Categories > Celebrities > Metallica > That Was Just Your Life
Seven hours later, I headed home so exhausted that I felt like I was going to faint at any moment. James hadn't spoken to me for the whole rest of gym class. As a matter of fact, he had given me a few more suspicious looks instead. It hurt everytime he looked at me like that. I didn't want James to think that I had lied to him about Ray. But of course, the only way to make James know that I wasn't with Ray was to tell him the truth. No matter how hard I wanted to tell somebody, I knew I could never tell James. So really, why was I still worrying about James? There was just something about his fluffy blonde hair, gorgeous brown eyes, and easy smile that had captivated me from the moment we had met. I needed to learn to stop feeling this way though. It was unhealthy to spend my time thinking of a guy I was afraid of. After all, I still had no idea what James would do to me if we were alone. Most likely, he'd just rape me like Ray had.
Shaking my head with disgust at myself, I continued down the path to my house. It was eleven thirty and I had finished my first day at work only a half an hour ago. Work had gone pretty well for the most part. Working as a cashier wasn't exactly an exciting job, but at least it was an easy way to get money. Fortunately, not very many people shopped at the drug store this late at night so I had mostly stood behind the cash register for nothing to do for five hours.
The only thing I didn't like about my job was the hours. After Ray had dragged me to the alley and had gotten his fill of me, I somehow had to try to put myself back together. I had worn dark clothes that would mask any blood that might spill onto them and I had stowed an extra hairbrush in my bag to take care of my frizzy hair. The only thing that I couldn't make go away was the haunted look I always got in my eyes whenever I had just been with Ray.
As I rounded the corner to my house, I felt a little happier. I had cold, hard cash in my pocket to show to my mother. No matter how upset she had been with me earlier, she would have to be at least a little happy about the fact that we now had a little money. She would probably send me to the grocery store tomorrow and we could finally get some food! I would've stopped at the grocery store tonight, but had decided not to for three reasons. Firstly, I was literally falling asleep on my feet and there was just no way I was going to be able to make it to the grocery store. Secondly, I had no idea what kind of food my mom would want me to get. And thirdly, it was kind of dangerous to be out alone at this time of night.
Skipping up the stairs to our doorway, I turned the doorknob and stepped inside to the living room. The lights were off and I figured that my mom was asleep. I dumped my school bag into the corner and set out my money on the counter so my mom could see the proof that I had gotten a job just like she had asked me to. My eye caught my forlorn school bag as I headed upstairs to my bedroom. I knew that my neglected homework was still sitting at the very bottom of my bag, but there was just no way that I could force myself to do it right now. Right now, sleep was calling.
After plodding up the stairs, I walked straight to my room and was about to open the door when I heard a strange noise coming from just inside my room. Frowning, I paused and just stood outside my bedroom door for a moment. Who the hell would be in my bedroom at this time of day? Since I didn't hear any more noises for a few minutes, I started to wonder if maybe my imagination had just made up the first noise. Just to confirm that I really had heard a noise, I pressed my hear against the door and strained my ears to see if I could hear anything else.
Coming from just inside my room were low moans and grunts. What the fuck was going on in there? Cautiously, I slid the door open and peered inside. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness of my room. Once my eyes adjusted, I found a hideous sight just before my eyes. It was a sight I never wanted to see.
My mom and some dark haired guy where fucking in my bed. The random guy who I had never seen before kept riding my mom, causing her to let out low whimpers and moans. Two empty beer bottles were lying abandoned at the foot of my bed. Loose items of clothing were littered all over my clean floor. I looked down at my foot to see that I had stepped on my mom's thong. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and quickly jerked my foot away. As I watched the horrifying site before me, I debated what to do. I really wanted to shove the couple off my bed and tell them to get the fuck out of here, but I knew that wouldn't bet a very good decision since my mom could be angered easily since she had obviously just been drinking. Who was the guy though? I hadn't had any idea at all that my mom might have a lover. She hadn't shown any interest in any guy besides my dad since he had died. Apparently, that must have all changed.
Finally, I managed to rip my gaze away from sight of the guy fucking my mom and slipped out of my room as silently as I had entered it. It didn't really bother me if my mom wanted to have sex with a guy, but seriously, couldn't she use her own bed? There was no way I was going to be able to sleep in my bed without getting nightmares for a very long time though. Besides, it wasn't as if she didn't have a nice bed. She had a queen size bed adjacent to the living room for god's sake!
Knowing I didn't have a choice but to sleep on the couch, I padded back downstairs and flopped onto my belly onto it. But no matter how tired I was, I just couldn't seem to fall asleep. It was like something in the back of my mind was preventing me from falling asleep. Then I realized what it was. Ever since I had seen my mom fucking that guy, I had wondered why the hell she would want to do that. Fucking wasn't exactly a nice sensation. As far as I knew, it hurt like hell! But maybe was there a possibility that having sex with someone you loved could be enjoyable? I didn't know. All I knew was the fact that having your virginity forced away from you was a very painful process that nobody would actually choose to go through.
There was something else too that I had been thinking about. I had felt alone in the world for the last couple years now. Ever since my mom had become a drunk and had pretty much lost it, I had learned to fight, fend, and care for myself. There wasn't any room for anyone else in my life. Everyone else I knew had friends though. They all had a companion to tell their secrets to, to laugh with, and to seek comfort and protection from. Even my mom had that with her secret lover that I hadn't known about until tonight. The for the first time ever, I felt really lonely. I wanted to talk to someone. All the anger, hurt, and pain of the last few months had been building up inside me until the point where it was getting really unbearable. There was only one problem though: I had no idea who to talk with. I had no friends and my mother was obviously out of the question.
Whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to continue life on my own. With that disheartening thought in my mind, I rolled over on the couch and closed my eyes. It was time to sleep.
~ ~ ~ ~
A month later, everything was going about the safe as before. My days continued in the normal routine. I would get up, go to school, Ray would drag me to the alley, and then I would go to work. My mother had been more tolerant of me now that I had a job and was earning money for her supper. She hadn't ever mentioned anything about her secret lover to me even after I had found her fucking with that random guy in my room. I knew better than to ask who he was, so nothing ever became of that encounter.
Right now, it was Friday afternoon and I was just about falling asleep in social studies. Everything the teacher said went in one of my ears and went right out the other ear. I was very tired today. For some reason, I hadn't been able to sleep very well the last few nights. Regardless, I still needed to find a way to keep up my grades though.
That was a big problem for me right now. All my grades had dipped well below what they normally were. To my horror, I found I was failing geometry, social studies, and gym. You're probably wondering how a person fails gym, right? Well, I failed it because I couldn't run a mile under a time period of fifteen minutes. That's pretty pathetic, but I was really exhausted on that day when we had been forced to do another mile run. It seemed like I never got enough sleep these days. I was constantly on the verge of sleep and my brain was always shutting down automatically.
I couldn't let myself fail my classes though; if I failed my classes, there would be absolutely no way I would ever get a scholarship to the colleges I wanted to go to. So how exactly was I going to improve my grades? I just hadn't been able to find time for homework. It was impossible to find the time for homework after work. The only option was having someone do my homework for me. But seriously, who the hell was going to volunteer to do my homework for me? It wasn't like I had any friends here or anyone who I would even consider an acquaintance besides for Ray.
An unwanted image of James floated to the front of my brain. No matter how hard I had tried, I still hadn't been able to get his face out of my head. But ever since James had noticed the "hickey" on my neck, he had left me completely alone. I wondered if that was because he figured I was with Ray and he didn't have a chance with getting my body. Maybe it was because he was mad that I had "lied" about my relationship with Ray. Who knew? He was the only person I had really talked to from the school though. Was there even a small possibility that he might agree to doing my homework for me?
Out of the corner of my eye, I shot a glance across the room at James. He was goofing off in the corner of the classroom, making faces at the teacher when she wasn't looking. To my surprise, I found there was an auburn-haired girl who kept smiling at James. I was even more shocked to find that they were holding hands under the table. A rush of hatred towards this unknown girl pulsed through my blood. I was shocked by the emotion; why should I hate a girl I didn't even know?
Shaking my head at myself, I looked up at the clock and noticed that the school bell that dismissed class was going to ring any minute. I was going to have to make my mind up about James pretty soon. Just as I was thinking this, the school bell clanged and everyone jumped to their feet. Nobody lingered in the classroom! James jammed his social studies book into his bag and slipped his hand around that auburn-haired girl's hand. They smiled at each other before walking cheerfully out of the classroom together. I hesitated, trying to figure out whether or not to follow James.
Finally, I made up my mind. After shoving my paper and pencils into my backpack, I flung it over my shoulder and hurried outside into the masses of students that were flitting around in the hallway. I scanned the numerous faces until I found James. He was doing something with his locker.
Apprehensively, I picked my way through the crowd and stood behind James. He didn't even seem to notice me. Instead, he continued to rummage through his backpack for something he must be looking for. Not sure what to say, I just stood there behind him looking like an idiot for a few minutes. After I realized how ridiculous I must look, I cleared my throat in an attempt to get his attention. To my annoyance, James still didn't look up. How the hell was I suppose to get his attention?
A lump formed in the back of my throat. Maybe James was ignoring me on purpose? Maybe he was mad about the situation with Ray and didn't want to talk to me anymore. It was just like I had always thought; he had given up on me because he knew he couldn't have me. If he couldn't have me for sex, then why would he waste his time bothering with a freak like me?
Shaking my head with disgust at myself, I continued down the path to my house. It was eleven thirty and I had finished my first day at work only a half an hour ago. Work had gone pretty well for the most part. Working as a cashier wasn't exactly an exciting job, but at least it was an easy way to get money. Fortunately, not very many people shopped at the drug store this late at night so I had mostly stood behind the cash register for nothing to do for five hours.
The only thing I didn't like about my job was the hours. After Ray had dragged me to the alley and had gotten his fill of me, I somehow had to try to put myself back together. I had worn dark clothes that would mask any blood that might spill onto them and I had stowed an extra hairbrush in my bag to take care of my frizzy hair. The only thing that I couldn't make go away was the haunted look I always got in my eyes whenever I had just been with Ray.
As I rounded the corner to my house, I felt a little happier. I had cold, hard cash in my pocket to show to my mother. No matter how upset she had been with me earlier, she would have to be at least a little happy about the fact that we now had a little money. She would probably send me to the grocery store tomorrow and we could finally get some food! I would've stopped at the grocery store tonight, but had decided not to for three reasons. Firstly, I was literally falling asleep on my feet and there was just no way I was going to be able to make it to the grocery store. Secondly, I had no idea what kind of food my mom would want me to get. And thirdly, it was kind of dangerous to be out alone at this time of night.
Skipping up the stairs to our doorway, I turned the doorknob and stepped inside to the living room. The lights were off and I figured that my mom was asleep. I dumped my school bag into the corner and set out my money on the counter so my mom could see the proof that I had gotten a job just like she had asked me to. My eye caught my forlorn school bag as I headed upstairs to my bedroom. I knew that my neglected homework was still sitting at the very bottom of my bag, but there was just no way that I could force myself to do it right now. Right now, sleep was calling.
After plodding up the stairs, I walked straight to my room and was about to open the door when I heard a strange noise coming from just inside my room. Frowning, I paused and just stood outside my bedroom door for a moment. Who the hell would be in my bedroom at this time of day? Since I didn't hear any more noises for a few minutes, I started to wonder if maybe my imagination had just made up the first noise. Just to confirm that I really had heard a noise, I pressed my hear against the door and strained my ears to see if I could hear anything else.
Coming from just inside my room were low moans and grunts. What the fuck was going on in there? Cautiously, I slid the door open and peered inside. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness of my room. Once my eyes adjusted, I found a hideous sight just before my eyes. It was a sight I never wanted to see.
My mom and some dark haired guy where fucking in my bed. The random guy who I had never seen before kept riding my mom, causing her to let out low whimpers and moans. Two empty beer bottles were lying abandoned at the foot of my bed. Loose items of clothing were littered all over my clean floor. I looked down at my foot to see that I had stepped on my mom's thong. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and quickly jerked my foot away. As I watched the horrifying site before me, I debated what to do. I really wanted to shove the couple off my bed and tell them to get the fuck out of here, but I knew that wouldn't bet a very good decision since my mom could be angered easily since she had obviously just been drinking. Who was the guy though? I hadn't had any idea at all that my mom might have a lover. She hadn't shown any interest in any guy besides my dad since he had died. Apparently, that must have all changed.
Finally, I managed to rip my gaze away from sight of the guy fucking my mom and slipped out of my room as silently as I had entered it. It didn't really bother me if my mom wanted to have sex with a guy, but seriously, couldn't she use her own bed? There was no way I was going to be able to sleep in my bed without getting nightmares for a very long time though. Besides, it wasn't as if she didn't have a nice bed. She had a queen size bed adjacent to the living room for god's sake!
Knowing I didn't have a choice but to sleep on the couch, I padded back downstairs and flopped onto my belly onto it. But no matter how tired I was, I just couldn't seem to fall asleep. It was like something in the back of my mind was preventing me from falling asleep. Then I realized what it was. Ever since I had seen my mom fucking that guy, I had wondered why the hell she would want to do that. Fucking wasn't exactly a nice sensation. As far as I knew, it hurt like hell! But maybe was there a possibility that having sex with someone you loved could be enjoyable? I didn't know. All I knew was the fact that having your virginity forced away from you was a very painful process that nobody would actually choose to go through.
There was something else too that I had been thinking about. I had felt alone in the world for the last couple years now. Ever since my mom had become a drunk and had pretty much lost it, I had learned to fight, fend, and care for myself. There wasn't any room for anyone else in my life. Everyone else I knew had friends though. They all had a companion to tell their secrets to, to laugh with, and to seek comfort and protection from. Even my mom had that with her secret lover that I hadn't known about until tonight. The for the first time ever, I felt really lonely. I wanted to talk to someone. All the anger, hurt, and pain of the last few months had been building up inside me until the point where it was getting really unbearable. There was only one problem though: I had no idea who to talk with. I had no friends and my mother was obviously out of the question.
Whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to continue life on my own. With that disheartening thought in my mind, I rolled over on the couch and closed my eyes. It was time to sleep.
~ ~ ~ ~
A month later, everything was going about the safe as before. My days continued in the normal routine. I would get up, go to school, Ray would drag me to the alley, and then I would go to work. My mother had been more tolerant of me now that I had a job and was earning money for her supper. She hadn't ever mentioned anything about her secret lover to me even after I had found her fucking with that random guy in my room. I knew better than to ask who he was, so nothing ever became of that encounter.
Right now, it was Friday afternoon and I was just about falling asleep in social studies. Everything the teacher said went in one of my ears and went right out the other ear. I was very tired today. For some reason, I hadn't been able to sleep very well the last few nights. Regardless, I still needed to find a way to keep up my grades though.
That was a big problem for me right now. All my grades had dipped well below what they normally were. To my horror, I found I was failing geometry, social studies, and gym. You're probably wondering how a person fails gym, right? Well, I failed it because I couldn't run a mile under a time period of fifteen minutes. That's pretty pathetic, but I was really exhausted on that day when we had been forced to do another mile run. It seemed like I never got enough sleep these days. I was constantly on the verge of sleep and my brain was always shutting down automatically.
I couldn't let myself fail my classes though; if I failed my classes, there would be absolutely no way I would ever get a scholarship to the colleges I wanted to go to. So how exactly was I going to improve my grades? I just hadn't been able to find time for homework. It was impossible to find the time for homework after work. The only option was having someone do my homework for me. But seriously, who the hell was going to volunteer to do my homework for me? It wasn't like I had any friends here or anyone who I would even consider an acquaintance besides for Ray.
An unwanted image of James floated to the front of my brain. No matter how hard I had tried, I still hadn't been able to get his face out of my head. But ever since James had noticed the "hickey" on my neck, he had left me completely alone. I wondered if that was because he figured I was with Ray and he didn't have a chance with getting my body. Maybe it was because he was mad that I had "lied" about my relationship with Ray. Who knew? He was the only person I had really talked to from the school though. Was there even a small possibility that he might agree to doing my homework for me?
Out of the corner of my eye, I shot a glance across the room at James. He was goofing off in the corner of the classroom, making faces at the teacher when she wasn't looking. To my surprise, I found there was an auburn-haired girl who kept smiling at James. I was even more shocked to find that they were holding hands under the table. A rush of hatred towards this unknown girl pulsed through my blood. I was shocked by the emotion; why should I hate a girl I didn't even know?
Shaking my head at myself, I looked up at the clock and noticed that the school bell that dismissed class was going to ring any minute. I was going to have to make my mind up about James pretty soon. Just as I was thinking this, the school bell clanged and everyone jumped to their feet. Nobody lingered in the classroom! James jammed his social studies book into his bag and slipped his hand around that auburn-haired girl's hand. They smiled at each other before walking cheerfully out of the classroom together. I hesitated, trying to figure out whether or not to follow James.
Finally, I made up my mind. After shoving my paper and pencils into my backpack, I flung it over my shoulder and hurried outside into the masses of students that were flitting around in the hallway. I scanned the numerous faces until I found James. He was doing something with his locker.
Apprehensively, I picked my way through the crowd and stood behind James. He didn't even seem to notice me. Instead, he continued to rummage through his backpack for something he must be looking for. Not sure what to say, I just stood there behind him looking like an idiot for a few minutes. After I realized how ridiculous I must look, I cleared my throat in an attempt to get his attention. To my annoyance, James still didn't look up. How the hell was I suppose to get his attention?
A lump formed in the back of my throat. Maybe James was ignoring me on purpose? Maybe he was mad about the situation with Ray and didn't want to talk to me anymore. It was just like I had always thought; he had given up on me because he knew he couldn't have me. If he couldn't have me for sex, then why would he waste his time bothering with a freak like me?
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