Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo

2nd Dudes 7

by shadesmaclean 0 reviews

More Ninjas Than Thou Canst Stuff Into an Airport

Category: Humor - Rating: R - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2010-10-19 - Updated: 2010-10-19 - 609 words - Complete

And the Dudes didst take off for Parts Unknown.

They came upon an Airport, so they didst decide to take a flight.

And whilst debating which of the impossibly slow airlines to choose, they didst come upon the Sixth Annual Airport Ninja Convention.

And all the colors were there: the traditional blue, black, thothe thilly purple ninjath, the white of the accomplished shinobi, grey, red, and the infamous green ninjas; ’twas a full house.

‘More ninjas than thou canst stuff into an airport…’ Scoot gasped.

‘How couldst so many of them have been here without our knowing?’ quoth Yoco.

‘They art indeed sneaky little bastards,’ quoth Nori, for she had heard of the evil Airport Ninjas, and they were the worst kind.

‘In my day,’ quoth Myles the Unbeliever, ‘the most we had to worry about were those darn Hare Krishnas.’

‘Myles, my friend,’ quoth Scoot, ‘Airports have changed a lot since then, man.’

‘We shouldst run,’ quoth Adria.

‘We shouldst hide,’ quoth Yoco.

‘We shouldst kick their sorry asses!’ quoth Dirty Uncle Orty.

‘Fuck the bullshit!’ quoth Scoot, and he didst power up. ‘ ’Tis time to throw down!’

‘Damn straight!’ quoth Nori, ‘now thou’rt talkin’!’

Hans was about to run away, when he said, ‘Wait a minute! What am I afraid of? Did the Gods of Hondo not make me immortal? Perhaps there is a good side to being the Sacrificial Goat after all!’

And the God of Odnoh didst appear before them as a flaming (hee hee) trashcan, and said unto him: ‘No! there is no good side to being the Sacrificial Goat! Thou art mistaken! Oh, and RJ, thou hast been a good boy, so thou hast been promoted once again. Thou’rt now the Cardinal of Hondo.’

And then he didst vanish again.

‘Wait!’ quoth Jennifer, ‘Art thou not going to help us?’

‘Dammit!’ quoth Yoco, ‘thou didst not even giveth me a chance to outdo him!’

‘Thou taketh the thousand on the left!’ quoth Dirty Uncle Orty, ‘I shall take the thousand on the right!’

Official Rules/ No Purchase Necessary to Win:

Sweepstakes is sponsored by a number of different presentations, and shalt award the following prizes:

One First Prize of $50,000, or 20 micrograms, shalt be awarded;

One Second Prize of $25,000, or 100 micrograms, shalt be awarded;

And five Third Prizes of $5000, or a swift kick to the pants, shalt be awarded.

Entries shalt be received no later than December 31, 1842. Mechanically reproduced entries art forbidden.

Offer void in Florida, and wherever hand-counted.

‘How the hell did we beat up all those ninjas?’ quoth Yoco, as he looked at the ninjas lying in heaps.

‘One ninja at a time, Yoco…’ quoth Scoot. ‘One ninja at a time.’

‘I got three of ’em at once!’ quoth Casey.

‘Oh, get over thyself!’ quoth Nori.

‘ ’Twas a good thing I’ve been taking my Vitamin X!’

‘And using a lot of healing potions!’ quoth Nori.

‘Scoot,’ quoth Yoco, ‘why dost thou only carry a staff to fight? What if thy enemy hast a sword?’

For Yoco had taken from one of the Green Ninjas the legendary Katana known as the Edge, which increaseth thy stealth and evasion, and he didst hold it high over his head and gloat, in accordance with the Thirty-Seventh Commandment.

And Scoot didst kick the Edge out of Yoco’s hand and caught it, pointing it at him, saying, ‘Let him carry it for me.’

‘Thou must teach me how thou doeth that,’ quoth Yoco.

‘Thank ye, mighty Gods of Hondo!’ quoth RJ. ‘Thank’ee for delivering us from our enemies!’

‘Suck-up!’ quoth Yoco. ‘Let us just skip the rest of this chapter, shall we?’
Sign up to rate and review this story