Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Darling, I want to destroy you
I felt the cold water lap up against my leg and my body shivered. I opened my eyes to see Gerard stepping out of the bath. The further he got away from me the colder I became. A solitary tear broke free from my eye. He was right to get out. He did the mature thing. We shouldn’t of let it got this far. I wiped away the tear as he dried his feet. ‘You did the right thing Gerard. I always knew you were stronger than me.’
He looked up from his feet, ‘I’m not stronger than you Vee. I will never be stronger than you.’ I had also moved out of the bath now and was sitting on the edge waiting for him to finish with the towel.
‘Why do you say that? You were the one that pulled away. You could have had me and I wouldn’t of stopped you.’ He handed me the towel and stood in front of me. He stayed there staring at me as I wiped away the water on my legs.
‘You never got to finish shaving.’
‘It doesn’t matter, I’ll do it later when I have no company.’
‘Are you disappointed in me?’
‘Why on earth would I be disappointed with you?’
‘Because I didn’t give you what you wanted.’
‘Gerard, I have accepted long ago that you will never ever give me what I want. And I am cool, with that, well at least I think I am.’ I got up of the baths edge and walked out of the bathroom to my cold coffee sitting on the coffee table. I threw the liquid down the sink and boiled the water again.
‘I, uh, think I should probably go now.’ I turned around to see him standing in the middle of the lounge room. I nodded and turned back to the kettle. ‘So I will see you at work?’ I didn’t turn back, I just nodded again.
I heard his feet being dragged along the carpet to the front door. ‘Gerard!’
‘Yes Vee.’
‘Why me? Why did you decide to come to me? You have plenty of family and friends to choose from, but you came to me.’
He dropped his shoulders and hung his head low. I saw him move his lips but I couldn’t hear anything. I left the safety of the kitchen and came into the living room. I kept some distance between us, I don’t think I could handle the heat again. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t hear what you said.’
‘Because I thought it was over.’
‘You thought it was over with your wife so you came to me?’
‘You were the first person that came into my mind. You make me feel so comfortable. I don’t have to be someone else around you. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me feel so alive. I haven’t felt like this in so long. You are a bad influence on me Virginia and I love it.’
‘Do you sometimes wish I was the one you came home to at night?’
He let out a heavy sigh before sharing his answer. ‘Vee how many times have I told you, if I wasn’t married you and I would be together in an instant.’
‘I know, I know, it’s just so unfair.’
‘What have I said to before Vee, life is unfair, it’s bullshit…’
‘And you know what else is bullshit?’ He looked at me puzzled. ‘This is Gerard. This is bullshit. I can’t do this anymore.’
‘What can’t you do anymore?’ The tears were welling in my eyes and I was shaking again, not because I was cold but because I couldn’t believe what I was about to say.
‘Gerard, we cant be friends anymore. I mean we aren’t even friends, we are something more. You and I both know that. And you and I both know we can’t be something more.’ The tears were free failing down my cheeks and I didn’t even bother to wipe them away. I stood there and I felt as though the ground was crumpling up around me.
‘You don’t want to be friend anymore?’ His voice was shaky and I could tell he didn’t even want to use those words in the same sentence. I nodded my head as I continued to cry. ‘But I can’t not have you in my life.’
‘We are both going to have to learn.’ I walked towards the front door and held it open for him. ‘Please don’t say anything, this is killing me. Just go.’ He slowly walked past me and I felt the breeze he created wash of me as he did.
I shut the door and began to cry hysterically. I fell onto the floor and slammed my fists into the carpet. This was so unfair but at the same time I knew it was the right thing to do. My heart was officially broken. I was crying so hard that I forget to breathe. I started coughing and spluttering. I had never felt so hurt. I wasn’t this hurt when Damien and I broke up. And I was no where near this hurt when Paul and I called it a day. This was love and love was killing me.
My two girls gingerly walked over to me. One sat on my back as I cried into the carpet and the other lay by my face and rested a paw on my arm. I eventually fell asleep with my girls by my side. I didn’t even realise I was asleep, I felt like I was hidden away in darkness. No dreams filled my unconscious mind and it scared me.
There was a loud banging at my front door and I was woken from my black nightmare. Venom and Shenanigans ran straight to the door. I picked myself up off the carpet and dragged myself over to open it.
As soon as I turned the handle the door came flying towards me. Luckily I reacted and moved away otherwise I would have been squashed up against the wall. Two out stretched arms came for me and pulled me towards their owners body. Their hands travelled from my waist up to my neck. He held my head in his hand and looked me deep in the eyes.
‘Please forgive me Virginia, but I have to do this.’
He looked up from his feet, ‘I’m not stronger than you Vee. I will never be stronger than you.’ I had also moved out of the bath now and was sitting on the edge waiting for him to finish with the towel.
‘Why do you say that? You were the one that pulled away. You could have had me and I wouldn’t of stopped you.’ He handed me the towel and stood in front of me. He stayed there staring at me as I wiped away the water on my legs.
‘You never got to finish shaving.’
‘It doesn’t matter, I’ll do it later when I have no company.’
‘Are you disappointed in me?’
‘Why on earth would I be disappointed with you?’
‘Because I didn’t give you what you wanted.’
‘Gerard, I have accepted long ago that you will never ever give me what I want. And I am cool, with that, well at least I think I am.’ I got up of the baths edge and walked out of the bathroom to my cold coffee sitting on the coffee table. I threw the liquid down the sink and boiled the water again.
‘I, uh, think I should probably go now.’ I turned around to see him standing in the middle of the lounge room. I nodded and turned back to the kettle. ‘So I will see you at work?’ I didn’t turn back, I just nodded again.
I heard his feet being dragged along the carpet to the front door. ‘Gerard!’
‘Yes Vee.’
‘Why me? Why did you decide to come to me? You have plenty of family and friends to choose from, but you came to me.’
He dropped his shoulders and hung his head low. I saw him move his lips but I couldn’t hear anything. I left the safety of the kitchen and came into the living room. I kept some distance between us, I don’t think I could handle the heat again. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t hear what you said.’
‘Because I thought it was over.’
‘You thought it was over with your wife so you came to me?’
‘You were the first person that came into my mind. You make me feel so comfortable. I don’t have to be someone else around you. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me feel so alive. I haven’t felt like this in so long. You are a bad influence on me Virginia and I love it.’
‘Do you sometimes wish I was the one you came home to at night?’
He let out a heavy sigh before sharing his answer. ‘Vee how many times have I told you, if I wasn’t married you and I would be together in an instant.’
‘I know, I know, it’s just so unfair.’
‘What have I said to before Vee, life is unfair, it’s bullshit…’
‘And you know what else is bullshit?’ He looked at me puzzled. ‘This is Gerard. This is bullshit. I can’t do this anymore.’
‘What can’t you do anymore?’ The tears were welling in my eyes and I was shaking again, not because I was cold but because I couldn’t believe what I was about to say.
‘Gerard, we cant be friends anymore. I mean we aren’t even friends, we are something more. You and I both know that. And you and I both know we can’t be something more.’ The tears were free failing down my cheeks and I didn’t even bother to wipe them away. I stood there and I felt as though the ground was crumpling up around me.
‘You don’t want to be friend anymore?’ His voice was shaky and I could tell he didn’t even want to use those words in the same sentence. I nodded my head as I continued to cry. ‘But I can’t not have you in my life.’
‘We are both going to have to learn.’ I walked towards the front door and held it open for him. ‘Please don’t say anything, this is killing me. Just go.’ He slowly walked past me and I felt the breeze he created wash of me as he did.
I shut the door and began to cry hysterically. I fell onto the floor and slammed my fists into the carpet. This was so unfair but at the same time I knew it was the right thing to do. My heart was officially broken. I was crying so hard that I forget to breathe. I started coughing and spluttering. I had never felt so hurt. I wasn’t this hurt when Damien and I broke up. And I was no where near this hurt when Paul and I called it a day. This was love and love was killing me.
My two girls gingerly walked over to me. One sat on my back as I cried into the carpet and the other lay by my face and rested a paw on my arm. I eventually fell asleep with my girls by my side. I didn’t even realise I was asleep, I felt like I was hidden away in darkness. No dreams filled my unconscious mind and it scared me.
There was a loud banging at my front door and I was woken from my black nightmare. Venom and Shenanigans ran straight to the door. I picked myself up off the carpet and dragged myself over to open it.
As soon as I turned the handle the door came flying towards me. Luckily I reacted and moved away otherwise I would have been squashed up against the wall. Two out stretched arms came for me and pulled me towards their owners body. Their hands travelled from my waist up to my neck. He held my head in his hand and looked me deep in the eyes.
‘Please forgive me Virginia, but I have to do this.’
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