FicWad

People had taken to staring at us, where ever we went; talking by the lockers, walking her to her car, even in lessons. We weren't going out, but we were together most of the day, so most got the wrong idea about us. According to school gossip repeated to me by Mikey I was 'the one doing the whore', nice. But this morning was different, she stared straight past me as we crossed in the halls and she never showed for biology. The bell rang, snapping me out of the vortex of nothingness I'd been trapped in. The day was bleaker; as though part of me had been ripped away, my senses dulled. Everyone else had left as I walked down the corridor, past the girl's toilets... Was that sobbing? I peeked around the door. "Hello?"someone was defiantly crying. I walked over to the one locked door and knocked."Are you alright?" Stupid question, they were crying for God sake, "Open the door". The bolt clicked as it slid out of the catch. Behind the door, there she sat staring up at me through tear filled eyes; razor in hand. "Helena..." I couldn't take my eyes of the razor "don't do it". She stared at me; looking so vulnerable, so confused. "Helena..." I reached out towards her "give it to me". She looked down; the metal blade glinted as it turned in her hand. "Please" I begged, I knew that look, and I didn't want to see what was about to happen "please". Her hands balled to fists as she began crying again, blood dripped from her hand as she released the blade. I fell to my knees beside her; my arms wound around her waist, hers around my neck. "It's okay. It's okay, I promise"I said squeezing her as she sobbed into my shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to sit here and hold her, but I needed to get that hand sorted out.

"Mom?" I said walking into the kitchen. One arm still wrapped around Helena's waist, the other holding what was left of my bloody school shirt. "Mom?" I shouted again; typical, the one time I need something, she isn't here. "Okay, um... wait in my room, and I'll get some bandaids" I started for the stairs but noticed she hadn't moved. "Where's you room?" she looked so innocent at that moment, so breakable. "Oh, yeah! Straight down those stairs" I pointed to my bedroom door, it rocked having a basement bedroom. She shrugged, still holding her injured hand she walked the way I told her to go. Right so bandaids, bandaids... Bandaids! I grabbed a handful from the cabinet and sprinted down the stairs, two at a time. I ran down the stairs to my room where Helena waited for me. But she wasn't sat on the bed as I thought she would be; in the darkest corner, cramped between the wall and desk, she sat cradling herself. "Hey" I whispered, sitting on the edge of my bed "I got the bandaids if you want them" Best to let her take her time, not to rush her. I began sorting through the handful of supplies I'd grabbed; her dancer's step was difficult to hear over the quiet crackle of the wrappers, yet her head on my shoulder didn't startle me. I turned, taking her sticky blood stained hand in mine. "Now, tell me if it's too tight ok?" she nodded, a torn expression in her eyes I couldn't understand.
I'd tried to be as quick as I could bandaging her hand, so the time afterwards was... tense. She sat cradling herself in the middle of my bed, one side of her spattered in blood from the waist down. Whereas I was sat shirtless, due to the fact I'd used it on her hand; we were both sat alone, in an empty house, on my bed. Of course that started the daydreaming... not the time or place for that I reminded myself. The silence was piercing, every inch of my body had electric running through it. The quiet stabbed like daggers.
"Aren't you going to shout at me?" she asked confusion clear in her voice. "Why?" I asked over my shoulder, we'd kept eye contact to a minimum. "For being the stupid little girl I am. For even thinking of... for trying to hurt myself?" I stayed quiet for amoment; if I said she was stupid for thinking of hurting herself, of trying to escape, wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? "Nope" another awkward silence."Why?"
"'cause I kinda understand where you're coming from, I guess" it was true, I did know what she was going through, more than she knew.
Her arms slowly wound around my neck. "Thank you" she whispered kissing my cheek. I couldn't help but turn, our lips almost meeting; should I, shouldn't I?
I didn't need to decide. Her lips met mine; slow and serious.

My lips moved to her neck, her skin burned under my touch. Thank God we were alone. I'd probably die of embarrassment if we were found like this; our naked bodies intertwined, her hands knotted in my hair... pretty compromising if you saw the whole picture."Hey Gee, can I..." God I hadn't even heard the door open over our breathing. My cheeks burned. I couldn't pull on my trousers to get up and lock the door; they were somewhere on the floor with Helena's clothes. I pulled my lips from her neck. "Give me a minute..." I mumbled, moving my lips back to hers. 'How'd this happen?' I thought to myself, holding her body closer to mine. A cough; was Mikey still in the room? "What?" why didn't he just leave already. "Um... sorry but Mom's gonna be home soon and you're... just hurry up and get dressed" Crap Mom!
"I'm so sorry" I repeated over and over again as I did the fly on my jeans. She just giggled; what was so funny? Mom would kill me if she found out. "WHERE THE HELLS MY SHIRT!?" I shouted running my hands through my hair. She burst into laughter; was she bipolar or something, one minute she was gonna slit her wrists the next thing...
I turned around; she was still sat on my bed. Her face practically glowing. "Helena, babes. My Mom's home soon and she will kill us if she finds out ok?" she pouted, god she was hot "please".

"Gee!" Mikey's voice echoed down to my room; he was getting a bit annoying today. Kissing Helena once more I ran up the stairs: Mikey stood holding the phone out a guilty look on his face "what?" I mouthed, taking the phone from Mikey's hand. "Hello?"
"Hey, baby" Mom, crap"listen I'm running late today. Will you and Mikey be ok on your own tonight?" Running late? And not coming home tonight? Today seemed to be my lucky break. "Sure"
Placing the phone down on the table I stared into empty space. "Um... Gee? What did Mom say?" Mikey bowed his head to look at me; damn being shorter, I was older I should be the tallest.
"She's gonna be home late" he seemed to think there was more to my reluctance, "that was it". He just shrugged and walked up to his room.
"Gee!" My name echoed from the basement; I'd kinda forgotten about Helena still being here. Isighed.
"I'm making coffee, who wants one?" my voice echoed around the house.
"ME!" the voices came from both directions. Yay!

After that first attempt Helena carried on trying to hurt herself; she jumped from her bedroom window twice; knocking herself unconscious the first time and breaking her foot the second, and so many times after that. The booze didn't numb my pain anymore; the aching for her pain, dragging me slowly to the end. No the booze wasn't enough, I turned to the pills. So calming, like a tranquilizer to some animal. They were so very sweet to me; whispering sweet thoughts, connecting my two torn parts together. Maybe Helena was right, maybe the only way to cope was through death.