Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > This hole you put me in wasn't deep enough.
Wednesday morning rolled around sooner than it should have. I just kind of sat around on the 11th thinking to myself and writing everything down. Making a bucket list in your mid twenties is insane to me, I'm glad something was able to shock me. I'm ripped apart about my life though. Now, I just kind of feel selfish for thinking so much about my own life when so many others were lost. I just....I want to help. I want so much to be able to give back to all of these people that have silently effected me so much. I'm brimming with every emotion right now.
Everything was circling around in my head that I felt drunk with possibility.
"Fuck me!" I cried out in an empty room all to myself. I had forgotten to call Bennie yesterday. I couldn't help it, my entire family, including myself, were stuck to the television screen for the remainder of news coverage. I'm sure i was still on but I just couldn't bear looking at another single second of the suffering. It was't 'out of sight, out of mind' it was just out of this world and I really couldn't take it all flooding my quiet little existence any longer.
Noon? Seriously? Ugh, I don't even....whatever. I have to get out of this bed and oh-so do not want to. I want to lay here consumed in myself until I just can't lay still any longer. But, I suppose, there is no time like the present and I guess I could deal with a shower to help wake up a bit more.
Mmm. Hot water and steam, I swear I could have just stood in it for hours if it would have lasted that long. All must things must come to an end? Who came up with that? My shower was out of my hands and into the water heater which was telling me to 'give it up'.
"Damn." I forgot a towel. I hate the feeling of hot wet feet on a cold tile floor.
Just damn. My mind isn't in the right place. YIKES. Cold, cold, cold, fuck!
I ran through the hall, half streaking with my tee shirt over my.....unmentionable bits, to collect a towel hopefully what's left of my thought process.
After drying off and throwing on some roos and black jeans I examined my hair in the mirror. It kind of just hung there, existing. Fine, I suppose. No matter what I did it would surely end up half curling and tucked behind my ears or under some sunglasses. I'll live.
Looking like I don't give a damn is more a M.O. than a daily routine at this point. Now, onto more pressing issues such as: where the hell is my trashy, yet becoming Harley shirt? And should I make a hard boiled egg for breakfast?
Little salt, little pepper and VOILA! I found myself knee deep in a tasty shirtless breakfast in my favorite seat and flipped on the old family television to catch up on recent events. As if I didn't already know. There was still mass hysteria and all of New Yorks Finest were still working on pulling people from the wreckage. How depressing. How awfully depressing, and devastating. God, how can something like this even be real? Things like this just....happen. They just are and no matter what you have to deal, you have to hear about it. Knowledge is a weapon. Sometimes it can just destroy you. I felt bad to turn the channel and act as if I was uninterested but I couldn't take in more than minutes of coverage. I had to get my mind somewhere else.
I walked back to my room after washing my hands from my manly no silverware meal and rummaged around my laundry bin from above mentioned trashy tee shirt. I gave up after searing to no avail and settled for a white tee and topped it with a denim jacket and some sunglasses. I wasn't sure where my wardrobe was taking me but I brushed my teeth, wrote a note to my family and started out my front door walking. I flipped open my cell....
"Bennie. Hi, this is Gerard." Nerd. "Yeah, so I think I owe you another coffee. Fell asleep yesterday evening and didn't call." Obviously. "Oh, sure, I'm just walking. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll see you in 20 then? Riverwalk Place? Rad." I flipped the phone shut and thought to myself about how I would surely enjoy the company. I miss having nothing to do, usually my days are so full and so cut and dry with work and errands. This will be nice....well, if I can manage to not spill anything on Bennie.
It was a nice walk to the coffee shop, and the weather was mild. You could see people on the streets talking with their hands to show the size and intensity of their conversations. The sidewalks were crowded with confusion.
I arrived to see Bennie standing out front in black flats with an oversized bag and shades as dark as mine. She didn't look like this at all yesterday. Her hair was down, and long, so long and the darkest brown to being black I had ever seen. She was a nice shade of pale peach what wasn't covered in tattoos. She was short and just shy of stunning if she hadn't have been so friendly.
"Hey you!" Bennie said, excitedly as I was greeted with a smile huge hug. She smelled like cinnamon chewing gum and old book bindings, intoxicating.
"How was the walk?" She asked.
"Oh, interesting, kind of lovely in it;s own right. Yours?"
Oh, I was staying with a girlfriend yesterday and since the train came back I decided to stay a few extra days, I'm not sure I want to be back in the city right now anyway. I closed the shop till next week anyway, respect you know?"
"I completely understand." I said in return. "Well, I'm out of work at the moment as well. Not much use for cartoons in a disaster."
"Having a revelation are we?"
"Kind of, I guess. It'll work itself out."
We delved into conversation deeper and she wanted to know every detail. I was happy to oblige her green eyes as she stared into mine with wonder. This is so refreshing.
"Well," she said after two cups of chai, "so, draw something for me." So matter of fact that I knew it wouldn't rest. I grabbed a napkin and flipped it to its back and scribbled a few lines out.
"What's this?" She chuckled slightly, "It's so cute!"
"That's just um, well he's the Breakfast Monkey. And yeah, he is cute huh?"
I realized how silly it really does look. Little stubby arms and a beret. How adorably ridiculous.
My cup and Bennie's ran dry soon after the drawing but the energy was still up. Perhaps the caffeine, or possibly the refreshing human connection. Somehow there we were walking down the sidewalk back to my house chatting furiously about politics and movies, music, comics, comedy and everything in between. A block away from my house I swallowed hand and she grabbed my hand. I looked over to find a girlish grin and returned it as goofily as my face would sabotage me. Bennie was sweet.
"So do you have Killer Klowns? If we have to watch a movie we should at least watch a good one."
Oh, my. I was smitten.
Everything was circling around in my head that I felt drunk with possibility.
"Fuck me!" I cried out in an empty room all to myself. I had forgotten to call Bennie yesterday. I couldn't help it, my entire family, including myself, were stuck to the television screen for the remainder of news coverage. I'm sure i was still on but I just couldn't bear looking at another single second of the suffering. It was't 'out of sight, out of mind' it was just out of this world and I really couldn't take it all flooding my quiet little existence any longer.
Noon? Seriously? Ugh, I don't even....whatever. I have to get out of this bed and oh-so do not want to. I want to lay here consumed in myself until I just can't lay still any longer. But, I suppose, there is no time like the present and I guess I could deal with a shower to help wake up a bit more.
Mmm. Hot water and steam, I swear I could have just stood in it for hours if it would have lasted that long. All must things must come to an end? Who came up with that? My shower was out of my hands and into the water heater which was telling me to 'give it up'.
"Damn." I forgot a towel. I hate the feeling of hot wet feet on a cold tile floor.
Just damn. My mind isn't in the right place. YIKES. Cold, cold, cold, fuck!
I ran through the hall, half streaking with my tee shirt over my.....unmentionable bits, to collect a towel hopefully what's left of my thought process.
After drying off and throwing on some roos and black jeans I examined my hair in the mirror. It kind of just hung there, existing. Fine, I suppose. No matter what I did it would surely end up half curling and tucked behind my ears or under some sunglasses. I'll live.
Looking like I don't give a damn is more a M.O. than a daily routine at this point. Now, onto more pressing issues such as: where the hell is my trashy, yet becoming Harley shirt? And should I make a hard boiled egg for breakfast?
Little salt, little pepper and VOILA! I found myself knee deep in a tasty shirtless breakfast in my favorite seat and flipped on the old family television to catch up on recent events. As if I didn't already know. There was still mass hysteria and all of New Yorks Finest were still working on pulling people from the wreckage. How depressing. How awfully depressing, and devastating. God, how can something like this even be real? Things like this just....happen. They just are and no matter what you have to deal, you have to hear about it. Knowledge is a weapon. Sometimes it can just destroy you. I felt bad to turn the channel and act as if I was uninterested but I couldn't take in more than minutes of coverage. I had to get my mind somewhere else.
I walked back to my room after washing my hands from my manly no silverware meal and rummaged around my laundry bin from above mentioned trashy tee shirt. I gave up after searing to no avail and settled for a white tee and topped it with a denim jacket and some sunglasses. I wasn't sure where my wardrobe was taking me but I brushed my teeth, wrote a note to my family and started out my front door walking. I flipped open my cell....
"Bennie. Hi, this is Gerard." Nerd. "Yeah, so I think I owe you another coffee. Fell asleep yesterday evening and didn't call." Obviously. "Oh, sure, I'm just walking. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll see you in 20 then? Riverwalk Place? Rad." I flipped the phone shut and thought to myself about how I would surely enjoy the company. I miss having nothing to do, usually my days are so full and so cut and dry with work and errands. This will be nice....well, if I can manage to not spill anything on Bennie.
It was a nice walk to the coffee shop, and the weather was mild. You could see people on the streets talking with their hands to show the size and intensity of their conversations. The sidewalks were crowded with confusion.
I arrived to see Bennie standing out front in black flats with an oversized bag and shades as dark as mine. She didn't look like this at all yesterday. Her hair was down, and long, so long and the darkest brown to being black I had ever seen. She was a nice shade of pale peach what wasn't covered in tattoos. She was short and just shy of stunning if she hadn't have been so friendly.
"Hey you!" Bennie said, excitedly as I was greeted with a smile huge hug. She smelled like cinnamon chewing gum and old book bindings, intoxicating.
"How was the walk?" She asked.
"Oh, interesting, kind of lovely in it;s own right. Yours?"
Oh, I was staying with a girlfriend yesterday and since the train came back I decided to stay a few extra days, I'm not sure I want to be back in the city right now anyway. I closed the shop till next week anyway, respect you know?"
"I completely understand." I said in return. "Well, I'm out of work at the moment as well. Not much use for cartoons in a disaster."
"Having a revelation are we?"
"Kind of, I guess. It'll work itself out."
We delved into conversation deeper and she wanted to know every detail. I was happy to oblige her green eyes as she stared into mine with wonder. This is so refreshing.
"Well," she said after two cups of chai, "so, draw something for me." So matter of fact that I knew it wouldn't rest. I grabbed a napkin and flipped it to its back and scribbled a few lines out.
"What's this?" She chuckled slightly, "It's so cute!"
"That's just um, well he's the Breakfast Monkey. And yeah, he is cute huh?"
I realized how silly it really does look. Little stubby arms and a beret. How adorably ridiculous.
My cup and Bennie's ran dry soon after the drawing but the energy was still up. Perhaps the caffeine, or possibly the refreshing human connection. Somehow there we were walking down the sidewalk back to my house chatting furiously about politics and movies, music, comics, comedy and everything in between. A block away from my house I swallowed hand and she grabbed my hand. I looked over to find a girlish grin and returned it as goofily as my face would sabotage me. Bennie was sweet.
"So do you have Killer Klowns? If we have to watch a movie we should at least watch a good one."
Oh, my. I was smitten.
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