Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > This is the Best Day Ever

Chapter 9

by MyChemicalSecret 7 reviews

Everything just might be... okay.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Humor,Romance - Published: 2010-10-21 - Updated: 2010-10-21 - 5134 words

I'm thinking of a man with fiery red hair and a yellow clown mask, with razor sharp looks and stares that cut. He's ripping down the desert in a Trans Am with a pill on his back, shooting demons with a laser gun singing nananananana. This man is a superhero, who's gonna save the world and I can't even look away.

Frank didn't meet his friends to walk home that Wednesday. He had disappeared some time during the end of homeroom, claiming he had to use the toilet, but never came back. When he called Gerard and asked him if he'd meet him at the cemetery, there was no trace of a smile in his voice (Very unusual). Gerard was only a bit worried.

The rusting gate groaned in complaint when Gerard gently swung it open; not helping its overall appearance in the slightest. The boy scanned the area for his friend, not surprised when he found him sitting among the daisies. Frank was slouched over, which only worried Gerard more, not looking up as he approached. "Hey" Gerard greeted carefully. Frank finally raised his head, not meeting Gerard's gaze. His right eye was a dark purple and his lip swollen, dipping drastically and hugging the area where his piercing suddenly became tight. There was also the faint remains of a path of blood crookedly painted onto his chin. Yeah, Gerard was only a bit worried.

"How....." It came out not like a whine, but just as pathetic.

"Jake." Frank muttered, patting the spot next to him. Gerard sat down and rubbed his temples.

"Frank.... fuck ....I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything."

"I...but..." Gerard sighed "When did this happen?"

"You know during homeroom when I went to the bathroom?" his brow crinkled as he tugged on his lip ring. "Yeah, well, I was about to come back but he came in."

The older boy swallowed the lump that unexpectedly formed in his throat. "Does it hurt?"

".... I guess not. I mean... the only thing that really hurt was what he said, like, the words he used." Frank ran his fingers through his hair. "He was, like, shoving me against the wall and calling me faggot and stuff. What bothers me the most though, is that no matter how many times I hear those words or convince myself that Jake is just a fucking dick, they always hurt. They always fucking hurt."

Gerard sighed and refrained from apologizing again.

"Fuck." Frank shook his head angrily. "Every. Single. Fucking. Time. It's like someone's using my pride and self-esteem and heart like a fucking punching bag or something. Compared to my heart, my eye is fucking peachy."

Gerard watched him as he began to rip apart an innocent flower; tearing it to pieces and watching the jagged remains sail to the ground. For some reason, it surprised him that they made no sound. This is so fucking messed up

"C-can I see?" he asked hesitantly.

Frank nodded, still not making eye contact. Gerard gently pushed Frank's bangs behind his ear and winced at the damage. The area around his eye was slightly swollen. There were different shades of purple blending and dancing together on Frank's socket; colours that would usually be admired looking like catastrophe.

"I'm gonna kill him." Gerard suddenly growled. Frank snapped his eyes up at him. The look of sadness and guilt that was once there was replaced by pure anger; swirling in Gerard's expression with such fury, Frank was sure his friend wasn't kidding. He had never seen Gerard like this before, and he sure as fuck never wanted to see him like this again.

"No." Frank reached up and placed his hand over Gerard's, griping it slightly. "You know he's not worth it."

Gerard didn't say anything. He stared back at Frank, at his sad hazel eyes. What human being would ever want to hurt someone as beautiful as this? Even after doing a number on him, Frank was practically protecting Jake. In his opinion, Frank was too forgiving.

"I don’t get it... why would he want to hurt you? What does he get out of it?"

Frank swallowed and let go of Gerard's hand, wiping at his eye. "I dunno. He's angry or sad or both."

"But..." Gerard stuttered "Why does he hate everybody so much?"

"Maybe it's because we don't. Somebody has to." Frank breathed in deeply. "He can hate everyone enough for the two of us, okay?" He eased out a smile, sick of the mood he had created.

Gerard immediately returned it. "Okay." He lay down on the cushy grass, still looking at Frank's eye. He felt as if he was to blame, despite knowing that there was no way he could've known that this would happen. Just watching Frank, the way he looked right now, staring at the ground and looking so lost, almost made the anger come back. He swallowed it. "Frank… I'm sorry."

Frank raised an eyebrow. "Didn't I say that you didn't do anything?"

"But I said I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"You can't always look out for me, Gerard. What are you gonna do? Follow me everywhere and guard me all the time?" He joked, rolling his eyes at the thought (At the same time, secretly thinking that he wouldn't mind).

".......Would you let me?"

Frank's heart began to wildly beat against his ribcage. He locked eyes with Gerard, a surprised look etched on his face, as he replayed his friend's words over and over again. He smiled sadly and lay down next to Gerard, squeezing his hand. "I just want you to me happy." Gerard whispered. Frank was beginning to think that this boy was too perfect.

Frank laced their fingers together. He wanted so badly just to kiss him. Just once. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't because that would ruin everything. Instead, he inched closer to his friend, never untangling their fingers and resting his head in the nape of Gerard's neck.

"Is this okay?" His breath tickled Gerard's skin.

The older boy nodded and wrapped his armed around Frank's body. "This will always be okay."

With Gerard all around him, Frank felt as if the world could end, and he wouldn't even die. He was like a superhero, deflecting Jake and his punches and words and sneers without even trying. He felt safe.

"And someday." Gerard murmured. "We're going to be okay too."


It was 9:00 am on Saturday, too early, in Frank’s opinion to be walking to Gerard's house (though the fact that it was Gerard made it much, much better). He was still confused from the phone conversation that they had last night. Gerard had called him up asking to spend the day with just him. He also requested that he wore something old that he didn't care about. Apparently, his parents went to go visit relatives out of town and would be back Monday. With Mikey planning to also go out, they would have the house to themselves for a bit of the day. Other than that, and the time, he gave him zero information about what they were doing. But seriously; an entire day? With Gerard? And alone in his house? How could Frank say no?

"Didn’t I say to wear old clothes?"

Frank looked over his outfit; a gigantic black and white striped t-shirt (size large… well… gigantic on him ) and a pair of skin tight skinny jeans. "These are old!" he argued. "Look." He untucked his shirt, which fell to his knees. "This shirt is from before my dad lost weight and these jeans are from a few years ago and are really tight."

Frank + tight jeans = a no no for Gerard's sanity. He raised his eyebrow. "Can you breathe?"

"Just barely." Frank chirped with a smile.

“And that’s what counts. Now c’mon in.” As he closed the door, he glanced as Frank made his way the kitchen. Yeah, those jeans weren’t good for Gerard’s health at all. Joining Frank, he began rooting through the fridge. Frank started jumping up and down excitedly, asking over and over again what the hell they were going to do.

“It’s a surprise, so stop asking.” Gerard laughed “Do you want anything?”

“I want to know what we’re going to do.”

Insert eye roll. “I’m talking about food, Frankie.”

Frank pouted; something that would have been exasperatingly annoying on anyone else. “No.”

“C’mon, what kind of Italian would I be if I didn’t give you anything? How ‘bout water?”



“Nuh uh.”

“Pop Tart?”

“…….. What flavour?”

Gerard smiled, “Strawberry.”

Frank sighed dramatically, “FINE. If I must.”

As Gerard stuck two Pop Tarts in the toaster, Frank noticed a bright pink sticky note attached to it.

“ ‘Do NOT let Mikey use toaster’?” he read out loud. “The fuck?”

“Oh, that?” Gerard shrugged. “He stuck a fork in it once and almost killed himself, so now he’s not allowed to use it.” He just got a stare in return. “Never mind. On the topic of toasters, let me see your eye.”

“What? That doesn’t even ma-”

“I know, I know. Jeez. It made sense at the time. Just lemme see it.”

Stepping forward, Frank muttered, “You’re weird” earning a poke from his friend. As Gerard inspected it, he made little sounds, nodding his head every so often while pretending to curl an invisible moustache. “See? Weird.”

Gerard ignored him. “Well, the swelling went down in both your eye and lip. Your lip looks almost normal except for a cut, but your eye’s still shitty.”

“Thank you, Doctor Gerard.” The toaster popped. Gerard grabbed the tarts, wrapping each in a napkin and handed one to Frank, who just stared at it. “Are you gonna show me the surprise when we’re done these?” When Gerard nodded, he immediately started scarfing down his treat. After about 20 seconds, the tart was gone and it was Gerard’s turn to stare.

“And you say I’M weird.”

“Hurreeh uhh aaah eeeh ett!!” Frank sputtered, a rainbow glob visible in his mouth.

“Ewww. What?”

He swallowed. “Hurry up and eat it!” A took Gerard’s Pop Tart and shoved it in the boy’s mouth. With a full mouth, he glared at Frank.

“Cuhh oohhnn.” He motioned upstairs with his hands, and started towards the stairs. Frank squealed and happily followed him up the steps, down the hall and to the washroom, where there was a chair set up with its back to the sink. Frank took everything in, trying to piece all of it together.

“So… you’re” He pointed at Gerard “… trying to give me” he pointed to himself, then to the chair “…….. a lap dance in the washroom.” He smiled proudly at his amazing detective skills.

Gerard slapped his forehead. “No. I need you to help me dye my hair.”

Frank’s eyes widened. “NOOOO!!! DON”T!!” He started petting and stroking Gerard’s head. “Your hair is too pretty!”

“Oh my God, Frankie. It’s gonna grow back. Calm down.”

“But, I love your hair.” Frank pouted sadly.

“Well, you’re gonna love it even more when it’s bright red.” Gerard smiled. Frank perked up a bit at that, and then started laughing uncontrollably. “What?”

“You’re gonna look like Ronald McDonald!!!!” He wheezed out between giggles.

“I will not!! I’m gonna look fucking badass.”

“We’ll see…” Gerard placed a pair of gloves in his hands, setting out the dye and bleach. “Wait… so, by helping you dye your hair, you mean you sit back while Frankie does it?”

“Yep.” The older boy said with a smirk.

The other’s face fell. “You suck. But because I pity your suckiness, I’ll help you.”

Gerard leaned back and Frank began washing his hair, messaging the warm water into Gerard’s scalp and getting rid of the knots with his fingers. Gerard thought about saying something, but didn’t want to make it awkward by saying something creepy like, “Man, that feels fantasmarastic!”

“I think I’m gonna cry.” Frank moped. Gerard rolled his eyes. How could a guy be so damn dramatic about hair that wasn’t even his?! Just to confirm his thoughts, before Frank started with the bleach he stopped and put his hand over his heart. “We gather here today to celebrate the life of Gerard Way’s hair. It was beautiful hair; soft to the touch and always fashionably messy. I remember the days-”

Frank.” Gerard cut him off. “Just do it.”

The younger boy whined and began splashing the bleach carefully onto Gerard’s head, pretending to cry as he made sure to get Gerard’s hairline. The older boy told him to shut up multiple times, but Frank still kept whimpering as he washed all the colour out of his favourite head of hair, and watched it slip down the drain. He may be stubborn, but watching Frank pull and play with his lip ring in concentration gave Gerard something to sneak glances at.

“This is heart breaking.” Frank sniffed as Gerard dried himself with a towel.

“Yeah, yeah. It makes me weep.” He handed Frank the dye. “You’ll survive.”

“Hardly!” the younger boy cried, then started on mixing the chemicals together. He poured all the smelly substances into the squeeze bottle, shaking it vigorously to create a nasty concoction of red-ish goo. He scrunched up his face at what he made and how it reminded him vaguely reminded him of his grandmother’s cooking. “Uhhh… ready?”

Gerard looked at him. “I should be asking you that!”

“I think I’ll scrape by.” Frank got Gerard to sit up and began squeezing the goo onto his friend’s head. “This looks gross.” He whined.

Gerard rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day. “Then don’t think about it.”

“I can’t not think about it! I’m touching it and working with it, so it’s kinda hard!” Frank scrunched his eyes shut in realization to what he just said. Gerard just laughed.

“That’s what she said!”

“Oh, grow up!” Frank huffed.

“I’ll keep your mind off of it.” Gerard chuckled, “ So, how are things?”


“At least TRY, Frank.”

“Okay, okay…. Things are fine.”

“How are the parents?”

“They’re okay. I mean… well… Dad’s kind of…” He trailed off, creasing his brow while concentrating on getting the back of Gerard’s neck.

“What about him?” the older boy asked.

“He got demoted, or whatever it’s called, to a smaller position at work, so he’s been kind of down. He’s jumping to conclusions that he’s going to lose his job.”

“Jeez… That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Frank sighed. “Another weird thing… he’s been… like, staring at me lately. Well, not really staring, but kind of looking at me a bit more.”

Gerard looked alarmed. “Uhhh… what?”

“I’ve just been catching him watching me lately. It’s getting weird.” He massaged behind Gerard’s ear. “It started on Wednesday, like, when I told them about my eye. Just so you know, I said that we were playing dodge ball in gym, and that I got hit.”

“Urrmm… okay… did you talk to either of them about the whole staring thing?”

“No way! I can’t talk to him! He’s been so on edge lately that I’m scared he’d yell at me. And Mom? She’ll just blame it on work.”

“God…” Gerard shook his head, making Frank draw a thick streak of crimson on his forehead. “That’s crazy. I hope things get better, though.”

“Yeah.” Frank muttered. “Me too…. Okay…. I think I’m done.” He peeled the now red gloves off his hands, shuddering at the sensation of the cold air against his clammy skin.

Gerard took the box off the counter and read the instructions over again. “Hmm… It says to leave it in for 15 minutes.” He looked up at Frank. “You can go downstairs if you want, but you can’t stay here.”

Frank frowned, “What? Why not?”

“Because I’m gonna make my hair all awesome, so it’s gonna be a surprise. Now get out before I draw on your shirt.”

Frank stomped his foot and crossed his arms, a stance that was popular amongst three-year-olds. “No. I never like your surprises.”

The older boy shrugged and lifted his hands to his head. He made sure to coat his palms thoroughly before pressing them against Frank’s shirt.

“Jesus!” Frank pushed him away and glared at him. “FINE.”

Gerard stuck his tongue out playfully before closing the door in Frank’s face, the lock closing with a satisfying ‘click’ soon after.

“FINE!” Frank shouted again at the door. “I’ll just go mess up your room, then!”

“Do whatever the hell you like.” Came from inside.

Frank stomped down the stairs to Gerard’s room in a huff. Stupid Gerard and his stupid hair with his stupid face. For revenge, he decided that jumping on Gerard’s bed, would work fine. How it was revenge? Even Frank had no idea. When he decided that just messing up the sheets wasn’t helping, he lay down and glared up at the ceiling. Looking down at his shirt, he realized how visible the long red hand prints were against the material. He remembered the nice feeling of Gerard’s cool touch as he laid his hand over top of the print, overcome with the urge to rush up to the washroom and break the door down just to feel it again. Frank buried his face into Gerard’s pillow in frustration. He started to madly blush when he realize that it smelled like daisies and boy and just plain old Gerard. He felt kind of creepy, so he decided to distract himself by looking at the bedroom walls.

There weren’t just drawings taped up, but lyrics and poems too, each labeled with titles and composers. In a far corner were tons and tons of sticky notes, each with its own little blurb printed out in neat, bold permanent markered letters. Little things like “Think happy thoughts”, “Like ghosts in the snow” and “Oh, how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying.” lined the wall like a shield, contrasting the light yellow of the sticky notes against the sweet blue of the surface.

After admiring dozens and dozens of pencil, paint and pastel drawings, he started making his way around the large wood desk, something in particular catching his eye. Among the black and white of the papers strewn about the work surface, was a sudden splash of bright colours on a notebook that was buried under a pile of math worksheets. He pulled out the notebook and immediately recognized the hill that was dotted with little white flowers on the page. The sky was splashed onto the page in a solid light blue; rays of light breaking through in steady streams out of the clouds that surrounded the sun like whipped cream.

Beside the doodle was a scribbled mess of words; parts added to, moved around and taken out of what looked to be some sort of poem. The writing was barely legible, letters meshing together to create weird shapes that should look like coherent words, some stringed together in what appeared to be an attempt to write quickly. At the top of the page, Frank could make out the words “Infinite - a poem for a boy.” He knew that curiosity killed the cat, but Frank doesn’t remember ever having ears and a tail, so he started to read, albeit feeling a bit guilty.

We run and
The ground compresses beneath our feet.
And the light bounces off holes in your skin and
Stretches over your bones.
The wind is strong but
Nothing can ruin this.

So smile for me.
Even if you had no reason to smile before.
Even if you have no reason to smile right now.
Because this has gotta last.
Even if it’s not forever.
But, sometimes, everything is infinite.

Your eyes shine through hollow lids.
And hair whips at your face.
And it’s so hard not to grin.
And it’s even harder not to get swallowed in contagious laughter.
In this moment,
Where I wish we were stuck,
All your hurt has been evaporated.
Let’s take away the pain,
The tears,
The loneliness and
Empty space.

Do you know how much I care?
Is it wrong that I care so much?
But isn’t it even more wrong not to?

What would you say if I asked for us to stand on our heads so we can turn this upside down world around?
What would you stay if I told you that I never want you out of my reach?
And what would you say if I told you I never want to see you cry again?
What if I never wanted to let you go?

And I’ve got the world in my grasp.
As cars and buildings crunch in my fist.
I’ve got the world in my grasp.
As oceans seep through my fingers.
I may have the world,
but you’re running ahead of me
with the ground beneath your feet,
the wind fighting against you,
smiling back at me,
light reflecting off the holes in your skin
and into my eyes.
And as you beam at me,
It’s getting harder not to beam back.
But maybe…
Even if it’s just for now,
Or even forever,
That just might be okay.

Jesus Christ…….. Frank stared at the sheet of paper. He knew the poem was about him. It couldn’t possibly be about anyone else, could it? The boy suddenly broke out into a ginormous smile that took over his entire face at the thought and started dancing in dorkiest way around the room. Gerard Way, the most amazing person to ever walk the earth, wrote a poem for him? Frank stopped himself when he realized that Gerard couldn’t know that he’d seen it. What if it really wasn’t for him? Besides, if he did tell him, it would just end with Frank’s lips on his… that wouldn’t be very good.

Frank read the poem again, and then a third time, and suddenly realized that there was a bit more squished at the bottom in miniscule writing. Black eyes and split lips. Broken bones and a heart that’s even more shattered. Maybe I can make it all go away. Everything I do, everything is for you. JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTTHISBOY. Frank had to force himself not to burst out into tears, like the hormonal teenage girl he was. Instead, he took a couple deep breaths and placed the notebook where he found it. He rushed up the stairs, a new burst of excitement suddenly flowing through his veins, to see if his friend was finally done.

As Frank approached the bathroom, he heard a song flowing through the door. For a second he wondered if Gerard had turned on the radio, when he realized that it was Gerard himself. Pressing his ear against the wood, he could make out Gerard singing the melody. His voice was gentle and angelic yet at the same time rough around the edges, mixing together syllables and pronouncing certain sounds in such a way that made it hard to not stop and listen. Gerard’s voice was the most beautiful Frank had ever heard.

Frank had been listening for what felt like hours, when suddenly, without warning, the bathroom door swung open and he found himself face to face with a pair of socks. The socks were attached to a pair of thin legs, which were to connected to a lean torso and that just happened to have, to Frank’s bad luck, Gerard’s neck and head stuck on the top. He was looking down at Frank, raising both his eyebrows, a weird expression plastered to his face.

“Ermmm….” Frank mumbled then scrambled to get up. He flushed a red that was almost as bright as Gerard’s hair…. Wait… ohgodGerard’shair. He had cut it so that the sides were really short and choppy, but left the top long. He had it parted to the left, letting it tumble down and frame the side of his face, accentuating his already amazing features and contrasting with his pale skin. Frank gulped. Gerard looked…………… sexy.

Frank opened his mouth, but he just gurgled out something like, “Flrgghhmmnndduuuhh…” Well, it was a start.

“Does that mean you like it?” Gerard giggled. Frank suddenly tangled his fingers into Gerard’s new mop, taking them both by surprise and making them both flush an embarrassing pink.

“It’s still soft.” The younger boy said shyly with a smile. “I love it. And yes, it does make you look pretty bad ass.” Gerard beamed proudly, as if he just won first prize at the science fair. From downstairs, they heard the door unlock and open.


Frank shook his head, but smiled, and stared going downstairs. “Mikey, no one is having sex.”

“I bet you were.” The younger Way scoffed, then he got distracted. “Oooh! You look cute!” He scooped Frank up into his arms, bridal style, and spun him around in circles

“Stop molesting my friends!” Gerard frowned.

Mikey’s jaw dropped (also dropping Frank with a loud and painful THUD) as soon as he saw his brother. His expression was fixed for a good minute until he let out a huffy breath and scowled. “Gerard! No fair! I wanna dye my hair to!”

His brother smirked, sticking his tongue out and shaking his ass in a way that was supposed to mock Mikey, but just ended up looking ridiculous. “Too bad, so sad.”

“Why are you allowed and I’m not?”

“Hey there, I’m not allowed either. Do you seriously think that Mom and Dad know?” This only made Mikey grumpier.

“Stupid Gerard…” He grumbled, the scowl still stuck to his face. “I’m going to go finish my English essay. You two better not fuck or anything. I don’t need to know what sound my own brother makes when he arrives. ‘Kaythanksbye!!” He ran up the stairs giggling before Gerard had time to lunge at him.

“I’m beginning to think that Mikey likes to imagine us getting it on.” Frank observed, rubbing his butt. It still hurt from when Mikey dropped him.

“He likes to imagine EVERYTHING getting it on. I swear to God he gets turned on by two squirrels.” The two grimaced at the thought.

“Urrg. Let’s stop talking about Mikey being horny, please.”

“Ick. Yeah.”

The two went to Gerard’s room, Gerard immediately seeing the state his bed was in. “What did you do?”

Frank smiled widely, “I jumped on it.”

“………………Was it fun?”

The younger boy nodded. Gerard flung himself at the mattress and began jumping in thunking, graceless hops, with Frank joining in right after.

About a minute went by, and from all the way upstairs, they could faintly hear Mikey scream, “OH MY GOD I SAID NO SEX!”

The boys looked at each other grinning for a second until Frank let out a hideously fake moan. Gerard held back his laughter in surprise.


It was so sarcastic and unrealistic; Gerard couldn’t help but join in.



“Okay,” Gerard suddenly whispered, “On the count of three, we come. One… two… three!”



The boys fell silent, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly a strangled “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…….” came from upstairs, and they fell into hysterics, laughing into the mattress and gasping for air. They eventually controlled their fits, laying side by side with evidence of insanity still apparent in their expressions.

Frank laid his head on Gerard’s shoulder. For some reason feeling the need to whisper, he quietly said, “Gerard?”

“Hmm?” He turned to face Frank, only to be met by the boy’s hair.

“Sing for me?”

Gerard sighed into Frank’s scalp.


“…….. You heard me?” Frank just nodded.

“Please, Gerard.” He looked up to meet the older boy’s gaze; the look in Frank’s eyes immediately made Gerard cave. He had the feeling that he would never be able to reject Frank. He sighed, knowing that he didn’t need to be asked twice.

“What do you want me to sing?”

“The song you were singing before.”

Gerard sighed for a third time and breathed in.

I can't stop, I can't breathe, I can't think
I'm in love again
I don't need, I don't eat, I don't sleep
I'm in love again

Ooh, and every time I heard you breathe
I sighed
Ooh, and every time I saw you bleed
I cried
Love is like a song
And if you sing
If you ever need me
I'll be there, in a while

Can't stop, can't breathe, can't think
I'm in love again
I don't need, I don't eat, I don't sleep
I'm in love again

Ooh, and every time that I'm with you
I'm alive
Ooh, and every time I think of you
There's a light
And I felt it, too

In my heart is a spring
Is a well, if you need
If you drink, if you heal
Then I’m leaving
Every little part of me as a part of you

I can't stop, I can't breathe, I can't think
I'm in love again
I don't need, I don't eat, I don't sleep
I'm in love again
I can't stop, I can't breathe, I can't think
I'm in love again
I don't need, I don't eat, I don't sleep
I'm in love again
The boy, the boy's in love
The boy, the boy's in love
The boy, the boy's in love
The boy, the boy's in love

The last note vibrated against the side of Frank’s head, echoing within his skull like a hallway. He could’ve started crying, but he didn’t. Instead, he laced his fingers with Gerard’s and held on like he needed it, because really, he did. The feeling of vibrations flashed in what felt like bright colours against his skin as the boy with the bright red hair squeezed his hand back as if he really needed it too.
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