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I gulped and tried to figure out how to answer James' question. Truth be told, I didn't want him to leave or go away. Nevertheless, I was still scared of him. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to trust any guy after what had happened between me and Ray. James certainly wasn't Ray, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't rape me for whatever reason if he wanted to. Biting my tongue, I answered the question slowly and carefully, "Um...I am kind of scared. Don't take that personally; I'm scared of everyone now. And no...I'm not really mad..." I trailed off that sentence as the image of Kitty and James popped into my head again.

Okay, this was getting stupid. I was mad at James for making love to his girlfriend. What Ray did with Kitty was none of my business. I shouldn't care if James fucked Kitty or not, and I especially shouldn't still be dwelling on it weeks after the dance. Besides, Kitty had told me that James had broken up with her anyways, so there was no longer anything to be jealous of.

"What can I do to earn your trust?" James asked, meeting my eyes earnestly with his light brown ones. "I'll do anything. Just tell me what." I paused and thought about that. Unfortuantely, there really was no way for James to ever earn my trust. People were unpredictable; you could never know what they were going to do. One minute they could be nice, and the next moment, they could be punching you in the face and trying to kill you. What was this world coming to?

"Um, I don't think there is anyway for you to earn my trust," I replied. Blushing, I realized that I seemed to be saying "um" quite a bit lately. Something about James' presence made me nervous. I always had felt fluttery and jumpy around him. He turned something on in me that was impossible to turn off until he went away.

James' face fell and he looked hurt, "So there's nothing I can do to ever make you trust me? Nothing at all?" Seeing his sorrowful gaze, I relented ever so slightly. Even though my hard had become harder, I still didn't want to hurt him. Seeing people hurt was like a reflection of Ray for me. So I tried to smile as I replied, "You never know, I guess. Maybe with time it will come."

"Yeah, probably," James agreed looking more relieved, "Time heals all wounds, you know." I frowned and didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if time was ever going to heal my wound. I had been cut too deeply and had been scarred for life. There was an ugly pink scar right above my belly that would probably never fade. I supposed that I was probably lucky that I hadn't ended up with any scars on my face though. With Ray, I could've ended up with a lot more scars than just the one above my stomach.

James spoke again with a tinge of nervousness to his tone, "What did you mean earlier when you said that you weren't really mad? Are you kinda mad about something? You might as well tell me if there is something you're mad about, you know. I'm not gonna get mad or hurt you or anything." I hesitated and fingered the edge of the warm blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders. If I said that I was mad at James for what he had done with Kitty, he would probably end up taking it the wrong way. I should just let that subject be for now and keep my mouth shut.

Forcing a smile on my face, I shook my head and said, "I'm not mad about anything." James raised his eyebrows and gave me a doubtful look that told me that he didn't believe me. Trying to make myself sound more believable, I nodded and replied more firmly, "Really. There's nothing to be mad about. Besides, you probably saved my life. Thanks for that."
That was one of the first times I had ever thanked someone for doing something for me. I wasn't used to people doing kind things for me. Usually, people pretty much forgot I existed. Probably the last person to do something nice for me before James was my dad. He had been so kind, gentle, and caring. He never hesitated to spend time with me and do special things with me. That was the opposite of my mom even before when she had become a drunk. She had always been in a hurry and was trying to get things done. She was incredibly nervous and paranoid, which was probably how I had ended up the same way.

Thinking of my mom, I suddenly sat up straighter in bed and started peeling off the warm blankets, saying, "Oh god, where's my mom? Have you seen her, James?" James nodded reassuringly and tried to motion for me to get back in bed, "Yeah, she's sleeping on the couch. I don't think she's even noticed that I've been here. She's been sleeping the whole time. Um...sorry if this is kind of a personal question, but is your mom a drunk? I found a lot of empty beer bottles in the corner of your living room."

"Yeah, she's a drunk," I replied somberly, envisioning my poor mother passed out on the couch as usual with her dead looking skin and closed eyes. "She's been like that since my dad died." Suddenly, I realized that was the first time I had told someone about my dad's death. For all anyone from this town knew, I might actually have a dad. Nobody really knew anything about me since I always kept to myself. But now, I wanted to share some of my past with someone. At least James seemed to care. Maybe he was just pretending to care, but still, it was better than nothing.

"I'm so sorry," James apologized, looking at me with a sad and compassionate expression. I just nodded and readjusted the blanket around my shoulders. There was really no point in going downstairs to see my mother if she was passed out as usual on the couch. There just wasn't much I could do for her anymore. James and I sat in silence for another few minutes. Realizing that I wasn't doing much to add to the conversation, I tried to think of something to say.

"I suppose I've missed a lot of school," I stated. It was a really obvious statement, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. Besides, it at least gave us something different to talk about. Then another thought occurred to me: had James been going to school? He had almost always been at my side when I had awoke from my feverish, restless sleep. I added, "What about you? You've been going to school, haven't you? You haven't been staying here the whole time with me."

"Oh no," James replied hastily, "I've been going to school. My parents would probably shoot me if I skipped five days of school." My heartbeat quickened slightly. I had missed five whole days of school! That was a whole lot. I could certainly end up missing a lot of important information from skipping those days at school. How was I ever going to catch up now?

Speaking my thoughts aloud, I complained, "I didn't know I had been sick for that long. It's going to be such a pain to try to catch up with the homework and everything now. Too bad the school year isn't almost over." If the school year had been almost over, I probably would've just ditched the last few weeks of school. At this point, my dreams of going to college had kind of faded. There was no way I would ever have any money for college. After all, all the money I made at my job right now went straight to grocery store for food. And before I would spend money on college, I would get some new clothes. I couldn't even remember the last time I had a new shirt to wear. Everything I owned seemed to be old and worn out. Getting scholarships for college seemed to be out of the question too. My grades had dropped a considerable amount and I was averaging Bs and Cs.

"I could help you catch up with homework and stuff," James suggested from my side. "I'm not the top student, but I could at least help you catch up on what you missed last week and explain everything to you. It would be better than getting a tutor, right?" That almost made me laugh. How in the world did James think I would be able to afford a tutor?

I thought his suggested through carefully before replying. Studying with James might actually be kind of fun. I didn't really socialize or talk to anyone anymore. Especially now that my mom never seemed to be conscious to talk to me even if she wanted to. I might not trust James completely, but I didn't see how studying with him was going to hurt someone. Making up my mind, I answered, "Well, okay. You don't have to if you don't want to though. Oh, and one condition."

"What's the condition?" James asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. I didn't meet his eyes when I stated the condition, "We have to study here. You know, at my house." The truth was that I was kind of afraid of going to James' house. As a matter of fact, I was terrified of going to anyone's house. The only place I felt safe was here.

"That's fine," James nodded without any hesitation. "Do you think you want to go to school tomorrow?" He looked me over. I was pale and still had a little bit of a cough, but I was doing much better than before. I wasn't constantly trembling and my nose wasn't incessantly running anymore. That was a good sign. James bit his lip as he looked at me huddled in the layers of blankets and added, "Maybe we should wait until next week though..."

"No, no, I want to go tomorrow before I get anymore behind. I'm already behind enough as it is," I quickly cut in. There were two things I was wondering about the school though. The first one had to do with Ray. Sure, Ray had agreed to leave me alone when we had cornered him in the alley, but who knew whether or not Ray would keep his promises? Almost worried about hearing the answer to my question, I asked nervously, "Has Ray been at school?"

James shook his blonde head to my relief. My whole body seemed to relax slightly at the gesture. James continued, "I haven't seen Ray since the day we found him in the alley. I think he's gone for good." Thank god for that. Ray was the monster that haunted my nightmares and he was the demon that lurked for me in the shadows. Getting rid of him once and for all was the thing I wanted most right now. Well, actually, it was the thing I wanted second most right now. The thing my heart wanted most right now was something that I'm not even going to admit because it was so embarrassing.

"I heard you broke up with Kitty," I stated randomly. Okay, it probably wasn't the most appropriate topic right now, but I was curious about it. Who can blame me for my curiosity? James sort of froze when he heard me mention Kitty's name. He immediately started twisting one of his blonde curls nervously and murmured, "Uh, yeah, I did."

After that was silence. I wanted to hear more about Kitty though! Even though I knew I was being rude, I prompted, "So why did you break up with her? It seemed like you were in love with her what you did with her at the dance and all." James' face turned bright red at that and he twisted the lock of hair around his finger even more rapidly.

Finally, he looked me in the eye and said, "I didn't really mean for it to happen, Olivia. It just sort of...did. I was kind of drunk that night and Kitty told me she wanted to go somewhere where we could be alone. I thought, 'What the hell? Why not?', so we found ourselves in the gym closet. After that, she immediately started kissing me and then it just kind of happened. It felt so right at the time, but afterwards, it felt really wrong. It was like something inside me knew that Kitty wasn't the right one, you know?"

Actually, I didn't know since I had never been in that situation before. So I just shrugged my shoulders and avoided James' eye. James sighed and touched my arm gently, "Hey, I didn't mean to hurt you with all that. But seriously, it's over between me and Kitty. Just try to forget that you ever saw anything, okay?"

I almost let out a wry laugh at that. James thought I could forget the side of him fucking Kitty? If he truly thought that, then he was definitely insane. The image of him and Kitty was going to stayed embedded in my mind for a very long time. James sighed, obviously reading my thoughts through my expression. He tiled his head at me and added, "It's not like I wanted or meant for you to see all that. Can't we let it go now? Please?"

"Yeah, okay," I said, just wanting to get the image of Kitty out of my head at this point. The last thing I needed was for her to replace Ray in my nightmares. James smiled slightly and stood up from his chair, "I should probably head home now. So I'll see you tomorrow at school right? Then after school we'll study together?"

"Um hm," I agreed as James strode towards the doorway. "See you then." At the door, James turned, smiled and gave me a little wave. It was only then that I realized how cute of a smile he had. After he left, I found myself feeling unexplainably happier and much better physically. Maybe the rest of the school year wouldn't be all that bad after all.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning, I got up for school as usual. Leaving my bed and the nice warm blankets that had been folded around me certainly wasn't the easiest thing to do. I found myself shivering as I ran to my drawers and searched for something to wear. It was still pretty cold outside and I needed to find something warm to wear. After digging through my draws, I found a black and red striped sweatshirt and a pair of dark jeans. I pulled those on and then headed to the bathroom.
Now that Ray was gone, I felt like I could wear some makeup again. It wasn't like I had to do anything to try to lose a guy anymore. So I applied just the slightest bit of mascara and some lipstick that complimented my eyeshadow. After that, I decided to put my hair up in a ponytail for a change. I was determined that there would no longer be a reason to hide behind that sheet of hair. Ray was gone and there was nothing to worry about anymore.

Giving myself a fairly confident smile in the bathroom mirror, I turned and headed downstairs to grab my backpack. On the way out, I stopped to see how my mother was doing. To my surprise, she was actually awake. She was sitting at the couch and was guzzling down a bottle of whiskey while she watched TV. Unfortunately, she didn't even notice me walking into the room. Deciding it was best not to disturb her, I quickly exited the house within saying a thing.

I walked to school almost a little cheerfully. Today felt like a good day for some reason. I was so happy that I even skipped the last four hundred yards to school. As I walked towards the entranced, I turned and looked at people instead of keeping my head down as usual. I had to admit that I was looking for Ray. But after scanning everyone in the hallway and outside, I found that Ray's glinting eyes and sadistic smile were nowhere to be seen. My nightmare was over...or so I thought. Little did I know that I would be abused later in my future. The rest of my life wasn't going to be as perfect as I had thought it would be.