Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo
SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: For Chapter 7 was brought to thee by Scoot the Ko’An: unmolested by focus groups since 1977.
Thou art reading the Book of Hondo. Now back to the story:
‘What the fuck art those things!?’ cried Yoco.
‘Shit! Those art Kreeblies!’ cried Nori. ‘And they art everywhere!’
For Kreeblies didst look like evil Jawas, with black cloaks and glowing green eyes.
‘They don’t look so tough,’ quoth Casey. ‘I canst handle them.’
‘Speak for thyself!’ quoth Nori.
Whilst Scoot didst battle the one-eyed man, Nori didst steal the key from the Bailiff and didst use it to free the Dudes, who didst do battle with the Kreeblies.
For Scoot had powered up more than ever, but the Kreeblies didst keep interrupting their fight.
‘We canst not hold out much longer!’ cried Dirty Uncle Orty. ‘They art not very strong, but they just keep coming!’
‘How many art there?’ demanded RJ.
And so the Dudes were fighting a losing battle against Kreeblies too innumerable to count.
‘Now I shall have thy Lucky Charms!’ cried the one-eyed man, for he had managed to knock the staff out of Scoot’s hand.
‘No thou shalt not!’ cried Jennifer as she didst come out of hiding from under the evidence table. And she held in her hand a Voodoo doll she had made out of the bags of herb from the table. ‘Thou hast beaten innocent people! Thou hast planted false evidence to accuse me! Thou hast mocked my position as the High Priestess of Hondo! This time thou hast gone too far! Let my people go!’
‘Ha!’ quoth the one-eyed man. ‘Dost thou think I shall back off in my moment of triumph? For I have defeated the so-called Ass— Ooowwwwww! Thou bitch! That hurt!’
For Jennifer had stuck a pin up the doll’s ass.
‘And I shall do it again, if thou doth not let us go!’
And Scoot didst pop one of the power pills which Kungfucius had given him, and didst power up more than ever.
‘Dammit!’ quoth the one-eyed man. And he didst power up. ‘I shall defeat thee yet!’
‘No ye won’t!’ quoth Jennifer, for this time she didst aim the needle at the doll’s crotch.
‘But how canst this be? I don’t believe in Voodoo!’ cried the one-eyed man.
‘Well, neither doth Myles the Unbeliever,’ quoth Jennifer, ‘but it worketh just fine on him.’
‘And I still don’t believe it!’ quoth Myles.
‘Fine,’ quoth the one-eyed man, ‘ye win. But mark my words, thou shalt pay for—’
And Jennifer didst toss the doll in the trash, causing the one-eyed man to go flying out the window into the dumpster outside.
And so Scoot didst giveth the Dudes some power pills, and they didst kick the Kreeblies’ asses.
And to celebrate their victory, the Dudes didst have a great Riverdance out in the street for all who were down with the free.
‘Is Kungfucius’s training really all that?’ asked Casey.
‘Aye,’ quoth Scoot, ‘and a bag o’ chips. Hey! I think we shouldst all go back to Kungfucius and train with him. We couldst all benefit from his mysterious training.’
And so the Dudes didst set forth for a place of light and song.
Canst the Dudes maketh it to the Master Kungfucius’? Canst Scoot leadeth them down the Endless Highway? Now that they have defeated the minions of The Man, what other evil tricks hath this mysterious and sinister foe up his sleeve? Find thee out in the next unthinkable chapter of the Book of Hondo!
Thou art reading the Book of Hondo. Now back to the story:
‘What the fuck art those things!?’ cried Yoco.
‘Shit! Those art Kreeblies!’ cried Nori. ‘And they art everywhere!’
For Kreeblies didst look like evil Jawas, with black cloaks and glowing green eyes.
‘They don’t look so tough,’ quoth Casey. ‘I canst handle them.’
‘Speak for thyself!’ quoth Nori.
Whilst Scoot didst battle the one-eyed man, Nori didst steal the key from the Bailiff and didst use it to free the Dudes, who didst do battle with the Kreeblies.
For Scoot had powered up more than ever, but the Kreeblies didst keep interrupting their fight.
‘We canst not hold out much longer!’ cried Dirty Uncle Orty. ‘They art not very strong, but they just keep coming!’
‘How many art there?’ demanded RJ.
And so the Dudes were fighting a losing battle against Kreeblies too innumerable to count.
‘Now I shall have thy Lucky Charms!’ cried the one-eyed man, for he had managed to knock the staff out of Scoot’s hand.
‘No thou shalt not!’ cried Jennifer as she didst come out of hiding from under the evidence table. And she held in her hand a Voodoo doll she had made out of the bags of herb from the table. ‘Thou hast beaten innocent people! Thou hast planted false evidence to accuse me! Thou hast mocked my position as the High Priestess of Hondo! This time thou hast gone too far! Let my people go!’
‘Ha!’ quoth the one-eyed man. ‘Dost thou think I shall back off in my moment of triumph? For I have defeated the so-called Ass— Ooowwwwww! Thou bitch! That hurt!’
For Jennifer had stuck a pin up the doll’s ass.
‘And I shall do it again, if thou doth not let us go!’
And Scoot didst pop one of the power pills which Kungfucius had given him, and didst power up more than ever.
‘Dammit!’ quoth the one-eyed man. And he didst power up. ‘I shall defeat thee yet!’
‘No ye won’t!’ quoth Jennifer, for this time she didst aim the needle at the doll’s crotch.
‘But how canst this be? I don’t believe in Voodoo!’ cried the one-eyed man.
‘Well, neither doth Myles the Unbeliever,’ quoth Jennifer, ‘but it worketh just fine on him.’
‘And I still don’t believe it!’ quoth Myles.
‘Fine,’ quoth the one-eyed man, ‘ye win. But mark my words, thou shalt pay for—’
And Jennifer didst toss the doll in the trash, causing the one-eyed man to go flying out the window into the dumpster outside.
And so Scoot didst giveth the Dudes some power pills, and they didst kick the Kreeblies’ asses.
And to celebrate their victory, the Dudes didst have a great Riverdance out in the street for all who were down with the free.
‘Is Kungfucius’s training really all that?’ asked Casey.
‘Aye,’ quoth Scoot, ‘and a bag o’ chips. Hey! I think we shouldst all go back to Kungfucius and train with him. We couldst all benefit from his mysterious training.’
And so the Dudes didst set forth for a place of light and song.
Canst the Dudes maketh it to the Master Kungfucius’? Canst Scoot leadeth them down the Endless Highway? Now that they have defeated the minions of The Man, what other evil tricks hath this mysterious and sinister foe up his sleeve? Find thee out in the next unthinkable chapter of the Book of Hondo!
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