Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Amor Vincint Omnia

Don't Want the World to See Me

by seraphsfalling 1 review

Tonks/Lupin. From end of OotP, to end of HBP. Songs for each chapter, Chapter Song: Iris, Goo Goo Dolls. Rating may go up.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Angst, Romance - Characters: Andromeda Tonks, Lupin - Warnings: [!!!] [X] - Published: 2006-04-17 - Updated: 2006-04-18 - 1931 words

Amor Vincit Omnia

Summery: Based on Lupin and Tonk's relationship, starting with the end of OotP, and leading to the argument they have in the Hospital Wing at the end of HBP.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own anything from the Harry Potter Series...except for in my dreams, maybe.

Chapter Song:
Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'll understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'll understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Repeat x2

I just want you to know who I am x3

Chapter One: Don't Want the World to See Me

Tonks blinked rapidly, her eyes were not accustomed to the bright white lights hovering above her, and her head hurt rather fiercely.


She remembered what had happened. Was that just last night? Two nights ago? A week? Where was she? Thoughts swam in her head, causing the slight throb she had awoken with to pound.

"Good to see you up Miss Tonks, you took a rather nasty hit to your head. All heroes, the lot of you." A healer with tight black curls entered her room. "I imagine your friend told you what happened, that poor Sirius Black, innocent all these years. Oh dear, I almost forgot, a nice young man is here to break you out, love." The witch smiled and gave a wink, "not a bad looking one, looks like he could use some relaxation."

Tonks was confused, but only momentarily as Remus stepped into the room, his smile was a small one, and looked as sad as she felt. She attempted to return it, but she felt as if the corners of her mouth were a trick lever for more tears. Molly had come into her room in St. Mungo's and told her everything that had happened after she had fallen. It seemed as if it had all happened so long ago.

"Feeling better, Nymphadora?" Remus hesitated for a moment before entering the room. Molly was supposed to have been picking Tonks up, but she had backed out at the last second asking Remus to go in her place with a smile and twinkle in her eyes that Remus hadn't quite understood, or trusted.

Tonks' hair was down around her face, brown and looked as though it would curl if she hadn't been sleeping and waking alternatively for a week straight. Her eyes were still dark, the same colour as when her hair was bubble gum pink- though Remus noticed they were slightly less bright, more weary and broken. Sirius' death had come as a shock to her, as much as it had come to a shock to all of the order- except for perhaps Severus.

"I'd like to go to Grimmauld Place Remus." Tonks stood from the bed; she had on a bright purple jumper over her hospital gown. Her body was sore, bruised at her shoulders, arms, legs... though the colour had faded from black and purple to yellows and green, and the lump on her head wasn't nearly as swollen as it had felt the first time she had awoken.

Remus looked away awkwardly. "I'll wait for you in the hallway then." He gave a friendly smile to the young healer that had been looking over Tonks, and stepped out.

"He's much too young for all that grey hair, surely." The woman said, stepping out as well and leaving Tonks to pull on a comfortable but plenty torn pair of jeans, and her favorite black robes. She looked in the little mirror in the adjoining bathroom and grimaced, squinting her eyes she concentrated on her pink hair...There she was, she almost recognized the girl in the mirror now.

Remus had waited patiently in the hall, just as he had promised. The sweater Molly had made him for Christmas was still in good shape, and dark blue. Tonks was vaguely aware that he looked nice in it, quite nice really, before he started talking to her.

"The Daily Prophet is extremely interested in what happened at the Ministry last week. Ministry workers are sworn to secrecy, but I imagine they'll be badgering you for information since it's well known you were injured there that night." Remus wouldn't look at her; he looked straight ahead towards the exit.

"Nymphadora Tonks!" A voice called out just as they hit the main floor. "Nymphadora, what happened to you the night He-who-must-not-be-named attacked the Ministry?"

"Do you agree with the statement that The Dark Lord is back and ready to attack?" Another voice.

"Is Harry Potter truly the 'Chosen One'?" A third voice this time.

Remus stuck his hand in hers led her through Mungo's to the outer streets, a careless gesture but one she appreciated more than she could say. She needed that hand around her own more than she had even known.

"We can take the Knight Bus, if you're up to it." Remus still wouldn't look at her, but his hand remained firmly around her own.

"I'm up to it." She couldn't understand why, but right then she felt like laughing, a snort escaped the prison of her mouth, and a grin cracked over her face. She hated the Knight Bus, he was as clumsy as she was. That made her laugh again.

The bus squealed to a stop in front of them, none of the Muggles seemed to notice the large bus squeezed between two parked cars. A pimple faced young man looked down at them, hurrying them onto the bus in quick demands. Tonks managed to trip only once on the second step, and Lupin's warm hands caught her about her waist putting her back to rights.

She tried to ignore the pleasant feeling this brought, just as he behind her tried to ignore it as well.

She was a Friend, he told himself. She was supposed to be like a little sister, he scoffed at that one. He didn't feel like she was a little sister at all. Kreacher was more of a little sister.

"You're going to have to-" Lupin's voice cut off as the bus started again in a great lurch. "You're going to have to move your things out of the house by the end of the week. Dumbledore is afraid it's been passed down to Bellatrix, though Sirius expressed very clearly in his...will, that it was to go to Harry." Lupin looked pained as he talked of Sirius. Tonk's wanted to reach out and grip his hand, to feel the contact of someone that knew what she was going through, but she kept her hands gripped tightly in her lap, and Remus seemed a little uncomfortable as well.

They stumbled off the bus at the intersection for Grimmauld Place, both feeling more than a little queasy (they had watched as a middle aged woman had vomited all over her seat when the Knight Bus took three consecutive sharp turns.)

"The full moon is next weekend isn't it?' Tonks wanted to talk, about anything but falling when she should have killed Bellatrix, and getting Sirius killed in the process; but she realized the mistake of subjects as Remus stiffened next to her. "Merlin, I'm sorry Remus, I place full blame on the head injury. I know it's a sore spot for you, I wasn't thinking."

"I've come to terms with it." He looked over at her for the first times since she had stepped out of the hospital bed, "Yes, the full moon's next weekend."

The two had spent as much time as they could spare at the head-quarters for the Order, fully aware that Sirius would go mad with cabin fever if left alone in the old house for to long. He had always been the wild one that needed to run and spread his wings hence the flying motorcycle, while James had been content with Lily and his friends, and Remus had always enjoyed spending time alone with his books in front of a fire. Peter...Remus would rather not think about Peter. Remus watched Tonks' expression from the corner of his eye. He had been attracted to her carefree nature before Sirius had died; the three of them would share a mug of spiced tea, or fire-whiskey and tell stories of their childhoods, odd occurrences, things that would put Sirius in good spirits and allow him to forget about his prison for just a night, and now his feelings for the girl had increased to a point that made him feel guilty, and not unlike a perverted old man.

Number 12 loomed in front of them. Tonks looked at the house in apprehension, but ground her teeth once before walking towards it with a determined stride. She managed not to trip over the umbrella stand, and didn't slip on the puddle of water the rain had caused to pool in front of the door. The portrait didn't start screaming out profanities, Tonks didn't imagine she could take it if Mrs. Black had started screaming today. She walked straight up to her bedroom; Molly must not have given up on cleaning the head-quarters because there wasn't a speck of dust in the week long vacated room. The picture on Tonks' bedside laughed and winked up at her, Sirius had his charming grin plastered over his face and an empty bottle of fire-whiskey in his hand (it had been his third, she remembered), She had been laughing madly had an old story Sirius had been telling about Remus, and Remus looked a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.

Tonks curled up on her bed, and cried for the first time since she had been told. If she could have taken down one bloody death eater, if she could have just taken out Bellatrix, Sirius, Remus and herself would likely be down stairs celebrating. Laughing, and trading stories.

She ignored the knock on her door.

"Nymphadora?" It was Remus. Come to calm her most likely. She wanted none of it. Not right now, she just wanted to be alone with her picture and her memories, and heal.

"For God's sake, it Tonks, Remus, Tonks." She must have told him a hundred times, yet she still liked the sound of it coming from him. Nymph seemed to separate from 'adora' when he said it, yet it flowed together.

The door creaked open, "I brought some food up. I thought you might be hungry." He saw the bright swollen eyes and registered she had been crying.

It was as if he was in a dream, because he was sitting on the edge of her bed, the food tray pushed aside and her face was in his hands.

Her eyes caught his, she wanted this. Then his lips were on her own and they were both sighing.
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