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"Out of my way, captain!" Soi Fong didn't even pause as she barreled past him. He didn't quite have time to jump out of the way, and she practically ran him over.

"Ain'tcha even gonna say excuse me?" he called. But she was already gone.

"Are you all right, sir?" Kira rushed over to give his captain a hand up.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Gin fixed a smile on his face and brushed the dirt off his robes.

"Do you want me to, to, to say something to Captain Soi Fong?"

Gin waited a moment to respond. There was something fascinating about watching Kira squirm. He was like a worm on a hook. "Nah, it's okay," he said finally. Kira gave a sigh of relief. "You know I ain't the vindictive type."

*
A few hours later, Gin was doing paperwork in his office when a small round face peered around the corner.

"Ahoy! Whatcha doin', Gin-kun?"

Gin put down his papers and smiled down at her. "Shouldn't you be on your Captain's back?"

"No, Ken-chan is sleeping, and nobody wanted to train with me." In a blur of motion, she hopped up on his desk, sitting on the highest pile of papers. "So I was thinking maybe we could play a game, matey!"

"And what kind of game were you thinking about?"

"Arr, Gin-kun, ye know the game. Pirates! I'll be the pirate captain, and ye can be the navy coming to get me, only then I'll raid your ships and..."

"Hold on, hold on," Gin said, holding his hands up. "I got work to do here, kid."

Yachiru pouted. "But I'm bored, and I want somebody to play with."

"Well, tellya what. I'll tell you a story, and then you can go and do something else for a while."

Yachiru looked a little dubious. "What kind of story?"

"Oh, you'll like it. It's all about the never-ending battle between pirates and... ninjas."

Yachiru's eyes went wide. "Ninjas?"

"Didn't you know? Pirates and ninjas are eternal rivals. Everybody knows the pirates are the best at everything, but the ninjas just won't accept it. And so they're always fighting each other, and neither side will ever back down."

"But which ones are really stronger?"

Gin smiled a little wider. "Why don't you go ask Captain Soi Fong? I'm sure she knows all about it."

*
"Captain!"

"What?" Soi Fong snapped. She'd been having a horrible day; an entire field team had disappeared without a trace, one of her officers had been caught embezzling money to the Rukongai black market, and, most troublingly, she had misplaced her black cat plushie.

"Well, um, Vice-Captain Yachiru is outside, and... we think you're the only one who can deal with her, Captain. She's being very... um, more so than usual."

Soi Fong sighed. She really didn't have time for this. "Didn't you give her some candy?"

"Captain..." Her fifth seat looked even more terrified than before. "She said it was even more important than candy."

"WHAT?" Soi Fong jumped to her feet and started out the door. "What could possibly be that serious?"

Outside, the scene was chaotic. Yachiru was standing in the center of one of the training courtyards shouting at the top of her lungs, with most of the Second Division rushing around the perimeter trying to placate her. Soi Fong stood at the edge of the courtyard, but didn't say anything; as her subordinates noticed her, they melted into the adjacent buildings.

Yachiru stopped shouting as everyone disappeared. Finally, she faced Soi Fong alone.

"Why are you here? Has something happened?" Soi Fong asked.

In response, Yachiru pointed a finger directly at her. "Ye be nothing but a big smelly ninja!"

Soi Fong blinked. Of all the responses she had been anticipating, this was definitely not one of them. "I beg your pardon?"

"Avast, stupid ninja! I be a pirate, and pirates always be better than any ninja stupid-heads!"

Soi Fong counted to ten. Then counted to ten again. The situation was intolerable, but even she wasn't willing to go to war with the Eleventh Division over something so idiotic. "The ninja arts are a long and honorable tradition in Soul Society, Vice-Captain. Your little game is amusing but it really can't compare in any way."

She was almost caught off-balance when Yachiru charged.

*
"You wanted to see me, Captain Yamamoto?"

"Er, yes, it's about your proposed budget for the next quarter. Did you forget that the 46 have reassigned this portion of the general funds to the gigai office in the Twelfth Division?"

"I don't recollect anyone telling me about that."

"Yes, it was one of the final changes they made to the overall Gotei 13 budget, in response to Captain Kurotsuchi's persistent requests."

"I see. Thank you for telling me, sir." He bowed, and turned to the door.

"Don't do anything rash, boy," Yamamoto warned.

Gin smiled over his shoulder. "Wouldn't think of it."

Just as he started down the outside hall, a messenger dashed past him and into Captain Yamamoto's chambers. He didn't stop to close the door, so Gin could hear them clearly.

"Sir, it's Captain Soi Fong and Vice-Captain Yachiru. They're at each other's throats, sir! You're the only one who can sort it out."

"What? What on earth is going on?"

"Nobody's quite sure what triggered it, sir... but we think if it goes on much longer Captain Soi Fong will release her bankai."

There was the sound of shunpo and the impression of a great wind passing by, and Captain Yamamoto was gone. Gin decided it might be worth his while to stick around for a while. He snagged one of the First Squad officers rushing by.

"Hey there, kid. How you doing?"

"C-C-Captain Ichimaru?"

"You been having fun with old Yamamoto?"

"...urgle?"

While Gin waited patiently for an articulate response, Captain Yamamoto returned, a shamefaced Soi Fong and an unrepentant Yachiru trailing in his wake. He cast a dour look at Gin, but swept into his office without comment.

Gin continued to play with the little shinigami he'd hooked, paying little attention to the low voices (and occasional loud outbursts) coming from Yamamoto's office. By the time the office door opened, she'd had managed to edge her way to the end of the corridor, but still hadn't formed a complete sentence.

Yachiru looked more cowed than Gin had ever seen her, but still undefeated. "I don't care what Yama-jii says," she muttered as they came down the hall. "Pirates and ninjas be enemies for ever and ever, and I'll be scuppered if I don't fight you again."

Soi Fong was looking a bit desperate.

Gin favored them with one of his smiles as they approached him. The First Squad shinigami scuttled away. "Captain, Vice-Captain. Hope your meeting went well."

"I don't care what he says! I'll never give up, even if they send me to Davy Jones' locker!"

Gin leaned down and cupped Yachiru's chin in his hand. "Can I tell you another story?"

"Just don't take too long, Gin-kun. I be having ninjas to fight."

"I'll give you the short version thing. See, even though pirates and ninjas are rivals forever and ever, there's one thing they both agree on."

"Really? What is it, Gin-kun?"

"Well, you see, his enemy is so evil that pirates and ninjas will put aside their battles to fight together against them."

"Who is it, Gin-kun? Who?"

Gin smiled even more widely. Such an impressionable little thing. "Why, clowns, of course."

"No," Soi Fong said. "I've had enough of this nonsense. I'm going back to my squad and staying out of trouble."

Yachiru broke away from Gin to run to her. "But Soi-san, you have to! Mayuri-kun is our enemy! We have to fight him together! Come on! A real ninja would fight against the clowns with me! Pleasepleasepleaseplease?"

Soi Fong turned on Gin, actually baring her teeth. "This is your fault, isn't it?"

Gin smiled. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm going to get you for this, Gin."

"Temper, temper, Captain. Besides, shouldn't you be thanking me for solving your little problem here?"

She shot him a venomous look, but knelt down to Yachiru's eye level. "We do this and we're even. No more ninja-pirate battles."

"Come on, then," Yachiru said, tugging her by the hand. "We gotta go get him now!"

Gin ambled after them. The First Division Vice-Captain was standing near the gate; as Gin approached it, he narrowed his eyes.

"Don't think Captain Yamamoto hasn't noticed what happens to your enemies, Captain Ichimaru," he warned.

Gin put on his most innocent face, smiling even more widely and actually opening his eyes. "Ain't it weird? Guess it must be karma."