FicWad

Chapter 2: Learning to Share
-No adult content is this chapter only-

Shindou Hikaru and Touya Akira had grown up, and grown close. After their nineteenth birthdays, they had a brilliant idea.

"Hey, Touya," Shindou said, clearing the goban after an informal game at his friend's house, "it's getting expensive, taking the damn train to your house every day."
"What are you bitching about? It's the same distance for me," Touya huffed.
"Yeah, well, title-holder, I don't have quite as much freaking money as you do."
"Catch up to me, and you will."
"Oh, Christ, I can't talk to you at all," he hissed, standing up and walking over to his pick up his bags.
Touya raised his eyebrows in that way that signaled to Hikaru that he was not only refusing to back down, but planning on pushing his buttons as hard as possible.
"Well, someone's a little pissy that I cut of his center group mid-game, isn't he?"
Hikaru almost growled, whipping around so fast his buttons almost flew off. "Oh, you- don't act like I didn't win by a half moku!" he shouted, stomping back towards his rival.
"Yeah? You got lucky in the end, thats the only reason it was so close!" Akira stood up to face him. Neither planned on backing down.

Now nineteen, they still had the same fights they had in middle school.
They stood, noses inches apart, and fumed- staring daggers at one another for three or four beats, when Hikaru said, in a half yell, "Let's move in together!"
"Fine!" Touya shouted.

And that was that. There wasn't anything for the tabloids to say that hadn't been said already.

It was strange. They had moments of incredible tenderness, and then they had stupid, ridiculous fights. With nearly equal frequency. As much as both knew it was posturing, that deep down, neither ever wanted to hurt the other, they kept breaking into these fits of idiotic bickering. But as they moved ahead with the move-in plans, their relations turned to the sensitive side.

This afternoon, about two weeks after their decision, they had found an apartment suited to their needs. Close enough to the Go Insititute, but not too far from either of their families, and with enough space to escape one another when faced with bouts of extraordinary bitchiness. A nice big kitchen, as Touya required, because Shindou sure as hell wasn't going to cook- and a bedroom...well. A bedroom. They hadn't figured that out. Right now they would just put their beds on either side of the room and hope for the best. Neither had siblings to share rooms with while growing up, so it would be an experiment in tolerance. Touya nearly immediately had terrifying visions of Shindou's laundry creeping across the room, infecting his side of the abode. When Shindou sensed this, he slapped Touya on the back too hard and assured him, it would be fine.

But in every other respect, the place was perfect. They thanked the agent for her time, and Touya told her he would call with a decision later in the night. She encouraged him to take his time, thanked them both again, and left.

Hikaru scratched the back of his head, puzzled, as she walked away. "Hey, Touya. I thought we both had strong feelings about this place, right? Why couldn't we just accept it now?"
Touya looked out after the agent and said, calmly. "Because we need to have a talk, first."

They returned to Touya's house, which was temporarily empty, as Touya's parents were visiting- oh who knows what country they were visiting anymore? Hikaru was as nervous as he had ever been, sure that Touya wanted to make him swear to not wreck the place. To do his share of laundry, dishes, and so on. He was not in the mood for a lecture, but figured there was no way to get around it.

Touya sat on his bed, and Shindou next to him, cross legged on the floor against it. This was their usual post-game, post discussion formation, and was very familiar. Shindou looked up at Touya, who was exuding a tenseness that did not seem fitting of a cleanliness talk, and said "All right, shoot."
Touya exhaled calmly, and folded his hands together, looking at them absently as he began.
"Shindou, we're... we're making a commitment, don't you think."
Hikaru was taken aback a bit. "Wuh...uh. Yeah, I mean... no reason not to call it that." There was a vulnerability welling up in Touya's eyes that put Shindou a hair away from panic.
"I think, if we're going to make this step together- you and I, we need to do it with complete trust in one another."
Hikaru raised a puzzled eyebrow and tugged on his collar. "I...can't see any reason to argue with that logic. But...Touya, could you...could you just say what you're getting at?"
"Your secret!" he belted. "It's been years... you promised me you would tell me one day. I've been waiting patiently to know. Who were you, and who was Sai, those years ago?"
Hikaru gulped. He hadn't expected this.

Hikaru had long become possessive of his memories of Sai. Four years ago, during the first match of the Honinbou league- their first true match together, Hikaru had offered up a reward to Akira for coming so close to the truth about Sai. He had said that he would tell him... but, "someday." After all these years, though, with no indication of ever bringing it up again, he had come to cherish, no, to protect his memories of Sai. He didn't want to share them. They belonged to him.

"Hikaru, I trust you. I do, but there's this whole part of you that's still a mystery. I don't think I can move in with you, I don't think I can live every day with you, without knowing your whole story."
Shindou stared at the wall for a bit too long without speaking.
"Shindou? Do you understand?"
Shindou's eyes welled up with tears. How long had it been?
"S...shindou...hey..."
How many years? Four? Since that moment he awoke and Sai was nowhere to be found?
Akira put his hands on Hikaru's shoulders, attempting to comfort him as tears began streaming down his face.
"W...whoever he was...he was important to you, wasn't he, Shindou?" Shindou sniffed and rubbed his sleeve against his face, and nodded.

Touya had been in this position once before, when they'd gotten into some fight- a real fight, and Hikaru thought Akira hated him. That time, Hikaru sat on Akira's steps and cried. That's when Touya learned that the best way to console his friend was with touch and not words.

He shimmied behind Shindou, and wrapped his arms around him. Such intimate contact made Akira uncomfortable, but he had long decided to sacrifice his discomfort if it meant he could console his best friend for a moment. He held him in this firm embrace for a long minute. He rendered Hikaru's arms immobile, so his tears rolled off of his cheeks and onto Touya's bare arms.

"Sai..." he said finally.
Akira sat up, attentively.
"Fujiwara no Sai... was a spirit,"
Touya didn't budge, pleased that his partner had spoken, but worried at how his voice shook.
"You told me... you told me that there was someone inside me. You said you played him twice in the salon. You were right"
Touya finally leaned back, coming to terms with the supernaturality of it.
"He was a man who died a long time ago, but having failed to play the go he wanted. A spirit who came back, for more go."
"Was he...Shuusaku, Shindou?" Touya asked.
"No... and, yes."
Touya knew Shuusaku has something to do with it, on account of Sai's style and Hikaru's...rather embarassing defense of Shuusaku at the Hokuto cup.
"He was Fujiwara no Sai. And he inhabited Shuusaku Honinbou first. And then he came to me."
That was all Akira needed to hear. His eyes wide with epiphany, and he fell fack onto his hands. Hikaru turned to face his friend, who was lost in reverie.
A spirit. A spirit who was first in Shuusaku, and then Shindou. Who came to him when he was a beginner. Who trounced me- Shuusaku Honinbou's spirit trounced me, and I spent my life chasing him.
No...chasing Shindou. Ghost...that's what he meant at the net cafe...chasing his ghost!

Akira was lost in the act of making connections among the events he had struggled to connect for years. Everything fit together now. Perfectly... except...
"Shindou...he..." Touya began, but square in Hikaru's eyes he saw the answer. He was long gone. "When...?" he asked.
"Right after I became pro," he started, as the tears came down again. "Right after his final match...with your father."
This cemented the last piece of the puzzle. His father knew. Then Sai died, and thats why Shindou stopped playing go.
Touya sat in silence for a few minutes while his friend worked out his tiny, choked sobs. He got up and went across the room for tissues, which Hikaru used eagerly.
"I killed him Touya. I killed him! It was my fault!" Hikaru had worked up a storm of heaving sobs now, so fierce that Touya could only look on, frozen. He had never seen someone cry this hard. Ever.
"It...it's alright," he eked, leaning down to try and catch Shindou's eyes. "You must be mistaken, I'm sure you didn't..."
Hikaru blew his nose noisily and continued. "I stopped letting him play go. Even though he told me... he told me he was dissapearing, and I didn't believe him. I was so cruel..."
Without thinking, Touya began stroking Hikaru's head. Even Hikaru was surprised by this gesture, and looked up at his friend.
"You couldn't have killed him, Hikaru. You loved him."
Shindou stared into Touya's eyes. He had never felt so close to someone. He had never felt like anyone was so precious to him, than the grown man, on his knees, petting his hair and telling him everything was going to be alright. And he smiled.

That smile hit Touya like a baseball to the gut, and he immediately turned scarlet. He sat up and looked away, at anything other than his friend, to cool his head.

Hikaru was cute.

Hikaru thought that keeping Sai's memory to himself would keep it pure. That somehow, telling his tale to another person would cheapen the memory- ruin what last bit he had of Sai. But sharing Sai with Akira felt better than anything he had done in his life. It multiplied his love for Sai, to share him.

"You chased him, Akira. All your life, practically. And I kept him from you until now. I'm sorry...I was so greedy."
Akira shook his head, still staring out the window.
"You're wrong, Shindou. I may have been searching for Sai, but I was always," he paused, and smiled a gentle, distant smile, "...always chasing after you."
This time, Hikaru was the one to turn red, and he turned to feign interest in the tatami.

"Well..." Hikaru smiled bashfully, "I guess...you caught me."
An awkward silence filled the room, and neither looked at the other. This particular kind of silence, they would discover, would become more and more frequent as they continued on living together.
Finally, Touya chuckled, and stood up. "Shindou, you wanna move in together?"
"Sure," he replied, taking Touya's hand and getting up as well.

Feeling closer to one another than ever before, and never more sure of their commitment to one another, Touya picked up the phone, and made the call.

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End of chapter 2.