Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Reality Gone...
I wake up feeling sore and shivering. Geeze, it’s fucking cold here. I slowly sit up and look around. I’m in a simple enough room. The walls are a simple cream color with a simple clock. I’m sitting on a simple bed. The only other thing in here is a cupboard/bedside table. My bags are in the corner. This must be my room, I think. My heart feels heavy as I recall all the commotion that happened before I got injected with whatever the needle was. I don’t know what’s supposed to happen now. Fuck, I’m in a room, but that doesn’t really mean I know where I am.
I jump a little when my door opens. There’s a pretty lady with a white coat who walks in. She has straight, dark brown hair, tied back in a ponytail, bright green eyes and a pretty smile too. She’s smiling a lot already for this kind of situation. Okay then…
“Hello,” She smiles at me. “My names Katherine. You must be Michael, right?”
“Mikey,” I mumble.
“Sorry?”
“I hate being called Michael. It’s Mikey…”
“Oh, okay then. Sorry, Mikey,” She giggles and smiles again. “Anyway, like I said, my name’s Katherine. You’re here because your family is worried about you. I understand you haven’t been doing to well.” She offers a sympathetic smile. As if she has the first clue. I better not be expected to tell her about it because I’m not going to.
“Now, I’m not the one you have to talk to about it.”
What a mind reader…
“However, we’ve set you up with one of our best therapists, and so you can talk him about it and, well, anything as much as you’d like.”
Oh, fuck me dead.
She frowns slightly. Did I say that out loud? Oh, well.
“My job is to show you around the place so you can get used to it sooner. So, would you like to come with me?” The weird smile returns to her face.
I just nod, stand up and follow her out the door. The rest of the building is the same color walls as the ones in my room. She shows me the bathrooms, the cafeteria (I swear, it’s just like high school), the TV room, the group therapy hall, the visitors room and we come to a halt outside a door with a sign that says ‘Dr. Phibes’. I figure this guy must be cool if his name is a part of a title to a Misfits song. Katherine knocks on the door and waits a moment before a man who looks around 30 years old answers the door. He’s got the whole businessman look going down. His black hair is slick back and he’s wearing a dark brown suit.
“Hello, sir. I’m showing Mikey around. He joined us today.” Katherine smiles at me again. I really wish she would stop. It can‘t possibly be human for someone to smile that much in a place like this. “Mikey, this is Dr. Phibes. He’s someone you can talk to while you’re here about anything you’d like.”
Dr. Phibes extends his hand to me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mikey.”
I reluctantly shake his hand and mumble, “Hi.”
“A bit shy are we?” Dr. Phibes chuckles. “Well, that’s not uncommon. I look forward to talking to you further, Mikey. I’m sorry, but I have some paper work to take care of, right now.”
“That’s fine, Doctor. I just wanted you to meet Mikey before your first session.” Katherine explains.
“Well, thank you.” he smiles. “I’ll see you later.” He closes his door.
Katherine turns to me again. “Well, Mikey, that’s about it, really. Have you got any questions, at all?”
“Can I go home now? I’ve learnt my lesson. Is the joke over?” I ask. I already know the answer, but it’s all I want to do. Go home. Though, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go back to the way I was after this.
Katherine’s smiles fades a little. “No, honey. Not right now. You need to get better first.”
I sniff back the tears I want to cry and nod my head. I feel her hand on my shoulder and I look up at her.
“It’ll just take some time, okay?” She smiles. I nod my head again. “Now, there’s about half an hour of free time before everyone goes to dinner and-”
“Dinner?” I ask, confused. “When I came it was the morning. How long was I out?”
“All day, honey. You were struggling and, well, when people do that, the doctors inject them with some pretty strong stuff.”
“Oh…” I say. Honestly, just because someone’s acting a little difficult, they inject chemicals into their veins just so they calm down? Have these people ever heard of, I don’t know, talking? If people are talked to in the right way, it tends to help with some problems. But that’s just my observation.
“So, anyway, like I was saying, there’s half an hour of free time before dinner. So, you can go back to your room and unpack or you can go to the TV room. That’s where most patien- people go for free time.”
She thinks I didn’t notice her almost calling everyone patients. Idiot.
“I’m gonna go to my room.” I mumble and turn to walk away.
“Okay. Just come to the cafeteria at 6. There should be a clock in your room.”
I nod my head and continue walking down the hall. I do my best to remember which way my room is. Maybe I should have asked Katherine to take me back. After a few minutes of searching, I find my room. I check the clock on the wall. It’s 5:35. I decide to unpack slowly to pass the time. Almost every item of clothing I own is in the bags. Great. My family must think I’m gonna be here for a long time. The thought depresses me further. I pack away all my clothes as slowly as I can from the first bag and I toss it aside. I look at the clock. It’s now 5:45. That seriously only took ten minutes?
Damn it.
I open my second bag to begin unpacking it when I find an envelope on top of the rest of my things. It has my name on it, obviously. I take the envelope and sit on my bed to read the letter inside it.
It says:
Mikey,
I hope to god you don’t hate me, mom or dad. We love you so much and we only did this to help you. Dad suggested it and I immediately said no, but after a lot of talking we all decided this was for the best. When I saw you in the bathroom, it nearly fucking broke me. You have no idea how much I wished I dreamt it. After I found you that day, I was worried sick. Literally. I could hardly think or sleep anymore and I wanted so badly to help you get better and be happier, but nothing worked. I was losing you and it was killing me. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you like that. I can’t even describe it. This isn’t me guilt tripping you, though, Mikey. It’s not what I’m trying to do, at all. I just want you to know how much I care about you and how much I want you to get better. Please don’t hate me. Please, please don’t hate me, Mikes. Always remember that I love you and I’ll do anything for you. I’ll visit whenever I can. Trust me. Just focus on getting better and you’ll be home before you know it.
I love you. Never forget that.
Gerard.
I cry.
It’s only been a number of hours and I miss him like crazy already. I keep staring at the letter in my hands. I only put it under my pillow when my tears start making the ink run. I continue to cry as I unpack most of my second bag. I look at the clock. 6:05. Shit! I’m late. I’ll have to finish unpacking later. Wiping my eyes with my long sleeves, I walk quickly to the cafeteria which is half full and it‘s a pretty small cafeteria, so I figure there mustn’t be many people admitted here. Katherine sees me and walks over smiling, again.
“Hey, Mikey.” she says. “It’s pretty basic. Just grab the food you want and take a seat. And do make sure you eat something, okay?”
I nod, restraining my eyes from rolling, and walk over to the mass amounts of food they have on display. I already feel sick. All the supervisors must already know my “problem”, so to please them, I sheepishly take a whole heap of fries. I know I probably won’t finish them, but what’s the difference if I’m gonna be puking them back up soon enough. Hopefully, I’ll get away with it. People may be stupid enough to take their eyes off me for a while, unless there are cameras or something. Then, I’m screwed. I take my plate of food and scan the area for somewhere to sit. I see an empty table and sit there. I’m not in the mood for making friends here. I sit down and slowly force myself to eat. A few people are staring at me and I feel incredibly nervous.
I start looking around the room at all the patients. A small group of three people sitting at a table on the other side of the room catches my eye. There’s a girl with vibrant blue hair that’s been cut rather short and blue eyes that almost match. She looks as though she hasn’t slept in days. Next to her there is another girl. She’s got long blonde hair and brown eyes. I admit, she’s quite pretty, but she looks incredibly nervous and not to mention fidgety. There’s a man sitting next to the blonde girl and he looks no older than 19. He’s practically bald and even from where I sit, I see scabs and scars cascading up and down his arms. Poor guy.
I’m about to return to my food when I see another boy walking over to their table. He's kind of captivating. His hair is jet black and shiny. An odd sort of fringe hangs freely in front of his left eye. He’s wearing tight black jeans and a white collared shirt. He’s fit. He’s gorgeous. He’s looking at me…Oh, shit. I stare at him for just a second more and he…winks at me.
I stare back at my food, blushing. Sure, he’s hot, but I wasn’t exactly crazy about the idea of him winking at me. That’s kinda weird. Even more so when he’s in the same nuthouse as me.
Surprisingly, I end up finished my plate of chips. I see Katherine. She looks pleased, but she always looks pleased. It’s gonna be hard to know when she’s smiling because she has to or because she actually wants to smile. Everyone from the cafeteria have started to file out and I follow the crowd. I’m half way out the door when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I flinch and turn around to see Katherine.
“Hey, Mikey. How’s it going?”
“Fine,” I mumble. I’m doing that a lot, I’ve noticed.
“That’s good. Look, right now is usually more free time until about 10 and that’s when we get everyone to sleep. So, any idea what you’re going to do?”
I take a second to think. “I’m going to finish packing.” I half lie. I’m going to do that, but I’ll be doing something else too.
“You didn’t finish?” Katherine asks me, sounding a little surprised.
“Uh, no. I kinda got distracted. I might even shower, and sleep early, anyway. I’m tired.” I fake a yawn at the end of my sentence. Katherine simply nods and says goodnight before walking off to the rest of the group who look like they’re making they’re way to the TV room. I don’t like that name.
I make my way back to my room and continue to unpack the rest of my clothes. When I pick up the last shirt in the bag, a glimmer catches my eye. I look closer. No. It couldn’t be, could it? I pick it up, overwhelmed. It seems my dear old friend snuck into my bag. How on earth did that happen? Oh, yeah. I had to hide another one from Gerard and I put it in the bag. I knew no one would ever find it there. My family mustn’t have noticed it in there when they packed my stuff. This is brilliant. I drop the shirt I held in my hand and shoved the razor in my pocket. Before making my way to the bathrooms, I check to see no one is in the hallway. It’s empty.
I’m good to go.
I quickly walk into the bathrooms where there are four cubicles. I quickly lean down and check to see that no one else is in there and to my sudden luck, they aren’t. I seize this opportunity and run into the closest cubicle, locking it behind me. I take a few deep breaths before shoving my fingers to the back of my throat and everything I ate at dinner immediately comes right back up. I’m coughing and heaving and hoping to god no one can hear me. I keep going until I have nothing left to get rid of. The people here are beyond stupid. They honestly thought I would stop, right away? Honestly, I know I’m new, but they’re not even trying. Fools. Like routine, I pull the razor from my pocket and pull up my shirt.
I hear something that distracts me, though. Like, a breeze. That’s strange. There’s no windows in here. The temperature feels as though it drops a little. I feel weird. Like someone’s watching me…I didn’t hear anyone come in. I quickly check underneath the cubicles.
No one is in here.
That’s weird. Maybe I'm actually losing it. I shake these thoughts away and return to my business. I drag the blade across my skin and shudder a little. It’s a fantastic kind of hurt. I close my eyes and embrace the pain when I think I hear something again. I open my eyes and look into the corner of the ceiling. I come close to screaming when I see a person hanging there like Spiderman or something. I close my eyes tightly and open them again. This time, no one’s there. I breath a little faster than normal. What the hell was that about? I think I’ve finally driven myself over the edge. I quickly clean up the cut and flush away any evidence of my stupidity and make my way back to my room as fast as I can.
I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I do my best not put my hands under the pillow because Gerard’s letter will be there and I’ll feel more guilty than I already do. Which, by the way, is near unbearable, once again. It’s taking everything in my power not to cry again.
I take deep breaths as I stare at the ceiling. Sleep isn’t coming for me any time soon. I try to remember who I saw…well, who I thought I saw in the bathroom. The whole atmosphere was just too weird, but I had to have imagined it. No one can get themselves in the corner of a ceiling and stay there…right? I don’t know. But that face kinda looked like that guy. The wink guy. What the hell? I must be going crazy. Shit.
I don’t even want to know how I’m going to survive being here.
I jump a little when my door opens. There’s a pretty lady with a white coat who walks in. She has straight, dark brown hair, tied back in a ponytail, bright green eyes and a pretty smile too. She’s smiling a lot already for this kind of situation. Okay then…
“Hello,” She smiles at me. “My names Katherine. You must be Michael, right?”
“Mikey,” I mumble.
“Sorry?”
“I hate being called Michael. It’s Mikey…”
“Oh, okay then. Sorry, Mikey,” She giggles and smiles again. “Anyway, like I said, my name’s Katherine. You’re here because your family is worried about you. I understand you haven’t been doing to well.” She offers a sympathetic smile. As if she has the first clue. I better not be expected to tell her about it because I’m not going to.
“Now, I’m not the one you have to talk to about it.”
What a mind reader…
“However, we’ve set you up with one of our best therapists, and so you can talk him about it and, well, anything as much as you’d like.”
Oh, fuck me dead.
She frowns slightly. Did I say that out loud? Oh, well.
“My job is to show you around the place so you can get used to it sooner. So, would you like to come with me?” The weird smile returns to her face.
I just nod, stand up and follow her out the door. The rest of the building is the same color walls as the ones in my room. She shows me the bathrooms, the cafeteria (I swear, it’s just like high school), the TV room, the group therapy hall, the visitors room and we come to a halt outside a door with a sign that says ‘Dr. Phibes’. I figure this guy must be cool if his name is a part of a title to a Misfits song. Katherine knocks on the door and waits a moment before a man who looks around 30 years old answers the door. He’s got the whole businessman look going down. His black hair is slick back and he’s wearing a dark brown suit.
“Hello, sir. I’m showing Mikey around. He joined us today.” Katherine smiles at me again. I really wish she would stop. It can‘t possibly be human for someone to smile that much in a place like this. “Mikey, this is Dr. Phibes. He’s someone you can talk to while you’re here about anything you’d like.”
Dr. Phibes extends his hand to me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mikey.”
I reluctantly shake his hand and mumble, “Hi.”
“A bit shy are we?” Dr. Phibes chuckles. “Well, that’s not uncommon. I look forward to talking to you further, Mikey. I’m sorry, but I have some paper work to take care of, right now.”
“That’s fine, Doctor. I just wanted you to meet Mikey before your first session.” Katherine explains.
“Well, thank you.” he smiles. “I’ll see you later.” He closes his door.
Katherine turns to me again. “Well, Mikey, that’s about it, really. Have you got any questions, at all?”
“Can I go home now? I’ve learnt my lesson. Is the joke over?” I ask. I already know the answer, but it’s all I want to do. Go home. Though, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go back to the way I was after this.
Katherine’s smiles fades a little. “No, honey. Not right now. You need to get better first.”
I sniff back the tears I want to cry and nod my head. I feel her hand on my shoulder and I look up at her.
“It’ll just take some time, okay?” She smiles. I nod my head again. “Now, there’s about half an hour of free time before everyone goes to dinner and-”
“Dinner?” I ask, confused. “When I came it was the morning. How long was I out?”
“All day, honey. You were struggling and, well, when people do that, the doctors inject them with some pretty strong stuff.”
“Oh…” I say. Honestly, just because someone’s acting a little difficult, they inject chemicals into their veins just so they calm down? Have these people ever heard of, I don’t know, talking? If people are talked to in the right way, it tends to help with some problems. But that’s just my observation.
“So, anyway, like I was saying, there’s half an hour of free time before dinner. So, you can go back to your room and unpack or you can go to the TV room. That’s where most patien- people go for free time.”
She thinks I didn’t notice her almost calling everyone patients. Idiot.
“I’m gonna go to my room.” I mumble and turn to walk away.
“Okay. Just come to the cafeteria at 6. There should be a clock in your room.”
I nod my head and continue walking down the hall. I do my best to remember which way my room is. Maybe I should have asked Katherine to take me back. After a few minutes of searching, I find my room. I check the clock on the wall. It’s 5:35. I decide to unpack slowly to pass the time. Almost every item of clothing I own is in the bags. Great. My family must think I’m gonna be here for a long time. The thought depresses me further. I pack away all my clothes as slowly as I can from the first bag and I toss it aside. I look at the clock. It’s now 5:45. That seriously only took ten minutes?
Damn it.
I open my second bag to begin unpacking it when I find an envelope on top of the rest of my things. It has my name on it, obviously. I take the envelope and sit on my bed to read the letter inside it.
It says:
Mikey,
I hope to god you don’t hate me, mom or dad. We love you so much and we only did this to help you. Dad suggested it and I immediately said no, but after a lot of talking we all decided this was for the best. When I saw you in the bathroom, it nearly fucking broke me. You have no idea how much I wished I dreamt it. After I found you that day, I was worried sick. Literally. I could hardly think or sleep anymore and I wanted so badly to help you get better and be happier, but nothing worked. I was losing you and it was killing me. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you like that. I can’t even describe it. This isn’t me guilt tripping you, though, Mikey. It’s not what I’m trying to do, at all. I just want you to know how much I care about you and how much I want you to get better. Please don’t hate me. Please, please don’t hate me, Mikes. Always remember that I love you and I’ll do anything for you. I’ll visit whenever I can. Trust me. Just focus on getting better and you’ll be home before you know it.
I love you. Never forget that.
Gerard.
I cry.
It’s only been a number of hours and I miss him like crazy already. I keep staring at the letter in my hands. I only put it under my pillow when my tears start making the ink run. I continue to cry as I unpack most of my second bag. I look at the clock. 6:05. Shit! I’m late. I’ll have to finish unpacking later. Wiping my eyes with my long sleeves, I walk quickly to the cafeteria which is half full and it‘s a pretty small cafeteria, so I figure there mustn’t be many people admitted here. Katherine sees me and walks over smiling, again.
“Hey, Mikey.” she says. “It’s pretty basic. Just grab the food you want and take a seat. And do make sure you eat something, okay?”
I nod, restraining my eyes from rolling, and walk over to the mass amounts of food they have on display. I already feel sick. All the supervisors must already know my “problem”, so to please them, I sheepishly take a whole heap of fries. I know I probably won’t finish them, but what’s the difference if I’m gonna be puking them back up soon enough. Hopefully, I’ll get away with it. People may be stupid enough to take their eyes off me for a while, unless there are cameras or something. Then, I’m screwed. I take my plate of food and scan the area for somewhere to sit. I see an empty table and sit there. I’m not in the mood for making friends here. I sit down and slowly force myself to eat. A few people are staring at me and I feel incredibly nervous.
I start looking around the room at all the patients. A small group of three people sitting at a table on the other side of the room catches my eye. There’s a girl with vibrant blue hair that’s been cut rather short and blue eyes that almost match. She looks as though she hasn’t slept in days. Next to her there is another girl. She’s got long blonde hair and brown eyes. I admit, she’s quite pretty, but she looks incredibly nervous and not to mention fidgety. There’s a man sitting next to the blonde girl and he looks no older than 19. He’s practically bald and even from where I sit, I see scabs and scars cascading up and down his arms. Poor guy.
I’m about to return to my food when I see another boy walking over to their table. He's kind of captivating. His hair is jet black and shiny. An odd sort of fringe hangs freely in front of his left eye. He’s wearing tight black jeans and a white collared shirt. He’s fit. He’s gorgeous. He’s looking at me…Oh, shit. I stare at him for just a second more and he…winks at me.
I stare back at my food, blushing. Sure, he’s hot, but I wasn’t exactly crazy about the idea of him winking at me. That’s kinda weird. Even more so when he’s in the same nuthouse as me.
Surprisingly, I end up finished my plate of chips. I see Katherine. She looks pleased, but she always looks pleased. It’s gonna be hard to know when she’s smiling because she has to or because she actually wants to smile. Everyone from the cafeteria have started to file out and I follow the crowd. I’m half way out the door when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I flinch and turn around to see Katherine.
“Hey, Mikey. How’s it going?”
“Fine,” I mumble. I’m doing that a lot, I’ve noticed.
“That’s good. Look, right now is usually more free time until about 10 and that’s when we get everyone to sleep. So, any idea what you’re going to do?”
I take a second to think. “I’m going to finish packing.” I half lie. I’m going to do that, but I’ll be doing something else too.
“You didn’t finish?” Katherine asks me, sounding a little surprised.
“Uh, no. I kinda got distracted. I might even shower, and sleep early, anyway. I’m tired.” I fake a yawn at the end of my sentence. Katherine simply nods and says goodnight before walking off to the rest of the group who look like they’re making they’re way to the TV room. I don’t like that name.
I make my way back to my room and continue to unpack the rest of my clothes. When I pick up the last shirt in the bag, a glimmer catches my eye. I look closer. No. It couldn’t be, could it? I pick it up, overwhelmed. It seems my dear old friend snuck into my bag. How on earth did that happen? Oh, yeah. I had to hide another one from Gerard and I put it in the bag. I knew no one would ever find it there. My family mustn’t have noticed it in there when they packed my stuff. This is brilliant. I drop the shirt I held in my hand and shoved the razor in my pocket. Before making my way to the bathrooms, I check to see no one is in the hallway. It’s empty.
I’m good to go.
I quickly walk into the bathrooms where there are four cubicles. I quickly lean down and check to see that no one else is in there and to my sudden luck, they aren’t. I seize this opportunity and run into the closest cubicle, locking it behind me. I take a few deep breaths before shoving my fingers to the back of my throat and everything I ate at dinner immediately comes right back up. I’m coughing and heaving and hoping to god no one can hear me. I keep going until I have nothing left to get rid of. The people here are beyond stupid. They honestly thought I would stop, right away? Honestly, I know I’m new, but they’re not even trying. Fools. Like routine, I pull the razor from my pocket and pull up my shirt.
I hear something that distracts me, though. Like, a breeze. That’s strange. There’s no windows in here. The temperature feels as though it drops a little. I feel weird. Like someone’s watching me…I didn’t hear anyone come in. I quickly check underneath the cubicles.
No one is in here.
That’s weird. Maybe I'm actually losing it. I shake these thoughts away and return to my business. I drag the blade across my skin and shudder a little. It’s a fantastic kind of hurt. I close my eyes and embrace the pain when I think I hear something again. I open my eyes and look into the corner of the ceiling. I come close to screaming when I see a person hanging there like Spiderman or something. I close my eyes tightly and open them again. This time, no one’s there. I breath a little faster than normal. What the hell was that about? I think I’ve finally driven myself over the edge. I quickly clean up the cut and flush away any evidence of my stupidity and make my way back to my room as fast as I can.
I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I do my best not put my hands under the pillow because Gerard’s letter will be there and I’ll feel more guilty than I already do. Which, by the way, is near unbearable, once again. It’s taking everything in my power not to cry again.
I take deep breaths as I stare at the ceiling. Sleep isn’t coming for me any time soon. I try to remember who I saw…well, who I thought I saw in the bathroom. The whole atmosphere was just too weird, but I had to have imagined it. No one can get themselves in the corner of a ceiling and stay there…right? I don’t know. But that face kinda looked like that guy. The wink guy. What the hell? I must be going crazy. Shit.
I don’t even want to know how I’m going to survive being here.
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