FicWad

I tried to quit my sobbing to appease Ray, but I just couldn't. Somehow, the tears still rolled down my shoulders and shook my entire body. Once we were outside the school and nobody could see us, Ray whirled me around to face him and slapped my ass violently saying, "What the hell is wrong with you, girl? Can't you shut up and be good so I don't have to hurt you more?"

My heart sank. Ray was back to his usual violent self now that the dance was over. Great. I made myself stop crying and let the tears flow silently through my aching heart instead. As we walked along, Ray continued to speak, "What happened to you anyways? You were completely fine before I left you alone. I couldn't find you anywhere in the gym, so I had to come out to the hallway to find you. What had you been doing? You didn't let some other guy touch you, did you?"

I shook my head violently, but didn't answer his question. There was just no freakin' way I was going to tell him about Kitty and James. As a matter of fact, there was no way I was ever going to tell anyone about Kitty and James. That was their business and none of mine. I had to get it out of my head somehow and move on with my life.

Ray seemed satisfied with my nod and dragged me to the alleyway in silence. I was thankful for the silence. If I had been forced to speak, I probably would've started crying again which would've just been embarrassing to me and annoying to Ray. Once we were in the alley, Ray wasted no time in slipping out of his nice, black suit. I didn't bother watching him. Instead, I wrapped my arms across my chest in an attempt to keep warm. It was freezing cold out tonight and the last thing I wanted to do was strip down. But stripping down wasn't my choice; it was Ray's.

"Take off your dress," Ray commanded me in an imperial tone. I had no plans that involved taking off my dress though. I just shook my head and stood my ground to Ray. I was in a terrible mood right now and was feeling quite rebellious. Ray raised an eyebrow at me and sighed, "Fine. We'll do this the hard was then."

Ray grabbed me roughly and yanked my dress down. There was an ominous tearing noise as the fabric ripped. My mood worsened even more. Now my hundred and fifty dollar dress was ruined. What was next? Once my dress crumpled to my feet, Ray wrestled me to the ground. I was really surprised when he flipped over onto his back though. Usually, he liked to stay on top of me the entire time while he was fucking me. Ray liked to have control. I couldn't help but wonder what he was up to.

Ray pulled me on top of him and whispered, "You're on top tonight. Just fuck me hard girl, and nobody gets hurt. You're making this so much harder than it needs to be." I hesitated on top of Ray, feeling his cock brushing against my clitoris. Ray was right; I could make this hard or easy. Normally, I would've tried to fight him, but tonight was different. I wasn't in a mood to fight. I was just going to have to stop resisting and give Ray what he wanted.

After positioning Ray's cock at my entrance, I slowly pushed him inside of me, flinching briefly at the pain. For some reason, I wanted pain tonight. It was like physical suffering would make me forget my smashed up heart. Now why was my heart smashed up again? Because of James Hetfield? Goddamn, I was such a pathetic girl. I needed to learn to grow up.

Thrusting thoughts of James aside, I started riding Ray up and down. The feeling wasn't too bad, it just disgusted me that the person I was doing this with was a bastard. Wanting to hurt Ray, I went faster and faster until sweat dripped from my forehead despite the coldness. Ray wasn't the slightest bit hurt though. On the contrary, he was moaning with pleasure. Only a moment later, he came inside me and filled me up with his rotting juices.

Mad that I hadn't hurt Ray in the slightest, an impulsive suddenly came over me. Without a second of hesitation, I leaned down bit Ray's shoulder as hard as I could. I know you're thinking now that I am a nutshell, and truth be told, I probably am. I was to the point of insanity after all the pain and torture I had been through these last horrible months. All I wanted to do now was hurt Ray. I wanted him to suffer for everything he had done to me. It wasn't fair and he needed to paid.

I sunk my teeth as far into Ray's flesh as I could. I kept pressing into it even after Ray started yelping with pain. I sunk my teeth into him until I pierced his skin and tasted his blood. By this point, Ray realized what I was doing and threw me off of him was extraordinary strength. I went flying across the alleyway and slammed hard into the building opposite us. The impact left me stunned and motionless. Ray stood up from where he was standing and stepped over towards me. He was a large, looming shadow over my motionless body. I couldn't help but wonder if he was going to stamp the life out of me with his foot.

"Don't you ever try that again with me, woman!" Ray commanded. He was trembling with anger and I couldn't help but noticed his shoulder was dripping blood from my own teeth. Then Ray's furious expression changed into a sadistic smirk, "You do know that I could arrange for you to have a very painful death, don't you? Keep that in the back of your mind for next time." Ray raised his foot and slammed it as hard as he could into my face.

I screeched with the pain of it and felt liquid streaming down from my nose. As I tasted the metallic taste, I knew my nose was bleeding. Above the sound of my own screaming, all I could hear was Ray's laughter. It was high-pitched, evil laughter of a man who liked to torture a young girl to her death. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and tried to block out the sound of Ray's cackles. After a few minutes, they died away and Ray finished getting dressed. When he was done, he gave me one last look and then left me lying crumpled in a heat; broken and beat.

Once he was gone, I tried to think of what I should do to get out of here. My body was shaking and my nose was streaming blood at a very quick rate. I crawled over to where my tattered dress lay in one corner and held it up in front of me. There was a large tear done the center of it. I stared at it for a few minutes while I thought of what to do. I obviously couldn't go home naked, so this torn up dress was my only option. Slowly and gingerly, I got to my feet and slipped the dress over my head. It fell completely open in the front; leaving most of my bra and scraped stomach visible. Glaring at the dress, I pulled it together with one hand to conceal everything that should not be seen, and started out of the alleyway.

As I hurried home as quickly as my legs would carry me, I noticed that my body was still shaking. The weird thing was that I was no longer shaking from fear or from shock; I was shaking completely from the cold. Even through the blood gushing from my nose, I found I was sniffling as well. I wondered if I was catching a cold. It was a likely possibility. After all, Ray brought me out into the cold December nights and forced me to shiver underneath him out in the cold. I supposed it was only a matter of time before I got sick. A little part of me hoped that maybe Ray would be a little gentler with me once I was sick. Unfortunately, I knew deep inside that Ray would probably only be rougher on me. That was the way Ray's twisted mind worked.

~ ~ ~ ~

About ten minutes later, I found myself walked past in front of the school on the way back to my house. Usually, the school was completely deserted at this time of night. However, I could hear voices and laughter coming from the front of the school. I paused where I was standing and squinted towards the front of the school, trying to see who was standing in front of the school. I wished that the people would just go away. I was in no state to be seen right now. After all, my nose was still bleeding, I was pretty much freezing to death, and my dress was just about ripped in half.

As I approached the group of dark shadows in front of the school, I recognized one of the figures in the group. James was leaning against the tall oak tree with a glass bottle in one hand. It was definitely an alcoholic drink. James' blonde hair was blowing slightly in the breeze and he was laughing at something one of the other guys was saying. From where I was standing, I say a boy next to him, who was also drinking out of a glass bottle, punch James lightly on the shoulder and say, "So James, I heard you fucked your first girl tonight? I laughed so hard when Brian told me that you did it in the gym closet. It's awesome how you got away with it without getting caught."

James, looking kind of uncomfortable, shrugged and took another long swig out of his beer bottle. The guy who was talking to James wouldn't shut up though. He continued talking to him, saying, "So? How did you like it?" Oh god, I did so not need to stick around and hear James describe having sex with Kitty.

No longer carrying if I was seen or not, I ran across the sidewalk as silently as I could towards home. Just as I pasted the school, I shot a quick glance towards the group. To my horror, James was looking directly at me. I quickly tore my gaze away from him and ran home as quickly as I could. But even though I was running away from the situation, the look in James' eyes stayed lodged in my head. I could never run away from that damn image in my head. If only I could clear my memory or go back in time so I would've never found James fucking Kitty.

When I finally arrived home, I was a wreck. Believe it or not, my nose still hadn't stopped bleeding and I was starting to feel dizzy now. There were large goosebumps on my arms from the cold and I was shivering uncontrollably. I flew into the living room and slammed the door shut behind me to block out the cold from outside. Immediately, I removed my hold on my dress and let it flop to the ground. I grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it tightly around myself in an attempt to get warm. If only there was a fire going; that would certainly make me warm. My dad had always used to build fires when I was little. I remembered going to help him gather wood for fires a very long time ago.

My mom was still lying unconscious on the couch. That wasn't really a surprise. I was pretty much watching her waste her life away. She was wilting just like a flower right before it dies. Not wanting to stick around downstairs and watch the sorry sight of my half-dead mother, I decided to head upstairs. For some reason, once I was upstairs, I found my feet carrying me to the bathroom instead of the bedroom. I pushed the door open and flicked on the light. My reflection in the mirror was a nightmare.

My hair was matted and tangled, my eye was still a little swollen, dried blood from my nose had dripped down my face, and my eyes were like dead holes in my skull. I was hideous. What had I become? I had gone from a normal teenage girl to a freak that looked half dead like her mother. Trying to make myself look better, I attempted a smile in the mirror. That did no good. All it did was make me realize that my lips were stained red from Ray's blood when I had bit his shoulder.

I stared at my horrible image for one more second before turning on my heel and running into my bedroom as fast as I could. It felt like I was running away from everything lately. First, I was running away from James and Kitty. Secondly, I ran away from Ray. Now, I was running away from myself. There was a problem with that though; there was only one way to escape from myself. Was I willing to do what it took to escape myself?

Slowly and hesitantly, I slid off the bed and pulled my mom's small, black gun from underneath it. For a long time, I just held the gun in my hands and considered what I wanted to do. If I wanted, I could try to end my life now. Surely a bullet to the heart would kill me since I was so weak right now. Did I really want to die though? Was I really ready to give up? My heart told me that indeed I was. There was no point in going through the same pain and torture everday. I just didn't feel like I could spend another day of Ray's abuse and I certainly didn't ever want to go back to school. I never wanted to have to go back to that damned place and have to see James' face again.

Making my decision, I raised the gun slowly and pointed it directly at my heart. I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to see what I was about to do, and pulled the trigger. I had expected to die instantly or at least hear a noise, but nothing happened. Slowly, I opened my eyes back up and peered closer at the gun. It wasn't loaded. Shit. I had actually been looking forward to dying. Tomorrow, I would have to stop and get some gun powder. Then I could really end it once and for all. I only had to get through one more day. Keeping that reassuring thought in my head, I collapsed on the floor with my head resting on the gun and fell into a restless, disturbed sleep.