Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Seconds From Insanity

Morning Sadness

by Parawhore998 0 reviews

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres:  - Published: 2010-05-29 - Updated: 2010-05-29 - 4557 words


I woke up with tears stained all over my pillows. I've been crying all night thinking about Matthew. I didn't have any dreams about him. He didn't break into my house to try to fix and make things right. Of course he didn't. I've been ignoring all his calls, which is why. I feel like I'm shutting down this whole world. I need to somehow distract myself with something. I thought that I'd wake up in the morning and forget who Matthew is and what he meant to me. I guess my plan didn't work out that well. I still don't know what I should do. What is the plan exactly? I can't seem to remember what my plan was for today. I seriously wish that Skye was here to keep me occupied. She's always got something to keep me busy. I guess if she was here, she'd be trying to help make me feel better. Why was life without Skye, Nathan, and Matthew so hard? I need to find someone or something to do to keep my mind off of things.

My phone rang for like the millionth time since I got home from the hotel. I knew it was going to be Matthew but what if it was someone else for a change? I checked the caller ID. Alexander decided to call. I hope he can distract me from my fear and heart break. "Alex" I mumbled. "Rachel, Pandora told me what happened. Are you okay?" he was worried. Why are people always worried about me? Did I make myself look like I needed people to care about me a lot? Do I look like an attention whore in front of everyone? "I'm trying to cope but fine besides that" I tried to laugh it off. "Rachel you know that you can always call me and we'll do something if you need it. I'll be just one phone call away okay?" he didn't see through my cover up. Laughing all your problems off isn't really the best way the handle it. Alexander knows that.

"Alex?" "Hmm?" "Can we chill like right now?" I asked. "Sure, do you want me to come over?" he asked. "Yeah I think that would be a good idea" I said. "Great, give me about twenty minutes okay?" "Yeah okay" we both hung up. I knew that Alex was going to take my mind off of Matt. Maybe he can even replace Matthew. I shook my head at the thoughts. We can't do that. Alex can never replace Matt because Alex might get hurt throughout the process. I love Alex as a friend so much that I would never forgive myself if I hurt him permanently. I took the time to get ready. Being dressed and glamour up is a really important part of the routine. I wanted to look beautiful and feel brand new. I'm going to wear my new clothes that have never been worn before and forget about the old memories in the old ones. I'm turning a new leaf and starting my life over on a positive note. Life without Matthew Leone can't be that bad right? I waited for Alexander to come. When he walked in, he was wearing his red polo shirt that was hanging off his body. He wore jeans with a few holes in them.

"Alex" I got up to hug him. "Rachel, you look wonderful" he said in my ear. "Thanks for being here and complimenting me. I need someone right now so bad and Skye's in Italy" I told him. "You know I'm always here so don't you worry about it" he kissed my cheek. It used to be a very common gesture in middle school. Kissing each other's cheek was a common thing between friends a while back. But when I see him, the childhood memories come back. But he spent most of his life with Skye. At a period of time, I thought they were going out. It got me even mad at her because I was jealous that she stole my best friend. Alex stopped hanging out with me because I didn't want to do drugs with him. He was always with Skye because she was willing to do anything he tells her to do.

Maybe if we treated Skye well enough at home, she wouldn't even consider doing the terrible things she had done in the past. As I said, there's no more time for us to regret about the past. We can't do anything to change what happened in the past. It's all about the present and the future. "What do you want to do?" I asked him. "Let's just chill like old times" he suggested. "And that would be a really long time ago" I pointed out. "I know but we can just sit here and watch TV. We can do other things later but watching something with your friends always helps. Trust me on this one" he looked at me in the eye intensely. "Let's go do that then" we sat really close to each other on the couch. He turned on my TV and we watched a lot of different shows. I never realized how ridiculous the media is nowadays. The reality shows are pointless. How did people find failed drama interesting? I don't think making a show based on your real nasty life is a way to get good reviews. Most of these people didn't have talent. They just have to act like they wanted drama. Life seems carefree and reckless for these people. I just wish that I could live like that now. But my life is different.

We sat there and watched TV for a few hours before Alex got bored. Of course we had to do something else. So Alexander decided that he wanted to bring me to the park. I shook my head at the memory. Matthew and I always went to the park. We'd bring water guns and shoot each other. "We'll bring bikes" Alex suggested. "I don't want to ride bikes" I groaned. "Why not?" "I'm afraid I'll fall" I sighed. "I'll catch you when you fall" he promised. "Fine" I grumbled following him to my garage. He brought my bike out and dropped it in his trunk. "Excited?" he smiled at me. I shook my head and he laughed. "But we can make the best out of it right?" I nodded, hugging him tightly. "Then let's go" he opened the car door for me, allowing me to enter. I thanked him and buckled my seatbelt. I have a thing for safety. Alex smirked. He knew me very well. But no one knows me as well as Matthew. Stop thinking about Matthew!

The car ride started out very quiet and Alex decided to turn the radio on. The song that was playing was coming to a close. It was like Paramore or something. Then a new song began to play. The guitar riff sounded familiar but I couldn't catch what song that was. I tried to focus on the music since it will bring my thoughts away from my life. The life that sucked so much. I listened closely to the singer singing the lyrics. It took me a while to realize that I could feel how the song writer was feeling. The lyrics matched my current mood so much. Alex looked really uncertain over something with his hand on the button. He looked like he was contemplating on whether to change the radio station or not. "What's wrong? I love this song" I moved my head to the beat. "Oh" was his response. "I wanna go where there's no one we know. Stars glitter like it's 70's disco. Come on, come on, I say let's get out of here"

"This song is pretty good, do you know who sang that? Like what song is this?" I asked. "Uh... You don't know?" Alex was deep into thoughts. "Nope, how about you?" I knew something was bothering him. He has to tell me something. "It's Madina Lake. How can you not know that" he looked away from me, focusing on the road. My expression froze. Yeah, how could I not know that? "What song is it though?" I asked. "Let's Get Outta Here" he answered. "Oh" I didn't know what to do or say but to listen to the rest of the song. "This song sucks then" I scoffed. Who am I kidding? I can't hate the whole band over something Matthew did. It's Matt's fault not the band's fault so why can't I like the music? Because it reminds me of Matt and I don't like that.


I groaned, dropping my phone on the sofa. She decided to ignore my calls once again. What the hell is wrong with Josie? She told Rachel a lie. That's going to affect me not her. She asked for my money last night. I told her that there's no way in hell that I'm going to pay. She got mad and threatened to hire a lawyer to sue me. It was her fault. We made a deal and she lied to Rachel, so there's no way I'm going to pay her for ruining my life. I just don't understand, why did Rachel trust Josie more than me? I was her best friend first. Josie wasn't in the picture until Nathan broke up with her. I knew her twelve years before Josie. This is bullshit. I called Rachel so many times. Of course she decided to ignore my calls. Maybe I should just let it go. I'll never have her again just because Josie thought it was funny to mess with Rachel's feelings.

The park sounded like a good idea. It would give me some memories of Rachel and me. I want to go there to capture the feelings between both of us. I got in my car and turned on the radio. Paramore's new song "Ignorance" was on the radio. I hummed along to the song as I concentrated on driving. The park wasn't too far from my house. I was too lazy to get out of the car so I decided to circle around the park a few times before actually getting out. This is a good way to give some time to myself before I mentally go visit the life Rachel and I once had. Ignorance ended and Let's Get Outta Here started playing. I can't believe we've made it this far. Our songs were actually played on the radio which automatically makes me happy. I didn't care about success but the fact that people actually care to put our music on is the best part.

I wonder what Rachel's doing right now. I hope she wasn't at home crying her eyes out. She didn't deserve to be like this. Josie has to pay the price for her lie. I love Rachel but if she's going to cry over something Josie told her then I can't really help her with that. It's her own fault that she believed what Josie told her. I did hate Josie before but I've never hated her as much as now. I need to remind myself to call Josie later. I need to argue with her some more. She still didn't tell me why she lied to Rachel. But she has a really selfish reason. If she's willing to take away Rachel's happiness for whatever she wanted then she can't be considered as Rachel's friend. After going around in circles, I decided to enter the park.

I parked my car, getting out. August was supposed to be hot but this is Chicago the windy city so you can't really question why it's so windy outside. I walked into the park. The fountain was still there. It was so many years ago since Rachel and I first went there. I remember Rachel dipping her bare feet in there. Then kids would walk over and play with the water in the fountain. Rachel would just shake her head and pull me away from the area. She told me that if she gets married and owns a house, she'd definitely want a fountain there. But now I know that she's never getting married to me. Her future husband will spend his own money and buy a fountain just for Rachel. Rachel would be happy and thank her husband. I can't imagine Rachel with anyone else but me.

What if she forgives me? She deserved to learn the truth whether she believed me or not. She needs to know that I'm not doing this just because I want us together. It was also for her own good. She didn't deserve Josie as a friend. Josie doesn't do Rachel justice. I wonder how many times Josie has taken advantage of Rachel before. She looked like the kind of person that would do this to Rachel. I heard giggling behind me. Then a couple passed me on their bikes. I sighed, looking away. Watching people in love makes me want to puke right now even if I hardly ate anything this morning due to my stress and semi depression. This is exactly what life without Rachel would be like. I can't sneak into her house and make love to her, making her believe everything was a dream. She already knew that everything was real.

Then when I turned back, the couple was a few feet away. The girl had her arms around the guy as he was pedaling. The girl pressed her head against his back as she giggled. Typical love. I was trying to imagine Rachel and me. What if we were still in love? Things would have been better for me now. I wouldn't be looking at people in love and envying them. The guy lost his foot balance and they both fell on the grass. They were both laughing. The girl wrapped her arms around the guy as she climbed onto him. "Rachel, what are you doing?" the guy asked the girl, laughing. Rachel? What a coincidence. But my heart sank hearing that name again.

I turned back to the couple and examined them. Wait a minute... Rachel? I walked closer to them without them noticing my presence. Alexander was lying on the grass with Rachel close on top. Their lips were barely touching. I felt anger and jealousy rise within me. Rachel was already moving on so fast. How can she do this to me? With Alexander? I hated Alex so much at this moment. I just wanted to kick his ass and stab him with a kitchen knife. He stole my woman and he's not even thinking about me. He stole my beauty. What about Rachel? She thinks that being with Alexander would just make everything better. I assure her that it's not. What we had will always be there no matter what happens. Rachel is going to feel guilty in some shape or form. Then the part I dreaded most came. Rachel's lips were connected to Alex's. I fell down to my knees and just stared at them. Rachel continued giggling. I can't believe Rachel could even do this. She was all happy with another guy and I'm here nearly in tears. She doesn't even care.

"Oh Matthew Jonathan Leone what are you doing here?" I turned behind me. Josie spoke loudly purposely. How did she find me? Then Rachel and Alexander broke apart, looking back at us. "What do you want Josie?" I growled. "I'm just wondering why you were here, looking at the love birds" Josie pointed at Alex and Rachel. I glared at her. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Alex started walking towards me. Rachel pulled him back. "I happen to come here because the park reminded me of someone" I shouted, giving Rachel a glance. She turned away from me. "Or you came here to watch Rachel fall in love with another man?" Josie whispered. "Shut up" I growled. "You don't deserve Rachel so why don't you just give it up?" Josie smirked and happily skipped away from us. I never hated anyone so much in my life. She's trying to ruin my life. She took away Rachel. Rachel was my everything. She still is. I wiped away my tears and turned back to them.

"Rachel I can't believe you would do this to me, I loved you" I turned away and started to head out of the park. "Well, if you loved her so much then why the fuck would you lie to her about Josie?" Alexander yelled. The anger was rising. I can't control myself now. I ran back to them, shoving Alexander against the tree. Rachel started screaming. I didn't listen to her. Alex punched me back, shoving me on the grass. "Alex stop!" Rachel cried. Alexander ignored her of course. "You bastard" he growled at me. "Thief" I shot back, punching his gut. He punched my nose, causing my nose to bleed. I could see Rachel try to pull Alex back. He shook her off and shoved her away. I got angrier due to that gesture. If he "loved" her so much then why'd he hurt her physically?

I kicked his stomach and he fell back. Rachel was on the floor, crying a river. As I got up, Alexander tackled me to the floor once again. I groaned at the pain. He took another strike at my nose. My nose was suddenly throbbing. "Stop hurting him!" Rachel sobbed. "Whoa what the hell is going on here?" another feminine voice appeared beside us. She pulled Alexander off of me. "Dude, stop hurting him. His nose is bleeding" I looked up at Fiona. What the hell was everyone doing here today? It was such a coincidence. "I need to kill this fucking bastard" Alex growled. "Alex, that's enough" Rachel yelled. Alex walked over to Rachel, pulling her into a hug. Rachel glanced at me from Alex's shoulder. I looked away from her. "Matt, are you okay?" Fiona asked me. I nodded. "Let me help you" she said softly to me. She sounded so angelic. How come I've never noticed her before?

"I'll drive you home okay?" she asked. I just nodded. I realized that I couldn't get up. Fiona got the message and helped me up. I started to walk but realized that I was limping. Fiona looked at me with sympathy. She wrapped my arms around her and started walking over to her car. She gently dropped me off at the backseat and got in the front seat herself. Then she began driving. "So what happened?" she asked. "It's all Josie's fault" I told her everything. "That woman is such a bitch. Then I can't believe Alex is like this. But don't blame him exactly. He was good friends with Rachel in middle school. He's really protective of her" "But Rachel's my best friend as well" I sighed.

"I know and I'm sorry it ended up like this" she said. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault" then she stopped at my house. "You want to come in?" I offered. "Sure, you need me anyways" she was right. I could barely walk to my house. She helped me into my house. Then she brought me to the bathroom in my bedroom. She took a cotton swab from my cabinet and dipped it in water. Then she began cleaning my face. "So how are you?" I asked her. "Not that good. Frank and I were thinking about divorce two days before Skye and Nathan's wedding" she said. "Why? I knew you two loved each other" I replied. "We started to feel different toward each other. He said that what he feel for me isn't love anymore. Of course I loved him and I still do but it's not the same as when we got married" she shook her head. "I'm sorry" I gently placed my hand on her cheek. She stopped cleaning my face immediately and looked at me.

I began stroking her cheeks. She immediately pulled me into a kiss. I responded quickly, wrapping my arms around her. I stuck my tongue into her mouth as she wrapped her legs around me as well as her whole body. I pressed her against the bathroom wall and she moaned against my lips. Then I carried her out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. Our lips never parted. I slammed her against my bed and got on her. She tugged at my shirt and I immediately took it off. Then she began undressing herself. After we were both undressed, she ran her hands down my body. I grinned at her, kissing her neck softly. She giggled and rolled me over so she could get the top position. Then I ran my hand up her legs, making a moan escape her mouth. I turned her over. I wanted to regain my top position.

She started to push herself to me and it was my turn to moan pleasurably.


This was our last night before going back to Chicago. Italy has been great. The past week was amazing. We toured around and ate a lot of food. Nathan would constantly tease me about my appetite. But it was amazing. I can't believe a week went by so fast. I wonder how everybody was back at home. Hopefully there wasn't drama. I'd hate to miss any drama going on in Chicago. I wonder if everyone lived happily after. I believe I did. But my life's not done yet. There's still a new chapter to my life. "So what's your surprise?" Nathan asked, sitting beside me on our king size bed. He got us a suite and I was satisfied with the size of this room. "Wait, I'll be right back" a crooked smile appeared on my lip as I got up to grab my bag. I walked to the bathroom. I have a really big surprise for him and I'm pretty sure he was going to love this. I stripped down my clothes and took the item out of the bag. I bought a black laced lingerie at this store. One day, Nathan and I were window shopping. We were just walking around and this lingerie was shown outside of a store. Nathan would steal glances at it. Then he pretends to be looking around. I could tell he liked it.

So I wanted to surprise him. When he was shopping for presents to give to Matthew, I lied and told him I was finding presents to give to Fiona. Then I walked in that store and bought the lingerie. I knew he's going to enjoy this night. I smirked as I put the sexy lingerie on. After I did, I looked in the mirror. I hope I was sexy enough for him to enjoy this. I played with my hair for a few seconds before slowly opening the door. When the door was completely opened, Nathan's jaw dropped. I smirked, smiling at him flirtatiously. I walked closer and closer to him. Then I climbed on the bed and onto him. He looked like he was going to have an erection. I giggled.

"How did you..." I interrupted him by placing my finger on his lips. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. Then I unbuckled his belt, pulling his pants off. I want this night to be the best so it could sum up our last night in Italy. "Please tell me this isn't the last time you're wearing this" he touched the fabric of the lingerie. "I'll wear it as many times as you want" I kissed his neck. He took this chance to take his shirt off. I was about to take off his boxers before he stopped me. "Do you want to talk?" he asked. "About what?" "I don't know. Let's talk about something" he shifted his position in bed, pulling me close to him. I rolled next to him and stared at him. He stroked my cheeks and my hair. I've never felt so beautiful in my life.

"Let me ask you a question" I started. "Yeah?" "Am I better than the other chicks you've slept with?" I asked. "Wha..." "Am I better?" I repeated my question. "Definitely" he laughed. "Good" I kissed him. "So how many chicks have you slept with before?" I didn't know what caused my sudden curiosity to Nathan's past lovers. "Are you serious?" he asked. I nodded. "Let me see. I've slept with several. You know about Rachel right?" he asked. "Yeah, Matt always complained that you guys were loud" we both laughed. "Am I better than Rachel?" I asked. "Skye, don't worry. You are the best. Not just in bed but in general" he kissed my cheeks. "So how many?" I brought back my question. I was suddenly curious about Nathan's past experiences. "Well Rachel is one of them. And Pandora" he rubbed his temples. "Am I better?" "Skye..." he sighed."I know, I know I'm sorry. Keep going" I encouraged him to go on.

"Cynthia was the girl before Rachel. She dumped me when she found out about Pandora and me" he told me. "Wow" was all I could say. "What about you Skye?" he asked me. "Obviously you know about Tom. I didn't sleep with Frank though" I added. "Good for you" he gave me a high five. "Don't scream at me but I met this random guy at the bar once when I was 21" I said nervously. "Um... Wow" he sighed. "Sorry" I mumbled. "No it's okay that was the past. I just wanted to know about your past sex life since you wanted to know about mine" "Okay and there's this guy I was going out with in my junior year of high school. His name was Jason" I said. "Why'd you guys break up?" he asked me. "He only wanted me for sex" I answered. "Douche" Nate mumbled. "I slept with Alex once but our clothes were on so don't worry" I smirked. He just shrugged.

I was getting kind of scared as I went on to think about my history. Hopefully he won't ask. "Was that Jason guy your first?" he asked. Shit! It's like he read my mind. "Well... No" I replied nervously. "When was the first time?" he asked. "You tell me first" I challenged. "It's Cynthia" he admitted. "Lucky girl" I muttered. "Your turn" "I was thirteen" "Whoa, thirteen really?" he seems shocked. I nodded, biting my lips. Hopefully Nathan won't get awkward later on. I guess I'll have to tell him. "Who's the lucky guy then?" he stared at me curiously. "Well..." "Who is it?" "Well uh..." "It's okay, tell me" "Oh god..." "Skye don't worry" "I'm scared to tell you" "Why?" "Your going to think I'm a slut" "No I won't, I love you" "I love you too" "Who is it?" "Collin"

"What?" "Collin!" I yelled. "Oh" he turned away from me. "Nathan, is everything okay?" I asked. He nodded. "I shouldn't have told you. Then you wouldn't be like this. I'm sorry" I apologized. "It's okay I'm glad you told me" he turned to me, faking a smile. He was faking the smile. Nothing was alright.
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