Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > They Say Quitters Never Win
"Daddy, what awe we doing?"
The impatient toddler began squirming in my lap, dressed in khaki shorts and a Spongebob shirt with a black hoodie. Bronx hopped down to the ground and looked at me with an annoyed expression. We were currently sitting on a bench outside of the local grocery store, awaiting the arrival of Avery. It had already been fifteen minutes and I felt like the dumbest person on the planet. She stood me up. I couldn't exactly blame her. I sounded like an idiot on the phone with her, and she probably was so embarrassed by me that she couldn't even bring herself to show up.
"I told you, we're waiting for someone."
"Well, where awe they?" Bronx asked, clearing growing more impatient by the minute. It almost made me laugh.
I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't have an answer, because I was wondering the same myself. Although, I pretty much chalked her absence up to the fact that she thought I was an idiot and wanted nothing more to do with me. I sighed and stood up, reaching out for Bronx's hand, go enter the store. I did still have some shopping to do. I just won't know how to go about any of it.
Suddenly, a small woman, clad in blue scrubs, came rushing up to us in a frantic pace. As she approached us, I learned this woman was Avery, who looked tired and worn down by a hectic work day. I felt terrible for dragging her out here to help me with my groceries, especially since my motives behind it were completely pure. I didn't intend on even getting to know her, much less asking her for a real date. After thinking about it more thoroughly, this woman was getting absolutely nothing out of helping me.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry that I'm late. There was an emergency at the hospital and..." Avery sputtered out, as I stopped paying attention to what she was saying to examine her physical features. She had a small frame, with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her skin was painted a pale olive, with faded freckles scattered across her nose. Her green eyes shimmered behind a pair of rectangular glasses, with makeup surrounding her eyes. But I thought she was too naturally pretty for any makeup. It reminded me of all those times I'd tell Ashlee the same thing.
"What are you doing?" I asked her, walking into our bathroom, catching my wife smear a dark eye shadow over her eyelids, dressed in a tight black dress and heels.
"What do you think?" she smirked in the mirror, without even looking up at me. We were getting dressed for a date to some restaurant that Ashlee had made reservations for. I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, stretching my hands over the small bump on her pregnant stomach. I rested my chin on her shoulder, watching us both in the mirror.
"You don't need any of that makeup. You're beautiful without it." I said, kissing her shoulder and smiling into her neck.
"So does that explain you're whole 'guyliner' phase?" she giggled, turning her body in my direction to pull me by the tie and kiss me. I smiled into the kiss, deepening it and thinking that this is the happiest I've ever been. I was so in love with Ashlee, and so excited for the birth of my first child.
This is my future. She is my future.
I snapped back into reality once Bronx exclaimed, "Hi, I'm Bwonx!" as Avery smiled down to him. I blushed, hoping I hadn't just been staring at her for that long.
"Hi, Bronx. I'm Avery. It's nice to meet you." she greeted back, kneeling down to his size and extending her arm out, as he grasped it and shook it eagerly. He loved when adults were so formal with him.
"Your son is adorable." she gushed, standing back up.
"It's the Wentz charm." I said, hoping she understood that Wentz was our last name. But I quickly regretted saying that once I remembered all the magazine articles with 'WENTZLEE DIVORCE?' scanned across front pages. But Avery didn't seem to flinch or even show a wave of recognition for the name. Either she just didn't know or was too considerate to bring it up, for which I was both grateful.
"Well, shall we?" Avery motioned us toward the automatic doors, while she grabbed a cart and headed inside with us. I picked up Bronx and put him in the seat inside of it, and then pushing it into the aisle Avery was leading us into. The snack aisle. She began opening up a package Chips-A-Hoy! Cookies and placing it in the space next to Bronx. I just stared at her, confused.
"I always eat cookies when I'm out shopping. Don't worry, I do pay for them. I just get so hungry after work." she told me, observing my confused expression. Bronx stared at her as she began eating the cookies.
"You can eat cookies in the stowe?" he asked me, as though he couldn't even believe his eyes.
"As long as you pay for them after you eat them." Avery told him, handing him a cookie. Any other parent would be appalled by this teaching of misbehavior, but I wasn't bothered much by it. Bronx has always known that you weren't supposed to eat in the store, but Avery was suddenly twisting the rules, and he was amazed. Besides, it's not like it was stealing. It was just eating before you paid.
"Cool!" Bronx exclaimed, nibbling on the cookie.
After that, she took the list and began helping me scavenge for the best deals and prices. I wondered if she took my asking her to help with groceries at face value, because she didn't make any teasing comments and didn't seem to touch me in flirtatious ways, like how women acted when they were interested in you. All she did was make me laugh and tell Bronx all these stories about emergencies at the hospital she nursed for. Avery was so animated when she told him those stories, that he was completely drawn in and listening to every word she said. I could tell he really liked her, and if I was being honest with myself, I really liked her too. She was funny and charming and I enjoyed her company. But I couldn't help but pull back. I didn't want any relationships. I didn't want anything but to just mope in my bedroom at night with Ashlee's note. But Patrick was right- I had to get myself together, for Bronx.
Maybe Avery could help, and not just with groceries. Maybe she could cure this disease that Ashlee plagued me with when she left. Maybe she could even cure the infection of who I was even before Ashlee even left. I looked to Avery and all these possibilities fluttered into view, flapping solutions among them.
But could I bring myself to introduce another person into my life? I was too much of a coward. And if anything, I'd just spread my corruption to anyone willing to be apart of my life. Some things are too broken to be fixed. I was merely but bits of pieces of who I once was- discarded into miniscule shreds in a waste basket. But maybe if I just found the right glue- maybe I could be pieced back together and just maybe - I can be whole again.
Maybe.
The impatient toddler began squirming in my lap, dressed in khaki shorts and a Spongebob shirt with a black hoodie. Bronx hopped down to the ground and looked at me with an annoyed expression. We were currently sitting on a bench outside of the local grocery store, awaiting the arrival of Avery. It had already been fifteen minutes and I felt like the dumbest person on the planet. She stood me up. I couldn't exactly blame her. I sounded like an idiot on the phone with her, and she probably was so embarrassed by me that she couldn't even bring herself to show up.
"I told you, we're waiting for someone."
"Well, where awe they?" Bronx asked, clearing growing more impatient by the minute. It almost made me laugh.
I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't have an answer, because I was wondering the same myself. Although, I pretty much chalked her absence up to the fact that she thought I was an idiot and wanted nothing more to do with me. I sighed and stood up, reaching out for Bronx's hand, go enter the store. I did still have some shopping to do. I just won't know how to go about any of it.
Suddenly, a small woman, clad in blue scrubs, came rushing up to us in a frantic pace. As she approached us, I learned this woman was Avery, who looked tired and worn down by a hectic work day. I felt terrible for dragging her out here to help me with my groceries, especially since my motives behind it were completely pure. I didn't intend on even getting to know her, much less asking her for a real date. After thinking about it more thoroughly, this woman was getting absolutely nothing out of helping me.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry that I'm late. There was an emergency at the hospital and..." Avery sputtered out, as I stopped paying attention to what she was saying to examine her physical features. She had a small frame, with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her skin was painted a pale olive, with faded freckles scattered across her nose. Her green eyes shimmered behind a pair of rectangular glasses, with makeup surrounding her eyes. But I thought she was too naturally pretty for any makeup. It reminded me of all those times I'd tell Ashlee the same thing.
"What are you doing?" I asked her, walking into our bathroom, catching my wife smear a dark eye shadow over her eyelids, dressed in a tight black dress and heels.
"What do you think?" she smirked in the mirror, without even looking up at me. We were getting dressed for a date to some restaurant that Ashlee had made reservations for. I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, stretching my hands over the small bump on her pregnant stomach. I rested my chin on her shoulder, watching us both in the mirror.
"You don't need any of that makeup. You're beautiful without it." I said, kissing her shoulder and smiling into her neck.
"So does that explain you're whole 'guyliner' phase?" she giggled, turning her body in my direction to pull me by the tie and kiss me. I smiled into the kiss, deepening it and thinking that this is the happiest I've ever been. I was so in love with Ashlee, and so excited for the birth of my first child.
This is my future. She is my future.
I snapped back into reality once Bronx exclaimed, "Hi, I'm Bwonx!" as Avery smiled down to him. I blushed, hoping I hadn't just been staring at her for that long.
"Hi, Bronx. I'm Avery. It's nice to meet you." she greeted back, kneeling down to his size and extending her arm out, as he grasped it and shook it eagerly. He loved when adults were so formal with him.
"Your son is adorable." she gushed, standing back up.
"It's the Wentz charm." I said, hoping she understood that Wentz was our last name. But I quickly regretted saying that once I remembered all the magazine articles with 'WENTZLEE DIVORCE?' scanned across front pages. But Avery didn't seem to flinch or even show a wave of recognition for the name. Either she just didn't know or was too considerate to bring it up, for which I was both grateful.
"Well, shall we?" Avery motioned us toward the automatic doors, while she grabbed a cart and headed inside with us. I picked up Bronx and put him in the seat inside of it, and then pushing it into the aisle Avery was leading us into. The snack aisle. She began opening up a package Chips-A-Hoy! Cookies and placing it in the space next to Bronx. I just stared at her, confused.
"I always eat cookies when I'm out shopping. Don't worry, I do pay for them. I just get so hungry after work." she told me, observing my confused expression. Bronx stared at her as she began eating the cookies.
"You can eat cookies in the stowe?" he asked me, as though he couldn't even believe his eyes.
"As long as you pay for them after you eat them." Avery told him, handing him a cookie. Any other parent would be appalled by this teaching of misbehavior, but I wasn't bothered much by it. Bronx has always known that you weren't supposed to eat in the store, but Avery was suddenly twisting the rules, and he was amazed. Besides, it's not like it was stealing. It was just eating before you paid.
"Cool!" Bronx exclaimed, nibbling on the cookie.
After that, she took the list and began helping me scavenge for the best deals and prices. I wondered if she took my asking her to help with groceries at face value, because she didn't make any teasing comments and didn't seem to touch me in flirtatious ways, like how women acted when they were interested in you. All she did was make me laugh and tell Bronx all these stories about emergencies at the hospital she nursed for. Avery was so animated when she told him those stories, that he was completely drawn in and listening to every word she said. I could tell he really liked her, and if I was being honest with myself, I really liked her too. She was funny and charming and I enjoyed her company. But I couldn't help but pull back. I didn't want any relationships. I didn't want anything but to just mope in my bedroom at night with Ashlee's note. But Patrick was right- I had to get myself together, for Bronx.
Maybe Avery could help, and not just with groceries. Maybe she could cure this disease that Ashlee plagued me with when she left. Maybe she could even cure the infection of who I was even before Ashlee even left. I looked to Avery and all these possibilities fluttered into view, flapping solutions among them.
But could I bring myself to introduce another person into my life? I was too much of a coward. And if anything, I'd just spread my corruption to anyone willing to be apart of my life. Some things are too broken to be fixed. I was merely but bits of pieces of who I once was- discarded into miniscule shreds in a waste basket. But maybe if I just found the right glue- maybe I could be pieced back together and just maybe - I can be whole again.
Maybe.
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