Categories > Books > Deltora Quest > Pandora's Chest~(note: this title has no relevancy whatsoever to the actual story)
A nosedive into the sandpit
3 reviewsThe companions take a 'leisurely'... 'stroll'... through the desert. Palm Trees and Camels are rare, the only thing in abundance being Barda's premature senility...
1Funny
It had been several days now... would this god-forsaken journey ever end? Lief, Barda and Jasmine had resumed their quest -now that the belt was safely around Lief's waist- the companion's confidence had boosted notably. Prior to the journey, the gang had been confuzzled about their next move.
"Jasmine, where are we to go now? Our only clue is the inscription on the back of the belt... Pandora's Chest... Why are those words familiar to me?" Lief queried, as he unwrapped a lolly from within his pocket shoving it haphazardly into his mouth. " Phan-dwowas shezz... hmmm..."
"Hmm... For once Lief, I believe you are onto something..."
"I'VE GOT IT!!" Barda yelled. " Wasn't Pandora's Chest a famous story? You know, that one with the big boat that wasn't meant to sink, and then it hit a fat ice cube and everyone drowned?"
Jasmine frowned " Barda, You just retold the story of the Titanic, not Pandora's Chest!"
"Then isn't the story about a crazy yellow coloured family who are involved in numerous madcap adventures? If I recall correctly isn't their also an indian shopkeeper, a psyco, ugly bartender and a clown? What's his name again? Crimpy the Clown? Musty the Clown?"
"BARDA! For the love of sweet Jesus Christ, stop describing random movies and popular television series. As far as I am aware, we are not even meant to know about the Simpsons! I recall now that Pandora's Chest is the story about a foolish young woman whose curiosity killed her when she opened up a sealed box from the Gods. She was the one who released all the crap into the world."
"You mean like poking a hole in a sewage pipe?" Lief asked, his brow knitting with confusion.
"No you idiot! I mean it is said that she discharged famine, death, old age and adultery... etc..." Jasmine replied.
"God Bless Adultery."
"Barda, don't kid yourself."
Barda lowered his head and began to cry with high-pitched wails.
Lief coughed "Maybe it is a sign that the shadow lord is going to spread his darkness across the land."
"Perhaps..." Jasmine pondered the words. "I say we head towards the desert region."
"You mean the sand pit at Kinda-care?"
"NO, I mean the Shifting Sands."
"But why?"
"I dunno... seems plausible..."
So thus the journey began. The desert was vast and filled with sand. duh.. no kidding... anyway... Barda managed to sexually assault several palm trees in a sad attempt to get laid -heh, nice try Barda, as if that's ever gonna happen.
"But I thought the women out here were more desperate, so they'd take anything!" Barda wailed.
"Barda, the author is a woman. She knows what she's on about." Lief declared.
"Besides that fact, you were assaulting palm trees, not women..." Jasmine murmured.
Barda snorted -no, for once it was not drugs "Meh, same difference."
Camels were rare, only one was seen in the whole 4 days that they took to walk across the sands. And instead of using it to hitch a ride -possibly cutting their journey time in two- Barda hacked it open unmercifully screaming with broken cries that he 'must take the leprechauns lucky charms.' Yes. The story was getting rather depressing. Barda was slowly going even more mad than first imagined. If it hadn't been for Jasmine's handy dandy stun gun, he would never have fallen asleep that night.
It may surprise you that Lief was not the one to go crazy, however, over night, he had endured an amazing growth spurt. You might even say it worked too well. From the mental age of two, he was now well into his early 40's. The only problem was that he now enjoyed playing the spoons for money. It usually gave away their position to the Shadow Lord. Along with Lief's accompanying cries of 'Waltzing Matilda'.
He was also an obsessive gambler. Because he had missed all the years between 18 and 42, he decided to not waste any more of his gambling time. It was scarcely 33 minutes before he lost all of his clothing. The belt being his sole possession. Jasmine was not affronted by his nudity. She had changed his diapers several times in the past, and it really did not bother her. Barda on the other hand, attempted to seduce Lief, but only ended up with a broken arm and 4 missing teeth.
"So much for that..." Barda sighed as he superglued his molars back in. He was fiddling with the glue's cap, when he dropped it in the sand. "God damn.."
Jasmine saw Barda scrambling in the sand, and went over to aid him. They began to dig, the hole became deeper and wider. They deeper they got, the louder Lief would groan in -what sounded like- pain. It was not long before they hit something hard...
"MY GLUE LID...!"
"Barda I don't think so... It's too big."
"It could be...my...lid..."
"Barda, was your lid the size of a small treasure chest?"
"A small...- YES! THAT'S MINE! I OWN EVERYTHING IN IT!" Grabbing the chest out of the ground Barda scrabbled to open the lid. In his haste, he failed to see Lief writhing in pain on the ground behind him.
"Don't-... The belt-..." Lief gasped. Jasmine screamed when she saw Lief.
Barda grabbed at the box lid, slowly lifting it...
"NOOOOOOO!" Lief screamed. "Stop-..."
----------------------------------------
Sorry to leave you guys hanging, but I must try the suspense idea... Please r&r!!
yrs, Lozza
"Jasmine, where are we to go now? Our only clue is the inscription on the back of the belt... Pandora's Chest... Why are those words familiar to me?" Lief queried, as he unwrapped a lolly from within his pocket shoving it haphazardly into his mouth. " Phan-dwowas shezz... hmmm..."
"Hmm... For once Lief, I believe you are onto something..."
"I'VE GOT IT!!" Barda yelled. " Wasn't Pandora's Chest a famous story? You know, that one with the big boat that wasn't meant to sink, and then it hit a fat ice cube and everyone drowned?"
Jasmine frowned " Barda, You just retold the story of the Titanic, not Pandora's Chest!"
"Then isn't the story about a crazy yellow coloured family who are involved in numerous madcap adventures? If I recall correctly isn't their also an indian shopkeeper, a psyco, ugly bartender and a clown? What's his name again? Crimpy the Clown? Musty the Clown?"
"BARDA! For the love of sweet Jesus Christ, stop describing random movies and popular television series. As far as I am aware, we are not even meant to know about the Simpsons! I recall now that Pandora's Chest is the story about a foolish young woman whose curiosity killed her when she opened up a sealed box from the Gods. She was the one who released all the crap into the world."
"You mean like poking a hole in a sewage pipe?" Lief asked, his brow knitting with confusion.
"No you idiot! I mean it is said that she discharged famine, death, old age and adultery... etc..." Jasmine replied.
"God Bless Adultery."
"Barda, don't kid yourself."
Barda lowered his head and began to cry with high-pitched wails.
Lief coughed "Maybe it is a sign that the shadow lord is going to spread his darkness across the land."
"Perhaps..." Jasmine pondered the words. "I say we head towards the desert region."
"You mean the sand pit at Kinda-care?"
"NO, I mean the Shifting Sands."
"But why?"
"I dunno... seems plausible..."
So thus the journey began. The desert was vast and filled with sand. duh.. no kidding... anyway... Barda managed to sexually assault several palm trees in a sad attempt to get laid -heh, nice try Barda, as if that's ever gonna happen.
"But I thought the women out here were more desperate, so they'd take anything!" Barda wailed.
"Barda, the author is a woman. She knows what she's on about." Lief declared.
"Besides that fact, you were assaulting palm trees, not women..." Jasmine murmured.
Barda snorted -no, for once it was not drugs "Meh, same difference."
Camels were rare, only one was seen in the whole 4 days that they took to walk across the sands. And instead of using it to hitch a ride -possibly cutting their journey time in two- Barda hacked it open unmercifully screaming with broken cries that he 'must take the leprechauns lucky charms.' Yes. The story was getting rather depressing. Barda was slowly going even more mad than first imagined. If it hadn't been for Jasmine's handy dandy stun gun, he would never have fallen asleep that night.
It may surprise you that Lief was not the one to go crazy, however, over night, he had endured an amazing growth spurt. You might even say it worked too well. From the mental age of two, he was now well into his early 40's. The only problem was that he now enjoyed playing the spoons for money. It usually gave away their position to the Shadow Lord. Along with Lief's accompanying cries of 'Waltzing Matilda'.
He was also an obsessive gambler. Because he had missed all the years between 18 and 42, he decided to not waste any more of his gambling time. It was scarcely 33 minutes before he lost all of his clothing. The belt being his sole possession. Jasmine was not affronted by his nudity. She had changed his diapers several times in the past, and it really did not bother her. Barda on the other hand, attempted to seduce Lief, but only ended up with a broken arm and 4 missing teeth.
"So much for that..." Barda sighed as he superglued his molars back in. He was fiddling with the glue's cap, when he dropped it in the sand. "God damn.."
Jasmine saw Barda scrambling in the sand, and went over to aid him. They began to dig, the hole became deeper and wider. They deeper they got, the louder Lief would groan in -what sounded like- pain. It was not long before they hit something hard...
"MY GLUE LID...!"
"Barda I don't think so... It's too big."
"It could be...my...lid..."
"Barda, was your lid the size of a small treasure chest?"
"A small...- YES! THAT'S MINE! I OWN EVERYTHING IN IT!" Grabbing the chest out of the ground Barda scrabbled to open the lid. In his haste, he failed to see Lief writhing in pain on the ground behind him.
"Don't-... The belt-..." Lief gasped. Jasmine screamed when she saw Lief.
Barda grabbed at the box lid, slowly lifting it...
"NOOOOOOO!" Lief screamed. "Stop-..."
----------------------------------------
Sorry to leave you guys hanging, but I must try the suspense idea... Please r&r!!
yrs, Lozza
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