
Pen’s jaw dropped and the flow of tears was dammed. Stop? Stop it all? Everything? The drinking she could do, but…give up coke? One bad trip and now everyone wanted her to stop the only thing that kept her going? “I--” she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of what to say. “--can’t,” she finished, looking away to avoid Gerard’s stern gaze.
“But, Pen--”
“I said no!” she yelled, finally turning to face him, spurred by a sudden anger. “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do here, Gerard.”
“I don’t?” he asked, beginning to get angry as well. “You think I don’t understand how hard this is gonna be? You think it’s the easiest decision in the world to make to give up the only thing I’ve lived for for most of my life? It’s going to be just as difficult for me as it is for you!”
“Apparently not, if you can just make this decision all willy-nilly and then ask me to do the same! At least I’m not lying to myself by trying to convince myself that I can change, because I can’t. You’re just fooling yourself, Gerard.”
The two looked at each other, both livid, both convinced that they were right and the other was wrong. Finally, Gerard got up and left, without another word. Pen sat back on her pillows and sulked. Everyone wants something, she thought bitterly.
A few minutes after her blow-up with Gerard, Bob walked in, and relief seemed to wash over Pen. For some reason, everything seemed alright the minute he walked into the room. “Bob,” she breathed, glad he was there to comfort her. He never asked anything of her, just held her close and let her cry. She needed to cry. She held her arms out to prompt a hug.
“Penelope,” Bob nodded curtly, not making a move to embrace her, or get closer at all. It broke his heart to do so, but it had to be done.
Pen’s heart broke and her arms fell. “Bob, what’s--what’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” she felt her lower lip tremble, and tears slip past the confines of her eyes.
“Not exactly,” Bob answered, using every ounce of his willpower not to run at her, scoop her up in his arms, and hold her close as he wiped her tears away.
Gerard had come out to the rest of the band minutes before, shaking his head. He told them what had happened and they all looked at each other, wondering what was to be done about their friend that was killing herself. Finally, they all agreed that there could be no more molly-coddling, and that they would have to be firm with her to get her to give up the drugs.
In the moment that Pen looked up at him, pleading with her eyes and tears glistening on the ends of her eyelashes, Bob’s reserve crashed and burned. He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t deny her the affection that he so wanted to give. In two strides, he was at her side in the bed, and she had crawled into his lap to be comforted.
“Penelope,” he murmured into her hair. “You have to stop.”
Pen turned around to face him, biting her lip and tasting the salty tears that had dried there. “I can’t,” she whispered, turning back around and climbing off his lap. “I just can’t.”
Okay, so this chapter is somewhat short as well, but I uploaded it today, despite my usual rule of letting a few days pass between updates. So yeah. I promise, double-diddly promise, cross my heart, that the next chapter will be longer, and it will be much more copious in the action. It's very full of the drama. All you'se guys has ta' do is go review. Know why? Because the comment gods won't allow me to update again until they deem the review amount sufficient. I don't make the rules. Haha, so go do it. Thanks. OverAndOutxx
Bee-tee-dubs, VendettaEmma, it's funny you would say that because one of the other sites I'm on is Mibba. O.O But yeah, I have a few more stories up there because this account is newer. Is this website going under? I hope not, I like the people here, and I was thinking of posting my other MyChem FanFic here...Hmm...food for thought.
A few minutes later, Gerard entered her hospital room, a cigarette butt held loosely between his middle and forefinger. His head was down, and he shuffled with a guilty pace. Pen wondered what he could possibly feel guilty for; she was the one who had made a stupid mistake.
“Gerard!” Pen wasn’t thinking about mistakes, she was just thinking about how good it felt to see her friend again, especially after the ordeal she’d been through the night before.
“Hey, Pen,” he lifted his head and offered a weak smile, trying to sound happy. Pen wasn’t fooled.
“What’s wrong?”
“Pen,” he said, getting closer and sitting next to her on the bed. “I’m so sorry. I should have taken the pills with me, burned them, thrown them in a lake, something. It’s my fault that--” he trailed off.
“Gerard, no!” Pen yelled, sitting up and scooting away so she could look him in the eye. “This is completely all my fault. I should have listened to you. I’m so sorry I put you all through this, it was selfish of me.”
Gerard hugged her to him. “It’s fine.” he cooed. “We’re both to blame. It’s alright now, and that’s all that matters. But Pen,” he pulled away and looked at her. “The vision of you laying lifeless in a lake of blood, with huge cuts all over you body is something I will never be able to forget. So I--that’s why…I--” he was unable to finish the sentence, not knowing quite how he was going to word this.
“Just tell me, Gerard,” Pen steeled herself for the worst. He was going to tell her to leave. They’d drive her as far as the next town, and then she’d be high and dry. Out on her own. Pen teared up just thinking about having to live her life knowing that she had lost herself the best friends she’d ever had, and that she’d deserved it.
“I’m going to stop drinking and doing drugs, and I want you to as well.”
Pen’s jaw dropped and the flow of tears was dammed. Stop? Stop it all? Everything? The drinking she could do, but…give up coke? One bad trip and now everyone wanted her to stop the only thing that kept her going? “I--” she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of what to say. “--can’t,” she finished, looking away to avoid Gerard’s stern gaze.
“But, Pen--”
“I said no!” she yelled, finally turning to face him, spurred by a sudden anger. “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do here, Gerard.”
“I don’t?” he asked, beginning to get angry as well. “You think I don’t understand how hard this is gonna be? You think it’s the easiest decision in the world to make to give up the only thing I’ve lived for for most of my life? It’s going to be just as difficult for me as it is for you!”
“Apparently not, if you can just make this decision all willy-nilly and then ask me to do the same! At least I’m not lying to myself by trying to convince myself that I can change, because I can’t. You’re just fooling yourself, Gerard.”
The two looked at each other, both livid, both convinced that they were right and the other was wrong. Finally, Gerard got up and left, without another word. Pen sat back on her pillows and sulked. Everyone wants something, she thought bitterly.
A few minutes after her blow-up with Gerard, Bob walked in, and relief seemed to wash over Pen. For some reason, everything seemed alright the minute he walked into the room. “Bob,” she breathed, glad he was there to comfort her. He never asked anything of her, just held her close and let her cry. She needed to cry. She held her arms out to prompt a hug.
“Penelope,” Bob nodded curtly, not making a move to embrace her, or get closer at all. It broke his heart to do so, but it had to be done.
Pen’s heart broke and her arms fell. “Bob, what’s--what’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” she felt her lower lip tremble, and tears slip past the confines of her eyes.
“Not exactly,” Bob answered, using every ounce of his willpower not to run at her, scoop her up in his arms, and hold her close as he wiped her tears away.
Gerard had come out to the rest of the band minutes before, shaking his head. He told them what had happened and they all looked at each other, wondering what was to be done about their friend that was killing herself. Finally, they all agreed that there could be no more molly-coddling, and that they would have to be firm with her to get her to give up the drugs.
In the moment that Pen looked up at him, pleading with her eyes and tears glistening on the ends of her eyelashes, Bob’s reserve crashed and burned. He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t deny her the affection that he so wanted to give. In two strides, he was at her side in the bed, and she had crawled into his lap to be comforted.
“Penelope,” he murmured into her hair. “You have to stop.”
Pen turned around to face him, biting her lip and tasting the salty tears that had dried there. “I can’t,” she whispered, turning back around and climbing off his lap. “I just can’t.”
Okay, so this chapter is somewhat short as well, but I uploaded it today, despite my usual rule of letting a few days pass between updates. So yeah. I promise, double-diddly promise, cross my heart, that the next chapter will be longer, and it will be much more copious in the action. It's very full of the drama. All you'se guys has ta' do is go review. Know why? Because the comment gods won't allow me to update again until they deem the review amount sufficient. I don't make the rules. Haha, so go do it. Thanks. OverAndOutxx
Bee-tee-dubs, VendettaEmma, it's funny you would say that because one of the other sites I'm on is Mibba. O.O But yeah, I have a few more stories up there because this account is newer. Is this website going under? I hope not, I like the people here, and I was thinking of posting my other MyChem FanFic here...Hmm...food for thought.
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