FicWad

Irritated and frustrated at Lucius for not giving me any clear answers, I pointed my finger with accusation at him and said, "No, let's not talk about something else. You can't just try to turn the tables on me like that and not answer my question. Tell me what you mean. I didn't like the way you were like, 'No, I don't want you rape you exactly...'. What is 'exactly'?"

Lucius let out a very pissed off sigh and bit his lip in irritation as he replied, "Oh come on, Cissa. You know what I mean. Don't you?" Lucius gave me a kind of hopeful look, but I returned it blankly. No, of course I didn't have any idea what he meant. He certainly better start explaining before I dumped him on the spot. Well, okay, I would never dump Lucius, but I was pretty pissed at him at the moment. And to be honest, Lucius looked pretty pissed too.

Trying not to let the anger show in my voice, I replied, "No, Lucius! Like I've said for about the hundreth time in the last five minutes, I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about! So are you going to fill me in or not?" Lucius' jaw went tight and he finally agree, "Alright, fine. I want to take from you what is not mine to take. I don't want to lose control like Walden and steal it from you. It should be your choice and not mine. Get it now?"

Oh...so Lucius was talking about my virginity. God, maybe I was kind of stupid not to have realized that earlier. Still though, what in the world did losing my virginity and getting raped by Walden have in common? In my opinion, they weren't similar at all. They were like opposite things! I thought about this for a moment and tried to understand why Lucius thought they were similar.

As I though, Lucius twisted his hands in his lap nervously and said, "Say something, Cissy. Please?" I hadn't realized he had been waiting for an answer. Looking back up and meeting his anxious gray eyes, I replied, "Alright, I'm talking. And since you wanted me to talk, I'm going to ask you another question. Why do you think what you just told me has anything to do with Walden?"

Lucius stared at the floor and said, "We're both after the same thing, Narcissa. Surely you've realized that by now?" Well yeah, I had indeed noticed it. Walden had been stalking me from the moment we met. Lucius, on the other hand, wanted me as a companion to love. He didn't just want me to be his sex doll like Walden wanted.

"It's different though," I contradicted Lucius, letting him know my thoughts. "Even if you did...you know...take it from me, it wouldn't be like Walden tried to do to me." Don't ask me why, but for some reason, it was really difficult to talk about sex with Lucius. Maybe it was because Lucius usually kept all his most intimate feelings to himself. I wasn't really sure.

Giving me a surprised look, Lucius said, "Um, no, it would be the same thing." He looked at the floor for a moment and then suggested, "Can't we talk about something else? This is really awkward." He was right. I wouldn't deny that. This was definitely awkward! However, I thought that it would be best to work out our awkwardness. We couldn't avoid it for forever.

Ignoring the talking about something else part, I said, "Lucius...hasn't it ever occurred to you that I might say yes? Didn't you ever consider the fact that maybe the feeling would be consensual? Maybe I want you to be my first. Hasn't that thought run through your brain once or twice since we started going out?"

Lucius looked really surprised and just kind of stared at me expressionlessly for a few minutes. Even though his exterior was calm and composed, I knew his brain was in turmoil. Finally, he replied, "No, Cissa. I know you don't want that. It'll change you." Oh great, here come the protests again as usual. Was it just me, or did Lucius seem to argue with everything I suggested?

Not wanting to deal with a lot of extra bullshit, I took Lucius' hand in both of mine and stared up at him. In a sincere voice, I told him, "I do want you to make love to me, Lucius." At my words, Lucius' eyebrows flew way up and he stared at me with a what-the-fuck-is-she-thinking look on his face. I had obviously caught him off guard.

Lucius was silent for a moment and then he quickly shook his head and started blabbing a mile a minute, "No. I can't and won't do that. You don't know what you're saying. You should have someone else for your first. Someone better. I don't want to hurt you. And besides, we just started dating. We should just try to keep a clean relationship for now and-"

I reached up, took Lucius' chin in between my fingers and gently pulled his face down to me. Without waiting for him to start protesting, I reached up and kissed his protests away with light as a feather kisses. I could feel that Lucius' jaw was tense under my touch, but I was determined to break down that hard outer shell he was hiding behind.

I continued to kiss him lightly all over his lips and just like I had suspected, Lucius let down his guard a moment later and was kissing me as well. The kisses started out sweet and soft, but as our passion grew, they became hotter and heavier. I couldn't seem to get enough of Lucius and didn't seem to be able to get enough of me. Our lips pressed together harder and harder until Lucius started sucking on my lower lip and rested his tongue against my lips.

I would've ending up french kissing him probably, but unfortunately, I needed air at that moment. The two of us broke apart momentarily as I gulped in air. I was all ready to go back for more, but Lucius was already pulling away from me and was looking flustered. I gave him a hurt look and said, "What?"

"This just totally proves my point," Lucius stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. Not getting it, I stared at him blankly, wishing for another kiss. Lucius sighed and continued, "I can't control myself around you when we're alone like this. We need to keep some distance between each other. At least for now anyways."

Oh shit, here we go again. How many times had we been over the control thing now? I was pretty tired of talking about an issue that posed in problems in my eyes. Before Lucius could get all frantic and worked up, I turned his hand in mine and stroked his palm gently. Looking into his eyes, I said, "Hey, just let yourself go. What happens will happen eventually anyway. Let's just let it happen naturally. Believe me, you won't hurt me."

Lucius still looked unsure and continued to look at me with hesitation. I considered that an improvement though. I mean, at least he wasn't protesting or anything anymore. Before he came up with an excuse, I said in a gentle voice, "Please, Lucius? You hurt me more when you resist. It's okay to touch me, you know. I want you to."

Lucius searched my eyes to make sure I meant what I was saying. He found complete truth in my eyes. I would never lie to him. At least, during that point of my life, I swore I would never lie to him. Little did I know that thirty years later, I would be caught up in a tangle of lies. That's another story though. Right now, all that mattered was how much I wanted Lucius.

Seeing that he was no longer resisting, I took his hand and laid it on my breast, still looking up at him with earnest blue eyes. Lucius paused when I let go of his hand and kind stared at me tentatively. For the first time, he actually looked at me. His eyes traveled over my chest and surprisingly enough, he didn't remove his hand. The two of us stayed in that position for a long moment.

Finally, Lucius leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I love you more than I've ever loved a girl before. Please promise me you'll start eating and make an attempt to get better." Oh shit, not the eating thing again! Seriously, just when I thought we were making progress, Lucius decided to turn the tables on me.

I might've protested, but at this exact moment, I didn't really want to argue. I was all too aware of Lucius' hand still resting on my chest and his lips by my ear. Suddenly, I had an idea. This hospital bed was pretty big. Okay, well maybe it wasn't all that big. Compared to the beds at my mother's home, these beds were minuscule. Nonetheless, there was definitely enough room for another person to lay besides me on the bed.

"Hey Lucius?" I asked in a quiet voice, looking up at him with appealing eyes. Meeting my eyes, Lucius replied, "Yes, Cissa?" I scooted over to the far left side of the bed and pointed to the now empty space besides me. I answered Lucius' questions with a few simple words, "Come lay next to me. Please?"

Lucius gave me a calculating look and I could see that he was trying to read my thoughts. He hesitated slightly and then I realized what he was thinking. Rolling my eyes at him, I replied, "No, silly, I don't want to have sex in a hospital bed. I just want you next to me. And maybe if I'm likely, you'll kiss me." I added that last bit in a suggestive tone.

At my words, Lucius seemed relieved and nodded, "Oh, alright then." He carefully climbed over to the opposite side of the hospital bed and laid down on his side. Okay, maybe asking Lucius to lay besides me hadn't been the smartest idea after all. I could feel his body heat traveling to mine, I could feel myself wanting him more than ever, and he looked way too goddamn gorgeous lying on his side like that with his whitish blonde hair spread out on the sheets underneath him.

"What?" Lucius asked, giving me a funny look as he noticed my unconcealed stare. "Is something wrong? Do you want me to move?" Did I want him to move away? Hell no! I wanted him to get closer. Much, much closer. Shaking my head, I replied, "Nothing is wrong. Not at all! You look really beautiful you know."

That last comment there just kind of slid out of my lips. I couldn't help it. Lucius gave me another one of those unreadable smiles. I hated those because you could never tell what he was thinking. Lucius kept a lot locked up inside. There were things inside there that he would never share with anyone. Not even me.

Unable to resist my urge to get closer, I slid across the bed towards Lucius. He gave me a wary look, but after a moment, he snuggled up against my body and tucked his head under my chin. I curled up around him as well and stroked his long silky hair with my fingers. I loved these moments we spent together. When Lucius let his guard down, he could be just the sweetest little thing.

I had closed my eyes and was starting to fall asleep (yes, I am actually almost falling asleep when Lucius is in my bed!) when a voice suddenly broke into my daydreams, "Narcissa! Lucius! What in the world do you two think you're doing? Narcissa is ill; she needs rest! And even if she wasn't sick, I certainly don't approve of this sort of...frivolity!"

My eyes whipped open to see Professor McGonagall staring down at me with a frown on her face. Her lips were tight and her eyes seeped with disapproval. Usually, I hated disappointing people. Today, I didn't feel an ounce of remorse though. My little cuddling session would hopefully lead to something much more intimate someday.

Lucius easily swung down from the bed and looked McGonagall in the eye. It was weird because Lucius was just as tall as McGonagall even though their ages were at least two decades apart. Giving McGonagall a polite nod, Lucius said, "I'll just be going to work on my Arithmancy homework now. Nice running into you, Professor."

With that said, Lucius turned and swept out of the doorway with a strut in his step. Professor McGongall looked after him with a face of many emotions. Finally, she just shook her head and said, "Ugh, I will never know what to do with that boy! He's such a rule breaker. Anyways, back to you, Narcissa. How are you feeling now?"

How was I feeling? Much better after taking to Lucius. Smiling up at McGonagall, I replied, "Just fine. I can go to Astrology now if you'd like me to." I didn't have a problem with going to Astrology at all. Sitting in a hospital bed all day long is kind of boring. Besides, even though Lucius wasn't in my class, Walden was.

"Alright then," McGonagall agreed with a sharp nod of her head. "You may do that then." I got out of the bed hesitantly, testing out all my limbs before walking over to the door. Before I reached it, McGonagall called after me, "No stopping to chit chat with boys on the way, Miss Black. Remember, the walls have eyes!"

What the fuck was that all about? Was McGonagall trying to call me a hoe or something? Not getting what she meant, I replied, "Um, alright." With McGonagall's eyes boring into my back, I left the hospital and hurried to Astrology with images of Lucius still floating around dreamily in my brain.