FicWad

/SIENNA SKY/

Dir en grey Fan fiction

By : Judas_Tree

Pairing : Toshiya x Shinya

Rating : PG-13

Genre :
Romance with a very light touch of miracle ::twinkle::

Disclaimer :
God knows how much I want to have them all to myself. But we should learn to share, shouldn't we?

Summary :
Totchi made the biggest mistake in his life, and he's given a chance to make it up for good.

Author's Notes :
It took one full month to start writing this fic, because I kept on doing this : got a will to write then sit in front my PC, but then 'ah... my mood is not so into this ...' then I turn it off and go to sleep... Well, A LOT of flashbacks in this chappie , hope you didn't get bored ! My college tasks is attacking my brain all at once, and I felt like crying ... but of course, FANFICTION CONQUERS ALL !!! ^0^ If you had DAI's 'Eien', it's better to hear it while reading this fic. ^ ~ ^ Don't forget to review, please !!! Almost forgot ... the opening of this chappie is a flashback, if anyone got confused ...

Mail : jud4s_tree@yahoo.com

*

/Chapter Two : /
/" In Memoriam "/
< Flashback ...>

The wicked ray of sunlight is really a bother for him , especially early in the morning. It slipped into the windowsill, and makes their way through his eyelids, white and bright, push him further and further away from his peaceful slumber. But unfortunately, Shinya was too comfortable to even stir. The softness of leather pillows , silk-made bed sheet beneath him , and the most important ; the supple arms of his lover is more than enough to nailed him forever to their bed. They made an intimate embrace around his waist and neck, gathering them close together. He could barely felt his breath onto his hair, what a soft and steady rhythm they possessed.

Yes, everything was so damn perfect, until he propped his eyes open. It was bright at first, but then everything went blur and a sudden pain attacked his skull. Shinya hissed and winced in pain, snuggled deeper into the other's arms, hoping the pain will fade away.
" Nnn .... "
He heard the later murmured softly, stirred a bit in his slumber.
The drummer decided to close his eyes once more and held back his pain. But when it became intolerable, he took a grip to his lover's arms, and called him softly.
" Totchi ... "
He requested for help ... quickly.
But it is not Toshiya if a soft whisper succeeded to interrupt his dreams. So he kept on shaking the bassist's body back and forth, called his name over and over again.
" Toshiya ... wake up, please ...! "

No avail.

So, as the final attempt for today ... tickled him right behind his ears.
In the blink of an eye, the bassist shot up and started to giggle uncontrollably, his eyes making a curved thin line in the process, revealing his sweet crooked teeth.
" Mou ...! You're a meanie, Shin-chan ...! You know damn sure I'm most ticklish in my ea--- "
The bassist cut his sentence half way when the sight caught his eyes. Shinya wincing in pain and took a grip of his forehead, silently plea for help and absolutely not in the mood for a tickle-session.
" S-Shinshin! What happened !!? Are you sick...!!? "
He shouted in shock, put his palm onto the other's forehead.
" A fever ! High fever ! "
" .... ...... "
The drummer murmuring something that couldn't reach the bassist's ears, so he came closer and took a big embrace to his koi's body.
" What ? I can't hear you ...! "
" My head's spinning ..."
The drummer said louder, made Toshiya's heart racing with fear.
" Now what should I do ...!? "
He asked himself in panic, pushing his bangs backward with his right palm; an obvious symptom of confusion.
Well... almost never in his entire life he took care of a sick person before, and he himself hardly ever getting sick. The disease that ever laid their eyes on him only light headache or influenza ... and now? The most healthy person in the universe had a headache...!? What a mess.
" Wait here Shin-chan! I'll be right back !! "
The bassist yelled suddenly, the stromed out of the room with a massive run.
' Like I could walk by myself now ...'
Shinya said inside, still tried his best to held back the pain that started to dig its rusty nails through his skull. He can heard a loud noise from outside, and a familiar 'ITAI...!!!' . Seemed like Toshiya had tripped his feet somewhere ... the drummer can only prayed that he's alright. Having only one sick person is indeed bad enough for them.

Not so long after Toshiya came back with a lot of things inside his arms.
" Which one you usually take ...!!?? "
' This baka brings all the medicine here ...?'
Shinya couldn't help but smile.
" Which one, Shinshin? Aspirin? This one? Or this one ...!? "
He grabbed randomly and showed them right in front of his eyes.

Shinya laughed now ... whole heartedly.

" Hey, what's so funny ...!!? Is this a joke!? You're not really sick, aren't you !? "
The bassist pout, and let out his held breath in half relief, and half upset.
" You don't know how fuckin' scared I am ...! "
" No ... I had a headache, true ... but I think it got better after saw you like this. "
" What's that supposed to mean ...!? "
Toshiya still had his typical pout on, and the next minutes went by only with staring onto each other's eyes in delightful silence.

The silence ended at last when Toshiya smiled apologetically and said softly,
" I'm sorry, Shin-chan ... "
" ? "
The drummer had a big question mark upon his beautiful face, eyebrows bonded together.
" About last night. "
When those three little words escaped from the bassist's lips, crimson made its way to the drummer's cheeks and ears. He turn his face and burned them completely into the pillow, try to escape from the bassist's gaze.
" Did I hurt you last night? "
Shinya shook his head, and Toshiya smiled, put his head down to the bed, searching the drummer's eyes on the level of his own.
" Thank you so much, Shinshin ... I'm very happy. "
He whispered softly to the drummer's ear, and the crimson went on, buried his face even deeper to the pillow. And when he felt Toshiya's arms took him once again in a big embrace, happiness rushing through his being.

He never been being loved so much like this before, and will never love anyone like him again.

Toshiya, who is very warm and loving. He'll hugs and kisses when he feels like it, made him felt like the most fortunate person alive. On the other, Terachi Shinya is nothing like that. He kept everything inside, shy and collected. As an example, when this question being faced in front of them ;
" Which do you prefer to live in? Tokyo or your own home town? "
The drummer will answer without doubt ; " Tokyo, of course. Because it is full of facilities." . But the other's answer will be ; "My hometown, because it is full of memories and people that love me. ".

The drummer's brain has done its work systemically far too long; consider every little thing by their advantages and disadvantages, positive or negative, good or bad. He never knows much about dealing with people including emotions and affections, when sometimes bad things are good and good things could be bad. All being structured in his mind, running straightly on their own track. So, Shinya himself wasn't sure about his own feelings that time.

" Do you think ... I can love someone, Totchi ... ? "
The bassist smiled at his naive question.
" Of course you can, Shin-chan ...! But maybe human's feelings are too difficult for you, aren't they? That's why you choose to give your love too animals. But you know ... "
Toshiya stopped for a moment, the placed his palm right onto the drummer's torso, right upon his heart, eyes never leaving his.
" You can learn to use this beautiful little thing by watching me love you every single day ... from now on. "

That's it. He precisely figured out what's in his mind, and his sweet words bring back flush to his cheeks. If he do it once again, Shinya damn sure that his face will be buried in the pillow forever.

" Well ... being shy is the first time you had learned today ! Wait ... not really ... I forgot about sex, though ... "
" Will you please stop teasing me ...? "
He could hear the bassist soft laugh, but then turned his face to face the other when something cold touch his wrist. The bassist was still there, kneeling beside him, circling his blue orbed necklace around the drummer's slender wrist.
" wha-...?"
" This is for you. Promise me you'll never shock me like this again ... happy birthday, Shin-chan. "
He stared at him in agape. That beautiful necklace is one of Toshiya's most important possessions. He always put it on everywhere he goes, even concert, photo shoot, even if it didn't fit well with his costumes. He remembered clearly; Toshiya almost cried when he couldn't find it everywhere, when Die and his stupid idea decided to hide it in last year's New Year night.

But now .. he gave it to him ... as a birthday present ...!!?

He can still and forever will remember Toshiya's most beautiful smile that night.

< End of Flashback >
*

Yes, those memories which buried deeply inside his heart now are being refreshed again, when Shinya took a glimpse on that beautiful necklace hanging onto his torso. He took it off slowly, brings it on the level of his eyes.
" Do you still remember, Toshiya... What you had said that night .... ? "
He whispers softly, felt his heart cleaved to pieces. It hurts . it really hurts.
" I do . "
And the tears went on ... making their way so slowly through his cheeks downward.
So he kept on crying there silently, and never intended to stop. He needed a release ... if he kept it any longer, he sure he'll die.
" I forgive you, Toshiya ... and I always will . "
Yes... back then until this very moment, never once in his life he hated the bassist for all that he had done. Partly because he knows all along that it started with his own fault, and partly because he loves him ... with all his heart. Now Shinya can understand clearly this statement :
Love will always be forgiving ... no matter what come to pass.

And that sentence ... is damn right.

Shinya's mind went blank when he poured down his tears that time. Nothing else matters, just let everything out like he never before... his entire being is tired already with all that happened this past three months.

After all his tears went dry through hours non stop of weeping session, Shinya started to realized where he is right now; 24 hours fast food restaurant. He had run like crazy from their apartment when it happened, without even thinking where he headed. He stopped right when his legs gave up, and barging into the first building reaches his eyes. So... there he is.

Thinking about it brings last night's memories rushing back into his mind; when Die and Toshiya's conversation took place.
' I'm lonely, Die ... '
The bassist's words ringing in his ears.
Yes, he's been lonely too. Only God knows how it felt to drawn himself into his work, without someone to love and loves him back. But Toshiya ... he has a lot of friend that accompanying his every single day, isn't he? Then ... lonely? Why?

' Because you are too selfish to understand his feelings all this time.'

That sentence came from within, made his twisted mind somehow find the answer for all of this.
They are totally different from the very beginning, like the two sides of coins. The bassist is outgoing, always craving for love and attention from others. On the other side, the drummer is an introvert being, keeping everything to himself. He had learned, of course...to be more open to his loved ones. But he never realized that there's still one more lesson to learned ; to engage himself in Toshiya's world , parties to attend and brand new persons to meet. All of this time Shinya always pull himself back , and the bassist always go astray in his world all alone.

' He always smiled to me ...'

Shinya remembered clearly every night he spent waiting for the bassist to come home long ago ; He always managed to coming home before ten, giving him the warmest hug and sweetest scent Shinya ever felt in his entire life, and told him everything had happened.
' Actually .. it'll be more fun if you're coming too ...! '
He remember the bassist's request, which always answered by a mere silence.
' Okay, next time, ne ...?'
And with that sentence, forgiveness has been down.

' Yes ... he's the one who always forgiving to me for my selfishness. I'm such a fool. '

Shinya quickly wipe his tears dry, and made a promise in his heart; to keep him company no matter what happened.
'I'll change for you, Toshiya. You will see. "
And with an oath he just committed, Shinya grabbed his coat and running outside, crossing the street with long strides until a dim clinking noise caught his ears. He turned back by reflex and found it there; his most precious necklace on the cold asphalt.
'Must be slipped through my fingers ...'
He thought, and then quickly bends down to pick it up.

But right at the time he felt that cold metal came back to his grasp again, a loud engine noise and blinding ray of light attack his whole body, and the last thing he could felt that time was a massive pain throughout his being.

*

The bassist's eyes snapped open the next morning, followed by a disturbing headache in his skull.
" Ouch ... my head ... " , he whined.
" Ohayo. "
Die greeted him. And by the look of his face, Toshiya can tell that something went wrong.
" You look like shit. What's wrong? "
The red head seemed hesitate to answer, looking away from him.
" Same there . "
" It's my head ! " , The bassist took a grip of his fine black hair, trying his best to sent the pain away.
Die gave a tired smile. And from Toshiya's point of view, he looked like hasn't been sleeping for days.
" Wait here, I'll get some aspirins. "
" It's in the night drawer-"
" Yeah, I know. "
Die get up and step into the dim bedroom. His pace felt too heavy ... yes, he hasn't been sleeping all night. How can he get some sleep after all that happened? For the first time of his life, he hated himself for the lack of self control.
' I have to stop drinking. Now. '
He proceeds deeper into the room, and something caught his eye; a small size of birthday cake lay on the table in the centre of the room.
He approaches it slowly, and found a card placed beside it. Die flipped it open, and found the drummer's neat handwriting there;

~ Can we start over again ... ? ~

He didn't want to believe his eyes. So... he's the bad guy now, a bad guy who ruined his own friends' relationship when it's just about to rebuild again? Cursing himself over and over again, the redhead squatting on the floor with despair.
' Why last night? Right at his birthday ...? Why - now ... ? '
He felt like killing himself.

" What took you so long ... !? "
The bassist's head popped up behind the door, then stepped in and sitting at the edge of the bed, realizing something too not so long after.
" Gawd ... how can I forgot ...! "
Die handed him the card without a word, studying Toshiya's expression.
" That baka...! Of course we can ! "
The younger one's face lit up in a second, and that genuine smile on his lips made even more burden to Die to tell him the truth about last night incident.

" Where's Shin-chan ... ? "
The most frightening question for him finally came.
" I'm sorry, Totchi. It's my damn fault. " , he blurted out.
" What? "
The answer Toshiya got is silence, and he pushed his brain to spin fast this time, and let his instinct took control.
" Something happened last night , right !? "
" ... "
" Tell me, Die !! "
He shook the red head's shoulder -hard- .
" You were drunk like hell ... "
" ... and ...? "
" He saw us ... kinda making out on that damn couch. "
There. He spilled out everything. To say something in sweeter words has never been his expertise, so he said what he must, and be ready for what's in store for him.
He was hoping a scream, punch, harsh words, -anything- . But the bassist followed him in silence too, and it made him felt uneasy even more.

After the long silence, Toshiya's sudden action surprised him more than anything. The bassist run out of his apartment without saying a word. Die catch him up and took a hold of his shoulder.
" If you'll look for him, I'll help...! "
But Toshiya shoved his hand harshly, and glared at him right in the eye.
" How could you, Die ...!!!? "
" Me !? You're the one who started it all ... ! "
" I was -drunk- , Die. But you are not. "
They glared at each other in silence, but Toshiya got the point.
" You should've reject me, Die. Why ...!? "
The red head couldn't find an answer. What should he says? He can't say that night he wanted it to happened, that the bassist is always too hard to resist ... it will ake everything went worse.
" Well ... I ... "
It's the best he could mutter.
But thankfully, Toshiya's cell phone's rang save him from the difficult time.

But not so long after the scene that playing in front of his eyes sent his knees grows weak in a minute; Toshiya's scream fills the air, smashing his cell phone to the wall nearby. He punch the walls with his bare fists, crying and yelling like hell.
' Is it Shinya ...? '
It is the first thing that went to Die's mind. He waited in agape until Toshiya's breath calmed down, and asked;
" Who is it ...? "
" Kao - "
Toshiya tried his best to answer between his tears and panted breath.
Hoping nothing more came out from Toshiya, he took a hold of the younger one and dialed the leader's number with his shaking fingers.
" Kao ... what happened? "
And Kaoru's trembled voice flowing into his ear;
" Shinya ... he's in the hospital. "
This time, Die didn't want to believe his ears.
" Kami ... "

*

A/N : Well... how is it? Please tell me what you think, okay?