Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Stay Alive Tonight
Confessions
3 reviewsBrendon finds out something about Ryan that he never knew. Jeffree Star drops in.
1Moving
“Meet at the local movie place at 6 P.M. tonight?” Spencer asked. Ryan shrugged, and Brendon said “Yes!” ecstatically. Jon stood waiting. “Well, cya.” Brendon said to them, turning and halfway tugging poor little RyRo down the street behind him. Spencer and Jon went off in the opposite direction. “So what you feel like doing?” Brendon asked, hyper and happy to have Ryan to himself for this one. Ryan gave another shrug.
Brendon looked at him in the eye, and asked, “Why aren’t you happy?” Ryan shrugged once again. Brendon said, “Don’t give me the silent treatment!” before he grabbed Ryan’s arm, and hauled him off to the prior’s house. When they got there, Ryan looked more tired than anything else. Brendon noticed, and said, “Come on, you can crash upstairs.” Ryan followed him up without a word.
When they got there, Ryan curled up on Brendon’s bed. Right in the middle. “I’ll be back, okay?” Brendon asked, stepping out of the room for a minute. Ryan rolled up his sleeve for a moment, sighing sadly at what he saw. He pulled the sleeve back into place. If anything, he looked more dejected that anything else.
Just then, Brendon walked back Into the room. He was holding something behind his back. Ryan looked at him curiously, and asked, “What do you have?” Brendon shook his head, acting like a five year old, and said, “No, you have to guess.” Ryan looked perplexed for a moment, before deciding to go along with Brendon’s childish persona and said, “Er…I donno. A spinach?” Brendon looked at Ryan curiously. “Now why would I have to hide a spinach?” he asked.
Ryan shrugged again. “Come on, you were doing good.” Brendon whined, wanting someone to take part in his games. “Give me a hint?” Ryan asked, giving adorable puppy dog eyes. “Fine. Just cause it’s you.” Brendon said, before saying, “It’s shaped like a rectangle. And it‘s funny.” Ryan gave a little giggle, and asked, “Is it your brother’s journal?”
Brendon shook his head sadly. “I wish!” he said. “Come on, its something we both like.” Ryan looked confused, before saying, “I give up. Just tell me? Pretty pretty please?” and batting his long eyelashes. Brendon sighed, and said, “It’s a movie silly. The corpse bride.”
Ryan squeaked happily, before he asked, “Wait, aren’t we going to the movies with Spence and Jaywalk later?” Brendon nodded, but said, “I.D.G.A.F.” Ryan looked at him. “IDGAF? What’s that?” he asked puzzled. Brendon said, sounding for all the word like a little kid who had just learned the meaning of a new word, “I don’t give a fuck.”
“Who taught you that?” Ryan asked, sounding like a mother who is ashamed that her young child picked up a disgusting word. Brendon gave a huge grin, before saying, “I accidentally intercepted a text from Jeffree.”
“And who in the hell is Jeffree?” Ryan asked looking even more perplexed. Brendon looked like someone had just slapped him across the face. “Jeffree Star of course!” He squeaked out. Ryan nodded and then asked, “Hey is he that transvestite guy with so many tattoos and bright pink hair?” Brendon clapped his hands and said cheerfully, “Yup, he sure is!” Ryan looked Brendon over carefully, and then asked, “What are you doing hanging with him?” Brendon glared at Ryan and said, “He’s not all that conceited as you think he is. Now scoot it!”
Ryan obliged, moving over to the other side of the bed and stealing one of Brendon’s pillows. Brendon put the DVD into the player, and grabbed the remotes, hopping up on the bed next to Ryan. “Ry?” Brendon asked before he hit play. “Hmmm?” Ryan asked, looking over at Brendon.
“Take off your sweater.” Brendon said. Ryan looked at him like he was insane, and asked, “Why?” Brendon looked back at him in the same way, and said, “It might get a bit chilly here, but you don’t really need a jacket.” Ryan looked at him closely, trying to see if It was some kind of plot that they were hatching to catch him in the act.
“Come on, there’s nothing to worry about.” Brendon said, scooting even closer to Ryan. Ryan tried to scoot away, but bumped into the wall. Brendon got even closer. Ryan was now trapped in the corner. “I’m not going to hurt you. I would never do something like that.” Brendon said, holding out his hand to Ryan. Ryan looked at it with slightly frightened eyes.
Brendon moved back a little, so that Ryan could get out of the corner that he had gotten into, in case it made him feel more comfortable being in the open. Ryan was mostly likely thinking along the same lines, and scooted out from the corner, back into the middle of the bed. Brendon suddenly lunged at him, bringing him down.
Ryan was now lying on his back on the bed, with Brendon on top of him. Brendon sat up, with his knees on either side of Ryan’s skinny waist. Ryan tried to get up sand shove Brendon off of him, but was prevented when Brendon grabbed his wrists. “What the hell?” Ryan asked, trying to squirm away.
“It’s for your own good. So stop squirming.” Brendon said, trying to keep his temper. Ryan let a tear trickle out the corner of his eye. “Answer my questions, and I’ll let you go.” A second tear trailed after the first. “What did I do to deserve this?” Ryan sobbed out. “You’re acting self-destructive.” Brendon said, before turning the tables back on him, and asked, “Why do you insist on wearing sleeves all the time?”
Ryan shook his head and refused to answer. “Tell me.” Brendon said. Ryan was holding completely still, slight sobs escaping, his head turned to the side, and tears sliding down his cheeks from under his eyelids. Brendon let go of Ryan’s arms for a moment, before taking his sweatshirt off.
Ryan tried to fight back, though weakly. “Holy…” Brendon said, trailing off. The sight he saw was too awful for him to describe fully in words. Ryan’s arms were covered in cuts. The majority of them looked deep. The ones that Brendon got really scared by were on Ryan’s wrists, right where they bent at the hand. Those looked like an honest attempt at slitting his own wrists.
“What have you been doing to yourself?” Brendon asked, but more gently. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’m not good enough for anyone.” Ryan choked out, crying even more. Tears were spilling so fast now. Ryan’s cheeks were smudged with gray. “Shhhh…..” Brendon said, grabbing a tissue and wiping everything away. Then, he put a light kiss on Ryan’s lips.
He got off Ryan, and pulled him over. Brendon grabbed a pillow, and dropped it in his lap, before Ryan put his head there. Then, Brendon put the blanket over Ryan gently. “You okay now?” Ryan nodded a little. Brendon patted him on the head, rumpling his hair.
Brendon hit play. Half-way through the movie, he asked Ryan, “Ry? How long?” Ryan looked up at him with his huge eyes, and said, “11 years. But it gets better and worse sometimes.” Brendon asked one other question, hoping he wouldn’t push him too far, and asked, “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I would’ve helped you.” Ryan snuggled closer, and said, “I didn’t want to worry you.”
Brendon sighed, and said, “Ryan, you worry me more when you don’t say anything. Because if you don’t say anything, I can’t help as thoroughly as I want to.”
I am getting slight writers blocks here and there, so please give me some suggestions to help me continue. You may want to hold tissues if you are reading this one and/or So Sorry. It could get sadder in the following chapters. Rate & Review or a chapter will be held hostage, strung up by the toenails, and beaten into unconsciousness with an organic carrot. Two final things. Go read, rate, & review my other stories. Also, if I wrote a story about a psycho, revenge-driven Ray Toro, would anyone read?
Brendon looked at him in the eye, and asked, “Why aren’t you happy?” Ryan shrugged once again. Brendon said, “Don’t give me the silent treatment!” before he grabbed Ryan’s arm, and hauled him off to the prior’s house. When they got there, Ryan looked more tired than anything else. Brendon noticed, and said, “Come on, you can crash upstairs.” Ryan followed him up without a word.
When they got there, Ryan curled up on Brendon’s bed. Right in the middle. “I’ll be back, okay?” Brendon asked, stepping out of the room for a minute. Ryan rolled up his sleeve for a moment, sighing sadly at what he saw. He pulled the sleeve back into place. If anything, he looked more dejected that anything else.
Just then, Brendon walked back Into the room. He was holding something behind his back. Ryan looked at him curiously, and asked, “What do you have?” Brendon shook his head, acting like a five year old, and said, “No, you have to guess.” Ryan looked perplexed for a moment, before deciding to go along with Brendon’s childish persona and said, “Er…I donno. A spinach?” Brendon looked at Ryan curiously. “Now why would I have to hide a spinach?” he asked.
Ryan shrugged again. “Come on, you were doing good.” Brendon whined, wanting someone to take part in his games. “Give me a hint?” Ryan asked, giving adorable puppy dog eyes. “Fine. Just cause it’s you.” Brendon said, before saying, “It’s shaped like a rectangle. And it‘s funny.” Ryan gave a little giggle, and asked, “Is it your brother’s journal?”
Brendon shook his head sadly. “I wish!” he said. “Come on, its something we both like.” Ryan looked confused, before saying, “I give up. Just tell me? Pretty pretty please?” and batting his long eyelashes. Brendon sighed, and said, “It’s a movie silly. The corpse bride.”
Ryan squeaked happily, before he asked, “Wait, aren’t we going to the movies with Spence and Jaywalk later?” Brendon nodded, but said, “I.D.G.A.F.” Ryan looked at him. “IDGAF? What’s that?” he asked puzzled. Brendon said, sounding for all the word like a little kid who had just learned the meaning of a new word, “I don’t give a fuck.”
“Who taught you that?” Ryan asked, sounding like a mother who is ashamed that her young child picked up a disgusting word. Brendon gave a huge grin, before saying, “I accidentally intercepted a text from Jeffree.”
“And who in the hell is Jeffree?” Ryan asked looking even more perplexed. Brendon looked like someone had just slapped him across the face. “Jeffree Star of course!” He squeaked out. Ryan nodded and then asked, “Hey is he that transvestite guy with so many tattoos and bright pink hair?” Brendon clapped his hands and said cheerfully, “Yup, he sure is!” Ryan looked Brendon over carefully, and then asked, “What are you doing hanging with him?” Brendon glared at Ryan and said, “He’s not all that conceited as you think he is. Now scoot it!”
Ryan obliged, moving over to the other side of the bed and stealing one of Brendon’s pillows. Brendon put the DVD into the player, and grabbed the remotes, hopping up on the bed next to Ryan. “Ry?” Brendon asked before he hit play. “Hmmm?” Ryan asked, looking over at Brendon.
“Take off your sweater.” Brendon said. Ryan looked at him like he was insane, and asked, “Why?” Brendon looked back at him in the same way, and said, “It might get a bit chilly here, but you don’t really need a jacket.” Ryan looked at him closely, trying to see if It was some kind of plot that they were hatching to catch him in the act.
“Come on, there’s nothing to worry about.” Brendon said, scooting even closer to Ryan. Ryan tried to scoot away, but bumped into the wall. Brendon got even closer. Ryan was now trapped in the corner. “I’m not going to hurt you. I would never do something like that.” Brendon said, holding out his hand to Ryan. Ryan looked at it with slightly frightened eyes.
Brendon moved back a little, so that Ryan could get out of the corner that he had gotten into, in case it made him feel more comfortable being in the open. Ryan was mostly likely thinking along the same lines, and scooted out from the corner, back into the middle of the bed. Brendon suddenly lunged at him, bringing him down.
Ryan was now lying on his back on the bed, with Brendon on top of him. Brendon sat up, with his knees on either side of Ryan’s skinny waist. Ryan tried to get up sand shove Brendon off of him, but was prevented when Brendon grabbed his wrists. “What the hell?” Ryan asked, trying to squirm away.
“It’s for your own good. So stop squirming.” Brendon said, trying to keep his temper. Ryan let a tear trickle out the corner of his eye. “Answer my questions, and I’ll let you go.” A second tear trailed after the first. “What did I do to deserve this?” Ryan sobbed out. “You’re acting self-destructive.” Brendon said, before turning the tables back on him, and asked, “Why do you insist on wearing sleeves all the time?”
Ryan shook his head and refused to answer. “Tell me.” Brendon said. Ryan was holding completely still, slight sobs escaping, his head turned to the side, and tears sliding down his cheeks from under his eyelids. Brendon let go of Ryan’s arms for a moment, before taking his sweatshirt off.
Ryan tried to fight back, though weakly. “Holy…” Brendon said, trailing off. The sight he saw was too awful for him to describe fully in words. Ryan’s arms were covered in cuts. The majority of them looked deep. The ones that Brendon got really scared by were on Ryan’s wrists, right where they bent at the hand. Those looked like an honest attempt at slitting his own wrists.
“What have you been doing to yourself?” Brendon asked, but more gently. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’m not good enough for anyone.” Ryan choked out, crying even more. Tears were spilling so fast now. Ryan’s cheeks were smudged with gray. “Shhhh…..” Brendon said, grabbing a tissue and wiping everything away. Then, he put a light kiss on Ryan’s lips.
He got off Ryan, and pulled him over. Brendon grabbed a pillow, and dropped it in his lap, before Ryan put his head there. Then, Brendon put the blanket over Ryan gently. “You okay now?” Ryan nodded a little. Brendon patted him on the head, rumpling his hair.
Brendon hit play. Half-way through the movie, he asked Ryan, “Ry? How long?” Ryan looked up at him with his huge eyes, and said, “11 years. But it gets better and worse sometimes.” Brendon asked one other question, hoping he wouldn’t push him too far, and asked, “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I would’ve helped you.” Ryan snuggled closer, and said, “I didn’t want to worry you.”
Brendon sighed, and said, “Ryan, you worry me more when you don’t say anything. Because if you don’t say anything, I can’t help as thoroughly as I want to.”
I am getting slight writers blocks here and there, so please give me some suggestions to help me continue. You may want to hold tissues if you are reading this one and/or So Sorry. It could get sadder in the following chapters. Rate & Review or a chapter will be held hostage, strung up by the toenails, and beaten into unconsciousness with an organic carrot. Two final things. Go read, rate, & review my other stories. Also, if I wrote a story about a psycho, revenge-driven Ray Toro, would anyone read?
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