FicWad

MIKEY: I awoke to a throbbing headache and a feeling of dread. Unable to recall the previous night, I reached for Shane, groping the air needily, hoping he'd be in better form. He was gone! I got up in a flash, sitting up in my very clean room. It had traces of odd smells, smells of Shane and something unfamiliar to me. I twisted around to see his matress was tidied up and left in pristine condition. It made me wonder what the time was, had I slept in so late that he had to go? My head pounded, throbbed away as if I had banged my head, I felt like shit.

I was disappointed either way; I hadn't wished him luck for that audition.
I checked my watch in the nightstand, peering over at it, the morning light stinging my eyes lightly.
It was only 8:30am though. Why'd he go without telling me? I was annoyedas much as I was confused.

"Mikey?" I heard a whisper, far off. It was Gerard at my door. "How was Shane?" Gerard came into my room and hugged the doorframe. Just like Frank does well, did, that time.

"Fine. I think." I muttered, sitting up further against the wall as if jolting up to attention. I pulled the thick duvet around me, tucking it around me too to block any potential draft. It inevitably fell down around me but my attention was draw to Gerard instead.
"You think?" He sat in front of me, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. I would have expected him to be much angrier by now in fact, but he had an odd little grin on his face. A childish indulgent one. I felt even more queesy as Gerard reached over to me, an outstretched hand heading for my face. He was really cold, it radiated off him too.

Suddenly Gerard tipped my chin up a little, drawing close. His eyes looked half shut as he pulled my jaw down gently with his thumb and forefinger, biting his own lip in that ever so irresistable way of his. It was like every sweet mannerism of his was to remind me how untouchable Gearard was to me. I flinched involuntarily.
Kiss me... Kiss me for love this time dammit...

"You drank." he accused after a sniff of my breath, letting go. I wanted to make some protest to the letdown brought heavily upon me, I wanted to beg him for hold me that way again but with differing results. I just had to...! It was so tempting to close that teasing gap between us, though I didn't have the courage or, to be honest, strength in me. It felt like any time I wanted to kiss him for less innocent reason that simple brotherly love, he'd sense it and I know I'd feel like a complete idiot afterwards.

I'm scared of what he'd say. Thats why the veil of "it's only brotherly love!" comes in handy, though at times leaves an aching hole right through me. When it's plain innocent but I want to kiss himproperly I might initiate a kiss oodnight for example though they're not all too uncommon anyway. It's when it's right and innocent I can live out some deep-hidden fantasies when I'm held by my big brother. It's so wrong but when I pretend it's just brotherly things we're doing it feels better. Not that every time I kiss him it's for those reasons though.

Shit, that was it though! I had been drinking, heavily too. My breaht stank of whiskey and who knows what else.
Gee grinned crookedly and laughed darkly. I reached out myself as his hand slipped away, catching his wrist. His skin was cool and
"You're a weird drunk." Gerard admitted, observing my hand as it grabbed his wrist.
I shrugged than thought about it, stroking my thumb on Gerard's smooth skin.

"Wait, what do I do?" I asked, looking in a puzzled way at the space between us.
"Fall over, kiss people..." he drew out the word 'kiss' in a strange but an.... attractive way. He looked down too.

"Who'd I kiss last time?" I remembered. I wasn't pissed then at all. I let go of Gerard to fiddle with the band of my shorts.
"Me." He looked up and I saw his dark eyes survey me, always moving over me. I felt his hand touch my knee.
"Oh." I glanced behind me and he abruptly left, taking with him the reasons for my racing heart.
I tried to remember last night in decent detail, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried! It's agitating!