Categories > Anime/Manga > Gundam Wing > Hold Your Light
Hold Your Light- Chapter 8
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What I see is unreal
I've written my own part
Eat of the apple, so young
I'm crawling back to start
"Rotten Apple"- Alice in Chains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heero moaned softly as I opened my mouth to allow the kiss to deepen. The two hands that had been cradling my face slipped down to my shoulders and a gentle pressure was applied as he pushed me onto to my back. I instinctively angled my body so that I was completely on the bed as Heero settled his weight over me. Not once did our lips part.
I wrapped one arm around Heero's shoulder and let the other hand slide down the muscular curve of his back and settle above his tail bone. I squeezed both arms simultaneously to pull him into a fierce kiss and crush our groins together. Our mouths broke apart momentarily as we groaned our approval. I continued to grind my hardening erection into Heero's as he rained kisses over my face and slowly ran his tongue along my jaw line. Our eyes met briefly before the assault on my mouth began again. This time I wrapped both my arms around Heero's shoulders and pulled him into me until it was difficult for me to breathe.
The room was filled with the sounds of sloppy, passion filled kisses and the soft moans and nonsensical sounds issuing from both Heero and myself. Heero was relentless in his fervor and I found myself gasping for oxygen. I would have never dreamed in a million years that Heero Yuy was such a good kisser. Heck, up until five minutes ago I would have never dreamed that I would be kissing Heero.
I pulled up the back of Heero's shirt and snuck my hand underneath it to touch his naked skin. I gently ran my blunt nails up the smooth flesh and Heero arched his back in response. When my hands drifted back down to the small of his back I passed over a rough patch of skin. Of course, it was the scab from Heero's tazer burn. I'm not sure what compelled me to but I lightly began to circle the damaged skin with my finger. If I was causing Heero any pain he certainly didn't act like it. His hungry mouth sucked and nipped at my bottom lip.
The runaway train of my passion came to a screeching halt when I felt Heero's hand slip between us and begin to pull at the button of my jeans. What are we doing? We shouldn't be doing this. Heero had just been through some very traumatic events recently and I would be doing him an injustice if I let us follow through with this act. True, my body is telling my mind to shut the fuck up but Heero isn't thinking straight. This could only lead to more problems down the road.
"Heero," I say as I break away from the kiss. Heero does not respond. He instead begins to suck on my ear lobe as his hand is still trying to undo my pants. I shudder at the feeling and curse my body for its weakness. "Heero, stop," I say more forcefully. When he ignores my request for the second time I push at his shoulder and attempt to get out from under him. "Stop this right now!" I yell and give one final hard shove. I don't have the strength to throw him off of me but its enough for him to get the point. Heero stops all movement and stares down at me. For a moment there is anger and annoyance in his deep blue eyes but that quickly dissolves into what I can only imagine is shock and surprise. He pulls his weight off of me and scrambles backwards until his back hits the headboard of his bed.
"Oh, God Duo, I'm sorry. I thought....I thought you wanted me to....." Heero says through gasping breaths. "When you kissed me back I thought.....oh, what have I done?" Heero buries his face in his hands.
"Heero, it's okay. I just don't think we're ready to make that move to the next level yet."
"I can't believe I just did that," Heero says dejectedly as he drops his hands into his lap.
"Look at me, Heero," I say. He complies and looks at me from under his bangs. I scoot over so that I am right next to him. "I'm not sure why you kissed me but you did and to my utter surprise I liked it and I wanted it just as much as you did."
"I probably really messed things up, haven't I?"
"No, I don't think so but I am a little confused. If you had feelings for me back then why did you never say anything?" Heero sighs and assumes a more relaxed posture.
"I guess it's time for some more truth, huh?" Heero's voice sounds plaintive. I nod my head in answer to his question. "I think I am in love with both of you," He states simply. "I couldn't rectify it in my head. It seemed so foreign to me to have these new feelings towards another person, let alone two. And to come to you in the middle of a war with this was out of the question. I know what you're going to say, that one person can't be in love with two people but I think I am."
"Well, it just goes to show that you don't know me as well as you think because I would never say something as asinine as that. You love who you love. Love should not be bound by gender or number," I say simply. I've lived by that philosophy for years. I've been in love with women and I've been in love with men and I've never given it a second thought. "If you are looking for me to tell you that it's wrong you're going to have to look elsewhere buddy." Heero surprises me by laughing softly.
"I should have known," He says with a smile. "You never do anything the normal way do you Maxwell?" I put my arm around his shoulder and pull him into a friendly hug.
"You're damn right. Besides, normal is boring." Heero leans his head on my shoulder, accepting the comfort I am offering. We fall into a long comfortable silence in which neither of us moves.
"I was scared when we first agreed to move in together," Heero begins. "I knew I had unresolved feelings for you and Trowa and I wasn't sure I would be able to sort them out living with each other. Then the two of you found each other. I will admit that I was ....hurt when I found out. I would see the secret smiles you would give each other and I guess I was jealous. Then this whole fucking mess had to happen and everything I thought I knew turned out to be the opposite. I misread the relationship that you and Trowa have."
"Had," I reply. Heero pulls himself away to look me in the face, obviously puzzled at my remark. "I can't assume he will want to continue what we had because, let's face it, we didn't really have anything," I say to his unspoken question. "Look, Heero if you and Trowa have a chance at being happy with one another then I will back off."
"But what about you? You love him too, don't you?" I hang my head and stare down at my hands. There is no point in not being honest with Heero. Things are already shaping up to be some cheesy soap opera love triangle.
"Yeah, I do," I say somberly. "I suppose I didn't want to admit it to myself but I do. I don't want this to come between all of us especially since we have no idea how Trowa feels. I don't want to rain on your parade but there is the possibility that he might not have feelings for either of us."
"I know," Heero says quietly. "I've been giving that a lot of thought lately. In the end if he decides that he would rather not be with me or you then that is something we will have to accept. As long as he is happy then that is all that is important."
"That doesn't mean it will hurt us any less," I say with a sarcastic snort. Heero is silent for a few moments before he nods his head in agreement.
"Well, this has been a very interesting day," I say as I stretch my arms above my head.
"Duo, about before, I'm really sorry for taking advantage of you like that. I wasn't sure how I could let you know my feelings and I guess I thought showing you would be best and maybe that would be comforting, looks like I was wrong." Heero looks at me and I feel something stir inside me that I did not expect. Lust.
Heero is very attractive. I have admired his physique on many occasions. The way those intense blue eyes stare out from those long bangs of his. I was shocked by my reactions to our little make-out session earlier. If I hadn't put an end to it when I did I probably would have had sex with him. Then I would end up where I am with Trowa and I'll be dammed if I'm going to make that mistake again. Oh, but I wanted it. Heero's body felt wonderful against mine just like Trowa's did only different. There was no mistaking the two of them in bed. Trowa's body was taller, lither than Heero's. Heero was more compact and solid, powerful. I shake my head to clear it from these thoughts. I cannot afford to be thinking along these lines. One look to the bandages on Heero's wrists is enough to annihilate my libido. Now, I feel sick for even entertaining these thoughts.
"First of all, you didn't take advantage of me, Heero. And secondly, I was as much of a willing participant as you were. If things were different I would definitely like to see how far we would have taken it but we have more important things to deal with."
"I know. Trowa comes first right now," Heero says with a resigned sigh. Why do I suddenly have the feeling that this is just one more wrench in the works? Seriously, I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. I really should not be too angry with Heero for withholding information from me. He is a victim in this as much as Trowa is. I'm sure he's stumbling around in the dark too. I feel a headache starting again. What a mess this is turning into.
"Speaking of which, we should wake him up now. It's time for his meds," I say as I stand up from Heero's bed.
"We should also do something about dinner," Heero adds. I nod my head.
"I'll wake sleeping beauty if you take care of dinner," I say. Heero smiles back at me.
"Sure, is pizza okay? I don't feel like cooking," He says as he stands and straightens his clothes.
"Fine with me," I say as I turn to walk to the door. I take two steps when I feel Heero's arms wrap around me from behind and pull me into a tight embrace.
"Thank you, Duo for being so understanding," He whispers into my ear.
"Hey, that's what friends are for," I respond.
TBC.............
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What I see is unreal
I've written my own part
Eat of the apple, so young
I'm crawling back to start
"Rotten Apple"- Alice in Chains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heero moaned softly as I opened my mouth to allow the kiss to deepen. The two hands that had been cradling my face slipped down to my shoulders and a gentle pressure was applied as he pushed me onto to my back. I instinctively angled my body so that I was completely on the bed as Heero settled his weight over me. Not once did our lips part.
I wrapped one arm around Heero's shoulder and let the other hand slide down the muscular curve of his back and settle above his tail bone. I squeezed both arms simultaneously to pull him into a fierce kiss and crush our groins together. Our mouths broke apart momentarily as we groaned our approval. I continued to grind my hardening erection into Heero's as he rained kisses over my face and slowly ran his tongue along my jaw line. Our eyes met briefly before the assault on my mouth began again. This time I wrapped both my arms around Heero's shoulders and pulled him into me until it was difficult for me to breathe.
The room was filled with the sounds of sloppy, passion filled kisses and the soft moans and nonsensical sounds issuing from both Heero and myself. Heero was relentless in his fervor and I found myself gasping for oxygen. I would have never dreamed in a million years that Heero Yuy was such a good kisser. Heck, up until five minutes ago I would have never dreamed that I would be kissing Heero.
I pulled up the back of Heero's shirt and snuck my hand underneath it to touch his naked skin. I gently ran my blunt nails up the smooth flesh and Heero arched his back in response. When my hands drifted back down to the small of his back I passed over a rough patch of skin. Of course, it was the scab from Heero's tazer burn. I'm not sure what compelled me to but I lightly began to circle the damaged skin with my finger. If I was causing Heero any pain he certainly didn't act like it. His hungry mouth sucked and nipped at my bottom lip.
The runaway train of my passion came to a screeching halt when I felt Heero's hand slip between us and begin to pull at the button of my jeans. What are we doing? We shouldn't be doing this. Heero had just been through some very traumatic events recently and I would be doing him an injustice if I let us follow through with this act. True, my body is telling my mind to shut the fuck up but Heero isn't thinking straight. This could only lead to more problems down the road.
"Heero," I say as I break away from the kiss. Heero does not respond. He instead begins to suck on my ear lobe as his hand is still trying to undo my pants. I shudder at the feeling and curse my body for its weakness. "Heero, stop," I say more forcefully. When he ignores my request for the second time I push at his shoulder and attempt to get out from under him. "Stop this right now!" I yell and give one final hard shove. I don't have the strength to throw him off of me but its enough for him to get the point. Heero stops all movement and stares down at me. For a moment there is anger and annoyance in his deep blue eyes but that quickly dissolves into what I can only imagine is shock and surprise. He pulls his weight off of me and scrambles backwards until his back hits the headboard of his bed.
"Oh, God Duo, I'm sorry. I thought....I thought you wanted me to....." Heero says through gasping breaths. "When you kissed me back I thought.....oh, what have I done?" Heero buries his face in his hands.
"Heero, it's okay. I just don't think we're ready to make that move to the next level yet."
"I can't believe I just did that," Heero says dejectedly as he drops his hands into his lap.
"Look at me, Heero," I say. He complies and looks at me from under his bangs. I scoot over so that I am right next to him. "I'm not sure why you kissed me but you did and to my utter surprise I liked it and I wanted it just as much as you did."
"I probably really messed things up, haven't I?"
"No, I don't think so but I am a little confused. If you had feelings for me back then why did you never say anything?" Heero sighs and assumes a more relaxed posture.
"I guess it's time for some more truth, huh?" Heero's voice sounds plaintive. I nod my head in answer to his question. "I think I am in love with both of you," He states simply. "I couldn't rectify it in my head. It seemed so foreign to me to have these new feelings towards another person, let alone two. And to come to you in the middle of a war with this was out of the question. I know what you're going to say, that one person can't be in love with two people but I think I am."
"Well, it just goes to show that you don't know me as well as you think because I would never say something as asinine as that. You love who you love. Love should not be bound by gender or number," I say simply. I've lived by that philosophy for years. I've been in love with women and I've been in love with men and I've never given it a second thought. "If you are looking for me to tell you that it's wrong you're going to have to look elsewhere buddy." Heero surprises me by laughing softly.
"I should have known," He says with a smile. "You never do anything the normal way do you Maxwell?" I put my arm around his shoulder and pull him into a friendly hug.
"You're damn right. Besides, normal is boring." Heero leans his head on my shoulder, accepting the comfort I am offering. We fall into a long comfortable silence in which neither of us moves.
"I was scared when we first agreed to move in together," Heero begins. "I knew I had unresolved feelings for you and Trowa and I wasn't sure I would be able to sort them out living with each other. Then the two of you found each other. I will admit that I was ....hurt when I found out. I would see the secret smiles you would give each other and I guess I was jealous. Then this whole fucking mess had to happen and everything I thought I knew turned out to be the opposite. I misread the relationship that you and Trowa have."
"Had," I reply. Heero pulls himself away to look me in the face, obviously puzzled at my remark. "I can't assume he will want to continue what we had because, let's face it, we didn't really have anything," I say to his unspoken question. "Look, Heero if you and Trowa have a chance at being happy with one another then I will back off."
"But what about you? You love him too, don't you?" I hang my head and stare down at my hands. There is no point in not being honest with Heero. Things are already shaping up to be some cheesy soap opera love triangle.
"Yeah, I do," I say somberly. "I suppose I didn't want to admit it to myself but I do. I don't want this to come between all of us especially since we have no idea how Trowa feels. I don't want to rain on your parade but there is the possibility that he might not have feelings for either of us."
"I know," Heero says quietly. "I've been giving that a lot of thought lately. In the end if he decides that he would rather not be with me or you then that is something we will have to accept. As long as he is happy then that is all that is important."
"That doesn't mean it will hurt us any less," I say with a sarcastic snort. Heero is silent for a few moments before he nods his head in agreement.
"Well, this has been a very interesting day," I say as I stretch my arms above my head.
"Duo, about before, I'm really sorry for taking advantage of you like that. I wasn't sure how I could let you know my feelings and I guess I thought showing you would be best and maybe that would be comforting, looks like I was wrong." Heero looks at me and I feel something stir inside me that I did not expect. Lust.
Heero is very attractive. I have admired his physique on many occasions. The way those intense blue eyes stare out from those long bangs of his. I was shocked by my reactions to our little make-out session earlier. If I hadn't put an end to it when I did I probably would have had sex with him. Then I would end up where I am with Trowa and I'll be dammed if I'm going to make that mistake again. Oh, but I wanted it. Heero's body felt wonderful against mine just like Trowa's did only different. There was no mistaking the two of them in bed. Trowa's body was taller, lither than Heero's. Heero was more compact and solid, powerful. I shake my head to clear it from these thoughts. I cannot afford to be thinking along these lines. One look to the bandages on Heero's wrists is enough to annihilate my libido. Now, I feel sick for even entertaining these thoughts.
"First of all, you didn't take advantage of me, Heero. And secondly, I was as much of a willing participant as you were. If things were different I would definitely like to see how far we would have taken it but we have more important things to deal with."
"I know. Trowa comes first right now," Heero says with a resigned sigh. Why do I suddenly have the feeling that this is just one more wrench in the works? Seriously, I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. I really should not be too angry with Heero for withholding information from me. He is a victim in this as much as Trowa is. I'm sure he's stumbling around in the dark too. I feel a headache starting again. What a mess this is turning into.
"Speaking of which, we should wake him up now. It's time for his meds," I say as I stand up from Heero's bed.
"We should also do something about dinner," Heero adds. I nod my head.
"I'll wake sleeping beauty if you take care of dinner," I say. Heero smiles back at me.
"Sure, is pizza okay? I don't feel like cooking," He says as he stands and straightens his clothes.
"Fine with me," I say as I turn to walk to the door. I take two steps when I feel Heero's arms wrap around me from behind and pull me into a tight embrace.
"Thank you, Duo for being so understanding," He whispers into my ear.
"Hey, that's what friends are for," I respond.
TBC.............
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