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‘Vee what’s wrong? You’ve done nothing but stare into space your coffee is untouched.’

I didn’t even think when I responded. I knew I could trust Gerard.
‘I think I am pregnant.’

Dead silence fell between us. It was eerie. I picked at the lid of my coffee cup waiting for a response. Even though I trusted him, I couldn’t look at him. I felt ashamed.

‘Why do you think you are?’

‘I’m late. Like really badly late.’

Another awkward silence.

‘Have you told him?’

‘No. I’m to scared to.’

‘You are going to have to tell him.’ Tear began to well in the corner of my eyes.

‘I know. I know.’

‘You need to tell him and you need to tell him soon. I don’t like watching this eat at you.’

I lifted the coffee cup to my lips and took a sip of the lukewarm caffeine. We sat together in silence during the rest of our break. For the rest of our shift we spoke very little to each other. He served most of the guests for me and I was thankful, as it let me think about how to deliver the news to Damien.
When our shift finally came to a close, Gerard walked me to my car. He pulled me in for a hug and whispered ‘Everything will be alright.’ If only he knew how far away from the truth he really was.


When I arrived at home Damien was on the couch playing some game on his Playstation 3.
‘Babe, we need to talk.’ He paused his game as I sat down next to him.

‘What’s wrong bub?’

‘I think I’m pregnant.’ I closed m eyes waiting for the onslaught of curse words.

‘Really? You think so?’ I opened my eyes and looked over at him.

‘Yeah, I’m a month and half late, and being pregnant is the only thing I can think of that would cause me to be so late.’

‘Have you done a pregnancy test?’

‘No. Not yet.’

‘Well lets go get one and see if we have a little one of us inside you!’ He jumped off the couch and went to locate his shoes. I remained on the couch in complete shock to his reaction. I was expecting him to be mad. I was expecting him to start blaming me for not being careful enough. Instead he seemed really excited about the prospect of a child.

‘Come on bub, lets go to the pharmacy before it closes.’ He took my hand and lead me out the front door. I waited in the car while he went out to purchase a kit. I began to think about what it would be like to be a mother. The more I thought about it the more excited I got. But when I realised that they child’s father would be Damien I began to lose my happiness. I knew I was ready to have a baby. But I wasn’t ready to have a baby with him. As he walked back to the car he had a big smile on his face. I knew I loved him, but I didn’t love him enough to have his baby.

I locked myself in the bathroom and peed into the small plastic cup. I cursed myself every time I got pee on my hand rather than the cup. Eventually there was enough liquid to dip the stick into. The instructions said to wait five minutes for a reading. I left the stick in the bathroom and went out to the lounge where Damien sat on the couch edge waiting.

‘Sooooo?’

‘We have to wait five minutes till it works.’ He let out a sigh and leaned against the back of the couch. He pulled me under his arm and I cuddled up to his chest.

‘You are going to make a great mother,’ he said as he stroked my hair. ‘And you will look so good pregnant. You know that movie Juno, when she has the racing car and she’s rolling it around on her stomach, I can see you doing that.’ I let out a little murmur to acknowledge that I was listening to him, but my mind kept wandering back to the bathroom, where that little stick held the key to my future.

‘Come on, I think five minutes is up.’ I nodded my head and left go of his chest. I walked to the bathroom and headed towards the life changing stick. I picked it up and looked for its response.

‘What does one line mean?’ The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as he spoke.

‘It means I’m not pregnant.’

What happened next I cant quite recall. He screamed at me, something like ‘You stupid bitch, you cant even get knocked up.’ I felt the cool of the bathroom tiles on my face. The coolness counteracted the burn from the handprint on my cheek. He sat down on my waist and pinned me down to the ground. His fist connected with my face and I felt nothing.


I don’t know how long I laid on the bathroom floor. And I don’t know how long everything stayed black for. I lifted my hand to the right side of my face and felt a sticky substance. I attempted to push myself off the tiles, but my body was to weak. I closed my eyes again, allowing the darkness to consume me.

Eventually I came back to reality and pulled myself up by holding on to the bath tub. My left wrist screamed with pain as I supported myself on the bath edge. I finally made it onto my feet. I looked into the mirror above the sink and saw the blood covering the right side of my face. I got a face washer and put it under some cold running water. I dabbed at the dry blood. Once it was removed I had a black eye staring back at me.

I looked down at the bathroom floor and took in the scene that laid before me. The pregnancy test lay crumpled up in a heap on the floor. The towels and towel rack were also on the floor. I must of grabbed onto the rack to stop my fall.

I picked up the towels and folded them placing them in a cupboard. I picked up the pregnancy test and put the box and its contents in the bin. My wrist was in agony and I knew I had to see a doctor abut it. I opened the bathroom door a little and checked with my good eye for any signs of life. There was none. I scurried out the bathroom to my room. I quickly changed out of my blood stained top and head out the door to the medical clinic.


After and hour and forty five minutes of being checked over by doctors and treated by nurses I was allowed to leave the medical centre. I told the staff my injuries were the result of a pathetic skateboarding attempt. They didn’t believe me story. And they knew I knew they didn’t believe me. But the didn’t say a thing. I walked out with my wrist bandaged up. Nothing was broken, but I had knocked it hard enough that there was some tissue damage.

I got home at about 10 o’clock at night and entered my bedroom. I froze on the threshold. Damien was lying in bed looking at me. I didn’t know what to say. I stood there motionless. I didn’t even breathe. His eyes connected with mine and I could see the tear stains on his cheeks. He pulled off the blanket and made his way towards me. I was too scared to move. He was standing an arms length away from me.

I wanted to move away from him but my feet were cemented to the ground. I thought that if I ran away the same fate would come for me. Standing still seemed like the only safe option. He reached out his hand and ran it along my right cheek. I winced as his skin made contact with mine. He opened his lips to say something, but I never heard what was because everything went black again.


‘Virginia. Virginia? Can you hear me? Wake up!’ I rolled my head from side to side to acknowledge the person screaming my name. They caught a hold of my head and turned it so it rested on my left side. My face came into contact with a cool soft pillow. I moved my hands around my sides and felt the crisp sheets that covered me. I was in bed. My eyes opened with a flutter and I saw Damien staring down at me.

As soon as I saw his smiling face I immediately shot up wanting to escape from the bed. He pushed my chest back down onto the pillows. ‘Bub, you need to rest. You’ve had a terrible evening.’

I didn’t dare breathe a word, I just nodded my head.

‘I’m so sorry abut what I did to you. I truly didn’t mean it. I was just looking forward to being a Dad so much, that when you told me I wasn’t going to be one I just got so angry.’ He started to cry. ‘I have waited so long to start a family. Ever since I learnt that my parents abandoned me I promised myself I would do a better job than what they did.’

‘I didn’t know your parents abandoned you.’

He took hold of my bandaged wrist and started stroking it. ‘My mother died while giving birth to me. I was left in the care of my father. He was a drunk and had no idea what to do with a baby. He left me at the hospital with a note saying ‘His your problem now’. I was put in an orphanage and when I turned one I was taken in with a foster family. I don’t know what my life was like when I was little, but as I grew older my foster parents used to beat me up. I spent so many nights outside in the cold not wanting to go back into the house. I hated going to school and seeing all the kids with their kind loving parents.’

The tears fell from his eyes as shared this story with me. But his tone of voice got angrier and angrier as he went on. ‘I ended up running away when I was 12. And I haven’t seen my foster family since. I live on the streets for a long period of time, until someone offered me a job and took me under their wing.’

It was hard to absorb all this new information he had just shared with me. I always knew his parents didn’t exist in his life, but I didn’t know the real reason why. I don’t why but I said ‘It’s okay. Everything will be okay.’

‘No it will not be okay. Look what I did to you. I hurt you. I love you and I hurt you.’

‘You were under a lot of emotional stress, it’s okay.’

He sat staring at me. He moved closer towards me and wrapped his arms around my chest. ‘I truly am lucky to have you Virginia.’ I didn’t respond. I laid looking up at the ceiling listening to his soft breathing.

Today I witnessed a side of Damien I sure as hell never want to see again.