Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > My Own Sins
There was no shortage of emotions; the only question was, which one was the overriding feeling? Mr Sandman had many questions swirling around in his head but as he pushed open the door, his mouth dried and the questions stuck in his throat. Standing still, he stared into the room he knew well - his father's study. At the far end of the room stood The Guv'nor. From the way he looked at his son, it was clear he had been expecting him. What he hadn't expected was to see Patrick alongside him. He knew, of course, that Patrick wasn't his other son, Dr Benzedrine, but the sight of the pair together warmed his heart. Maybe, just maybe, this was taste of things to come. It was a fanciful dream, but he could hope.
“Marcus, come in.”
“Oh,” Sandman cocked his head to one side as he walked inside, flanked by Patrick. “You remember my name then?”
“Marcus, your mother wanted me to go easy on you,” The Guv'nor began, “but I doubt even she would expect me to deal with your attitude.”
“My attitude!” Sandman gasped. “I'm not the one replacing you with someone else! I'm not…”
“Be quiet, Marcus!” The Guv'nor growled angrily. “You know full well that the interview was merely a ruse to draw you here. The strange thing is that even though you know - and you do, don't you, Marcus - you still came.”
“Well, I…”
“You want to sort this out as much as I do and I understand that. But first, Marcus let me explain a few home truths to you… you are a fool. An impetuous, self-centred, insecure, paranoid fool!”
“No, don't hold back!” he snapped in return. “Tell me what you really think!”
“All this about you being banished,” The Guv'nor asked with distaste. “About Silas trying to get me to get rid of you. Tell me honestly, do you actually believe it? I mean, really believe it?”
“Of course I do,” Sandman grumbled in reply with a vague shrug of his shoulders.
“I said honestly!” The Guv'nor yelled, taking long determined strides towards Mr Sandman.
“Look, I don't know what to believe any more! Things were going well… well, no they weren't, but they weren't bad and then you sent me away to The Dream World! You even took away my powers if I returned to The Hills! I couldn't defend myself if I came back even to visit! And you kept Silas by you constantly. Suddenly one son was enough for you and it wasn't me! I was your first born, so I guess I let you down in some way, because you found it way too easy to get rid of me. I lost everyone that day! You, Mother and, yes, even Silas. I know we didn't get on, but we might have worked things out but… but you took his powers too! He couldn't come to The Dream World. I was alone after centuries of having, what I thought was, a loving family, I was completely abandoned! Now tell me you didn't banish me!”
The Guv'nor paled at Mr Sandman's tirade. Everything he had said was true, from a certain perspective, but none of it was how it was meant to be.
“Silas went with you to The Dream World to help you settle. You threw him out, told him he wasn't welcome there.”
“He kept telling me it was an honour! Tell me how being ditched by your family is an honour! And Silas, your Golden Boy, you kept him close enough, didn't you? He didn't let you down, did he?”
“All this time? That's what you thought?”
“What else was I supposed to think?” Sandman asked miserably.
The Guv'nor nodded as he looked with pity at his eldest son. He was trembling, partly with anger, partly with anxiety. His eyes were trying hard not to well up and his brow was creasing under the effort of holding back long overdue tears.
“Marcus, please, sit down, let me explain, but first, who is your friend?”
Too choked to speak, Sandman lowered his eyes.
“I'm Patrick, Sir,” he introduced himself. “Pete's friend.”
“And you're not demanding to see him?” The Guv'nor queried with surprise.
The truth was that Patrick was in no position to demand anything. He had to play nice with these people or he may never be returned to his own world. But the question required a different kind of response other than acknowledgement of fear.
“I saw him in the interview and he looked well. You obviously have something important to deal with here, I can wait.”
The Guv'nor raised an eyebrow. “Marcus, your friend is lying to me.”
“I…” Patrick began only to be silenced by a wave of The Guv'nor's hand.
“Do you know why he's lying?”
“No,” Sandman replied in a small voice. “I didn't know he was.”
“He's lying so that I'm not distracted from talking to you. He wants desperately for him and his friend to be allowed to return home, but he is putting his needs second to yours.”
Sandman looked up once more and turned a puzzled expression toward Patrick. “Why?”
“I've spoken to you and your brother and I think you've all fallen into this situation because none of you have ever explained anything and you've all just assumed the worst. Finally, you're talking, I'm not going to interrupt that.”
“Please, sit down, both of you.”
“This is a family matter, Sir…”
“Please stay,” Sandman almost begged.
Nodding silently, Patrick settled onto a comfortable leather couch alongside Mr Sandman as The Guv'nor perched himself against his desk.
“Marcus, I always wanted you to have The Dream World, even when you were a small boy. You were always quick-witted and creative and those qualities were ideal for it. But, it's true, you were also quite emotional, which, in itself, wasn't a problem, but it made you quite needy and jealous and a little high-maintenance.”
“Thanks,” Sandman grumbled. “I feel better already.”
“Hear me out, Marcus,” The Guv'nor scolded lightly. “As you grew up, your relationship with Silas deteriorated dramatically.”
“Well, that might be because you started grooming him to take over The Hills. Getting him to study to be a doctor, like you. Keeping him here, teaching him how to govern. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in The Dream World and can't even return because you took my powers away from me!”
“I gave you The Dream World because I had always wanted to, it never occurred to me that you wouldn't want it. I really thought you wanted it too, that it would make you happy. I'm sorry.”
Sandman looked up, astonished; his father had apologised to him. For the briefest of moments, he felt guilty.
“I love The Dream World,” he admitted quietly. “I always did, despite what I told Silas.”
“Good,” The Guv'nor smiled. “But there is something else that happened that you weren't aware of. I became ill.”
“What!” Sandman's eyes grew wide. “You never told me. Is it serious? Are you… okay?”
“Silas wanted to travel. I asked him to stay, to be Mr Benzedrine to your Mr Sandman and I asked him to study so that I would have a doctor I trusted. What could he say? I kept him from leaving.”
“Why didn't you tell me? I would have come home, I would have done all that!”
“It was wrong of me, I know that now, but you were my first born, I wanted you to have your dream and to enjoy it.” The Guv'nor shook his head. “Silas stayed, eventually became Dr Benzedrine and looked after me but he shifted the blame for losing his dream onto you.”
“You're telling me that Silas gave up everything so I could have what I wanted?”
“Yes.”
“And I hated him for it?” Finally Sandman's tears spilled onto his cheeks.
“If you're going to hate anyone, it should be me,” he sighed. “I made grave mistakes with both of you, it's taken me a long time to see that.”
“I can't hate you,” Sandman choked out. “I don't want to hate anyone! Where's Silas?”
The Guv'nor looked at the door and gestured with his hand toward himself.
“Come in,” he nodded.
“Silas?” Sandman jumped to his fee and turned only to show his disappointment as Donnie escorted Pete into the room.
“Patrick?” Pete called.
Rising swiftly from the couch, Patrick ran to his friend.
“Are you okay?” he asked quickly.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” Pete reassured him. “You?”
Patrick nodded before turning back to face The Guv'nor. “Can we go back now?”
“Of course, Donnie, will you return them to their own world, please?”
“Donnie?” Sandman cut in. “Why are you here?”
“Ah, something else I should explain,” The Guv'nor sighed. “Donnie works for me, I asked him to keep an eye on both of you. Not to interfere, just observe and keep me up to date.”
“Both of us?” Sandman frowned.
“Don't you think I should worry about both of you?”
“Enough to spy on us?”
“Donnie was never intrusive, I just wanted to be sure you were okay, that's all.”
“Sir?” Donnie cut in urgently; his tone told them all that something was wrong.
“Donnie? What is it?” The Guv'nor asked.
“Dr Benzedrine, Sir, he went alone into The DreamWorld… into the forest.”
Sandman's head spun to face Donnie, his eyes wide with panic.
“That's were the escaped nightmares live!”
“He's been captured,” Donnie lowered his eyes as he saw the pain on Sandman's face.
“What by?”
“Your nightmare.”
“It'll kill him! I've got to…”
“You can't fight that thing alone,” Donnie cut in. “Let me help.”
“I can't ask you…”
“You didn't.”
Sandman smiled weakly in reply before turning to Patrick and Pete.
“Patrick… Pete… I've no right to ask for your help after everything we've done to you, but I need to tell my brother I was wrong about him… that… I love him. Will… will you help me?”
Patrick and Pete exchanged glances, their serious expressions stretching into broad grins.
“Let's go,” Patrick replied for both of them.
“Marcus, come in.”
“Oh,” Sandman cocked his head to one side as he walked inside, flanked by Patrick. “You remember my name then?”
“Marcus, your mother wanted me to go easy on you,” The Guv'nor began, “but I doubt even she would expect me to deal with your attitude.”
“My attitude!” Sandman gasped. “I'm not the one replacing you with someone else! I'm not…”
“Be quiet, Marcus!” The Guv'nor growled angrily. “You know full well that the interview was merely a ruse to draw you here. The strange thing is that even though you know - and you do, don't you, Marcus - you still came.”
“Well, I…”
“You want to sort this out as much as I do and I understand that. But first, Marcus let me explain a few home truths to you… you are a fool. An impetuous, self-centred, insecure, paranoid fool!”
“No, don't hold back!” he snapped in return. “Tell me what you really think!”
“All this about you being banished,” The Guv'nor asked with distaste. “About Silas trying to get me to get rid of you. Tell me honestly, do you actually believe it? I mean, really believe it?”
“Of course I do,” Sandman grumbled in reply with a vague shrug of his shoulders.
“I said honestly!” The Guv'nor yelled, taking long determined strides towards Mr Sandman.
“Look, I don't know what to believe any more! Things were going well… well, no they weren't, but they weren't bad and then you sent me away to The Dream World! You even took away my powers if I returned to The Hills! I couldn't defend myself if I came back even to visit! And you kept Silas by you constantly. Suddenly one son was enough for you and it wasn't me! I was your first born, so I guess I let you down in some way, because you found it way too easy to get rid of me. I lost everyone that day! You, Mother and, yes, even Silas. I know we didn't get on, but we might have worked things out but… but you took his powers too! He couldn't come to The Dream World. I was alone after centuries of having, what I thought was, a loving family, I was completely abandoned! Now tell me you didn't banish me!”
The Guv'nor paled at Mr Sandman's tirade. Everything he had said was true, from a certain perspective, but none of it was how it was meant to be.
“Silas went with you to The Dream World to help you settle. You threw him out, told him he wasn't welcome there.”
“He kept telling me it was an honour! Tell me how being ditched by your family is an honour! And Silas, your Golden Boy, you kept him close enough, didn't you? He didn't let you down, did he?”
“All this time? That's what you thought?”
“What else was I supposed to think?” Sandman asked miserably.
The Guv'nor nodded as he looked with pity at his eldest son. He was trembling, partly with anger, partly with anxiety. His eyes were trying hard not to well up and his brow was creasing under the effort of holding back long overdue tears.
“Marcus, please, sit down, let me explain, but first, who is your friend?”
Too choked to speak, Sandman lowered his eyes.
“I'm Patrick, Sir,” he introduced himself. “Pete's friend.”
“And you're not demanding to see him?” The Guv'nor queried with surprise.
The truth was that Patrick was in no position to demand anything. He had to play nice with these people or he may never be returned to his own world. But the question required a different kind of response other than acknowledgement of fear.
“I saw him in the interview and he looked well. You obviously have something important to deal with here, I can wait.”
The Guv'nor raised an eyebrow. “Marcus, your friend is lying to me.”
“I…” Patrick began only to be silenced by a wave of The Guv'nor's hand.
“Do you know why he's lying?”
“No,” Sandman replied in a small voice. “I didn't know he was.”
“He's lying so that I'm not distracted from talking to you. He wants desperately for him and his friend to be allowed to return home, but he is putting his needs second to yours.”
Sandman looked up once more and turned a puzzled expression toward Patrick. “Why?”
“I've spoken to you and your brother and I think you've all fallen into this situation because none of you have ever explained anything and you've all just assumed the worst. Finally, you're talking, I'm not going to interrupt that.”
“Please, sit down, both of you.”
“This is a family matter, Sir…”
“Please stay,” Sandman almost begged.
Nodding silently, Patrick settled onto a comfortable leather couch alongside Mr Sandman as The Guv'nor perched himself against his desk.
“Marcus, I always wanted you to have The Dream World, even when you were a small boy. You were always quick-witted and creative and those qualities were ideal for it. But, it's true, you were also quite emotional, which, in itself, wasn't a problem, but it made you quite needy and jealous and a little high-maintenance.”
“Thanks,” Sandman grumbled. “I feel better already.”
“Hear me out, Marcus,” The Guv'nor scolded lightly. “As you grew up, your relationship with Silas deteriorated dramatically.”
“Well, that might be because you started grooming him to take over The Hills. Getting him to study to be a doctor, like you. Keeping him here, teaching him how to govern. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in The Dream World and can't even return because you took my powers away from me!”
“I gave you The Dream World because I had always wanted to, it never occurred to me that you wouldn't want it. I really thought you wanted it too, that it would make you happy. I'm sorry.”
Sandman looked up, astonished; his father had apologised to him. For the briefest of moments, he felt guilty.
“I love The Dream World,” he admitted quietly. “I always did, despite what I told Silas.”
“Good,” The Guv'nor smiled. “But there is something else that happened that you weren't aware of. I became ill.”
“What!” Sandman's eyes grew wide. “You never told me. Is it serious? Are you… okay?”
“Silas wanted to travel. I asked him to stay, to be Mr Benzedrine to your Mr Sandman and I asked him to study so that I would have a doctor I trusted. What could he say? I kept him from leaving.”
“Why didn't you tell me? I would have come home, I would have done all that!”
“It was wrong of me, I know that now, but you were my first born, I wanted you to have your dream and to enjoy it.” The Guv'nor shook his head. “Silas stayed, eventually became Dr Benzedrine and looked after me but he shifted the blame for losing his dream onto you.”
“You're telling me that Silas gave up everything so I could have what I wanted?”
“Yes.”
“And I hated him for it?” Finally Sandman's tears spilled onto his cheeks.
“If you're going to hate anyone, it should be me,” he sighed. “I made grave mistakes with both of you, it's taken me a long time to see that.”
“I can't hate you,” Sandman choked out. “I don't want to hate anyone! Where's Silas?”
The Guv'nor looked at the door and gestured with his hand toward himself.
“Come in,” he nodded.
“Silas?” Sandman jumped to his fee and turned only to show his disappointment as Donnie escorted Pete into the room.
“Patrick?” Pete called.
Rising swiftly from the couch, Patrick ran to his friend.
“Are you okay?” he asked quickly.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” Pete reassured him. “You?”
Patrick nodded before turning back to face The Guv'nor. “Can we go back now?”
“Of course, Donnie, will you return them to their own world, please?”
“Donnie?” Sandman cut in. “Why are you here?”
“Ah, something else I should explain,” The Guv'nor sighed. “Donnie works for me, I asked him to keep an eye on both of you. Not to interfere, just observe and keep me up to date.”
“Both of us?” Sandman frowned.
“Don't you think I should worry about both of you?”
“Enough to spy on us?”
“Donnie was never intrusive, I just wanted to be sure you were okay, that's all.”
“Sir?” Donnie cut in urgently; his tone told them all that something was wrong.
“Donnie? What is it?” The Guv'nor asked.
“Dr Benzedrine, Sir, he went alone into The DreamWorld… into the forest.”
Sandman's head spun to face Donnie, his eyes wide with panic.
“That's were the escaped nightmares live!”
“He's been captured,” Donnie lowered his eyes as he saw the pain on Sandman's face.
“What by?”
“Your nightmare.”
“It'll kill him! I've got to…”
“You can't fight that thing alone,” Donnie cut in. “Let me help.”
“I can't ask you…”
“You didn't.”
Sandman smiled weakly in reply before turning to Patrick and Pete.
“Patrick… Pete… I've no right to ask for your help after everything we've done to you, but I need to tell my brother I was wrong about him… that… I love him. Will… will you help me?”
Patrick and Pete exchanged glances, their serious expressions stretching into broad grins.
“Let's go,” Patrick replied for both of them.
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