FicWad

Kirk and I continued to walk in silence for a few moments, both lost in our own thoughts. I was busy thinking about the times when I had been with my dad so long ago. The two of us had had a lot of fun together and had gotten along really well. Even my mom had been sane, kind, and loving at that point in time. I wondered just how much different my life would be now if my parents were still alive. If they were, I could guarantee that I wouldn't be on a tour with my boyfriend's band right now. Also, if my parents were still alive, I probably wouldn't be pregnant. I knew for a fact that both my parents would've disapproved of me living with my boyfriend before I was eighteen. However, in reality, my parents were dead so it really didn't matter what they thought.

Breaking into my thoughts, Kirk asked nervously, "Hey Olivia, what makes you think you're a hindrance to the band? Because honestly, I don't see how you're being a hassle at all." I couldn't help but smile at Kirk. He was being so nice to me for no good reason. I decided to answer Kirk's question in one word, "Lars."

Kirk raised an eyebrow and slowed his pace as we walked down one of the several hallways in the building, "Oh really? Care to elaborate on that at all?" To be honest, I had been looking for an opportunity to bitch about Lars for a long time. Now that Kirk had just given me that opportunity, there was no going back now!

"He talks to James about how he should break up with me or abandon me somewhere along the tour all the time," I started out, letting my anger towards Lars out. "He's always talking about how I'm such a distraction and another mouth to feed. He hated me from the beginning even though I never even did anything to him. I don't get what his problem is."

Kirk nodded thoughtfully as we turned the corner of the hallway. Once we turned the corner, Kirk said, "No offense or anything, but you don't really seem like James' type. You told me before that you were his girlfriend, right?" Kirk's words shocked me so much that I stopped walking. I had always thought that I was "James' type" from the beginning. But maybe I had been wrong?

"Yeah, I'm James' girlfriend," I replied honestly, still rather shocked by Kirk's comment. "What makes you think I'm not his type though?" Kirk, who had stopped walking since I had, shrugged and explained, "I dunno, I guess your personality and James' personality are way different. James is really carefree, boisterous, and a little on the immature side. You, on the other hand, are way different. You're quiet, kind, and really mature for your age since you've been through a lot. Personally, I thought you would've hooked up with a quieter guy. You know, maybe someone sorta like Cliff?"

I liked Cliff a lot, but hadn't really spent any time with him. Besides, the last thing I needed was to get into another web of relationship problems. I had already gotten myself tangled in one with Dave and James. I vowed to myself that I would never let that happen again. I merely shrugged in response to Kirk's statement and replied, "Opposites attract I guess."

Kirk gave me a little smile and nodded. Suddenly, we stopped at a bathroom at the end of the hallway. Kirk gave me a sideways glance and asked, "You don't happen to know if they have showers here, do they?" I shook my head. Poor Kirk. He obviously was going to have a lot to get used to now that he was traveling around with the Metallica guys.

Kirk knocked on the bathroom door. When nobody answered, Kirk pulled the door open and stepped instead. Unsure of what to do, I stood wavering on the opposite side of the door. Looking over at me, Kirk said, "You can come in if you want. I'm just gonna wash my hair in the sink here since there aren't any showers."

I gave Kirk an incredulous glance, but stepped inside the bathroom as well as he started to wash his hair in the bathroom sink. Suddenly, Kirk gave a little yelp and then gave me a sheepish look, "Wow, this water is really cold! It feels like I just stuck my head in a bucket of ice!" I couldn't help but laugh as Kirk attempted washing his hair in the bathroom sink. After about five minutes, Kirk decided he had had enough. Making a face, he tried to squeeze the water out of his hair with his hands as he stood back up and said, "We definitely need to find some place to stay with showers as soon as we're on the tour!"

"I agree!" I replied vigorously as the two of us stepped back out of the bathroom and started down the hallway again. As we walked along, I could see Kirk giving me a sideways glance again. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he was either too shy or too nervous to say it. Kirk was way different than any of the other guys. If one of them had something to say, they would just spit it out without thinking about the consequences of their words on the others.

Finally, Kirk decided to say whatever it was he wanted to say. Giving me that sideways look again, he asked apprehensively, "Um...Olivia? Can I ask you something kind of personal?" Glad that Kirk was finally saying whatever it was that he had wanted to say, I shook my head and replied, "I don't mind. You can ask me whatever you want, Kirk."

Still looking nervous, Kirk looked at the floor and mumbled, "Well, um, you know that pregnancy tester thing I found behind that box in the storage room yesterday? Well, I was...uh...kind of wondering..." Kirk trailed off, but I knew what he was going to say. I went ahead and finished the sentence for him, "You're wondering if I'm pregnant, right?" Kirk paused and then nodded sheepishly.

"The test came out positive," I admitted, not meeting Kirk's eyes. For some reason, I felt like it was shameful to be pregnant at my age. "However, those tests aren't always accurate. I mean, it might've messed up or something. After all, I was taking birth control so this really shouldn't have happened." I was about to say something more, then decided I had probably ended up giving Kirk a little too much information. I didn't want him to think I was a pregnant teenage freak.

"Yeah, the tests aren't always right," Kirk agreed in a reassuring voice, "Um, I hope you don't mind me asking this, but who's the dad?" Feeling a little weird about calling James a future dad, I answered, "James." Kirk's eyebrows shot up and were hidden under the locks of wet hair dangling around his forehead. With wide eyes he abandoned his caution and burst out, "Oh god, does James know? I mean, does he know that you're pregnant that is?"

Looking at the floor, I shook my head. In a quiet voice, I muttered, "Not yet. I was going to tell him last night, but he was too busy getting drunk or whatever and he was in a bad mood earlier. He knew I had bought the pregnancy kit though, so he knows that me being pregnant is an option. Still, I haven't told him that the test came out positive yet."

Kirk nodded sympathetically, "I don't blame you. James seems a little unpredictable. Olivia? Don't you think you should go to the doctor or something to confirm that you're pregnant?" Kirk was right; I probably should go to the doctor. Unfortunately, three things were keeping me from doing that. First of all, James and I didn't have the money to spend on a visit to the doctor's office. Second of all, I had a severe phobia of doctors. They always ended up freaking me out. That was why I had been in such a hurry to leave the hospital after Dave had brought me there after he had found me raped by Ray. Thirdly, I honestly didn't want the pregnancy confirmed. As long as I didn't go to the doctor, I could still cling to the hope that maybe I wasn't pregnant after all. I knew it was rather pathetic of me to think this way, but I was still holding on to that thin strand of luck that maybe I wouldn't be pregnant.

Deciding that Kirk didn't need to know all these different reasons for my pregnancy, I decided just to list one of the reasons instead, "I don't have the money to afford a visit to the doctor's office. Besides, I don't really like doctors anyway." Kirk frowned at my response and looked unsettled. Jamming his hands in the pockets of his black pants, he said, "I really think you should go though, Olivia. Besides, Lars has money. He paid for me to travel all the way here to New York. Why don't you just ask Lars to-"

I cut off Kirk's sentence with my own, "Nah, I'm not asking Lars for money. He hates me, remember?" There was really just no fucking way I was going to ask Lars for anything. After all, by asking him for money, I would just be proving his whole point of me being a hassle to the band anyways. I didn't want to grant him that satisfaction.

Kirk, however, wasn't ready to give up the fight just yet, "I know you don't like Lars and maybe he doesn't like you all that much either, but this is kind of an unusual circumstance. I'm sure he wouldn't mind just this one time." By now, Kirk and I had reached the door to the storage room again. It was light outside and we figured that the others would be getting up soon.

"I'm sure Lars would indeed mind," I contradicted Kirk, frowning at the thought of Lars laughing at me while I begged him for money. Reaching out to put my hand on the door to the storage room, I turned back to Kirk and asked, "You aren't going to tell anyone about this, right? It's kind of personal and I don't need Lars to know about it."

"Don't worry, I won't tell," Kirk reassured me. Then he put a gentle hand on my shoulder to get my full attention. I looked away from the door and peered at Kirk. He was looking at me with anxious, dark eyes framed by his wet locks of hair, "Just make sure you take care of yourself, okay? I'd really hate to see anything happen to you."

Glad to know that someone cared out there, I gave Kirk my first smile all day and nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine." With that, I opened the door quietly to the storage room in case the guys were still sleeping. Stepping into the room, Kirk and I could see that Lars and James were already up. As usual, Cliff was still lying on his back deep in sleep.

"Ah, there you are, Kirk!" Lars said as soon as we stepped through the door. "I've been looking for you all morning. Can you come over here a second? I want to show you some last minute changes we made to 'Whiplash'. We're recording it later this afternoon, so it's imperative we get this right this morning before the recording."

Kirk nodded and gave me a last smile before picking his away around the cluttered floor to where Lars was waving him over. As soon as Kirk was gone, I went over and sat in my usual corner. Looking over at James, I caught his eye and gave him a meaningful look. I prayed that he would've given up his games from last night and was going to be the normal, comforting James I needed right now. James gave me a disgruntled look, but nevertheless stood up and tromped over to where I was sitting.

He flopped down on the floor next to me. We sat in silence for a few moments, neither of us daring to look at each other. I was kind of scared to tell my news to James and he certainly wasn't making this any easier for either of us while he had this attitude problem going. Finally, I got up my nerve and told James, "I want to talk to you."

James finally gave me a cold look and raised an eyebrow in mock surprise, "Oh really? Are you sure it isn't Mr. Hammett you want to talk to instead?" Sighing, I decided to just get this over with. Not looking into James' eyes, I shook my head and responded, "No, James, I don't want to talk to Kirk right now. I'm not having Kirk's baby."