Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Stay Alive Tonight
Yeah, it's short. I know. But it's for my one lovely reviewer. You know who you are. Ah yes, and the huge paragraph that is italics further down the page is whats going on in Ryans mind at the time. But of course, you already know that. Rate & Review, so I don't hold the next chapter hostage.
Spencer sighed, and hit Brendon over the head with a menu. “Enough foolishness.” , he said, before continuing on to say, “You’re 18. Eight-fucking-teen! You need to act somewhat mature. You’re not a little kid anymore!” Brendon looked a bit miserable at this. He was always being told to grow up. “Hey. Brenny was just trying to cheer me up…” Ryan said, sounding almost like he would give up at the first sign of resistance against him. Spencer rolled his eyes and sat back against the seat. Brendon was rubbing his head where the menu had smacked him. “Come on Brendon, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Drama queen.” Spencer muttered under his breath. Some days he wondered how did he put up with his bandmates. Some days, not even he knew. It was just that difficult to live with them.
I hope they don’t know. I guess it’s too late for it to matter now. They’ve probably all found out. Hell, even now, they might be conspiring to drag me off to a shrink, or a crazy ward, or something. How do I know that they aren’t. There’s no guarantee. It’s all touch and go. But they most likely will if they find out exactly what I’m doing. Spencer and Jon are already insisting that I eat and don’t go sticking my hand down my throat. How can they come up with something like that? Unless they’ve found out, and just don’t want to let me know that they know it, until it’s too late for me to do anything about it. Like when they drag me off to the mental ward or something. I don’t want to go to the mental ward or the asylum or whatever the fuck that place is. It’s for the real psychos, not for someone who has mild problems. If you’re not crazy when you go in, by the time they’re done with you, you will be. I don’t want to be crazy. I don’t want to get put on meds, or have to see a shrink, or any of that other bullshit. I’m sane. I don’t belong in an asylum. Please don’t let them find out.
“Earth to Ryan!!” Jon said. Brendon was shaking him by the shoulders. “Huh? What? What happened?” Ryan asked, mildly confused. He was a bit scatter brained after that little bout of brainstorming and heavy thinking. He had gotten so into it that he didn’t even notice it when they had tried to talk to him. Was this bad? Not really. Ryan regarded them warily. “You were zoning out of it. Big time. You sure you’re okay?” Spencer asked. Now, there was nothing but concern for his friend. Ryan nodded slowly. “He’s probably just tired cause he doesn’t eat.” Jon said in annoyance. This resulted in death glares from both Spencer and Brendon. “Guys…” Ryan said weakly.
“Hmmm?” Brendon asked. Ryan looked him in the eye, then looked away as if embarrassed. “Can I be honest with you on something?” he asked shyly. “Anything and everything. I don’t mind whatever it is that you have to say. Unless it was like you committed a murder and need our help evading the cops, or had a gay crush on one of us. Then it would be plain awkward.” Brendon said cheerfully. Spencer rolled his eyes at this. Of course, just because Ryan was a bit girly didn’t make him gay. It just made him girly. Girly with his vanilla deodorant.
“Uh, I didn’t kill anyone. And I’m straight. At least, last time I checked I think I was straight. “ Ryan said, as if he regretted saying that he needed to talk to them. “Alright then, we’re on good ground. Unless….don’t tell me you’re planning suicide or something?!?” Brendon said, suddenly going into a spazzle mode.Ryan shook his head, and didn’t say anything further. “Well?” Brendon said, looking at him. Just then, Maggie came back with their drinks, and placed them in the middle of the table, along with four straws. Ryan didn’t move or say anything. “Look at me Ryan.” Brendon said, Ryan still didn’t move or say anything. Brendon gently grabbed his chin, and tilted his head up, so they were eye to eye. Ryan closed his eyes immediately. “Come on. Don’t do this. If you didn’t have anything to hide, you wouldn’t act like this.” Brendon said.Ryan peeked out of one eye. Brendon was still staring at him. In addition to Brendon, Jon and Spencer were also staring at him. Ryan squeaked, and tried to get his head back. Brendon refused to let go. “Tell us what you were going to say earlier. And don’t leave anything out.” he said. “Will you let me go if I do?” Ryan asked, automatically getting on the defensive side. “Maybe.” Brendon said. “Better start talking.” Spencer said, not moving his eyes from the two guys sitting across from him. “Jon was right.” Ryan blurted out. Brendon smiled, and said, “That wasn’t so hard to say, now was it?” Ryan nodded a bit. Jon gasped a bit, saying, “Come on Ry, I was being sarcastic, I didn’t really think that you were going to just quit eating out of the blue like that. You‘re too skinny to not eat.” Ryan looked at Jon out of the corner of his eye. “Tell me. When was the last time you ate?” Brendon asked.
“Er, two days ago.” Ryan whispered. A single tear fell out of the corner of his eye. Brendon paid it no mind. “Why are you starving yourself?” Brendon asked, trying to hold his temper in check. A second tear joined the first one on its path down Ryan’s cheek. “I’m disgusting.” Ryan choked out, his voice starting to crack with the oncoming sobs. “Ryan. You’re not disgusting. Or fat. Or any of that. You’re a beautiful skinny boy who’s killing himself slowly and painfully in front of me.” Brendon said, using his other hand to pick up a napkin from the table. He brought it up to Ryan’s face. Ryan flinched, closing his eyes, and trying to pull away.“I’m not gonna hurt you.” Brendon murmured. He gently wiped the tears away from Ryan’s eyes, before letting go of his face, only to pull him into a tight hug. “You know you can tell me anything you need to.” Ryan hugged him back before saying, “I know.”
“Alright guys, enough with it. We’re out in public. Break up the mushy gushy lovey-dovey stuff till you get somewhere private.” Spencer said. This concluded the hug. Brendon glared at Spencer, saying, “But I love hugs.” Spencer once again rolled his eyes, before asking, “So, Ryan, what were you saying?” Ryan looked at him confusedly. “About J-walk being right?” Spencer prompted. “Yeah, er, nothing.” Ryan said, as if dodging the question. “Come on, don’t lie to me this time. You meant something by it.” Spencer said, demanding an answer. “As I said, never mind it Spence.” Ryan said, keeping his gaze down. Maggie walked back, carrying a tray and their breakfasts on it. “Enjoy now.” She said, putting the meals down in front of their respective future eaters.
Brendon pulled out his phone and fooled around with it a bit. Spencer and Jon tucked into their meals, any Ryan just poked at his toast. Spencer felt his phone vibrate a moment later. He checked it. There was one text message. It was from Brendon. “I’ll ask him about it later on today” it read. Spencer looked at Brendon, and caught his eye, and nodded.“Hey, Ryan, didn’t you say you wanted some of my pancakes earlier?” Brendon asked, trying to get his friend to eat something. Ryan looked up at him, and said, “Sure, but it has to have whipped cream and chocolate chips on mine.” Jon laughed at this, and said, “Wait, Ryan and Brendon are back to normal, except for the fact that they act like the other person.” Spencer hit Jon over the head with a menu. Jon rubbed his head in response, throwing a glare at his seat-mate.
Brendon poked a pancake onto Ryan’s plate. Right on top of the toast. “Good going Brendon. Now poor Ryan has pancake in his toast.” Spencer chided. Ryan shrugged, and said, “It’s all gonna go in the same place. Right?” He seemed to be picking back up some of his old energy. The meal went on relatively well. They left after paying the bill. It was almost 10 A.M. On their way out, a waitress said, “Bye, come again soon.” Spencer replied with, “Bye, have a good day.” They walked out of the diner, and onto the street. “Where to now?” Spencer asked, wanting to have an itinerary for the day.
Spencer sighed, and hit Brendon over the head with a menu. “Enough foolishness.” , he said, before continuing on to say, “You’re 18. Eight-fucking-teen! You need to act somewhat mature. You’re not a little kid anymore!” Brendon looked a bit miserable at this. He was always being told to grow up. “Hey. Brenny was just trying to cheer me up…” Ryan said, sounding almost like he would give up at the first sign of resistance against him. Spencer rolled his eyes and sat back against the seat. Brendon was rubbing his head where the menu had smacked him. “Come on Brendon, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Drama queen.” Spencer muttered under his breath. Some days he wondered how did he put up with his bandmates. Some days, not even he knew. It was just that difficult to live with them.
I hope they don’t know. I guess it’s too late for it to matter now. They’ve probably all found out. Hell, even now, they might be conspiring to drag me off to a shrink, or a crazy ward, or something. How do I know that they aren’t. There’s no guarantee. It’s all touch and go. But they most likely will if they find out exactly what I’m doing. Spencer and Jon are already insisting that I eat and don’t go sticking my hand down my throat. How can they come up with something like that? Unless they’ve found out, and just don’t want to let me know that they know it, until it’s too late for me to do anything about it. Like when they drag me off to the mental ward or something. I don’t want to go to the mental ward or the asylum or whatever the fuck that place is. It’s for the real psychos, not for someone who has mild problems. If you’re not crazy when you go in, by the time they’re done with you, you will be. I don’t want to be crazy. I don’t want to get put on meds, or have to see a shrink, or any of that other bullshit. I’m sane. I don’t belong in an asylum. Please don’t let them find out.
“Earth to Ryan!!” Jon said. Brendon was shaking him by the shoulders. “Huh? What? What happened?” Ryan asked, mildly confused. He was a bit scatter brained after that little bout of brainstorming and heavy thinking. He had gotten so into it that he didn’t even notice it when they had tried to talk to him. Was this bad? Not really. Ryan regarded them warily. “You were zoning out of it. Big time. You sure you’re okay?” Spencer asked. Now, there was nothing but concern for his friend. Ryan nodded slowly. “He’s probably just tired cause he doesn’t eat.” Jon said in annoyance. This resulted in death glares from both Spencer and Brendon. “Guys…” Ryan said weakly.
“Hmmm?” Brendon asked. Ryan looked him in the eye, then looked away as if embarrassed. “Can I be honest with you on something?” he asked shyly. “Anything and everything. I don’t mind whatever it is that you have to say. Unless it was like you committed a murder and need our help evading the cops, or had a gay crush on one of us. Then it would be plain awkward.” Brendon said cheerfully. Spencer rolled his eyes at this. Of course, just because Ryan was a bit girly didn’t make him gay. It just made him girly. Girly with his vanilla deodorant.
“Uh, I didn’t kill anyone. And I’m straight. At least, last time I checked I think I was straight. “ Ryan said, as if he regretted saying that he needed to talk to them. “Alright then, we’re on good ground. Unless….don’t tell me you’re planning suicide or something?!?” Brendon said, suddenly going into a spazzle mode.Ryan shook his head, and didn’t say anything further. “Well?” Brendon said, looking at him. Just then, Maggie came back with their drinks, and placed them in the middle of the table, along with four straws. Ryan didn’t move or say anything. “Look at me Ryan.” Brendon said, Ryan still didn’t move or say anything. Brendon gently grabbed his chin, and tilted his head up, so they were eye to eye. Ryan closed his eyes immediately. “Come on. Don’t do this. If you didn’t have anything to hide, you wouldn’t act like this.” Brendon said.Ryan peeked out of one eye. Brendon was still staring at him. In addition to Brendon, Jon and Spencer were also staring at him. Ryan squeaked, and tried to get his head back. Brendon refused to let go. “Tell us what you were going to say earlier. And don’t leave anything out.” he said. “Will you let me go if I do?” Ryan asked, automatically getting on the defensive side. “Maybe.” Brendon said. “Better start talking.” Spencer said, not moving his eyes from the two guys sitting across from him. “Jon was right.” Ryan blurted out. Brendon smiled, and said, “That wasn’t so hard to say, now was it?” Ryan nodded a bit. Jon gasped a bit, saying, “Come on Ry, I was being sarcastic, I didn’t really think that you were going to just quit eating out of the blue like that. You‘re too skinny to not eat.” Ryan looked at Jon out of the corner of his eye. “Tell me. When was the last time you ate?” Brendon asked.
“Er, two days ago.” Ryan whispered. A single tear fell out of the corner of his eye. Brendon paid it no mind. “Why are you starving yourself?” Brendon asked, trying to hold his temper in check. A second tear joined the first one on its path down Ryan’s cheek. “I’m disgusting.” Ryan choked out, his voice starting to crack with the oncoming sobs. “Ryan. You’re not disgusting. Or fat. Or any of that. You’re a beautiful skinny boy who’s killing himself slowly and painfully in front of me.” Brendon said, using his other hand to pick up a napkin from the table. He brought it up to Ryan’s face. Ryan flinched, closing his eyes, and trying to pull away.“I’m not gonna hurt you.” Brendon murmured. He gently wiped the tears away from Ryan’s eyes, before letting go of his face, only to pull him into a tight hug. “You know you can tell me anything you need to.” Ryan hugged him back before saying, “I know.”
“Alright guys, enough with it. We’re out in public. Break up the mushy gushy lovey-dovey stuff till you get somewhere private.” Spencer said. This concluded the hug. Brendon glared at Spencer, saying, “But I love hugs.” Spencer once again rolled his eyes, before asking, “So, Ryan, what were you saying?” Ryan looked at him confusedly. “About J-walk being right?” Spencer prompted. “Yeah, er, nothing.” Ryan said, as if dodging the question. “Come on, don’t lie to me this time. You meant something by it.” Spencer said, demanding an answer. “As I said, never mind it Spence.” Ryan said, keeping his gaze down. Maggie walked back, carrying a tray and their breakfasts on it. “Enjoy now.” She said, putting the meals down in front of their respective future eaters.
Brendon pulled out his phone and fooled around with it a bit. Spencer and Jon tucked into their meals, any Ryan just poked at his toast. Spencer felt his phone vibrate a moment later. He checked it. There was one text message. It was from Brendon. “I’ll ask him about it later on today” it read. Spencer looked at Brendon, and caught his eye, and nodded.“Hey, Ryan, didn’t you say you wanted some of my pancakes earlier?” Brendon asked, trying to get his friend to eat something. Ryan looked up at him, and said, “Sure, but it has to have whipped cream and chocolate chips on mine.” Jon laughed at this, and said, “Wait, Ryan and Brendon are back to normal, except for the fact that they act like the other person.” Spencer hit Jon over the head with a menu. Jon rubbed his head in response, throwing a glare at his seat-mate.
Brendon poked a pancake onto Ryan’s plate. Right on top of the toast. “Good going Brendon. Now poor Ryan has pancake in his toast.” Spencer chided. Ryan shrugged, and said, “It’s all gonna go in the same place. Right?” He seemed to be picking back up some of his old energy. The meal went on relatively well. They left after paying the bill. It was almost 10 A.M. On their way out, a waitress said, “Bye, come again soon.” Spencer replied with, “Bye, have a good day.” They walked out of the diner, and onto the street. “Where to now?” Spencer asked, wanting to have an itinerary for the day.
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