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Gerard

You know, when I thought to myself, "What's the worst that could happen?" I really, really did not consider this. At all.

Ray had always been calm, notoriously so, in fact. Sure, he had pretty big arms, was tall; I knew he could beat the shit out of someone if it were necessary.

But this? Wasn't counting on it. I would never in a thousand years have supposed that Ray Toro would have ruined my chances with Amy.

You know the worst part? I couldn't even give him shit about it, what with the moping in the back of the bus. I knew he liked Danielle. But was she worth this...?

In any case, when I dropped Amy off at her apartment, I was certain it would be the last time I would ever see her. I didn't even try to kiss her. The night had been such a disaster that I couldn't fathom that she would ever possibly consider coming on tour with us. Failure, thy name is Gerard.

But the phone rang.

"Hey," her voice said from the other side. "How are you?"

"I could ask you the same question," I shot back. "Was last night...traumatic?" Smooth. Very smooth.

"It was...certainly unexpected. I didn't figure it would go down that way."

"What did you expect?"

"More along the lines of someone getting knock-down, dragged-out drunk. And vomiting over my dress or something."

"Heh. Would that have been better or worse?"

She thought a moment. "For the group at large, better, obviously. For me, worse."

"Because your gorgeous dress would be ruined?" I asked with a teasing note in my voice.

"Partly. Also because I wouldn't have gotten to see the group at its ugliest. I'm not sure it can get much worse than it was last night. Right?"

I answered in the affirmative. "So...what's the verdict?"

"I'd be lying if I said it was an easy decision."

Oh, crap. Bad omen. "Uh-huh..."

"But I thought about it. And I decided to go on tour with you."

"...Please tell me you're not fucking with me."

"I'm not fucking with you." She paused a moment, then mischievously added, "Yet."

I grinned. "Can I come over to help you pack?"

"Um, hell to the yes. I suck at packing."

"All right, see you in a few." I thought a moment. "Thank you so fucking much."

I passed Mikey on my way out of the bus. "Mikey, the best news ever. I just heard from---"

"Yeah, tell it to Ray," he muttered under his breath.

"Well, I'm going to have to eventually. Amy's coming with us."

Mikey stopped and turned toward me. "What'd you do? Slip her a roofie, cause her to forget about last night?"

"Oh, fuck you, Mikey."

"Sorry, it was a joke." Sure didn't sound like it.

"Look, I realize that I don't deserve her or whatever. I get that you're Mr. Sensitive and that you look after every girl you meet like they're your sister. My exes. Danielle. Amy." He scoffed. "I'm not making fun of it. I really do respect it. I wish it's something I had, just instinctively. But no, I'm a fuck-up. Always have been. I'm so fucking terrified that I'm going to hurt her, just like I've hurt everyone else.

"But I gotta try, Mikey. I gotta try to change. Can you understand that, even a little?"

He shifted awkwardly a moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I can. You have changed. And I'm proud of you." He came closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Just please try not to fuck up this time. I, I like Amy. I don't want to see her hurt."

"Neither do I. And I'm going to try my fucking hardest to make sure it doesn't happen this time. Mikey, I think I love her."

He just nodded and said something I couldn't hear.
*
Mikey

"You're not the only one," I whispered as I walked away.

"Mr. Sensitive," he called me. "You like to take care of girls," he said.

"Take care" of girls.

Yes, I like to listen to girls. I like to be there for them. I like to treat them like people.

I'm not sensitive. I'm a human being. One who functions, one who empathizes, one who acknowledges that there are other people in this world other than Gerard fucking Way. One of whom, in fact, was in pain right now, because of what happened last night.

Speaking of which... I knocked on the door to the studio in the back of the bus. "Hey, Ray? You awake?"

I received a curt "Yep" in response.

"Want something to eat?"

"I got chips earlier."

"Okay. Need to talk?"

"No," he insisted. "I'm good."

"All right, well, come out to dinner in an hour or so if you feel up to it."

Danielle was in the bunk area, on her computer.

"Hey," she said to me, closing her laptop as I approached. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Same here."

She sighed. "Listen, I was so completely out of line last night, I can't even..."

"It's okay. You were upset."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have been. Rick's an asshole, but that's all he is. I gave him power he didn't have when I reacted so badly."

I sat down next to her on the bed and pulled her into a hug. "Babe, it's not about power. You want power? You have it. You're beautiful, talented, intelligent, hilarious. And you're kind. You have a heart that prick can't even comprehend. You feel things other than a hard-on."

She laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, and I picked a great way to show it, huh? I'm such a nice person I yell at the guy who tries to defend me."

"So you made a mistake. It happens. Look, you got your feelings hurt, you were embarrassed. You were afraid of being vulnerable, so you snapped."

"And made myself look like a fucking idiot in the process."

"Believe me, Danielle, we've seen everyone else worse. Please stop beating yourself up, okay?" I asked, jostling her shoulders playfully.

"All right," she acquiesced. "I need advice, though."

"Shoot."

"How can I apologize to Ray? I don't know him that well."

"Well, you could be straight-forward about it like you were with me."

"That would require guts, Mikey."

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "All right, then. You could talk to him about music and then gracefully segue into..."

"I don't know. He's such a genius. I'd feel dumb even bringing up music."

"Danielle, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. You know you're awesome. But if that doesn't work for you, you could even write him a note, saying you're sorry. He's a shy guy; he could appreciate that."

She detached herself from my grasp and banged her head against the wooden frame of the bunk. "God-fucking-damnit, I'm such a loser."

"No, you're not. You're just a human being who made a mistake. Believe me, Danielle, if you apologize, he will accept it in a heartbeat." I had to bite my tongue to prevent telling her why. He would never forgive me if I did.

"Whatever you say..." she answered, disbelievingly. She sighed loudly and stood up. "Okay. I'm going to go try. Wish me luck."