Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Darling, I want to destroy you
I was pacing outside the frosted glass door waiting to be allowed in. I felt as though I had been waiting outside his office for a lifetime, but I was only a couple of minutes. Finally I heard the click of the lock the saw the handle turn.
‘Oh my god Virginia, what happened to you.’ I stood at the doorway and waved my bandaged hand at Ray.
‘Oh nothing serious. Just though I would take a tumble down some stairs to spice up my evening.’
‘I didn’t know a set of stairs could do that to someone’s face.’ He ushered me in through the door and pointed towards the seat in front of his desk. He leaned against the back of his desk as he examined my face. ‘I can’t have you working the desk with your face like that.’
‘I know, that’s why I came in to see you, to see what other arrangements can be made.’
‘Wouldn’t you prefer to heal and get better at home?’
‘Actually I would rather be at work.’
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I appreciate your commitment, but I think it would be better if you rested.’
‘The doctors didn’t give me time off because I don’t need it.’
‘Well I guess I could organise some work for you back of house.’ A smile crept along my face. I was glad he was still going to give me work. ‘And once your face is healed we will put you back out the front.’
‘Thank you so much Ray.’ He said that I could sit in the back office behind the reception desk. He said he had some data that needed to be entered into the system and once I had completed that he would get me to assist the reservations team. I thanked him again, picked up the paperwork and exited his office.
I settled myself behind the lone computer in the back office. I didn’t notice Gerard walk in as I was to absorbed in the computer screen.
‘Holy fuck what the hell happened to your hand?’ I looked up from the screen and gave him a smile. ‘Shit it just gets worse. If you stand up leading on crutches, so help me.’
‘Gee, calm down, its okay.’
‘Okay? Are you mental? Have you seen yourself.’ He had raised his voice and was beginning to scare me.
‘Quiet down. You are making a scene. I don’t want people to worry.’
He let out a dark chuckle. ‘You don’t want people to worry? Look at your face! You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.’ He started pacing in the small office. His breathing became heavier and heavier. ‘He did this to you didn’t he.’ He had stopped at the head of my desk and put bother his hands on top, supporting himself. ‘He did this to you when you told him.’
I looked into his eyes and said ‘No, he didn’t.’
He slammed his fist onto the desk ‘Liar’. He turned his back to me and walked towards the door. He rested his palm on the wall and hung his head low shaking it. ‘I never thought you would lie to me Virginia.’
I pushed myself away from the desk and walked over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and stood on my toes in order to reach his ear. ‘I’m not lying to you Gerard. He didn’t do this to me when I told him. He did this to me when he found out I wasn’t.’
I rested back down on my heels and he turned around. He gently glided his hand over my bruised eye and cheek. ‘I don’t understand why he would do this to you knowing your not.’
‘He really wanted a baby. He really wanted to be a Dad.’ My voice began to get shaky and I could feel the tears beginning to form. Gerard wrapped his arms around me and cradled me. After a few minutes he placed a kiss in my hair and said ‘I think we both need a smoke.’ We headed out to the dumpster and inhaled the much needed nicotine.
‘So let me get this straight. He hit you because you weren’t pregnant and he wanted you to be. I don’t think he deserves to be a Dad after what he has done to you.’ He took a drag of his cigarette. ‘Are you going to report this to the police?’
‘Um no, I’m not.’
‘And why the hell not? He belted you till you were black and blue.’
‘Because its my fault.’ His eyes went as wide as sauces.
‘Your fault? Are you kidding me Vee. How the hell is this your fault?’
‘Coz I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I’m a terrible person.’
‘Vee do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? You guys weren’t trying for a baby, so you haven’t failed him at all. His the one at fault.’
‘No Gerard. I’m the one at fault. Can we just drop it.’
‘You are unbelievable! He goes around hitting you and you take the blame for it. That’s not right.’
‘Gerard I said drop its please. Can’t we just enjoy out shift together?’ I was begging him. I didn’t want to talk about Damien. I wanted to forget about what happened last night. I wanted to sit and laugh with Gerard. I wanted to escape from my reality and enter in to the fantasy of me and Gerard.
‘Fine I’ll drop it, but please remember, I worry about you Vee. I care about you so much…’ All of a sudden I lurched forward gripping a hold around my stomach. Searing pain ran through my tummy. I wasn’t able to stand up. The pain became unbearable. One hand stayed around my stomach as the other felt for the wall as I felt myself falling closer and closer to the ground.
‘Vee what the fuck? What’s going on Vee? Vee talk to me… Vee!’ I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head, then nothing.
‘Hello sunshine. How are you feeling?’ I opened my eyes but to keep blinking to make the fog disappear from my line of vision.
‘Hi Mum, what’s going on?’
‘You had some sort of spell at work and they called an ambulance and now you are in hospital.’ Sure enough she was right. I had two tubes in my nose which I assumed were feeding my oxygen. A needle rested in my right arm and had a tube coming out of it leading to somewhere behind my bed.
‘I’m more concerned about what happened to your face. Your co-worker said you took a tumble down some stairs.’ Thank you Gerard for not telling my Mum the truth.
‘Yeah that’s right. I had a little accident after work yesterday. Is Gerard still here?’
‘No he had to go home to his wife. He rode in the ambulance with you. His quite a good looking guy. It’s a shame his married.’
‘Mum!!!’ She sat with me for a few hours while I drifted in and out of sleep. In the morning the doctor finally came to visit me. He came baring news I wasn’t ready to hear. I tried to keep a straight face as I listened to him talk, but it was a struggle. He said that they will be discharging me and that I would need to keep up regular visits to my general practitioner. He left the room and a nurse came in removing the tubes they had inserted in me. As I got off the bed and changed into my clothes I felt as though my mind was anywhere but in the hospital room.
I signed my discharge papers and headed out into the morning air. I climbed into a waiting taxi and stared out the window during the 30 minute ride home. When I got home Damien was nowhere to be seen. I sat down on the couch and just stared into space. The girls rubbed up against my legs, wanting my attention but I didn’t move. My eye fixated on the space in front of me. I sat like this for over an hour. Eventually I broke out of my trance when my phone began to buzz. I accepted the call and put the phone to my ear.
‘Vee, are you there?’ I let out a little grunt, to let Gerard know I was in fact there. ’Where are you? I just walked out of the hospital, they said you got discharged. Are you okay? I’m worried.’
‘I’m at home.’
‘Are you okay.’ I tired to hold back the tears but I knew he could hear them in my voice.
‘Yeah I’m fine. I will see you at work tomorrow.’
‘Vee, you don’t sound fine. Talk to me.’ I cancelled the call and let the phone drop out of my hand onto the carpet. It started to ring again and I ignored it. It rang a dozen more times till the battery life ran out. I was a crumpled heap on my living room floor.
I must have cried myself to sleep on the floor because I was woken up by the loud knocking on my front door. I dragged myself off the carpet and shuffled towards the door. I opened the door to see Gerard standing behind the security door. He held the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen. I unlocked the screen door and he opened it himself.
‘Hi Vee. These are for you from Lindsay, Bandit and me.’ He held the flowers out towards me. The simple gesture began the water works again.
‘Gerard… I… I can’t have kids.’
‘Oh my god Virginia, what happened to you.’ I stood at the doorway and waved my bandaged hand at Ray.
‘Oh nothing serious. Just though I would take a tumble down some stairs to spice up my evening.’
‘I didn’t know a set of stairs could do that to someone’s face.’ He ushered me in through the door and pointed towards the seat in front of his desk. He leaned against the back of his desk as he examined my face. ‘I can’t have you working the desk with your face like that.’
‘I know, that’s why I came in to see you, to see what other arrangements can be made.’
‘Wouldn’t you prefer to heal and get better at home?’
‘Actually I would rather be at work.’
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I appreciate your commitment, but I think it would be better if you rested.’
‘The doctors didn’t give me time off because I don’t need it.’
‘Well I guess I could organise some work for you back of house.’ A smile crept along my face. I was glad he was still going to give me work. ‘And once your face is healed we will put you back out the front.’
‘Thank you so much Ray.’ He said that I could sit in the back office behind the reception desk. He said he had some data that needed to be entered into the system and once I had completed that he would get me to assist the reservations team. I thanked him again, picked up the paperwork and exited his office.
I settled myself behind the lone computer in the back office. I didn’t notice Gerard walk in as I was to absorbed in the computer screen.
‘Holy fuck what the hell happened to your hand?’ I looked up from the screen and gave him a smile. ‘Shit it just gets worse. If you stand up leading on crutches, so help me.’
‘Gee, calm down, its okay.’
‘Okay? Are you mental? Have you seen yourself.’ He had raised his voice and was beginning to scare me.
‘Quiet down. You are making a scene. I don’t want people to worry.’
He let out a dark chuckle. ‘You don’t want people to worry? Look at your face! You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.’ He started pacing in the small office. His breathing became heavier and heavier. ‘He did this to you didn’t he.’ He had stopped at the head of my desk and put bother his hands on top, supporting himself. ‘He did this to you when you told him.’
I looked into his eyes and said ‘No, he didn’t.’
He slammed his fist onto the desk ‘Liar’. He turned his back to me and walked towards the door. He rested his palm on the wall and hung his head low shaking it. ‘I never thought you would lie to me Virginia.’
I pushed myself away from the desk and walked over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and stood on my toes in order to reach his ear. ‘I’m not lying to you Gerard. He didn’t do this to me when I told him. He did this to me when he found out I wasn’t.’
I rested back down on my heels and he turned around. He gently glided his hand over my bruised eye and cheek. ‘I don’t understand why he would do this to you knowing your not.’
‘He really wanted a baby. He really wanted to be a Dad.’ My voice began to get shaky and I could feel the tears beginning to form. Gerard wrapped his arms around me and cradled me. After a few minutes he placed a kiss in my hair and said ‘I think we both need a smoke.’ We headed out to the dumpster and inhaled the much needed nicotine.
‘So let me get this straight. He hit you because you weren’t pregnant and he wanted you to be. I don’t think he deserves to be a Dad after what he has done to you.’ He took a drag of his cigarette. ‘Are you going to report this to the police?’
‘Um no, I’m not.’
‘And why the hell not? He belted you till you were black and blue.’
‘Because its my fault.’ His eyes went as wide as sauces.
‘Your fault? Are you kidding me Vee. How the hell is this your fault?’
‘Coz I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I’m a terrible person.’
‘Vee do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? You guys weren’t trying for a baby, so you haven’t failed him at all. His the one at fault.’
‘No Gerard. I’m the one at fault. Can we just drop it.’
‘You are unbelievable! He goes around hitting you and you take the blame for it. That’s not right.’
‘Gerard I said drop its please. Can’t we just enjoy out shift together?’ I was begging him. I didn’t want to talk about Damien. I wanted to forget about what happened last night. I wanted to sit and laugh with Gerard. I wanted to escape from my reality and enter in to the fantasy of me and Gerard.
‘Fine I’ll drop it, but please remember, I worry about you Vee. I care about you so much…’ All of a sudden I lurched forward gripping a hold around my stomach. Searing pain ran through my tummy. I wasn’t able to stand up. The pain became unbearable. One hand stayed around my stomach as the other felt for the wall as I felt myself falling closer and closer to the ground.
‘Vee what the fuck? What’s going on Vee? Vee talk to me… Vee!’ I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head, then nothing.
‘Hello sunshine. How are you feeling?’ I opened my eyes but to keep blinking to make the fog disappear from my line of vision.
‘Hi Mum, what’s going on?’
‘You had some sort of spell at work and they called an ambulance and now you are in hospital.’ Sure enough she was right. I had two tubes in my nose which I assumed were feeding my oxygen. A needle rested in my right arm and had a tube coming out of it leading to somewhere behind my bed.
‘I’m more concerned about what happened to your face. Your co-worker said you took a tumble down some stairs.’ Thank you Gerard for not telling my Mum the truth.
‘Yeah that’s right. I had a little accident after work yesterday. Is Gerard still here?’
‘No he had to go home to his wife. He rode in the ambulance with you. His quite a good looking guy. It’s a shame his married.’
‘Mum!!!’ She sat with me for a few hours while I drifted in and out of sleep. In the morning the doctor finally came to visit me. He came baring news I wasn’t ready to hear. I tried to keep a straight face as I listened to him talk, but it was a struggle. He said that they will be discharging me and that I would need to keep up regular visits to my general practitioner. He left the room and a nurse came in removing the tubes they had inserted in me. As I got off the bed and changed into my clothes I felt as though my mind was anywhere but in the hospital room.
I signed my discharge papers and headed out into the morning air. I climbed into a waiting taxi and stared out the window during the 30 minute ride home. When I got home Damien was nowhere to be seen. I sat down on the couch and just stared into space. The girls rubbed up against my legs, wanting my attention but I didn’t move. My eye fixated on the space in front of me. I sat like this for over an hour. Eventually I broke out of my trance when my phone began to buzz. I accepted the call and put the phone to my ear.
‘Vee, are you there?’ I let out a little grunt, to let Gerard know I was in fact there. ’Where are you? I just walked out of the hospital, they said you got discharged. Are you okay? I’m worried.’
‘I’m at home.’
‘Are you okay.’ I tired to hold back the tears but I knew he could hear them in my voice.
‘Yeah I’m fine. I will see you at work tomorrow.’
‘Vee, you don’t sound fine. Talk to me.’ I cancelled the call and let the phone drop out of my hand onto the carpet. It started to ring again and I ignored it. It rang a dozen more times till the battery life ran out. I was a crumpled heap on my living room floor.
I must have cried myself to sleep on the floor because I was woken up by the loud knocking on my front door. I dragged myself off the carpet and shuffled towards the door. I opened the door to see Gerard standing behind the security door. He held the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen. I unlocked the screen door and he opened it himself.
‘Hi Vee. These are for you from Lindsay, Bandit and me.’ He held the flowers out towards me. The simple gesture began the water works again.
‘Gerard… I… I can’t have kids.’
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