FicWad

The whole day at school, I mostly spend thinking about how to try to kill myself. There was no doubt in my mind now that dying would be my fate. I had just had way too much and it was time for me to snap. Sometimes I worried about what would come after death though. I didn't really have a religion, so I wasn't sure about the whole Heaven or Hell thing. There was only one way to find out if those rumors were try. I guess I would figure it out shortly.

I was sitting in geography, contemplating my imminent death, when I felt a pair of eyes on the back of my head. God, why did I keep feeling like someone was watching me? Maybe I was really starting to go crazy! Or maybe I was just super paranoid. Who knew? Just to make sure that it really was my paranoia, I whirled my head backwards and scanned the rows of students behind me. Just as I had assumed, not one person was looking at me.

"Miss Black?" my geography teacher called my name sharply. I quickly flipped back around at my desk so that I was facing her. I blushed slightly as all the student's eyes came to rest on me. Being the center of attention during class always made me feel pretty uncomfortable. My geography teacher continued, "The map is in the front of the class, not the back! If you stare behind you during the whole class, you're obviously not going to learn anything."

I stared at my feet in shame and muttered a, "Sorry." The teacher just grunted and went back to teaching the class. As soon as her eyes were off of me, I zoned back out again. It didn't take my thoughts long to return to the thought of death. So how exactly was I suppose to kill myself? The gun I had wasn't loaded, so that wasn't an option. I didn't have any money, so the knife was also out of the question. The first option that I thought of was overdosing. My mom had loads upon loads of pills stored in one of her cupboards. She had banned me from taking anything from the cupboard, but I honestly doubted she would notice if I took all her pills at this point. In the half dead state she was in, she didn't really remember or recognize anything anymore.

A plan started to form in my head. As soon as I got home, I would steal all those bottles of pills and take as many of them as I could. Well, I would do that only if my mom was unconscious. If she was conscious, I would have to wait until she went back into another one of her drunken stupors. But what if overdosing didn't kill me? There was always a possibility that it wouldn't work. What would I do then? I chewed on my lip in irritation as I tried to think about what I would do next if the overdosing didn't work. I was caught up in my scheming that I forgot to notice the warning signs of an oncoming cough.

Before I knew it, I had sneezed right on the back of the student in front of me. Oops! The student jerked her head around and glared at me. With a sneer, she hissed, "Ever think about going back to preschool so they can teach you manners like covering your mouth when you sneeze?" I apologized and tried to hide behind my hair that was falling into my face. Today wasn't going so well. It seemed like I kept getting into trouble with everyone. Never fear though, the pain would soon be over.

As soon as the student returned her attention to the geography map on the blackboard, I thought of a second method for killing myself. It wouldn't be pretty and it would probably be painful, but it would get the job done. I could use fire. Burning to death would probably be torturous, but at least it wouldn't last too long. It certainly wouldn't last as long as a future with Ray every single day. The thought of Ray made my shudder and I quickly found that my plans were sounding even better.

Just as I was starting to feel happy, I started to get that feeling that someone was watching me again. Ever so slowly so the teacher wouldn't notice, I turned my head to look behind me. But unlike this time, I caught a pair of eyes that immediately looked away from me when I turned around. It was James who had been staring at me. An unidentifiable feeling made my insides churn uneasily. Why was James watching me so closely? Something told me he was up to no good. Unfortunately, there was no way for me to figure out what he was up to though. Well, not unless I talked to him that is. Talking to him was definitely out of the question. After all, it certainly wouldn't do me any good at this point.

After staring at James coldly for a few moments, I flicked my hair over my shoulder almost arrogantly and went back to pretending to listen to the geography lesson. But if truth be told, my mind stayed on James for the rest of the lesson and I didn't even think about geography once. Actually, I didn't even know what the teacher had been talking about during the entire lesson.

~ ~ ~ ~

As soon as school was over, I ran straight for the door as fast as I could. I just wanted to skip work, avoid Ray, and go straight home to take those pills. Running through the hall at top speed, I thought I might actually have avoided Ray when the entrance to the school building came into sight. My heart leaped joyfully as I approached freedom...but then a large claw sank into my shoulder and brought my run to a halt.

Someone slapped my cheek hard and hissed in my ear, "Trying to run away, are you? Well, let me tell you that you can't run away. There's no escape from me, little girl. You best remember that." My eyes stung with the pain from his slap, and all I could do was nod weakly as Ray walked casually out of the building with his hand still on my shoulder. He was gripping me so tightly that I could feel his nails through the fabric of my shirt.

Just as we were exiting, I felt someone watching me again. Turning to look, I saw James watching me and Ray very carefully. I blushed and quickly turned around. I wondered just how long James had been watching me for. Had he seen Ray slap me? Probably not. Ray had been really fast. Besides, nobody expected students to be physically abusing each other in the middle of the hallway. But even as we stepped outside into the foggy day outside, I had a bad feeling that James had indeed seen Ray slap me. Something told me that James had been watching me for a very long time.

Ray hurried me around the corner and proceeded to the alley like usually. As we approached it, a terrible thought popped into my head. What if Ray had brought his gang to the alley again? I honestly didn't think I could bear being raped by all those guys again. I was even sicker than before and was shivering slightly in the cold December afternoon. Having to know the answer to my question, I burst out, "Did your friends come today?"

Ray stared at me stupidly for a moment as if he was trying to figure out what I was asking. I caught a whiff of his breath as he was turned towards me. It smelled like alcohol mixed with rotted fish. He had obviously been drinking. Finally, Ray answered my question, "Oh, you're asking if the other guys are at the alley? They're not there today. But believe me, we'll be visiting them all very soon. Why do you ask? Do you miss them or something?"

Ray's taunt sent fury down every vein in my body. As Ray pushed me roughly into the alley, I spat in his face and slapped him hard with my free hand, "You think I miss being raped? You think that's a funny joke you just made or something? You've got a lot to learn, you know that? You've got a mental issue or something."

There was a long silence while I caught my breath and Ray stared at me in shock. I knew I shouldn't have slapped him, but I just couldn't help myself. I was so sick of putting up with Ray all the time and doing exactly what he told me to do. There was a point where I just couldn't keep that inside anymore. Slowly, the shock melted from Ray's face and his mouth twisted evilly as he said, "I think you're the one with the mental issue, bitch. You should know by now that you shouldn't slap me. You should obey your master without question. I guess you'll learn your lesson for disobedience today, hm?"

Ray kicked me to the ground which resulted in me having another coughing fit. Ray didn't care though. He just dropped to the ground besides me and started ripping my clothes off with eager hands. I would've resisted, but I was too carried away in an attempt to stop coughing to try. So in less than a few minutes, Ray had all my clothes torn off and was leaning over my naked body with a sadistic smile. He leaned over my body and licked my nipple lightly. Then without warning, he bit down on it as hard as he could. Oh god, that hurt bad. I started to cry out, but the cry just turned into chokes as another cough racked through my body. I was very sick. I was starting to wonder if maybe I could just die of this sickness and not even have to worry about the pills! That would be an easy solution, but it would probably take too long.

Suddenly, something shiny glinted in my face. I blinked and looked closely at the object. Ray was holding the knife at my breast. I stared at him and asked, "What are you doing?" Ray grinned at me lazily and said, "Just having some fun. I wanna hear you scream some more." So it was Ray's goal to kill me now! True, I did want to die, but I certainly did not want to die by Ray's hand. That would just...not be right.

I closed my eyes shut as tightly as I could and waited for the excruciating pain that was sure to follow. I could imagine the sharp blade of the knife embedded itself deeply in my flesh, ripping my skin and spilling my blood. But before anything could happen, there was a sharp voice, "Don't you ever dare lay your fuckin' finger on her again!"

My eyes whipped open and I was surprised to see that Ray had been knocked onto his back and the knife that had been prepared to cut through my flesh was now pointed directly at his throat. Ray looked confused and scared. I had never seen him like this before. Then my gaze turned to the person who was holding the knife at Ray's throat. Curly blonde hair tumbled down one shoulder and chestnut-colored eyes glared furiously at Ray.

Ray had a plan though. I could see him slowly sneaking his fingers towards the gun that was lying about a foot away from him. I wondered if James had seen it. It certainly didn't look like he had seen it. In a hoarse voice, I called out as loud as I could, "Get the gun!" James looked at me for the first time and then looked back at Ray, who's hand was just closing around the gun. James' eyes widened and he dove at the gun. Both he and Ray struggled over it. Neither of them seemed to be gaining an advantage on the other, but Ray would probably win in the long run. His muscles were probably three times the size of James'.

Knowing I had to do something, I forced myself onto my stomach and slithered over to where the two were fighting. Just then, Ray managed to get his finger on the trigger of the gun. He pulled the trigger with that malevolent smile of his and there was a loud, booming sound as a shot rang through the air. I looked on in horror as the shot missed James' neck by about an inch. There was absolutely no time to spare. Without thinking, I yanked the knife out of James' free hand and stabbed Ray hard directly in the chest where I thought his heart might be.

Ray let out the loudest scream that I have heard to this day, and immediately loosened his grip on the gun. James jerked it out of his hand and pressed the tip of it over the howling Ray's chest. When Ray finally stopped screaming, he held up his hands in surrender as a glint of fear passed through his eyes. In a weak voice, he murmured, "Okay, okay, I surrender. What do you want me to do?" James stared at him for a long moment with the gun still pointed to his chest.

"First of all, I never want you to touch Olivia again. Secondly, I don't want to ever see you at Downey High School again. Do you hear me? I'm serious," James certainly looked serious. As a matter of fact, I had never seen him look this serious before. Usually, James was always goofing off or joking about something.

Ray simply nodded, "Okay, fine. Let me go now?" I saw Ray's eyes move to something in the opposite of the corner. The video camera! We definitely had to get rid of that. Before James had a chance to reply to Ray's pleas, I pointed at the camera and said, "Do something with that. It's a camera."

James' face went blank for a minute before he realized what the camera was for. When he did realize what it was for, his face twisted angrily and he kicked Ray hard, "God, you're sick, you know that?" James smashed his foot down on the video camera with all his strength. The video camera immediately split into several useless pieces. A sigh of relief found it's way out of my mouth. It was good to know that nobody would ever lay eyes on those obscene pictures of me.

"Can I go now?" Ray whine, obviously uncomfortable with having the gun pointing at his chest. James looked at Ray for a long time as if trying to decide whether or not to shoot him. I watched his finger slowly dance up to the trigger. Even though I wanted to make Ray suffer, I didn't actually want James to shoot him. That would definitely not end well. We'd all get into trouble if that happened. With whatever little breath I had left, I whispered, "James, don't."

James sighed and looked at me, "If that's what you want." Then he turned back to Ray and slowly removed the gun from his chest, "I'm letting you go. But remember, I don't ever want to see your fucking face again. Now get outta here!" James kicked Ray hard to make him get a move on. Ray wasted no time in getting to his feet and running out of the alley as if he were being chased by angels from hell. I watched him leave with slight satisfaction, but inside, I was still hurting like terrible. The cold wasn't doing me any good and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. Well, pass out or fall down dead that is.