FicWad

Once all my tears had been shed and I felt strong enough to stand, I got to my feet and trudged over to the corner of the alley where my clothes lay. I slipped on my jeans and sweatshirt, but continued to shiver uncontrollably. Another series of coughs racked through my body, making me stop and lean against the wall. After the coughs had subsided momentarily, I trudged down the sidewalk towards work. I decided I owed it to the drug store to work for tonight even if it would be my last night.

Work went by fairly quickly that night. I only had to serve four customers which was really a blessing since I probably looked more like a witch versus a girl right now with my wild hair, dead eyes, and shaking body. As soon as the clock hit eleven, I grabbed my bag and ran the hell out of the drug store. When I stepped outside, I was greeted by a surprise. Little, white flakes were floating through the air from the heavens; snow!

I scowled at the snow and started shuffling towards the grocery store. When I was little, I used to like the snow. My daddy and I would build snow forts together and mom and I even used to make snow angels. A little smile formed on my lips as I recalled having a snowball fight with my dad in our old backyard. My smile soon faded though when I realized just how cold it was. I didn't have money for a coat and was only protected from the snow by my thin sweatshirt and jeans. Wrapping my arms as tightly around me as I could to keep warm, I put my head down and focused on just getting to the grocery store.

After all, nothing else really mattered besides that anymore. I was determined to kill myself tonight, no matter what it took. I just couldn't go on with this life anymore. There was no point in going on anyways. I mean, what was left of my future? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't stand a future of being continually raped by Ray and a strange group of guys. Besides, I didn't even have a single friend in my life and the one person who I had thought may become a friend for me...well, I didn't want to think about James.

Once I finally reached the grocery store, I yanked the door open and practically got blown inside by a powerful gust of wind. As I stood just inside the doorway, I tried to think of what I was going to buy. Finally, I decided on buying the largest cutting knife I could find. With that decision made, I walked straight to the cutlery section and looked around for a knife. There were all kinds of knives with different shapes and sizes. Luckily for me, there was one that was about a foot long and had a razor sharp blade. It would easily pierce my skin and send me to my death.

I selected the knife and headed towards the register, humming a little tune. As I walked, I stared at the knife and watched the way it glinted in the light. I was so distracted that I completely forgot where I was going and ran smack into someone. The impact sent the two of us tumbling backwards and we blinked at each other for a few minutes. It took me a minute to realize that the person I had just knocked into was Kitty! This day couldn't get much worse, could it?

Kitty hastily got to her feet and looked at me uncomfortably. She didn't look so good. Her eyes were red, puffy, and swollen and she looked like she had been crying. To confirm my notion, she sniffled slightly and wiped her nose with her sleeve. All my anger at Kitty melted away when I saw her like this. A person in pain always made me sympathetic. Forgetting that Kitty was supposedly my enemy, I hurried towards her and wrapped my arms around her in a comforting hug. Kitty accepted the hug and cried lightly into my shoulder for a while until she was able to calm herself. When I no longer heard her sniffling, I asked in a gentle voice, "Kitty, what happened? Are you okay? Can I do something to help you?"

Kitty moved away from my shoulder and shook her head. She was no longer crying, but when she spoke, her voice cracked, "I'm okay now I guess. But no, you can't do anything to help me. It's just that...um..." Kitty's face turned bright red and she looked away from me as if she was embarrassed to continue. I raised my eyebrows at her and tried to will her to continue. Finally, Kitty added, "James broke up with me right after school. It's just hard. Especially since we...you know..."

So James had broken up with Kitty! I had no idea why that thought made my mood soar and my heart skip a beat. After all, why should I care what James did? I was going to leave this life tonight and never see James again. As kindly as I could, I sympathized, "I'm so sorry, Kitty! But don't worry, you're a pretty girl. You'll find another boyfriend soon enough."

"Yeah, I suppose so," Kitty relented, shrugging her shoulders while she managed to give me a little grin, "Oh well, I guess this gives me an excuse to go out with Johnathon. I've been dying to date him since the beginning of high school. I'm sorry to go, but I've really got to hurry home now. My mom gets mad it I stay out too late. Thanks for being so nice though, Olivia." Kitty gave me a little wave and hurried towards the door.

As soon as she was gone, I proceeded to check out and laid my knife down on counter. The cashier eyed me suspiciously as I pulled my money out of my pocket and smacked it down on the counter. As the cashier counted the money, he asked, "What do you need this knife for, girl?" I glared at him; why should he care about what I was doing with the knife? It was my business and my life. He just needed to fuck off and shut the hell up.

My glare made the guy lapse into silence and he just shrugged as he handed me the knife. I tore it out of his grip and walked to the door with a straight back. As soon as I was outside, I was hit by a forceful blow of snow and wind. The coldness of the snowflakes stung against my nose and I started shivering again. I began walking as fast as I could towards home, knowing that the snow would only get worse. The last thing I needed was to end up getting caught outside in a snow storm. Dying by a knife was quick and easy, but freezing to death would be slow and painful.

As I neared my house, I started to feel light headed. Everything was starting to spin ever so slightly and I was getting really dizzy. The snowflakes were falling so fast now that my vision was almost completely obscured. My body trembled and cried out for heat as the snowflakes stuck to my chin, melted, and then dripped down my back. Chilled to the bone, I watched as the flurry of white snow in front of me started wavering and shaking back and forth.

Suddenly, I stopped. Why would I want to keep walking through this snowfall? There was no point in it. Getting woozy, I felt myself crash forwards and land on the ground with a loud crash. Surprisingly enough, I felt absolutely no pain as I hit the ground. It was as if my body was so numb that I couldn't feel anything anymore. That was a pretty scary though. But seriously, I should get real and just accept my fate. To me, it was obvious at this point that I was going to die out here in the snow. I would freeze to death and some lucky person would find my frozen body in the morning. Oh well, I was going to die one way or another tonight anyways. A yawn slipped from my mouth. I was tired...so tired...my eyelids felt like weights and I let them close and pull me away. I drifted off to darkness, expecting never to return.

~ ~ ~ ~

I was lying on something cushiony and I was wearing a clean sweatshirt and a pair of my old flannel pants. There was a blanket snuggled up around me and I was actually warm! For once, my body was not shivering from the cold. I was still sniffling and coughing, but that was nothing to the numbness I had felt earlier. So where exactly was I? Was this heaven? There was no way I had gotten back to my house last night. I had collapsed on the street and had passed out, expecting to die.

I shifted around in my pile of blankets and looked around to see where I was. To my surprise, I was lying on my bed! This was certainly my bedroom with the blue walls and familiar polka-dotted rug. But how the hell had I gotten here? My eyes roamed the room with amazement. In the far corner of my room, the black sweatshirt and jeans I had been wearing yesterday were folded neatly. Adjacent to them, was the bag I always brought to school. This was starting to get kind of freaky. It was as if a guardian angel had carried me home last night and deposited me safely into my bedroom. The only thing was that I didn't believe that angels could actually save people's lives like that. It just went against everything I had been taught.

As I thought hard about this question, my alarm clock started screeching from my nightstand. I stuck my tongue out at it and flicked it off, remembering that it was a school day. Wait, I wasn't suppose to be going to school today! I was suppose to be dead by now. Then I remembered the knife that I had bought yesterday. Leaping out of bed, I ran to the corner where my clothes and school bag lay in the corner. I pushed them aside and looked for the knife. To my horror, it was gone!

I was really starting to get creeped out by now. Things like this didn't just happen. Was there a possibility that maybe I had just dreamed about last night? Maybe I had just made up the whole thing in my bed. That would explain the missing knife and why I was lying safely in my bed right now. Deciding that this was the best explanation for everything, I dressed myself and grabbed my school bag. I didn't really have any choice about going to school today. But believe me, this would certainly be my last day of school. Now that I was no longer living in a dream, I really would go to the store tonight and buy a knife. I needed money for that though. Remembering that I had left the money in the pocket of the jeans I had worn yesterday, I returned to the corner and felt around in the pocket of them for the crinkle of cash...but there was nothing there!

Okay, so maybe I hadn't dreamed this up after all. My money was obviously missing. I could swear that I had at least fifty dollars. There was no way it had just "disappeared". Maybe I was becoming like my mother and was starting to lose it. The constant torture I was put through by Ray had chipped away at me and made me become a completely different person. It was quite likely that it had started to mess with my mind too.

So thinking I was half crazy, I slung my book bag over my shoulder and headed downstairs to the living room. My mother was slumped in a chair at the kitchen table with her head resting on her arms. There were several empty bottles of beer by her head. She was so pale and looked so lifeless that I thought for a moment that she might be dead. I hurried across the room to her and flipped her arm over and pressed my fingers against her pulse. To my relief, there was still a beat. It was faint, but at least her heart was still beating. I gazed at her sadly for a moment before turning and heading towards the door. It wouldn't be much longer now until her life left her; that much was for certain.