FicWad

I sat and stared at her silhouette against the biology class window, hoping she'd merely look at me; I longed for her every minute of every day since she moved here. She stretched her slender arm and I snapped out of my daydreaming as the school bell rang. I sat and watched as she danced past me, her sweet blonde hair dancing in the cold winter breeze. I walked out of the room, dazed and confused. "Give it up Gee" he said placing a hand on my shoulder; Mikey must have noticed the glance in her direction, typical Mikey always trying to cheer me up. "Yeah, sure" like I could.
I walked past her, dazzled as her fair hair shimmered in the light. Yet again she acted as though I didn't exist, like everyone else in this damned place; well other than when they were beating me up for my cash that is. But her boyfriend noticed me, his eyes burned a warning onto my very skin, not like I needed it; with muscles like that, who would mess with him? My stomach churned unpleasantly as I thought of the results of that fight. 'He could have anyone and he had to have her', I thought bitterly to myself.

"The lockers stuck again" I hissed through my teeth, pulling with all my strength at the handle, kicking at the door. A click. "Oh sh-!" The door swung open on my face, I felt at the pulsing flow of blood oozing from my nose. I heard some younger kids laughing so I swore and gave 'em the finger; Stupid brats. I tried to push myself up but my hand slipped on a piece of paper and I hit my head again. "MIKEY!" Why did he have to just shove his stupid junk in the locker? At least my stuff had fallen out as well; I wouldn't have to get up to get 'em. That reminds me... 'Yay soccer' I thought sullenly.
I walked with my eyes on the floor when I walked into his broad chest and fell backwards. "What you think you're doing?" he snarled, grabbing my shirt and pulling me up with one hand, his other in a fist ready to punch me. "Whoa! Sorry it wa' an accident!" I said while I tried pulling away. She walked over and placed her arms around him. "Don't do it Damien", she was quiet and calm but her voice carried as if she was screaming, "it was an accident." He let me fall to the floor again as he turned and threw his clenched fist into her stomach; Helena!
"Don't you ever-!" tears of hatred filled my eyes as I watched him. I swung for Damien's titanic chest.

The swollen black eye began to numb as I drank a seventh bottle under the soccer stands; the one place no-one ever looked, the one place I could escape, my secret hiding place. I heard the clattering of bottles next to me and I took another deep gulp from the bottle in my hand. "Gee?" Mikey crouched next to me, looking through his precariously perched glasses. "Thought you might be here" ah! Not as secret as I thought. I looked up at him to see a cautious smile spread across his face, Itook another couple of swigs of the wreaking liquid in my hands. "Gee, come on you don't need that" he reached for the bottle in my hand. I swore loudly as Istood up as much as I could, hunching to fit under the low seats. He looked at me, not in disgust but with concern etched on every inch of his face when he asked; "what happened to you?" he didn't look at the bottles, he was already used to it, but at the bruises up my arm and on my face. Tears welled in his eyes and began rolling down his cheeks. "Everything!" I slurred swaying on my feet, how much had I drunk? "The whole- whole world happened!" my vision started blurring then focusing, again and again. "Gee?" Mikey's face focused in and out... "Gee!"... Until everything blacked out.

I opened my eyes to the sight of my bedroom ceiling. Mom was sat crying beside my bed, her eyes red and wet, "are you ok honey?" her voice was hoarse. All my fault. I tried to reach for her hand, and gasped in pain; stabbing pains, pinpointed in a dozen different places, along my sticky arm. "I'm fine" I said hastily, I knew she would never be happy until I told her how much agony I was in, but I couldn't, not to Mom. "What happened?" she squeezed my hand and I stifled a gasp. I stared at a single patch of silver light on my ceiling; I'd have to sit out the questions. "Gerard?" anytime soon she'd have to give up. Mikey stood at the door, glancing now and again at me. "He tripped" he's a lifesaver, our Mikey, always getting me out of trouble. I smiled in thanks behind my Mom's back and... he looked away, like he was disgusted. Not that I could blame him, I was a waste of space.

It was dark now, the glass under my skin pulsed with my blood, stabbing over and over again; forbidding me to sleep. My brain was numb and my thoughts uncontrollable, I would have taken any escape if it meant getting rid of the images that danced in my head; Helena and the alcohol I drank to destroy her in my mind... I gritted my teeth and tightened my fists, swearing under my breath at the pain. Why did I do these things to myself?

Early snow had started to fall as my cuts began to heal and the cold air whipped every inch of my body, leaving its numbing pain. I had to think hard to move my legs, to drag myself out of the door, to limp towards school.
The school buzzed all day with the latest gossip, I never listened, I wasn't interested; the photos I never wanted to see, the ones I only dreamed of, thrust into my face by my fellow gym students. I sat on the changing room bench surrounded by tall, handsome, athletic boys all laughing as I cried silently, each tear falling onto her; Helena sat in just a soccer shirt, Damien's shirt. The one thing Ithought was pure and innocent; destroyed and this photograph was the proof. The bell sounded, giving me an escape and I ran, my legs throbbing, through the falling snow.
The next day was torture. Helena spent her day staring into space as she was mocked by every student and teacher, avoided in lessons as though diseased. I realised she'd dyed her hair since the last time I'd seen her; her long blonde hair was ebony now, making her seem to glow dimly, like some kind of angel. In biology she noticed me for the first time, smiling at me as I snapped out of my trance, gliding over to sit next to me. "Hi" her voice was as soft as silk as I tried to grab every piece of paper that littered my desk. "You're a good artist" she said looking into her own green eyes, "Gerard right?" I nodded, taking the paper she offered me from her delicate hands. "Thanks" I mumbled. My face filled with colour as her hand brushed mine and I looked up to see her emerald eyes focused on me; looking back into her eyes was mesmerising, enchanting but they were sorrowful. "Do you hate me?" she asked, tears beginning to well. "Of course I don't" my voice was restricted as I saw the tears spill down her pale cheeks, leaving streams of black. I placed my hands on her cheeks and wiped away the tears, "I've never hated you and I never will".

Someone spun me round as I walked down the empty school hall; their lips met mine with enthusiasm. Adoor swung open behind me into a vacant office, the stranger released me and locked the door. "Hel- Helena?" I stammered, she smiled back. "Yes?" she replied walking towards me as I backed into a desk. "What are you- doing?" the last word came as a breath as she leant towards me. Her lips met mine again and I pulled away, confused with what was happening. "I know you like me" she said as she sat beside me and ran her finger up my leg, "and I like you". I knew I'd have to stop her but I couldn't, I never could refuse this. I pulled her towards me, my hands knotting in her hair as I pushed my way through her crimson lips.

I pushed myself up rapidly, my pillow flying from my arms. Something heavier hit the floor and seemed to gasp between laughter; Mikey lay clutching his sides. "Get out!" Mikey attempted to push himself up "and what's so funny?" he tried to straighten his face, a smile still cracking through. "Let's just say it's hard to explain". I felt myself blush as I pushed my duvet further down. "Shut up..." I mumbled, setting Mikey off on another laughing fit.