- Nicely structured with some lovely parallels and good characterisation. I liked the way that every character was true to form even in the tiniest of details.
Also like your responses to the pitiable postings of other time wasters!
P.S.If you have the time or inclination I would appreciate your take on my first effort 'The Lift' but please don't think this review is designed as a suck up so that you'll write me a nice review in return!
Author's responseThank you for your response. I really enjoy hearing positive things from readers, especially with specific details.
I'd be happy to read your fiction as well. I find the low level of interaction on this site to be discouraging, but I really should be doing some more reading and reviewing myself if I want it to get better.
- How bizarre, that people should be so...babyish as to come in here and do nothing but be insulting. With such poor writing skills, too, poor dears. Envy, probably?
Anyway, the story was excellent.
Author's response(Very late response) Thank you for reading and reviewing. I don't know about those earliest reviews. I'm guessing it was one or two little boys who thought it would be fun to flame a random story. Unfortunately, I can't delete or even rate the reviews, but I did enjoy writing a few acidic responses to them, I must admit.
- Odd, and a bit confusing to read the first time around. The scenes are rather disjointed, although I don't know, maybe that was the effect you were trying for.
I liked it anyway, but I think I would have preferred it to be a bit clearer with regards to what was actually happening, ie, at the end when Yugi falls out of the window, it's unclear as to whether the window is high up and thus potentially lethal, or low down, maybe at ground level, which would give the story a much different connotation.
Since time moves differently in instances when you're faced with your own mortality, Yugi's thoughts at the end could mean anything, and so this sheds no light onto the ending situation.
So, happy in a way, due to the fic being nicely written with no glaring grammatical errors, but low down on the presentation side, not so much with the visual presentation, but with the presentation of the story itself, bare bones to fleshed out fic.
Author's response(Late response) This piece was written a few years ago and in a hurry so I'm not surprised that it isn't quite as fleshed-out as it ought to be. I do mention in the fic that Yuugi climbs three flights of stairs to get to the room with the window, so the implication is that he is in real danger when he falls. His fate is left intentionally ambiguous and leaves the readers with questions. (What happened to Bakura? What happens to Yuugi? Does Kaiba care?) Often I use veiled, mysterious, or abrupt endings for my fiction because I like the way they grip the audience and allow them to draw their own conclusions. However, some readers really dislike this, which is perfectly understandable. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
- First, let me say that I'm very disappointed in Ficwad in that they have no recourse for authors who are victimized by questionable 'reviews'. Every other fic site that I write for or have ever visited will, at the very least, allow an author to request a mod to look over and possibly delete 'hate mail'. Many will allow the author to delete the review personally.
Second, I do not watch YGO, I do not play 'the game', and I am 44 y/o; In other words, I have no idea about the veracity of this being a 'childish' endeavor. I simply read a variety of fiction in order to find (and enjoy)good writing, and to potentially improve on my own ability.
Third, I am very impressed with your skill and your style. I love and understand the idea behind the metaphors, and the way in which the ones you've chosen so perfectly describe Kaiba. I'm impressed that you managed to keep all of the characters IC, even Bakura despite his not even being 'in' the story. I was able to follow the fact that Yuugi fell from a height and also the reason for both his and Ryou's suffering (as alluded to in his flash back to Ryou as he falls). It is, after all, the same reason. The only thing that I found confusing was that the source of this mysterious 'illness' was never really covered.
I hope you don't mind that this is so long, but I felt that you deserved to know not only that I loved your, but why. Thank you.
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