FicWad

I think in some point in life everyone thinks about death or suicide. We can all lie and say it has never crossed our minds but you cannot hide the fact that it has. Some have reason to die others just want to see what death is like. I wonder what life would be like if I did die I would no longer lie I would no longer hurt people by my lies. I am a liar there is nothing I can change that if I decide right now I want to change no one would ever believe me because as I said before everything I say is a lie. There is something stopping me from throwing myself off the building it is Gerard. I can no longer deny that I do not have feelings for him every time I look into his eyes part of me comes back alive. Part of me is screaming for me to go back inside and realize that I need to get better. My mind is yelling for me to just end it already no one would care if would be one less liar in the world.


I climb on top of the wall I can feel the wind blowing threw my short black hair; I can see the birds flying freely having no worries. So what is stopping me from just taking one-step out? I can feel my heart beating against my chest. Its weird how one person can change your life thinking no one will ever change me but that is what happens when you start to like someone you change just for them. My problem is I cannot change no matter if I wanted to liars never change.


When I came here I thought it was all just a waste of time I would never change I have no reason too, every day I lied to someone I felt alive I had that high my body craves. When I first saw Gerard something, happen that day something inside me turn against me making me wanting to change. I tried so hard to ignore that feeling but every day it just got stronger.


I remember our talks we had even though I had lie some it started to make me feel bad like all of s sudden lying was a bad thing. Again, I tried to just ignore that fucking feeling and just went on lying as I always do. Soon after it finally got to me I could no longer take it I could no longer take the fact that I have lied I just wanted to go tell him how sorry I really was, but I could not get that word out my mind would not let me.


Then it happen I kiss him I kiss the guy who I felt sorry for lying too I kiss the guy who made that part of me of wanting to change, I had kiss him. I could lie as I always do and say how that kiss meant nothing to me that I had just did it out of the moment, but my heart was telling another story. My heart knew that kiss meant the world to me if only I could say how much it, if only I could right to Gerard and tell him the honesty truth I would not be here standing on the edge.


Let’s face it I am a liar I cannot just explain how I feel I have to lie about it I just cannot be a normal person that explains how they feel. I could feel the tears going down my face I lost the one person that meant something to me by lying, I never knew that lying is a bad thing and in the end it comes back to haunt you. So what should I do take one big step and finally be free from my lies, or go inside and tell Gerard how much he does mean to me even if he want believe even if I do not believe it myself. I look out into the sunset and whisper

“I’m sorry but this is for the best”





Another short update. Thanks for the reviews