FicWad

The bus was parked in front of the house, waiting for me I'm sure of. 
I stormed into the bus, putting on my tough girl face. 

"Rose, what was going-" I pushed right past Frank to the back of the bus. Luckily he didn't follow. 

I planted myself to the bed where I grabbed my guitar and started to play and vocalize an unfamiliar tune. 

"You don't understand 
What you do to me
How the small things
Hurt the most

I love the way you laugh
But I hate the pain
Everything is so confusing
This is a complicated romance

He enjoys my company
And doesn't turn bipolar
He shows how he feels
On the outside of his sleeve

I am strong,
Just not too smart
Tell me which way to turn
I don't want to go the wrong way

If you really cared 
You wouldn't try to hide
I hate this so much!
Just so exhausting

If you loved me-
Show yourself to me
Make up your mind!
You'd be here with me

I am strong,
Just not too smart
Tell me which way to turn
I don't want to go the wrong way

Make this easier,
Let me see you
Make up your mind"

As I was finishing up I was shocked with myself. I knew why I wrote that. Better yet, I knew WHO I wrote that for. 

"Now you see me. I've made up my mind." I looked up to see Gerard standing in the doorway.

"Excuse me?" 

"I know what that was about. I want to love you. I want to be sweet and caring. I want to be romantic. I want to be everything you've ever wanted and everything you deserve. Sometimes my testosterone takes over me. I'm a jealous person. I know what you and Brendon have together. I'm not mad. I know he's the better choice but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I wish I could be as good for you as he is." Gerard looked so ashamed. 

"Gerard, I do love you. The truth is I love you both and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want, myself. I'm not going to lie, Brendon and I have something that you and I don't have. But you and I have something that Brendon and I don't. He knows how to make me smile, the small things matter the most. He dares me to believe in something I wouldn't every other day. I feel like you both understand me, just in different ways. He is so simpistic but you speak in riddles. Like you want me one day but the next you don't. I know Brendon will still want me when I have a fit but will you? You seem so protective over me. Is this love that you feel or is it something even bigger? Is it only possesiveness or lust? Do you just not want Brendon to have me?" I couldn't believe I had just said all of that. Because, the truth is I didn't know that half of what I said was how I actually felt until I said it outloud. 

"I want to be there for you every second of the day. I love you like nothing I've ever felt before. I have so much baggage for you to accept. I know Brendon is a better choice for you."

"Well, what would you say if I told you that I wanted to be with you and just see what happens?" 

A smile played onto his lips. "I'd say, how about that kiss?"

A giggle escaped my mouth before I granted his request. 

Our lips collided and it felt like a volcano erruption was taking place. His kisses started out gentle and sweet but were soon bumped up to hungry and rough. Gerard's twined his hands in my hands. 

I pulled myself down on my bed, Gerard coming with me. I began nipping at his lips. His tongue brushed my bottom lip, asking for entry. I gladly gave in. His lips moved away from my mouth and started trailing kisses down my neck, to my chest. His hands guided themselves down my sides, my waist, my stomach, then my chest. As soon as he touched my breasts I came back to reality. I jumped away from him. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I got ahead of myself." Gerard looked genuinly sorry. 

"It's ok. I just want to wait a bit. We both know that that won't be the end of that when we start."

"Its fine. I can wait."

"Sorry, about freaking out earlier," I apolgized, wanting to change the subject. 

Gerard looked over at me, still sitting on the bed. "Don't be sorry, sugar. I'm sorry for being so possessive."

"It's fine. Just loosen up a bit. Where's Lilly?"

"Last time I saw she was with Frankie." Gerard gave me a knowing look when he said his name. Great, they'd talked and Frank gave him all the details.

I walked into the living room to see Lilly talking to Frank. They were "whispering". If you'd even call it that. She spoke quietly to him, "So I didn't imagine that?" Frank tried to quiet her. "No, now hush. They're coming."

I looked at my watch, I hadn't noticed it that it had gotten so late. It only felt like we'd been at the party for maybe a couple hours. We'd actually been there for about 6 hours. "Lilly you need to get some sleep. It's your bedtime back home."

"Rose, 5 more seconds! Frank and I were having fun," Lilly groaned. 

"Llily, gossiping like old women is more like what y'all were doing. I'm not sure who's the bigger woman. Don't make me sound like Mom." After I had finished my statement Lilly grumbled something under her breath and stormed to where her bed was. My vision shifted to Frank, Mikey, Ray, and Bob. "Night, guys." 

I turned to leave and heard Gerard following me. "Goodnight Gee." Our eyes met and sparked something inside of us. Our lips crashed together, a mixture of  fierce aggression. His hands started tugging at my clothes, mine twirled in his hair. 

A smirk played onto my lips. "Goodnight, Gee." 

"Fine. Goodnight, Rose." Gerard looked grumpy. All that boy needs for some happiness is a good slice of cake. Then maybe he wouldn't be Mr. Grouch. 

I went to sleep that night with a million things on my mind. Like how would I juggle the two boys when I can't even satisfy one? Or better yet, who would I choose? This would be a rough few weeks. I knew that for sure.