FicWad

Olivia’s footsteps were heavy. She didn’t have any particular direction. She just needed to run. She ran until her legs were jelly and her lungs burned. She finally looked around finding herself just beyond the carousel in the park. She doubled over in an attempt to catch her breath. She searched for a bench and staggered her way over to it, flopping down in exhaustion. She was so tired, her eyes unbearably heavy. The noise around her seemed to suffocate her, piercing her mind growing louder and louder. She covered her ears with her head in her hands begging for it to stop.

Stop it Olivia, pull yourself together.

You’re not falling apart.

Stop it Olivia.

She wanted to crawl out of her skin. She couldn’t feel the sun. She couldn’t hear the laughter, and she couldn’t feel the wind. She was hollow.

She uncoiled and focused on her breathing as she looked up. Her breath stopped cold. A curly haired boy of eight stood before her. His pale face and clouded eyes staring back at her.

Kevin…

She shook her head to make it go away, and then he moved. Olivia involuntarily jumped back in alarm. Her hands were covered in blood, and she gasped in horror.

“Jason, come here!” she heard in the far distance.

She blinked and saw a different boy run up and grab his blue ball before leaving to join his mother. Olivia looked back down at her hands, and they were clean.

What was happening to her?

Olivia reached for her cell phone realizing it wasn’t there. She must’ve dropped it. Her heart sinking into her stomach her panic welled in her chest. Her head became paralyzing and she blinked back tears while struggling to get to her feet.

She was alone.

Kevin’s face flashed in her head again and then Elliot’s face stared back at her.

Elliot…I need you…

*

His heart pounded wildly in his chest. Elliot rushed out to his car and began to search for her. He had no idea where she would’ve gone. After an hour, he checked her apartment using the key she gave him many years ago. There was no sign of her.

He traveled up and down her street, all the avenues and stopped at every coffee shop between the House and her apartment.

His next option was the park. He searched every place he thought she might have gone. H finally ended up in front of the carousel. About to head back, his chest tightened with worry. He saw a patrolman taking a statement from a group of parents. He jogged over and flashed his badge. The patrolman nodded and stepped away from the group.

“I’m looking for my partner. You didn’t happen to see a woman about five-six, medium length brown hair. She would’ve had a badge like mine on her belt,” Elliot asked as the patrolman looked at him in concern.

“Well not me, but this group did,” he replied motioning to the scattered parents standing in the immediate area.

“What? When?”

“About twenty minutes ago.”

“What happened?” Elliot asked his mind buzzing with horrid possibilities.

“I guess your partner collapsed. They called a bus to come assist. I got here first but she was gone. They said that she collapsed and hit her head on the bench. She woke up about five minutes later, but as soon as she opened her eyes, they said she freaked and ran.”

Elliot’s heart ached as the image of the incident played in his head. She was hurt, disoriented and some where in the city. He should have stayed with her. He shouldn’t have let her go to work today. Damn it this is his fault.

“Did she say anything?”

“I hadn’t gotten that far,” the officer replied. “Feel free to ask. The woman in the green shirt and her son had most contact with her.”

“Thanks,” Elliot replied and then slowly walked to the boy and his mother who were sitting on a nearby bench talking.

“Excuse me,” Elliot said as he flashed his badge. “My name is Detective Stabler. The patrolman said that you may have spoken with the woman who collapsed.”

“Um, yeah I guess,” she replied looking up at him and then back at her son. “Jason why don’t you go play.”

The boy left and she turned to Elliot.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“My son had thrown his ball over there, where she was sitting” she explained pointing to the area just on the left. “He went to get it then he came to me saying that he was worried about her. She seemed sick. When I looked over she was struggling to stand. I saw her badge, and I wanted to help. I went to her, and she was mumbling something. Something about Kevin and she said the name Elliot. After that she collapsed, I tried to keep her from hitting her head, but I was too late to catch her.”

“What happened when she woke up?” Elliot asked fighting to keep his emotions in check.

“We called an ambulance and the police. We tried to make sure she was comfortable. She was bleeding from her injury, so I put Jason’s sweatshirt under her head to try and stop the bleeding. Her eyes opened a few minutes later, and she was terrified. She screamed and couldn’t get away from us fast enough. We tried to explain to her that we weren’t going to hurt her, but before she could even listen she was gone.”

“Can you tell me which direction she headed,” Elliot asked as he rubbed the back of his head while dialing his phone.

“She went across that way and disappeared down the path.”

Elliot said thanks as he walked in that direction while waiting on the phone. He followed the path and saw a few droplets of blood on the concrete. His heart ripped. He knelt down to touch it and realized it was still wet.

“Cap,” Elliot said into the phone. “I need your help.”

*

Cragen was pissed but concerned. After Elliot told him the story, he had Munch and Fin out looking for her as well. Elliot hung up as he continued searching the park. He hit a dead end, and headed back to his car when his phone rang.

“Stabler.”

“Elliot, it’s George. What happened?”

“A lot,” Elliot replied and then proceeded to convey the three incidents to George.

“I’ve been doing some research and I gotta tell you I’m not liking what I’m finding.”

“What do you mean?”

“Given her symptoms and the timeframe I’m almost positive that Olivia is being drugged or poisoned,” George replied as Elliot’s world exploded into a million pieces.

“You are going to need to be more specific, Doc.”

“I think that someone is deliberately assaulting Olivia’s body with some kind of drug.”

“Someone is doing this to her?”

“Without out any tests I can’t say for sure, but from everything you’ve said that’s what it sounds like,” George explained as Elliot lost his breathe. His head spun not understanding how any of this could have happened. “Elliot you need to find her as soon as possible. There’s no telling what toxins she has in her system, or what they are doing to her.”

“Yeah,” Elliot replied struggling to keep the emotion out of his voice. “Can you fill in Cragen?”

“Of course, call me as soon as you find her and I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

“Will do,” Elliot replied before hanging up the phone.

Elliot reached his car and sat inside. He took a minute to process what was happening. His hands rested on the steering wheel as he stared ahead. His entire body tensed in rage, and he squeezed the wheel with all that he had. He pushed the panic, the fear and all the emotions away so he could think. Focus on finding her before something happened.

Ten o’clock that night she was still missing.

They’d searched everywhere any of them could think of but there was nothing, n trace of her anywhere. Elliot checked in as they continued to rack their brains on the phone. Elliot’s phone began to beep in the middle of the call. He looked at and saw his battery was about to die. He didn’t need this now. He decided to get the replacement battery out of his apartment. He didn’t want Liv trying to call and his phone not be working.

Five minutes away, the plan was to go inside switch the battery and get out. He jogged up the stairs the as the phone continued to beep, and he glared at it in annoyance.

Where the hell could she be?

He turned the corner and stopped. A shadow sat at the end of the hallway just beside his door. He walked forward slowly until the figure came into view.

“Liv,” he said, his heart jumping into his throat. She was seated against the wall next to his door. Her head rested on her knees. Her arms tucked into the fold. Her legs hugged into her chest.

She heard her name and looked up. Her face stained with tears. Her entire body shook, “El…”

He ran to her side. She reached for him like a helpless child. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, as she clung to him for dear life.

“I’ve been searching the whole city for you.”

“El, there’s something wrong with me,” she said in barely a whisper. She pulled him closer, her trembling body demanding his arms around her as her. “What’s wrong with me?”

Elliot scooped her into his arms and carried her to the car. Her eyes closed somewhere between the hallway and the back door. He laid her on the back seat and snapped the seatbelt around her hips. He quickly started the car, and pulled out toward the hospital.

Elliot’s heart raced as his phone beeped at him again. He prayed it wouldn’t die, as he drove and typed at the same time.

I found her. Meet at Mercy.

*

It was warm and safe in the darkness. She didn’t want to move. She couldn’t open her eyes. They were too heavy and the darkness was soothing. She heard voices, but they seemed so far away. They mumbled to her, indistinguishable through the darkness.

She felt cold. Her body rigid as a wave of fear swept beneath her skin. The sensation was followed by intense pain and then panic.

Someone held her down.

She couldn’t move.

She couldn’t breath.

Fear crept up her spine. There was darkness everywhere and it wasn’t warm or safe. It was lurking, waiting, and watching. He was waiting for her.

What did he want, why wouldn’t he just let her be? Abruptly there was light, and she could see. Olivia looked around and found herself standing in a warm pool of water. Something hit her foot and she looked down. Kevin’s blank eyes stared up at her. She jumped back and landed on something else. Another body, and then another and another until she was surrounded. Falling backward onto them, into the water, it splashed around her and lifting her hands, the water dripped thickly.

It was blood, spilt blood.

*

Elliot gently gathered her up and out of the car. He carried her into the emergency room entrance, her body limp against him. Her head rested on his shoulder. He searched for the nearest nurse.

“Detective Stabler, NYPD. I need a doctor,” he said, his voice still strong and resilient despite his insides being ripped apart.

“Follow me,” she said leading him back into the emergency room. She walked past several curtained areas finally coming to one that she opened. “You can lay her down here.”

He rested Olivia’s fragile body on the bed, when a doctor Elliot recognized arrived. He knew him but couldn’t remember his name. He couldn’t even remember his own name at this point. He watched the nurse quickly cover her up as he stood frozen to the floor.

“What’s wrong with her?” the familiar doctor asked.

“I…I don’t know,” he replied, the emotion in his gut threatening to spill into the words.

“Detective we can’t help her, unless we know what’s wrong,” he said as the nurse checked Olivia’s vitals.

“I think she’s been drugged.”

“Do you know what kind of drug?”

“No,” Elliot replied feeling more helpless by the minute.

Where the hell was George?

“Do you know how much?”

“No,” Elliot replied his panic rising.

Without warning, Olivia’s body started convulsing and the doctor went into action calling for a shot of something. Elliot stepped back. His suppressed anguish choking him. He watched helpless as the doctor tried to sedate her. He swiftly injected her with something the seizure ceased. The doctor gave the nurse orders before he looked up at him in concern.

“We have to know what she took.”

“She didn’t take anything,” Elliot replied giving the doctor a threatening glare. “I said she’s been drugged.”

“Regardless, there’s nothing I can do until we know what’s in her system. I’ll start a saline drip, and some charcoal. Hopefully it will flush some of the toxin out of her system.”

Elliot nodded in understanding. His attention trained on the pale face before him as the doctor went back to her bed.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

How had this happened?

How could he have let this happen?

After all the times she’d saved his ass, he should’ve known there was something wrong. Instead, he played it off as her being burned out.

If anything happens to her, if she….

“Elliot,” he heard and turned seeing Cragen and George approach.

“How is she?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let me talk to the doctor,” George said as he left the pair.

“Where did you find her?” Cragen asked.

“Outside my apartment,” Elliot replied not able to look anywhere but the floor. His mind spinning with worst case scenario’s. “She could’ve been there for hours.”

“We checked your apartment earlier, and she wasn’t. You can’t beat yourself up.”

“Where was she?” he murmured to himself as George rejoined them.

“Okay I described Olivia’s symptoms. It will give the doctor a start, but we need to find the source of the poisoning. A sample if possible.”

“How?”

“I would start at her apartment. The drug could’ve been transferred via touch. She could’ve inhaled it or even unknowingly ingested it.”

“I’ll have Fin and Munch meet CSU over there,” Cragen replied as he turned dialing his phone.

“Elliot, what was her state of mind when you found her?” George asked as Elliot’s gaze moved back to the bed.

“I found her in the hallway outside my door. She was curled in a ball against the wall shaking,” Elliot explained willing back the wetness beginning to form in his eyes.

“Did you say anything?”

“I said her name,” Elliot continued reliving the event. “She looked up at me like a terrified child. She clung to me, her body wouldn’t stop…shaking.”

“Did she say anything to you? Anything that would give us some indication of who did this?”

“No,” Elliot replied his head shifting slightly. “She said there was something wrong with her, and then she asked me what was happening to her.”

Elliot stopped talking although the movie in his mind continued to play itself out.

“Was there anything else?” he heard George ask but Elliot couldn’t bring the words to leave his lips. “Elliot did anything else happen?”

“No, nothing,” Elliot shaking him himself into focus seeing Cragen had joined them again. “I picked her up and carried her out to the car. By the time I laid her on the back seat, she was unconscious. She’s been that way…”

Elliot’s gaze went back to Olivia. He could see George look to Cragen, and he knew he was about to be handled.

“Let’s get some coffee,” Cragen suggested. “Hopefully Fin and Munch will have an update soon.”

Elliot couldn’t speak, only nod in response but didn’t move.

“I’ll stay with her. If anything happens, I’ll call you,” George said in reassurance.

Elliot couldn’t feel his body. Everything seemed fake, abnormal, as Elliot followed Cragen out of the room and made their way down the hall to the coffee machine..

Nothing felt right.

Cragen handed him a cup of coffee. Elliot stared down at it remembering the coffee Liv had gotten him a few days earlier.

“We’re going to find who did this,” Cragen said.

“How,” Elliot shot back, his anguish becoming rage. “This asshole has been poisoning her for days, maybe weeks, and we had no clue!”

“And he probably got sloppy,” Cragen replied sternly. “If there’s any evidence in Olivia’s apartment CSU will find it.”

“And what if there isn’t?” he asked, his blood boiling in frustration.

“Then we keep going just like we always do,” Cragen replied. “I’m sure as hell not going to let this go. Are you?”

Elliot just shook his head in frustration as he began to pace the small hallway.

“Who could have done this?” Elliot asked aloud.

“Someone with a grudge.”

“All of our guys are still locked up,” Elliot replied as he continued to pace. “Are we talking about an early release? Isn’t corrections supposed to inform us if…”

“Supposed to, I already have Andrews checking out the possibilities.”

After an hour of phone calls and debates about their next move, Elliot stepped out of the way to let a nurse pass. Instead she stopped and looked at him.

“Are you Detective Elliot Stabler?” she asked and Cragen immediately rose to his feet.

“Yes,” Elliot replied looking to Cragen.

“This was left for you at the nurses desk,” she said handing him a large vanilla envelope.

“Did you see who left it?” Cragen immediately asked as she turned to walk away.

“No I’m sorry. I was just told by the head nurse to give it to you,” she replied and Elliot took the envelope before he dashed down the hallway followed by Cragen.

They searched the main corridor, looking for anyone familiar or anything suspicious. Seeing no one he turned to see Cragen asking for the head nurse.

The envelope still in his hands, he stared at it in contempt. He walked to the nurse’s desk and asked for a pair of rubber gloves. He put the envelope down on the counter as he put the gloves on and Cragen joined him.

“It was delivered by some kid,” Cragen explained.

Elliot was half listening. His focus on the envelope in front of him. He braced himself against the counter, exhaled and picked up the envelope. He found onside what looked like photo paper. He pulled out the contents, and took them in.

Pictures.

Olivia outside her apartment.

On the steps of the House with two cups of coffee in her hands.

Talking to an officer in the middle of a crime scene.

Sitting on her couch reading.

Elliot carrying her out of his apartment building

Olivia lying in her hospital bed

With the last picture Cragen dialed the phone. This time his voice tense and threatening, “I need two patrolmen at Mercy West, now. Was there anything else?”

Elliot moved the last picture noticing that the paper was still warm. Remaining as calm as he could he passed it aside and a piece of yellow paper stared back at him.

This isn’t over

Elliot stepped back, horrified at the implications. The only thought that kept him in control was Olivia in the next room. He turned leaving the photo’s with Cragen and walked back to the ER. He pushed through the door and her heard the screaming. His feet moved on their own. He arrived at the small area where he’d left her in George’s capable hands.

“Let go of me!” she yelled as she fought with the nurses as they attempted to raise her up off the floor. It looked as if they’d cornered her and she was fighting back. “No, leave me alone!”

“Let her go!” Elliot heard George order, and the nurses released their hold.

Elliot froze, unable to react. Olivia scurried to the corner of the room like a scared animal.

“Hi Olivia it’s George. Do you remember me?” he moved forward crouching down to her level. She refused to look at him as her body uncontrollably shook. “I’m not going to hurt you. We’re here to help.”

“No,” she said almost to herself.

As George drew closer, her shaking worsened. She tried to move back further against the wall. If she could’ve found a way to hide within it, she would have.

George inched a little closer, and she leapt forward. She heaved forward and pushed the medical cart to her right against him. “Leave me alone!”

George fell back as Olivia went back to her corner. Her face revealing that she regretted hurting him.

“Dr. Huang,” one of the nurses started as she helped him off the floor. “Let me get some of the orderlies, so we can sedate her.”

“No,” Elliot said without thought and looked to George. He nodded and then motioned to speak away from the crowd. “Tell me what to do.”

“She’s disoriented and confused. Reality and her nightmares have collided so she doesn’t know what’s real and what isn’t.”

“So how do I talk to her?”

“She trusts you,” George explained. “Try to get her to remember that you would never hurt her, and she might calm down long enough for us to treat her.”

“And how do I do that?” Elliot asked again feeling clueless.

“Talk to her,” George replied as they both looked back at their friend huddled in the corner of the room.

Elliot scratched his head and moved through the crowd of medical staff toward her. He saw her become aware of his approach as she backed away. Her knees wrapped beneath her ensuring he couldn’t touch her.

“Hey Liv, you and I…we’re partners, friends for over eleven years now. You’ve saved my life more than once over the years,” he said quietly as he crouched down to her level. “Do you remember, Liv? Do you remember me?”

She looked at him hesitantly. He thought he saw confusion. She closed her eyes shook her head as if trying to clear some image out of her mind.

”You’re okay, no one’s going to hurt you,” Elliot continued. “I just want to help.”

Her chest heaved as the tears started to fall. She shook her head, as she looked away from him. “No... I can’t…just…stay away.”

Elliot looked to George, who nodded to continue. He debated his next move carefully. He was terrified of scaring her even more than she was, but he had to get her to trust him. To remember

“Liv,” he started, consciously keeping his voice even and calm. Something she’d taught him over the years. “Look at me.”

When she didn’t respond, he tried again. “Olivia, look at me.”

She met his gaze and his heart stopped beating. Her eyes were usually so expressive. Tonight they were blurred, faded and lost. His heart broke looking into them, searching for the woman he knew.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said in barely a whisper. “I could never hurt you.”

She kept his gaze and he ached to hold her. Protect her, and bring her back from where ever she was.

“Liv, please let me help you,” he pleaded holding out his hand. “I won’t let anyone hurt you I promise. Please, Liv, please trust me.”

She stared at him for a long while in silence, He was afraid to move, much less breathe, for fear of scaring her. Something happened in her eyes, and she started to shift.

Slowly, painfully she reached her hand out to his and when she couldn’t move anymore he reached a little further. Her eyes stayed with him as her soft warm hand slipped into his. Elliot grasping it gently, reassuring her that he could be trusted. He waited and then moved on his knees toward her.

Comfortable enough to brake her gaze, he promptly examined her bleeding arm. She’d ripped the IV out and tore the skin around it. He took her arm, gently bending it at the elbow to help slow the bleeding.

“You cut yourself pretty bad,” Elliot said quietly looking back at her. “I can’t fix this myself so we’re going to need the doctor to come look at it.”

Here eyes immediately went wide in panic and she tried to pull away from him.

“Liv, stop,” he consoled as he gently held her arm. “It’s okay, I’ll stay with you. Nothing is going to happen. I promise.”

Elliot kept her eyes steady within his as he took her hand and gently squeezed it. She gave him a little nod and he nodded with a small smile before looking to George.

The doctor hastily crossed the area and the excited movement startled her. She squeezed his hand in fear as her body began to shake. Elliot’s hand immediately raised for the doctor to stop his approach. The doctor stopped while he watched her closely, and once she calmed, he motioned for him to continue forward. The doctor crouched next to Elliot unable to reach Olivia’s arm.

“Okay Liv, I need to move,” Elliot explained as he began to shift, and she clasped his hand in alarm. “I’m not leaving, just moving.”

Elliot moved just behind her, still grasping her hand securely as he gave the doctor the access he needed. He rested on his hand on the wall for balance, the arm attached to her hand draped around her protectively as she sat quietly allowing the doctor to attend to her wound. The bandaging took a few moments, and Elliot watched as Liv’s head began to lean against his arm sleepily.

“All done,” the doctor announced causing her to jump and Elliot glared at the man. He backed away slowly as Elliot looked to her with a small smile.

“You looked tired,” he said to her in a whisper and in response she straightened her back against him.

You’re still stubborn

Silently her head began to tilt again and lay on his shoulder. He moved slightly to adjust his position next to her and she trembled a little but then settled back into place against him. Her eyes were still wide open, staring at the wall.

“I couldn’t find you,” she said breathless as tears began to fall down her cheek.

The words ripped at him and he fought the urge to pull her closer.

“I’m here,” he whispered to her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

*