FicWad

I visited the psychologist every week as the airport doctor had requested. It was actually quite an enjoyable experience. I talked and she just took it all in. Sometimes she would talk, but it was very rarely, she just took her notes. The only time she really did speak was when she prompted me with questions.

I talked about everything. She wanted me to start from when I was little and begin with my first memories. We explored my childhood days for two weeks until we moved on to high school. We focused on my teenage years for 3 weeks, 3 weeks to long.

High school was the worst years off my life, and reliving them for the psychologist was painful. She could see it hurt me to retell my story but still she probed me with questions. She wanted to know everything from who I had hung out with to my final scores. I bled my heart and told her how I started out as a straight A student, which a comical out look on life with friends by the dozen. I told her how I was single the whole time through my schooling career and it didn’t bother me, but it seemed to bother those around me. As the high school years became fewer so did my grand list of friends.

Eventually, by my final year I was the school outcast. I couldn’t walk through the ground without being taunted or have something thrown at me. I didn’t attend my high school formal as all my old friend decided to humiliate me on the night. I only found this out as another outcast found me in the library and told me of their intentions. Apparently my old friends weren’t good at keeping secrets.

I left high school only to move straight out of home. My good grades crashed over the years so my chances of getting into a university were non-existent. This disappointed my parents and I left before the onslaught of lectures came over me. I learnt to look after myself at the age of 18. I always held a decent job and had a decent income. Although I did spend most of my time on my own it was a great leaning lesson.

On our sixth week she asked me about current situation. I replayed the story of Damien and I, as well as my crap ovaries that lie inside of me. I told her how Gerard has been there for me when I needed someone the most.

‘Tell me more about Gerard.’

‘I work with him, and he is great a friend. A wonderful friend in fact. An asset to my life now.’

‘Do you see him as a father figure?’

‘Eww, oh god no.’ I laughed at the thought. We have joked numerous times about how he sometimes acts as my father. One time I told him that I was going out with Damien and his friends to celebrate a birthday. He warned me and said that I shouldn’t drink to much or dress to slutty. I told him that I would be good and return home before midnight.

‘How would you describe the relationship you and Gerard share?’ She was leaning in closer towards me, as if she was really interested in what my response would be.

I sat there for a few minutes thinking her question over in mind. She stared at me, pen at the ready, waiting for a response. ‘I… I really don’t know.’

She leaned back against her chair and a look of disappoint washed over her face. She looked at the clock on wall above my head. ‘Well Virginia, this session is over. I will see you the same time next week, and will continue with today’s topic.’

I shook her hand and made my way out of the office. As I headed out of the car park and onto the open road I started to think about the relationship Gerard and I have. I would call it unique. I have never felt so comfortable around someone who is older than me, let alone a guy that is older than me. Gerard was just a friend, that’s all he was. A friend that really cares about me. And there is nothing wrong with that. Is there? My mind started to run through memories of moments Gerard and I had shared together. The first that came to mind was on our first smoke break together. When he leaned in to my ear and whispered that my boyfriend was a lucky prick. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as the words trailed through my ear just as they were now.

Anytime I thought about Gerard, the butterflies would flutter hysterically and my heart rate would begin to race. Whenever he would raise his head and give me a smile my stomach would flip a thousand times over. The way he nicknamed me Vee within hours of cementing our friendship made me giggle like a school girl. I’m in love with him, there is no doubt about it.

The adolescent crush was well and truly over. I have fallen head over heels in love with a married man. I pulled over onto the side of the road. When my car came to a halt, I started banging my head onto the steering wheel. ‘What is wrong with you Virginia’, I said out aloud to myself. ‘You can not be in love with Gerard, because he will never love you back.’ I kept banging my head against the steering wheel when my message tone on my phone went off.

I dug the phone out of my bag and checked the message. It was no surprise it was from Gerard. He messages me after each appointment to check up on me.
‘How did this session go? Has she worked out that chipmunks have invaded your brain? Gee xoxo’

I read the message and let out a giggle. I read it over and over and finally decided on a decent reply.
‘No not yet, I think she is still warming to the idea that I believe I truly am the cookie monsters daughter. Seriously this session was the pits, we talked about you.’

I wasn’t sure if I should of mentioned that he was a topic of conversation, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him. After every meeting I have with her I tell him exactly what we talk about. I practically re-live the session with him. Though I don’t think I would to give him complete replay of this round.

‘Did you tell her that I am devastatingly handsome? And that I am awesome in the sack?’
I couldn’t help but laugh.

‘No, I didn’t. I haven’t had the pleasure of the experience.’

‘Well the experience can be arranged. Are you home? I’m coming over’